~What Am I Feeling?~
~Chapter 23- Just Two Left~
The first four lessons had consisted of Albus and Scorpius sending each other loving glances and small touches which they couldn't resist. It had been hard to keep their hands off each other, even harder to not whisper any 'I love yous' into each other's ears. At break they had snuck into a small bathroom, locked the door so they could have a fifteen minute snogging session. It was all innocent, just two boys in a new relationship, exploring and savouring the feeling of being with each other.
Scorpius was mentally preparing himself for finding Chris at lunch to break up with him. He knew after yesterday and Chris' actions, he did have an excuse for breaking up with Chris, but he was worried he might have to reveal something about him and Albus. He did care for Chris somewhat, but he knew he couldn't lead Chris along anymore, especially with his and Albus' blossoming relationship. He didn't want to be with Chris, he wanted to be with Albus, he had always wanted to be with Albus and always would. It could never change.
Danielle had made sure to keep her distance from Albus. Normally, Albus and Danielle sat together in all the classes they shared, but when Albus sat down in Transfiguration second period, expecting an awkward atmosphere when Danielle joined him, she just strolled up nonchalantly to Scorpius and asked him to swap places with her in all the classes she was with Albus. Of course, Scorpius was more than happy to oblige and Albus was more than happy to be sitting next to his love in every single lesson now, and not have to deal with Danielle.
Fourth period ended and it was time for lunch. Albus and Scorpius came out of Herbology, grinning at each other. The urge to entwine their hands together was overpowering but their logic made them see sense.
"Are you gonna go see Chris now?" Albus stopped Scorpius by the arm, twitching his mouth into a half-smile though he knew it was a touchy subject.
Scorpius glanced around at his passing classmates, careful to what he said and did around Albus, "Yes… I'm not sure how long it will take… I'll try and find you after."
Albus placed a hand intimately on Scorpius' upper arm, "Are you going to be okay?"
"I'll be fine… I just hope he will be is all." Scorpius nodded with a sigh.
"I'll see you later." Albus finally smiled properly. He wanted so much to lean forward and kiss Scorpius and it drove him mad to know he couldn't.
Scorpius headed off towards the courtyard. Chris usually went there to hang out with his friends during lunch so Scorpius thought that was the place to start. If he wasn't there, he was almost sure Chris would find him, he always did seem to.
Scorpius was right as he found Chris sitting on a bench, laughing along to his friends. He looked relaxed and a pang of guilt hit Scorpius as he realised he was going to ruin Chris' blissfulness.
The blonde shuffled towards the table, his head hung in shame. Chris noticed him almost immediately and his face dropped, joining Scorpius' shameful look.
Chris' friends all starting whistling when they saw Scorpius as they often did. It always made Scorpius feel uncomfortable, he hated being treated like that, not that he would ever say anything. Albus would never let anyone treat him that way.
Chris stood up. Scorpius recognised the apologetic expression on Chris' face and it only made Scorpius feel ever worse about what he was about to do.
Scorpius was blushing deeply as he stood opposite Chris. He nibbled on his lower lip, trying to avoid the older boy's gaze as much as possible, "Can I speak to you?"
Chris nodded, stepping away from his friends, "Of course."
The two boys walked to a more secluded part of the courtyard, silence hanging in the air. Scorpius knew what he had to do, he knew he had to avoid revealing his and Al's relationship as much as possible. It would be hard though and he knew that…
"Before you say anything Scorpius, I want to apologize about yesterday," Chris exclaimed, but hushed soon when he realised he was speaking to loudly, "What I did was totally out of order. I realised as soon as Albus said so… We should have spoken about… sex and stuff like that instead of me just diving into it. I should have made sure you were ready and everything… I realised I was gay much longer ago but you… I can understand if you're still not completely used to the idea of being with a boy, or even ready for that yet. I just… I just wanted you so much," Chris tugged at his hair in frustration, "But I'll wait. I promise I'll wait. And we'll talk properly about it. I'm so sorry."
"Chris I…" Scorpius scrunched his eyes together and just burst out, "I want to break up."
