Reference to: 'The Plimpton Stimulation'; 'The Expedition Approximation'
xTBBTx
A knock at the door and Sheldon got up from his spot on the couch.
"Be good," Penny hissed to Leonard.
"You mean I can't be nice?" he replied defensively.
"Only if it comes in a hands off variety."
Sheldon opened the door and grinned.
"Elizabeth," he said happily. "Please come in."
"Thank you, Sheldon," she replied. She entered the apartment carrying her carpet bag and rolling briefcase. She took in Leonard's smile and Penny's fake positive expression. "Hello Leonard."
"We're engaged," Penny said quickly as she held out her ring for Elizabeth to see.
"Congratulations," Elizabeth said in what to Penny sounded like a disappointed tone.
"Let me take you to Leonard's room," said Sheldon. "You'll be sleeping there."
"You don't have to," said Elizabeth as she looked to Leonard with an impish smile. "I know where it is."
As soon as she was around the corner Sheldon's smile left his lips and he stared hard at Leonard.
"Get out," he said firmly.
"What?" Leonard replied, shocked.
"Get out before you cheat on Penny and defile my friend."
Leonard flushed. "What are you—"
"And don't come back until Elizabeth's gone."
"But my clothes are here!" Leonard growled.
"Pack a suitcase," Sheldon sniffed as Elizabeth returned to the living room. "Here," he said to her. "You must be tired and constipated after your flight. Let me get you a yogurt while Leonard packs a few things."
"This is ridiculous," snapped Leonard as he got out of his chair. "Sheldon, I'm engaged."
"You keep thinking about that," Sheldon replied.
"Come stay at my place," Penny said as she took Leonard's arm a tad forcefully. "You're making it sound like Sheldon's telling you to sleep outside."
"It's the principle of the thing," sniffed Leonard.
"Well, your principles just got schooled. Now get in there and get some clothes," scowled Penny as she pushed Leonard ahead of her down the hall.
"Penny, it's not like anything's going to happen between Elizabeth and me," Leonard grumped as they entered his room.
"Of course not," Penny replied as she stood at the doorway with her arms crossed in front of her chest. "But it'll give Sheldon some space. And hey, you've been complaining that he's too close to you anyways."
"I guess," said Leonard as he packed a duffle bag. "Just that he sure can pick his times to assert independence."
"YuP," Penny said with an ambiguous smirk.
They returned to the living room to find Elizabeth sitting on the couch eating a yogurt and Sheldon standing by the door. As soon as he spotted them he opened the door and gestured for them to exit. Leonard left with a scowl on his face even as Penny gave Sheldon a wink.
"There," said Sheldon as he closed the door before venturing to his spot on the couch. "So, I've looked over your itinerary for the week. You'll be home for dinner each night?"
"Except for Wednesday. We're having a formal dinner at the university," Elizabeth said as she ate. "You're more than welcome to come as my plus one."
"Wednesday is new comic book night."
"Oh, well that takes precedence."
"Indeed."
"Query, what is Rajesh's relationship status?" Elizabeth asked innocently.
"He's currently dating Emily, a dermatologist."
"Ah." Elizabeth said. "So are all your friends in relationships?"
"Yes," said Sheldon. "I'm the sole single person in the group."
"I thought you were with the neurobiologist?" Elizabeth said, surprised.
"We broke up," Sheldon said matter-of-factly as he took Elizabeth's empty yogurt container and rose.
"Ah. Too bad. Any reason why?"
"Apparently she doesn't respect me," Sheldon said as he rinsed the cup before putting it in the recycling bucket.
"Why not?"
"I'm 'too selfish' and wasn't giving in to her carnal desires," Sheldon said in a dead even tone.
Elizabeth sat back on the couch.
"You mean you never had sex?" she gasped.
"Isn't hand-holding and kissing enough?" sighed Sheldon.
"For starters. They're precursors to something more intimate."
"Oh, I don't know about that. Kissing allows for the intimate contact of one's mouth against another's. Lips that can taste like peach lip gloss or brownies. And the foray into the oral cavity as tongues collide. It's squishy and germy." He looked to Elizabeth. "But when properly executed is absolutely extraordinary."
"That sounds wonderful," Elizabeth said with a slight smirk. "You do have passion in you after all, Sheldon."
"Of course I do. I can go on about the changes George Lucas made to the original Star Wars movies for hours." He checked his watch. "Time for my bowel movement. You can take Leonard's time slot," he said and departed to the washroom.
XXX
"I think I forgot my deodorant," Leonard said as he unpacked his duffle bag on Penny's bed.
"You left a stick here," she replied from the washroom as she was taking off her makeup. "It's on the dresser."
"Ah." Leonard thought for a moment. "But it sure looks like I'm short on underwear."
"Fortunately we have a whole room of washers and dryers downstairs," Penny snorted.
