~What Am I Feeling?~
~Chapter 19- Gently Touching~
The Easter holidays went by unbearably slow.
Scorpius spent most his time in the library at Malfoy Manor, studying or in some other part of his home. He would go out nearly every day with Chris, as company was short when he was refusing to speak to Albus. He did enjoy his time with the older boy, just not as much as he did with Albus as always. Studying got more and more boring, especially as Scorpius was just mainly repeating himself the whole time as he had already been over all the material and dates with Chris were becoming more cyclic.
He only really enjoyed his time with his parents and the house elves but with them being busy, it often left Scorpius at home alone. The best day had been when Teddy came over to see him one day and stayed at the Manor over night. They had spent the whole evening and a good portion of the night sitting outside the mansion in the gardens, eating on food the house elves brought them and chatting endlessly. But Teddy had to leave and that left him alone again.
Frankly, he couldn't wait to go back to the wonders of Hogwarts.
Simply because he missed Albus.
He knew he would as soon as their division started but he didn't realise the extent of it. He didn't realise his life would be quite so dull without his friend. However he understood and accepted that this was just the way he was and Albus would always be the one who provided the best company for Scorpius.
Albus' Easter hadn't been much better.
Despite being surrounded by family members most of the holiday, he had not lied when he said that he needed Scorpius. He usually saw Scorpius at least every few days in the holidays and it had been over two weeks now since they were together. It was strangely painful and Albus hated it. He hated knowing that Scorpius was still mad at him.
Danielle did not nearly measure up to Scorpius. He loved the way he and Scorpius could find a topic and spend hours talking about it. The would have small discussions and could be completely open with their opinions without fearing the other would think badly of them. He and Danielle had slept together twice more during the holiday and it had been good, still awkward, but good. Though Scorpius couldn't pretend that he would have rather been with Scorpius at those times.
He planned to apologise to Scorpius repeatedly when he saw him again at school. Scorpius was stubborn, he knew but he also knew that Scorpius always gave into him eventually. He was his best friend and he knew how to get to him.
And so they were back at Platform 9 ¾, happy to be going back to Hogwarts, yet slightly dreading what was ahead.
Scorpius stood with his parents, his mother gripping onto his arm as if to not let him go. Albus was actually not too far away with his family, his gaze concentrated on his best friend while his parents said goodbye to his brother and sister.
"Scorpius darling," Astoria kissed Scorpius' forehead and cupped his face in her hands to make him look and listen to her, "I can't believe you're going already. It always goes so fast when you're at home."
"I know… I've had a great time, mother." Scorpius lied, forcing a small smile.
"I can't wait to see you again, darling."
When Scorpius had finished embracing his mother, he turned to his father to bid farewell. Draco smirked at his sunk and drew him into a loose hug. Since Scorpius had shared his new sexuality, Scorpius and Draco had become much closer. Scorpius felt more comfortable with confiding in his father and Draco didn't mind if Scorpius hugged him or called him 'Dad'. It was actually quite nice for Scorpius and Draco to be like this, it gave their relationship a new dynamic and a new ease.
"Scorpius, I really am fine with you being attracted to boys," Draco said with no hesitance which was different to before when he couldn't even find the right words, "I want you to be happy and if you're going to be happy with another boy, who am I to question that? I just want you to be happy…"
"Thank you dad… it really means a lot." Scorpius murmured to his father.
"Oh great…"
Scorpius frowned at his father's sudden change of tone and he separated from him, following Draco's eye line. Scorpius nibbled on his lip nervously when he saw Mr and Mrs Potter and Albus heading towards them, James and Lily must have already got on the train. He shared his father's sentience on this matter.
Astoria elbowed Draco in the side harshly, "Be polite!"
When the Potters reached the Malfoys, Astoria and Ginny were the first to greet each other, kissing each other's cheeks. Meanwhile Harry and Draco awkwardly shook hands and muttered a quick 'Malfoy' and 'Potter.'
Scorpius refused to even look at Albus properly. Albus almost dove in for a hug, desperate to hold and speak to the boy who meant so much to him. However Scorpius' icy glance meant an incredible clenching in Albus' heart, too painful. Far too painful.