Chris' eyes widened and Scorpius didn't know what to think of his face. He looked shocked, broken. Scorpius almost felt like taking it back, just to stop Chris' pain yet he thought of Albus and couldn't.
"What…? Why…?" Chris gasped out, his face breaking into a picture of despair.
Scorpius took a deep breath and said it, "I just don't think we fit, Chris… I just don't feel it between us. I-I really do think you're lovely… it's just not right…"
Chris pinched the bridge of his nose, scrunching his eyes together, "But I thought it was going great between us… I thought we were really getting on well and everything… It's just about yesterday isn't it? Scorpius, I really am sorry! It won't happen again!"
"Chris… I don't know…" Scorpius shook his head and tried to pull away but Chris' hand shot out to grab his arm.
"I'm honestly devastated," Chris' head bowed, avoiding eye contact with Scorpius, "I really thought I was falling in love with you."
Scorpius stood there, dumbfounded. Chris… falling in love with him? They hadn't been going out that long! They hadn't even known each other that long! Scorpius could not find the words to say in return. If Chris really was in love with him… he'd be hurting him even more than he could have ever imagined.
"Can we just forget this ever happened? Let's just… go on as we were, okay? Just forget it. Forget this conversation and let our relationship go on," Chris said with a nervous chuckle. Scorpius' lips were parted and he still didn't know what to say, in fear of hurting the Hufflepuff. Desperately taking his silence as an agreement, Chris pressed a kiss to Scorpius' cheek, "Okay… good… I'll see you soon Scorpius."
Scorpius was frowning heavily as Chris walked away, not looking back at him. He was wondering what on earth had just happened. He had gone with the intention of breaking up with Chris, yet walked away from the conversation, still very much with Chris and also just found out that Chris could be in love with him.
That was not what was supposed to happen.
He was with Al now… With the boy who he was so unbelievably in love with. Chris didn't know this, he didn't realise that things between him and Scorpius had ended.
Scorpius didn't find Albus that lunch. He had gone to the library, to think things over and also try to get a bit of studying out the way. His thoughts ended up drifting into thinking about his birthday the following week and getting to spend most of it with Albus, apart from the Quidditch match. He looked forward to it.
It was Potions after lunch and Scorpius trudged his way to the classroom on his own.
Potions was one of Scorpius' least favourite subjects though he did see why it could appeal to many. He probably would like the subject, it was just that he had a particular dislike for Professor Slughorn. Slughorn often tried to get Albus and Scorpius to come to his little gatherings of the best students in Hogwarts but they had never gone. Albus' father had warned them against it and neither agreed with the idea of favouring certain students. Slughorn often annoyed Scorpius with his excessive pleas to get he and Al to go to the 'Slug Club'. Scorpius always refused politely, but Slughorn never stopped. He never gave up. Fortunately for Scorpius, Potions was not needed to get into a wandlore study programme so he would not need to continue it the following year for his NEWTs. Albus on the other hand was thinking about taking Potions.
As Scorpius strolled into the classroom, he was greeted by the sight of Albus grinning at him from their table. His mood instantly rocketed and he rushed over to Albus, fighting off the need to embrace the other boy.
"Hey," Albus' lips approached Scorpius' ear, whispering, "I love you," so no one else could hear.
Scorpius blushed, lifting his head to check no one had noticed before murmuring an "I love you too" in return.
They were given their instructions for the potion, an Elixir to Induce Euphoria, which was quite an advanced potion Scorpius recalled. He guessed Slughorn was probably testing them before next year to see which students he should let do Potions.
As they got going, Albus finally asked, "How did it go with Chris?"
Scorpius twisted his lips and furrowed his eyebrows, "Um well… I don't really understand what happened exactly… I told him I wanted to break up and everything but…"
"What so you didn't break up with him?" Albus scowled. He was desperate to have Chris out the picture so he could have Scorpius only for himself.
"He told me he thought he loved me," Scorpius said with a slightly broken voice, "I didn't know what to say… and then he just said that we should forget about the whole breaking up thing and just walked away. It was like he wouldn't accept it."
