~What Am I Feeling?~

~Chapter 20- The Perfect Stars~

Albus and Scorpius were happy to be back at Hogwarts together. They fell back into their usual routine and Scorpius did indeed keep to his agreement about spending as much time as possible with Albus.

It always seemed to pan out this way recently. If they had a little disagreement, or a big disagreement in this case, they would avoid, not speak to each other, until they missed each other too much and couldn't stand it any longer. And they would make up for lost time by spending the next couple of days or even weeks, joined at the hip just like it used to be when they were young.

With their falling out, it meant that Scorpius hadn't had the chance to experiment with his power for a while and Albus was quite sure that he needed to. Over the holidays, Albus found a book about Wizards abilities in the biggest Wizarding library in England. It was out of sheer luck really, he had just been browsing and it was even more lucky that he had found Scorpius' power in the book.

The previous day and they day after they arrived back, they had returned from lessons and Albus had read all the information about Scorpius' power while the blonde curled up into his side in anxiety. Finally, Scorpius found out the name of his ability, Emovere, which made him an Emoverer. Not even Scorpius' parents had found this much detail about the power.

It confirmed that part of being an Emoverer was that you could control other's emotions at will. It explained how you had to truly wish for the person to feel that emotion as a gut instinct as instinct was part of Emovere. It also warned how many lose control of the power if their instinct was strong.

It gave the history of the power and how it was inherited though they had yet to read this part. It even spoke of how Baralime was discovered to block the power.

The Ravenclaws both thought it was of great importance to make sure Scorpius' power was completely under control. He was already quite in control of his instincts, but it was to be one hundred percent. Scorpius didn't want to harm anyone and did not want to risk that.

Albus had started to make plans for Scorpius' birthday the following week, he had arranged for the house elves in the kitchens to make a cake for him and his dad was going to send to Hogwarts a signed copy of one of Among Magic's albums, Scorpius' favourite album.

But the boys had arranged to go to the Room of Requirement that Tuesday evening on their second day back at school. Both were looking forward to it, as they always seemed to.

Though this time, it was different.

It had started out normally; they sat down together on the sofa while chatting, just to lighten up the mood a bit. Albus liked to do this for Scorpius because he knew Scor could get nervous sometimes during these little encounters.

"I wish I didn't have Quidditch on your birthday," Albus said with a disappointed tone, "We could have had such a great day! Just hanging out, eating cake. But there will probably be a party on afterwards… once we win."

Scorpius chuckled, "I know, but it never quite works out that way."

Albus' fingers sled between Scorpius', fitting perfectly, "Just us on your birthday, okay? Just the two of us, like old times and like it's always supposed to be. No one can interrupt us. Promise me, Scor."

Scorpius smiled softly and nodded, "I promise."

Their hands were linked together as usual and they stared into each other's eyes, listening to the other's breathing and heart beat.

Scorpius was distracted, he wasn't thinking about making Albus happy or making Albus feel any other emotion for that matter. He was thinking about how he could ever get over this infatuation with his best friend.

He knew that no matter what, Albus would always find a way to wander into his life and vice versa. When apart, they missed each other too much. He just couldn't imagine a future without Albus. Albus was always there and that's it, final.

But would he always feel like this towards him? Would it always be these romantic feelings? Or would there ever be a time where he saw Albus as just a friend again? Was this just a phase? Was he just confusing his feelings?

Was this real?

Scorpius didn't know. He didn't understand. He wanted him and Albus to remain friends for always, but surely they couldn't go on like this. It was almost painful, their relationship. Flitting around each other, unsure and jealous. It wasn't good for them and it wasn't good for their friendship.

These thoughts had been floating around Scorpius' mind for a few minutes since they started and he hadn't stopped staring into those jade eyes at all. He hadn't noticed when Albus shuffled closer to him.

His brain was still racking itself for answers, when Scorpius felt a warm palm slide over his cheek. He snapped back into reality as they moved further along his cheek bone.