"Yeah, but I'd be using up your soap and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with underwear that smells like lemons and—"
"Then I'll buy you underwear," Penny snapped. "Like Sheldon said, you're out of there until Elizabeth leaves."
"Who's bringing up Elizabeth?" Leonard said excitedly as he put his sleep trunks and t-shirt to the side. "I'm talking about underwear. What would Elizabeth have to do with my underwear?"
Silence in the bathroom until Penny turned on the tap.
"So, staying together for a whole week. That sounds like fun," Leonard said hurriedly as he set his clothes aside and proceeded to change into his pajamas. There was no response save the sound of Penny brushing her teeth. "This'll be nice. No bathroom schedule. I can whistle." He did so. "I can have sex every night."
"Yeah right," Penny garbled and then hocked spit into the sink before cleaning herself up. "Just be thankful you're sleeping with a woman every night." Here she smiled. "Unless you want to make like your research trip and no female contact for a few months."
"Female contact?" Leonard blurted out. "Of course no female contact. I mean, sure, there was occasional touching, y'know, like when I passed the pepper or screwdriver. Screwdriver? Did I just say screw? I mean wrench of course."
Penny came into the bedroom and stripped off her shirt.
"You're having a brain fart again," she said. "I mean, hey, it's not like you had a chance to cheat on me. You were working."
"Work, work, work," Leonard said before moving back the covers so he could get into bed.
"Besides, if I was worried about us I'd definitely follow Bernadette's advice and get the prenup."
"You—you want a prenup?" Leonard gasped.
"I didn't say I wanted one." Penny slipped on her teddy and got into bed. She turned off the light. "At least I don't think I do. Although Bernadette said it never hurts to have a safety net."
"Penny, we're both professionals," said Leonard. "I have my own money. Hey, I bought you your car, remember?"
"Yeah, speaking of that, I sold it."
"You what?" Leonard blinked.
"I didn't need the car. The company gave me one to use so I'm good. I was gonna surprise you with the money."
"But I don't want the money. I gave you the car. The money's yours."
"Nice try. It's yours." Leonard made to speak. "Leonard, I make twice what you do. Trust me I don't need the—"
"Twice?! You make twice what I do?" Leonard stammered.
"It's no big deal," Penny said a she closed her eyes. "Although Bernadette says it is."
"Which is why she suggested the prenup," mumbled Leonard.
"Yup." Penny yawned. "Look, we're getting married and staying married." She gave him a kiss on the cheek and settled herself on her pillow.
"So let me get this straight, you're beautiful and now you make oodles of money."
"Yup yup."
"Great," Leonard said uneasily.
XXX
Sheldon looked up from his online journal as he heard a knock at his bedroom door.
"Enter," he said and Elizabeth came into the room in her bathrobe. "Is everything satisfactory?"
"Everything's fine," she replied as she crossed over to him. "I was just going over the schedule for the symposium when your comments on kissing came to mind and I realized that I had something to say on the subject."
Sheldon's eyes widened as Elizabeth leaned over and kissed him.
"You're right. Kissing is extraordinary." She looked at him impishly before she left the room and closed the door behind her.
xTBBTx
Sheldon spotted Penny at the mail box as he entered the lobby carrying a bag of groceries.
"Hey Sheldon," she said brightly as she came towards him.
"Penny." The two began to ascend the stairs.
"So how are things with Elizabeth? She settling in?"
"Yes," Sheldon said as he thought about last night.
"That's good." Silence. "Um, as a question, what do you think about prenups?" asked Penny hesitantly.
"Well, they're practical documents protecting one's assets should they divorce," said Sheldon. "One would also say prudent."
"So you'd get one?"
"I would. I have a substantial comic book collection I'd want to protect." He glanced at Penny. "Are you contemplating having one for your marriage?"
"I dunno," she sighed. "Bernadette said I should since I make more than Leonard does but he wanted to marry me when I was just a waitress and he didn't mention anything about a prenup." She looked to her friend. "Should I get one?"
"Do you foresee a divorce in your future?"
"Of course not!" Penny replied excitedly. "Leonard and I love each other."
"That doesn't mean you'll always like each other," Sheldon replied seriously as he recalled Amy. "Suppose he cheats on you?"
"Leonard wouldn't cheat," Penny said firmly.
"He cheated on Priya."
"Yeah, but Priya isn't me."
"So you think who Leonard is with determines if he'll cheat?"
"Of course it does," she snapped.
"Interesting."
"What's 'interesting'?" Penny said with a frown.
"It's just that you're putting the onus on Leonard's mate to keep her man instead of admonishing Leonard for the transgression. From a scientific standpoint Leonard has cheated once. That doesn't mean he'll cheat again but it doesn't mean that he most certainly won't, either."
They walked a couple of steps in silence.
"So it's like Schrodinger," Penny said thoughtfully before shaking her head. "Why are we ever bringing up Leonard cheating, anyways?"