Harry and Ginny greeted Scorpius pleasantly as well as Astoria doing the same to Albus. Draco ignored Albus completely, his dislike for the boy known.
"How are you, Scorpius?" Ginny questioned, a hand on the blonde's shoulder, "Did you have a good holiday?"
"It was really good, thank you," Scorpius put on a smile, "Yourself?"
"Oh yes, we had a great holiday, didn't we?" She glanced to Harry and Albus. The atmosphere was laced with tension. Obviously, Harry and Ginny would know by now about Albus and Scorpius' disagreement and about Scorpius' sexuality. It wasn't a comfortable subject to just bring up suddenly. To add to that, they all knew Harry and Draco weren't fond of each other, nor was Draco fond of Albus.
But thankfully, Astoria and Ginny were able to redeem that. The chatted calmly and friendlily, sometimes prompting the boys to join in. They only spoke for about five minutes before it was time to board the train.
Albus nudged Scorpius lightly and finally their eyes met, "I need to speak to you Scor."
Scorpius blushed under Albus' intense gaze and tore his eyes away, focusing on the conversation again.
The two boys picked their bags up, getting ready to go. With a few last goodbye hugs and kisses, they headed towards the train, weaving in and out of other students and family members.
The walked side by side in silence. The were both expecting a deep conversation, apologies and for Albus, the hope that they would end up friends again. They knew it was coming and they were nervous for it.
They were stepping onto the train together, Albus helping Scorpius haul some of his bags on. Scorpius huffed and reached out to grab his bag when their hands brushed and their eyes automatically locked.
Albus' breath hitched in his throat and he stared into those stunning grey eyes. When heat rushed to his face he blurted out, "I've missed you Scor."
Scorpius' mouth stood agape and he gulped. He was about to return the gesture when he felt a hand clap in his shoulder.
Chris stood there looking as handsome as ever, that idiot grin across his face. Scorpius and Albus' eye contact officially broke. Albus gritted his teeth in anger as he saw the older boy standing there. That was it; he knew he couldn't stand him. He was just about to make up with Scorpius and of course he had to interrupt.
"Scorpius!" Chris exclaimed and leaned forward to plant a kiss on Scorpius' cheek, "Hey!"
Another fake smile spread over Scorpius' face, "Hey Chris…"
"Um…" Albus muttered, "I'll speak to you later, Scor."
Scorpius and Chris watched as Albus scurried away, Chris confused, but Scorpius mostly just wishing he had gotten to speak to Albus properly.
~X~
The train journey had been long.
Scorpius was thinking of his encounter with Al, their unfinished conversation and the small touch of their hands. He had been so distracted when he was with Chris and it was so noticeable that even for a Hufflepuff, Chris had noticed. He knew it must have been something to do with what Albus said to him. But he just let Scorpius rest his head on his own shoulder, holding the younger boy's hand and caressing his soft skin with a thumb.
Arriving at Hogwarts was a relief because it meant Scorpius could just return to the comfort of his room again and be alone. Or… maybe he just wanted to see what would happen with Albus.
And soon enough, his curiosity was quenched.
As soon as Scorpius stepped off the train, Chris following closely behind, he was absorbed into a pair of large arms, hanging onto him for dear life. Scorpius gasped in reaction but felt a certain type of satisfaction when he grasped that it was Albus holding him so tightly and Danielle was no where in sight.
Albus had decided on the train while sitting next to his brother and his Gryffindor friends on the train that never mind Chris, he was going to talk to Scorpius and he was going to do it as soon as possible. Scorpius meant too much to him for anything to get in the way, especially not that bimbo Chris.
"I'm sorry," Albus said confidently and in a cocky way to a surprised looking Chris, "This is my time with Scorpius now and I need to speak to him."
Scorpius could almost grin at Albus' enthusiasm but he knew that would be insensitive towards Chris. Albus scooped up all their bags, but he still managed one arm around Scorpius' waist to drag him away.
Scorpius allowed Albus to pull him away, not looking back. Albus was grinning like an idiot. He almost felt proud just to have Scorpius walking next to him again. He felt even prouder that his arm was wrapped around the boy's waist because there was no denying that this position felt unbearably right.