His gaze on Albus intensified as he wondered what his friend was doing. He frowned but Albus' face remained unchanged and emotionless. He just seemed focused, completely focused on Scorpius.

Scorpius was about to whisper to Albus when he noticed Albus leaning forward in a complete trance. Scorpius' breath hitched in his throat but he couldn't find will to pull away. His lips only parted, breath became more ragged and heart thundered under his ribs more than ever before.

Both knew what was happening, where this was leading to. Both knew they had other partners, other partners who would be hurt if they saw them now. Both knew in that moment what they felt for each other.

And they didn't seem to care.

The brunette's breath was only radiating against Scorpius' lips for a split second and Scorpius closed his eyes instantly. It felt special, it felt like it was a moment to be treasured forever.

And soon enough, Albus' lip met Scorpius'. And stars exploded.

The kiss was like nothing they had ever felt before. It was a gentle soft, like butterflies wings floating through the air as they fly. Yet it had such a passion to it, a passion driven by pure, rich emotion. Emotion which was only provoked by the strongest of relationships, the deepest love.

They were both dizzy, their heads foggy and skin so on fire, they felt they could burst into flames at any second. What they were doing wasn't sinking it. It didn't occur to them that they were kissing their best friend and it felt more right than anything could do.

Scorpius couldn't believe how good this felt. Kissing Chris had never been that enjoyable for Scorpius, it was more like just an obligation. But this with Al, this was what kissing the person you're supposed to be with was like. All that he had heard about kissing, how great it felt, how fireworks went off in your head, he thought it had all been a lie. He thought people didn't tell the truth about kissing.

But now he knew, they were telling the truth.

And he knew, whatever this was, was real. The kisses with Chris, they had been the lies.

Albus was experiencing something similar. As his hands crept up to rake through Scorpius' hair, he knew he had never desired a kiss so much. Kissing was just something he and Danielle did because that's what couples do. Having sex had been the same kind of sentiment.

But this was different. This was something else… something truly beautiful and ever-lasting.

Because Albus knew he could kiss Scorpius forever. The light pecks they had shared on cheeks and foreheads had been treasured enough but this… this felt right. Like they should have been doing this from the start, like they were meant to be.

There must be a reason they fit so perfectly? A reason their lips moved in unison with no hesitation and a rhythm which could only be discovered by the most experienced of lovers. Yet they had it the first time they kissed and it was perfect.

There was a reason their hands gripped and held each other's so tight. The spaces between their fingers held each other's effortlessly, like their hands were made only for each other.

Their appearances were so different, Scorpius with his white blond hair he had inherited from his forefathers and those stormy grey eyes, though to Albus they could only ever be described as silver. Albus in contrast had his father's dark, almost jet black, brown hair but those startling green eyes. And though their appearance were so different, they came together to create pure beauty.

Their personalities glowed through the kiss, another aspect which made them so well matched. Their personalities had always complimented each other's and even more so in this moment. Albus was always the more confident and he took control of the kiss. Scorpius was more shy but with Albus' guidance, knew exactly what to do.

Their heads were spinning; breaths, touches, hands, lips consuming them and clouding their thoughts. The only thing they knew in that moment was each other and that this was perfect.

And the reason it was so perfect, was that they were in love. With each other and no one else. From the beginning they had been destined. They had immediately got on so well and were only ever completely comfortable with each other. They could talk for hours without any hesitation and understood each other more than they understood themselves.

They were star-crossed lovers. They were meant to be. Not Chris nor Danielle fit into that equation, it was just the two of them. It was always meant to be this way, they should have always been like this together.

All the confusion, all the things they had been scared to say were poured into the kiss. Neither of them had ever had the courage to admit that they had feelings for each other beyond friendship, it had been on the verge of coming up but they were too scared for things to change.

So many emotions drifted around the two boys as Albus held Scorpius close, his fingers moving between blond locks. Scorpius' hands were rested on Albus' lap at first, almost hesitant like they always were with Chris, but the soon found themselves making their own way up Albus' arms before hanging onto the back of Scorpius' neck. It was what felt natural to him. This whole thing felt unbelievably natural.