"Who does he think he is?" Albus whispered harshly, reaching for the mortar and pestle, "He can't just keep you in a relationship you don't want to be in!"
"You wouldn't be saying this if it weren't for the fact you're jealous of Chris." Scorpius mumbled. He dropped the porcupine quills in the mortar for Albus to crush.
"Should I have something to be jealous about?" Albus hushed, scowling more than ever now.
Scorpius grabbed Albus' hand under the table anxiously to calm him down with his power. Albus instantly relaxed, their eyes meeting, "You know you have nothing to be jealous of. You're the one I love…"
Albus smiled in appreciation, squeezing Scorpius' hand, "I'm sorry. I love you too. I don't want to argue before we've even started. It's too perfect for that."
Scorpius also allowed himself to smile, "We're not going to argue… I'm sorry too, I should have been more forceful… it's just I don't have the heart to hurt him. I'm not that sort of person."
Albus paused for a second, pondering the way to make Chris accept that he had to break up with Scorpius, "I'll do it."
"Do what?" Scorpius questioned suspiciously.
"I'll tell him." Albus said firmly.
Scorpius sniggered as if Albus was joking, "No you will not."
"Yes I will. Because you're too soft to do it yourself." Albus didn't look Scorpius in the eye as he crushed the porcupine quills.
"Al-"
Albus' stubborn voice interrupted, "You're mine now, Scorpius. You're mine now, not his, mine. And I'm not going to let him try to string you back."
~X~
Scorpius spent the rest of the day trying to persuade Albus against going to Chris. Albus wouldn't hesitate in being as harsh and mean to Chris as possible and that wasn't what Scorpius wanted to happen. Plus, it was Scorpius who should be the one to break up with Chris, it just was not right having Albus break up with Chris for him.
But no matter how much he pleaded with Albus, the other boy would not listen. Once he had his possessive mind set on something, he would not easily let go and Scorpius knew this.
After last period, Albus had marched off, only leaving Scorpius with a quick "goodbye" and "I'll see you later". Of course, Scorpius followed him, still sending desperate calls to Albus.
When the couple saw Chris walking down the corridor, Scorpius panicked, launching forward to clutch Albus' arm. Though that didn't stop Albus. He continued on his rampage, simply dragging Scorpius along with him.
"Oi Daley!" Albus yelled down the corridor aggressively.
Chris turned his head at the sound of Albus' voice. He grimaced immediately. He knew Albus would come once he heard of what happened that lunch time, not to mention the night before. Albus already hated him enough and he realised Albus could get seriously protective over Scorpius. And now that Albus had broken up with Danielle, it meant he would spend twice as much time with Scorpius and be twice as defensive. Chris had been expecting it all day.
Albus approached him fast and steadily with no hesitation. Scorpius was still protesting quietly and clinging onto Albus.
"Scorpius is breaking up with you." Albus said strongly with a possessive gleam in his eye which Chris recognised.
"I think Scorpius can speak for himself…" Chris quietly muttered, really not wanting to hear Scorpius say it again.
"He did! And you didn't listen! Again!" Albus exclaimed, his arm shooting out to encircle Scorpius' shoulder.
Chris turned his head to Scorpius, his face despairing. Scorpius' guilt hit him again but it had to be done. Scorpius had to think of himself and his happiness now too and the root to his happiness with Albus, and Albus alone, "Why Scorpius… why? I thought we were good together. I thought we were going to last a long time and only grow more as a couple."
Scorpius took one look at Albus and knew what had to be done. The only way to be as soft as possible on Chris was to tell him the entire truth, "Chris… I'm just going to tell you this… because I don't want you to think it was anything you've done… The reason we can't be together is…" Scorpius caught Albus' eye before just coming out and saying it, "I'm in love with Albus."
Albus raised his eyebrows when Scorpius admitted it so openly. Chris' face was only one of shock and hopelessness. But he stood tall and admitted, "And I'm in love with Scorpius."