They didn't need to exchange words at this point because they knew what the other was feeling, they knew it had been hard over the holidays.
Once seated in a boat, just the two of them and they had got rid of their bags, the atmosphere suddenly stilled once they understood they had to discuss the happenings. Albus had already said sorry, but he wasn't sure if that was enough anymore. And Scorpius wanted to forgive Albus now because he missed him too much, but how was he to explain his jealousy and pain when he found out about Albus and Danielle?
"Um… I'm sorry…" Albus muttered, lowering his head, "You already know that… but I really mean it. I know I was wrong the other week to do and say what I did."
"Al, I'm still mad at you in a way. You acted terribly towards Chris and I and…" Scorpius stopped himself, being careful not to bring up Albus sleeping with Danielle yet, "And I would never do something like that with Chris to make you jealous." Scorpius knew in a way he was contradicting himself as he did do things specifically to make Albus jealous, the difference was he would never go that far just to have those effects.
"I know that… and I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have slept with Danielle…" Albus' breath caught in his throat before finishing his sentence, "Just because I thought you were sleeping or going to sleep with Chris."
There was an unspoken of area in their conversations. They would never speak of why they felt jealous of each other being intimate with their partners nor why they only wanted to spend time with each other only. Deep down, they both knew why. It's just they were both too scared to admit it that they wouldn't question each other either.
"I can't help but forgive you though," Scorpius breathed with a sigh, "I've missed you so much this holiday. It was almost unbearable without you, Albus. You're so important to me and even a few weeks without you was so painful. I don't want to do that again. Which means… I don't want to argue with you again."
Albus literally beamed in joy and he leaped forward, throwing his arms around Scorpius' neck. The boat rocked with the sudden transfer of weight and a bit of water splashed overboard and onto the two boys. But that didn't matter. The point was, they were in each other's arms and that's the place they liked to be. They were going to be together again, back to normal, just the way they liked it.
They both laughed quietly, Albus whispering, "I missed you way too much Scor. Being without you… argh, I can't describe it. It's just awful. It just means I'm never gonna leave you alone!"
Scorpius giggled in that small tinkle of a way he always did, "I don't want you to leave me Al."
They didn't realise that as they practically skipped through the castle to get to their dorm they were acting like reunited lovers. Albus insisted on carrying Scorpius' bags and he kept whispering words about how he missed the other boy. Scorpius returned them just as genuinely. They were on cloud nine. Their hearts were thumping harder and harder and faster and faster every time they looked at each other.
And they didn't even think too much of it when they both though: I love this boy.
They reached their dorm and thankfully, no dorm mates had arrived back yet. Throwing their bags to the side, they collapsed on Albus' bed, snuggling up together.
Scorpius' face was pressed into Albus' chest, snuggling his nose into his friend. Albus draped his hands over Scorpius' waist and he couldn't help but stroking the Malfoy's pale skin as he shirt rode up. The brunette's nestled his lips in Scorpius' hair.
"I've missed you so much." Albus sighed, "I'm sorry."
"It's okay… don't say sorry again, Al."
"What did you do this holiday?" Albus murmured, one hand running up Scorpius' back.
Scorpius shivered quite noticeably and Albus didn't even care when he grinned because of it, "Not much… I saw Teddy one day. He went to see you after didn't he?"
"Yeah, he stayed over for a day."
"Really… nothing else very interesting. A lot of studying."
Albus tutted, shaking his head, "You're not allowed to study anymore then."
"I have to…"
"No, now that you're back with me, you're not allowed to," Albus squeezed Scorpius' sides and Scor squealed slightly, "We have to make up for lost time. It's your birthday next Saturday, so I have to spend time with you. I'll get you a cake and all."
Scorpius chuckled, "I do like cake."
"Did you see Chris?" Albus pressed his lips in a line, resentment rolling off his tongue.
"Well yes… just as you saw Danielle."
Albus pulled his face away from Scorpius, his lower lip turning into a pout then he sighed, "I guess. As long as you enjoyed yourself."