Their lips moved together like a dance. Scorpius thought that Albus' lips were softer than Chris', not as rough, more passionate. Albus loved the way Scorpius' lips were stripped down, no pink smelly lip gloss coating them. They were naturally soft, they felt raw against his.

Soon enough, the boys had to separate for air. Their kiss lingered on their lips as well as their breaths. Their cheeks were flushed red.

And that was when they crashed back into reality. They realised they had just experienced the best, most beautiful, passionate kiss with their best friend. The person who they thought was nothing more than a friend, who they convinced themselves was nothing more than a friend.

Albus knew it had been him to start the kiss, he was the one who had made the mistake. But he still wouldn't accept that he was in love with Scorpius. No, he dismissed all such thoughts. He was with Danielle, he was straight and with Danielle, not his best friend. Not Scorpius.

Unlike Albus, Scorpius knew. He knew and accepted that he was in love with Albus Severus Potter. Finally, everything fell into place, all these confused thoughts, everything which was so muddled up, it all made sense now. He was in love with Albus, had been for a long time and they had always been heading this way. Scorpius felt like he was on top of the world. They could get on with their lives now, the way it was supposed to be. As he stared into Albus' eyes, he saw promise and hope. They were going to be together properly, forget Chris and Danielle, the way they were meant to be.

Scorpius breathed slowly, a slight smile breaking across his features, "Albus I-"

"Scor… that shouldn't have happened." Albus dropped his eyes, pulling back from Scorpius and out of their embrace.

Scorpius' heart broke, his face despairing as Albus stood up, his fingers tugging on his brown hair in frustration, "B-but… what…?"

"Did you… make me feel like that?" Albus looked for some sort of excuse, something which would convince himself of what he didn't want to admit, "With your power? Did you make me do that?"

Scorpius scowled; he didn't do that because he wasn't wishing it on Albus… Of course not… it just meant Albus was confused himself and tried to dismiss what he was doing, "Al… I think we need to sp-"

"Scorpius, I never thought you would manipulate someone's feelings like this!" Albus cried out suddenly.

Scorpius stood up, his fists balled up tightly, "I can't believe you think I would use my power against you! Against anyone!"

"Well why else would I do that?"

Scorpius felt a sob break through his throat at that point. Why was Albus denying it? That kiss had been so unbelievable, so perfect… Scorpius had just assumed that Albus felt the same as he did. And to make matters worse, Albus was blaming him! Saying that he had used his power to make Albus kiss him… making him feel like it was Scorpius who he liked… but Scorpius knew hadn't done that. He wouldn't do that, never. He couldn't manipulate Albus in that way. Yet Albus was convinced he had.

"Why don't you see it…?" Scorpius' broken voice said, "Why don't you see what's between us…? I know it! I know exactly what it is now! But you… you won't admit it to yourself. Will you just stop putting me through all this- all this… all this shit!" Scorpius yelled tears streaked down his face. Albus' eyes widened at Scorpius' foul language. The boy hardly ever swore, "Won't you just stop leading me along! If you didn't start that kiss they why do you touch me so fondly? Why do you tell me I'm so special and why do you get so jealous over me? What was I supposed to think you damn idiot!"

Albus was so taken aback by Scorpius' sudden outbursts. So many thoughts were chasing through his head, it was startling. He knew what Scorpius said made sense and deep down he realised that he had strong feelings for Scorpius, but he was a step behind the Malfoy. He didn't yet have the courage to admit it to himself and for Albus, it was more than one revelation that needed to be uncovered, "Scor… I'm not gay…"

Scorpius shut his eyes, tilting his head back, "Oh so that's what it is. That's what is getting in the way. You can't admit to yourself you might like a guy."

"Scor, I'm not gay!"

"Well just get out of here then!" Scorpius screamed, throwing his finger towards the door, "Why are you still here with me? Why are you with me and not Danielle, your girlfriend? Why do you keep coming back? Just leave me alone then! We obviously don't want the same thing so just get out!"