It all suddenly made sense to Chris. The whole time he and Scorpius had been together, Scorpius had been in love with Albus and Albus, Scorpius. That's why they had been so attached, that's why Albus hated him and was so overprotective over Scorpius. That's why Scorpius had been so upset when he and Albus fought. That's why… they had been together all along. Scorpius was with him to make Albus jealous and it had worked.
"It's a cruel game you played," Chris sneered, stopping any tears which were threatening to pour over, "I fell for you, Scorpius. And all the time you were using me."
"It wasn't like that Chris!" Scorpius cried out, tugging on his blond locks, "I-I really did like you! I really did want to be with you! It's just… I was c-confused… and I didn't realised what I was feeling for Al. I wanted to be with you because I thought it would control any feelings I had for Al… I'm sorry because I did try to make Albus jealous sometimes. I've been an idiot, I've been awful to you and I've treated you awfully and for that I'm sorry! But I do care about you. I do think we could be good friends… if we didn't rush things and really got to know each other properly, we could be friends. And I do want that!"
Chris bowed his head, taking fleeting glances between Albus who was standing there solemnly and Scorpius who couldn't look anymore shamefaced, "I can't be friends with you. It would hurt too much."
"I'm sorry Chris…"
"You two make sense," Chris nodded, though now avoiding eye contact, "You're good together. I hope you're happy…"
"Thank you," Albus sympathetically said, "We'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about us though… We've got reasons we're keeping it from people…"
Chris nodded in agreement and started to step away to make an escape.
Scorpius quickly squealed, "Chris!" Chris' head swivelled back around, "I hope you're happy too. I hope you find someone."
Chris forced a small smile before walking away and out of their lives.
And then Chris was gone. Chris was out of the picture and finally, oh finally, it was only Albus and Scorpius left.
In the secluded corridor, Albus brushed a few pale strands out of Scorpius' to see his love's reaction. He bent down and smothered Scorpius' forehead with the softest kiss. They both revelled in the feeling. It was just going to be them now, young and in love. They would only be like this for a short time and they had already wasted enough of it. Albus and Scorpius both just wanted to enjoy being with each other now.
"Are you okay?" Albus whispered against Scorpius' eyelids, blond eyelashes fluttering against his skin.
Scorpius couldn't help but smile at his promising future with Albus, "Yes… yes because now we can be together properly…"
"I still can't believe I'm with you…" Albus swayed Scorpius in his arms, "I love you so much."
"I love you too…" Scorpius pushed onto his toes to press their lips together. They kissed desperately yet never lustful. It was always desperate with love, not desire, "Let's go back… Spend tonight together again…"
"Every night together… just lying there, talking and kissing…" Albus beamed, "I could never get tired of it."
"Me neither…"
"Of course… You are with me after all." Albus smirked, sliding an arm over Scorpius' shoulder as they made their up to the dorms. To anyone else, they just looked like good friends, but even an embrace like this was far more intimate.
"So modest, as always." Scorpius rolled his eyes, quirking his lips.
"We should have couply nicknames for each other to use in private." Albus joked, squeezing Scorpius arm.
Scorpius' eyes narrowed and he gave Albus a stern look, "No."
Albus let out a belly laugh, catching his lower lip in his teeth, "Baby… angel…"
"Stop…"
"Blondie! Muffin! Cuddle bear!"
"Awful, awful, awful!"
~X~
A/N: Hey again everyone! Unfortunately, I'm back at school :( So that means the chapters won't be going up nearly as quickly so sorry! I wanted to get this chapter up quickly though.
So poor Chris in this chapter! I did like Chris, despite what he did last chapter and everything. But I'm not going to say it's the last time we'll see Chris...
Next chapter is a few days into their relationship so that will be good to see... And I'm pleased yet not pleased at the same time to say James will be making an appearance in the next couple of chapters... Drama will ensure...
Very tired so not going to say much more. I only re-read this chapter once so if there is any mistakes please point them out so I can change it tomorrow!
Thanks to Pasdoll, XxKit-ChanxX, EKdark, Words of A Feather and NekoAkitsuki for reviewing the last chapter!
Next chapter:: It's finally Scorpius' birthday and Albus are Scorpius are looking forward to spending the day together. But will things be disrupted when James get involved?