"Albus… why don't you like Chris?" Scorpius said in a small voice.
"Why don't you like Danielle?"
There the conversation was left unfinished. They were scared to move into deep territory because they were terrified of what would surface.
"I saw Etienne Allard last week by the way." Albus casually dropped in.
"What?"
Etienne Allard was lead singer of Scorpius' favourite band, Among Magic. They had become extremely famous the past few years though Scorpius had been a fan of them since he was little, when they weren't so well-known. Etienne Allard was extremely talented, writing all the songs for the band as well as for other artists, even some Muggle artists. And it was also not a secret that Etienne Allard was extremely handsome and had a certain French charm which sent girls swooning. Scorpius had certainly noticed too.
"Well, my dad met him at the ministry a few months ago and they started talking and it turns out they actually have a lot in common. They've become quite good friends and Etienne came around last week." Albus said proudly and almost teasingly. He liked Among Magic, mainly because of Scorpius, but no where near to the extent Scorpius did.
"That's not fair!" Scorpius thumped a fist down on Albus' chest and they were immediately back to their old ways; teasing, joking and gently touching.
Albus laughed loudly and with no restraint, cuddling Scorpius closer to him to stop the hits and punches, "Don't worry! It wasn't that exciting!"
Scorpius scowled at his friend, slapping Albus' arm once more, "Not for you! But for me, that would have been… god, just amazing!"
"Well, I'm sure my dad will arrange for you to meet him too."
Scorpius sat up, a serious look on his face, "I would be forever in the Potter's debt."
Albus shrugged with a cheeky grin, "All you have to do is spend as much time with me as possible." Albus dragged Scorpius back into his arms and Scorpius giggled in happiness.
Their intimate behaviour did not phase them. At any other time they would have noticed and probably been disturbed by it, but it was different this time because they had missed each other so much. They didn't care. They didn't care about the fact that they both were in relationships with other people nor that they shouldn't feel this or do this together. It was just them, in that moment. Two friends who in their hearts knew that they were just friends.
They just lay there for a few minutes, covered with each other and listening to the beating of their hearts.
"I told my parents about my… sexuality and everything." Scorpius admitted.
"Oh…" Albus hitched himself up on his elbows, surprised, "How did that go?"
Scorpius smiled softly and lolled his head on Albus' chest, "It was better than I thought. Much better than I thought. I thought my father would flip out. You know how he is… but he was mostly just surprised. Maybe disappointed," Scorpius closed his eyes, "I know he had expectations of me."
"Well damn the expectations now. You need to be happy and this is the way you're going to be happy."
"He was fine about it after… it was just a surprise. He was actually fairly supportive… maybe still not comfortable but I'm more than satisfied with that for now."
They fell into silence again.
"Does it not bother you?" Scorpius questioned suddenly.
"Does what bother me?" Albus rolled his head to the side to stare into his friend's eyes.
"That I'm… gay?" Scorpius mumbled, hiding his face, "And that… when we lie here together and hug… you know, I like boys…"
Albus raised his eyebrows in surprise. He had never thought of it all that way. If it were anyone else who was gay and he was doing this with it probably would bother him. Then again, if it were anyone else, he probably wouldn't act this way with them. It had never bothered him when he touched Scorpius, even after he discovered Scorpius was gay, "I've never even thought of it in that way. I mean… you're the person I'm most comfortable with and we've always acted this way. It would be weird if we stopped."
Albus and Scorpius hadn't felt so good in a long time.
~X~
A/N: So another quick update! And the quick updates will keep going all this week so yay!
Already started the next chapter and let's just say... it's an interesting one. I'm looking forward to finishing it as well as getting your reaction of it.
I really liked writing a conversation between Al and Scor like this, it's been a while since they have been like this with each other so it was quite refreshing. I really love writing them all fluffy and cuddly because it just makes their relationship adorable.
Well I'm not going to say much more other than thanks to Pasdoll and C8ecat for reviewing the last chapter! Please continue to review everyone!
Next chapter:: Albus and Scorpius go to the Room of Requirement to practice with Scorpius' power, though it doesn't go quite as smoothly as planned.