Albus didn't want to go, didn't want to leave Scorpius in this state but he had to. He needed time to himself to think about what had just happened between he and Scorpius.

"I need to figure a few things out." Albus breathed slowly, a few tears pouring over.

Albus rushed towards the door, taking look back at his crying beautiful boy. Scorpius burst out, "Good bloody riddance!"

Albus blubbered as he left the room, running down the corridor.

Scorpius shook with cries, his face buried in his hands. He cursed Albus for being so oblivious and cursed himself for letting him fall for his best friend. He should have realised before, escaped while he could. But judging by the perfection of that kiss, he knew he was in far too deep for that now.

~X~

The young Ravenclaw had stayed in the Room of Requirement a while longer, lying on the sofa, crying and letting the events loll over in his head. He couldn't help but think about how amazing that kiss had been and the reason why. Now he knew that he loved Albus, he wished Albus loved him too. Albus had hurt him yet again. He understood that the boy didn't totally mean it and really he shouldn't be too upset with him. He remembered how confusing the past few months had been with his sexuality and his feelings for Albus. But because he was so in love with Albus, everything the other boy did against him hurt him.

Not long after, Scorpius had left the Room of Requirement, ensuring he looked as normal as possible. He wobbled down the corridor, feeling broken and uncared for. For a few seconds, everything had looked so promising. Their kiss had been explosive, neither could deny and there had been so many expectations, so much security. To say Scorpius was disappointing was an understatement. He was devastated.

Scorpius swayed as he walked up to the Ravenclaw tower. His brain was still foggy after that mind-blowing kiss and all the confusion surrounding it. He only hoped that he did not run into Albus now. He don't think he could deal with seeing the boy again now, certainly not today anyway.

Scorpius almost groaned and turned back when he saw Chris standing outside the Ravenclaw Tower, waiting for him. But Chris had already seen him, beamed and waved.

The Ravenclaw trudged up the steps to Chris who still had that idiot grin across his face. Scorpius thought of what had just happened between him and Al and felt guilty for it. But he knew he shouldn't dwell on that aspect of it too much.

"Hey Scorpius…" Chris drew Scorpius into his arms almost immediately, crashing his lips upon the younger boy's. Scorpius squealed in alarm when Chris pushed him against the wall so his tongue to dart in between Scorpius' small lips.

After a moment of hesitance, Scorpius kissed back though the only though that could consume him was how Albus' lips felt so much better than Chris'.

"Do you want to go for a walk out on the grounds?" Chris asked, his hot breath tickling the shell of Scorpius' ear and he was very aware of this.

Scorpius lowered his head and sniffed, "No thanks… I'm feeling slightly sick so I was just going to head up to bed."

"Well… I could come with you," Chris said suggestively, his fingers running over Scorpius' bare hip, "Make you feel a little better…"

Scorpius' eyes widened, understanding the hint. He quickly pushed Chris away, escaping the older boy's tight embrace. Chris frowned as Scorpius stood next to the door, squirming on the spot, "O-oh no… I-I can look a-after myself…"

Scorpius quickly entered the common room before Chris could follow him.

As if he wasn't confused enough, now Chris obviously wanted to have sex.

~X~

A/N: Soooo, wow, Al and Scor's first kiss. Something was bound to go wrong during it, of course. I'm not going to ruin it too much but I'll just say, don't worry, it's all going to get better next chapter. Very late in next chapter but even so.

So the main aim here was to really show the difference between how Al and Scor kiss each other to when they kiss Danielle and Chris and I hope I made that clear? There was a lot of confused feelings and thoughts in this chapter also and I hope it hasn't muddled you too much.

The beginning of something there with Chris and Scor... we'll see more of that in the next chapter. The next chapter is going to be very, very dramatic so be prepared.

Thank you to C8ecat, Pasdoll, NekoAkitsuki and EKdark for reviewing the last chapter! Please keep reviewing everyone!

Next chapter:: With their first kiss on their minds, Albus and Scorpius find their worlds scarred but there is only one way to repair it.