"I met Alice—the woman he had an affair with when he was with Priya," said Sheldon. "Leonard never mentioned he had a girlfriend, which hurt Alice immensely when she found out."
They got to their floor and Sheldon went to his door before turning around.
"I'm not saying that Leonard doesn't love you or will cheat on you. He's my best friend. But you're my friend, too, and I won't shirk my responsibilities advising you on what's best for you." Blue eyes met green. "Get the prenup."
As one Penny and Sheldon turned to their doors and entered their respective apartments.
Sheldon heard the sounds of the shower running as he put his keys in the bowl and crossed the living room to the kitchen. While he put the groceries away he thought about his conversation with Penny. If Amy hadn't broken up with him would have he been so adamant for getting the prenup?
"Expect the unexpected," Sheldon said to himself as the bathroom door opened and Elizabeth came into the kitchen wearing her short Asian housecoat and drying her hair with a towel.
"Hi," she said with a smile.
"Hello," Sheldon replied. "How did your conference go?"
"Amazing," she said. "We can talk about it over dinner. Right now I feel too wired to talk."
"Fair enough. Normally this is Thai food night but I'm not sure how you feel about that."
"Let me think about it," she said as she folded her towel and set it on the arm of Leonard's chair. "Hey, how about before we eat we play a game?"
"Well, I have three-dimensional chess," said Sheldon.
"I was thinking more along the lines of role playing."
"Oh! I do like to role play."
"Okay," Elizabeth said slowly. "You can be the superintendent coming for my rent and I don't have any money to give you."
"Yes, that would be rather problematic," mused Sheldon. "From my experience with Penny you will be waiting with your ear to the door for me to pass by."
Elizabeth moved to where Sheldon stood and made a door opening motion.
"Oh dear," she gasped. "It's rent time, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," Sheldon said, recalling his improv training with Penny.
"It's just that they cut my hours at work and so I don't have the money for you right now," she said as she coyly tucked a strand of damp hair behind her ear.
"But you will have it at some point?"
"About three weeks."
"That seems satisfactory," nodded Sheldon. Elizabeth blinked.
"But I'm sure you'd like some sort of deposit to make sure I keep my end of the deal," she said hurriedly.
"You said you didn't have any money," Sheldon said, puzzled.
"I don't." Elizabeth looked at him through her lashes. "Perhaps I can make it up to you in another way."
"I suppose we can amortize the debt over several months and—" Sheldon stopped as Elizabeth opened her robe and let it fall to the floor.
"I was thinking something more immediate," she said playfully.
"But I already have a bathrobe," said Sheldon. "In fact I have several and—"
She stepped into him and pulled him into a kiss.
At first Sheldon was stunned, taking in the smell of his shampoo in her hair, before he responded in kind. As soon as he did so Elizabeth seemed to take it as a 'yes' and went to school on him with nibbles and sucking and this thing she did with her tongue that sent a jolt through his body.
Elizabeth leaned back to take in Sheldon's flushed face.
"There's more where that came from," she said and took his hands.
Sheldon stepped over her housecoat as she led him to Leonard's bed. Again they kissed and again Sheldon felt his excitement grow.
"I don't want you to touch me," he said softly as they broke.
"That's okay," Elizabeth said. "You can touch me." She lay down on the bed and began playing with her left nipple. "Tell me what a bad girl I am," she purred.
"Are we still role playing or do you want an actual—"
"Yes."
"You should have saved at least two month's rent," Sheldon said haltingly as he came to the bed.
"Silly of me," Elizabeth purred as she took his hand and put it on her right breast and began to massage it.
"And you left your damp towel on the chair." Sheldon's thumb began to roam, feeling the arc of her breast before flicking her nipple.
"Inconsiderate, yes," she moaned.
Sheldon moved her hips aside and sat on the bed.
"You left crumbs from your bagel in the butter," he continued, his right hand dragging down her stomach, over her belly button before his fingers spread so they could run down either side of her nether opening. "And you actually considered loop quantum gravity."
"Wrong of me to mention loop representation in gauge theories and quantum gravity." She let out a moan as Sheldon dragged his fingers along her inner thigh. "Oh yes, and Pluto is merely the largest body in the Kuiper belt not a planet and I thought about the speed of gravity possibly being faster than the speed of light and—"
"Blasphemy, woman!" Sheldon hissed. "All of this dribble because you want me to touch you? Is this what you want?" He leaned over and crushed her mouth in a kiss. Her movements were fluid yet deliberate and he tried his best to emulate.
And again that thing with her tongue, making his toes curl and penis jolt.
Sheldon broke the kiss to get a hold of himself.
"Show me that," he gasped even though his face was serious.
"You liked it, huh?" Elizabeth said.
"Do it again and it might keep a roof over your head."
Elizabeth smiled before she obliged.