Waiting up for Alec had been Magnus's idea, but the loner he waited, the more he wished he could simply go to sleep and forget about it all. But he knew that if he backed down now, he would never actually talk to Alec about what they needed to talk about. It had been a couple of weeks since he and Alec had gone to the movies, his "surprise" simply being the joke of a vampire movie he'd known Alec would love to pick apart. He'd told Alec to come over after he finished his mission that night, and with every second that passed, Magnus became increasingly nervous.
Magnus had tried, and failed, to distract himself with reading, and he'd only found himself thinking about his past, overanalyzing way too many things. He knew he was falling in love with Alec. After four hundred years of practice, Magnus knew when he was falling in love, but what had caught him off guard was the fact that he'd never fallen in love with a Shadowhunter until now. His first thought had been that maybe Alec was his soulmate, but when Alec consented to their being together after Magnus had revealed his own tattoo, Magnus lost all hope that they could possibly be soulmates.
During the first half of his life or so, Magnus had hoped with everything he had that he would find his soulmate, fall hopelessly in love, and have the happiest of endings. It had been almost an obsession of his, his hope becoming much closer to a fantasy. Yet when the hope had run out, when he kept searching and searching with nothing even close to luck, Magnus had quickly become bitter about the entire situation. After four hundred years, Magnus had run out of things to make him believe, and he'd utterly convinced himself that he would never find his soulmate.
After deciding that it was a hopeless cause, Magnus had finally been able to allow himself to fall in and out of love over and over again. Once he'd let go of the legend, he'd found it terribly easy to find love almost anywhere. The one thing he had never been able to let go of was the fact that every time he began falling in love with someone new, he hated the moment he had to come out to them as bisexual.
The first time Magnus had admitted this to someone he loved and they had left him because of it, he'd been utterly crushed in every conceivable way. Sure, there were always people who hadn't cared in any way, but Magnus was never able to forget about those who did care. After so long with Alec already, he knew he needed to be honest about everything, that if they were going to stay together for any length of time that they needed to keep from hiding things. But Magnus couldn't fight his nerves, knowing deep down that if Alec reacted terribly to his confession, he would only barely be able to handle it.
He hadn't expected to so quickly care for Alec so strongly, but he knew there was no going back from where they were now. So Magnus had tried to shove down his fears long enough to ask Alec to come over, but the waiting was almost torturous. At first, Magnus thought that he simply wanted Alec to get there, but as soon as the door began opening, Magnus felt his heart rate steadily increase. "Just let me go shower and I'll be right in. I'm disgusting right now," Alec said as he walked in the living room.
"Alexander, please wait," Magnus said, knowing that his voice was almost desperate. "You can shower later, but I need to talk to you. Right now, please." Alec turned in surprise, his eyes quickly filling with pure concern. "If we don't do this now, I don't think I'll find the courage to do so later." Alec still looked confused, but he simply nodded and moved to sit down beside of Magnus, automatically taking hold of Magnus's hand.
"There's something I need to tell you," Magnus continued, looking down at his feet in an almost nervous sort of way. "Something I need to be honest with you about. I need you to just listen to me, please. This is really hard for me, even though it shouldn't be because I've done it more than enough times now." Magnus paused and took a deep breath, forcing himself to look back up at Alec. He relaxed slightly when he saw that Alec's eyes were still only filled with love and concern. Alec simply nodded, squeezing Magnus's hand as if to show as much comfort as possible.
"I've never been very good with words, not when it really comes down to it," Magnus said, looking into Alec's soft blue eyes for the comfort he knew he would find. "I've never figured out any way to say this other than being straightforward about it, so I'm just going to go ahead and say it." Alec looked back at him with open curiosity, and all Magnus could do was power through, knowing that he would have his answer soon enough. "I need you to understand that I'm bisexual. I know you may have had other assumptions, and I'm so very sorry for that, but," Magnus paused when Alec raised his hand to brush his thumb across Magnus's face.
"Don't apologize," Alec said, his voice terribly soft. "You haven't done anything wrong, Magnus." Magnus reached up to take Alec's hand from his face, slowly moving to gently kiss it before moving both of their hands to his lap. "You don't have to be nervous about anything, not with me. I genuinely care about you, Magnus. This doesn't change who you are, it only changes what I know about you." Magnus couldn't help but smile at that, his heart rate already steadying.
For several long moments, Magnus wasn't sure of what he wanted to say. He'd known that Alec was unlikely to react in a negative way, but the last thing he'd ever expected was Alec's gentleness. Out of all the times he'd ever told someone he was with about his sexuality, no one had ever been so gentle. Sure, a lot of them had told him that it was fine, that they didn't mind. But none of them, not a single one, had ever been as kind as Alec was being now.
"You really don't mind?" he found himself asking, his smile widening when Alec immediately began shaking his head. "It's just that I never expected you to respond that way," Magnus said, looking down at their hands wrapped around one another. Magnus didn't know what to say anymore, plus he knew that Alec had to be exhausted, but he looked back up when Alec began speaking once more.
"Magnus, listen to me, please," Alec said, moving to wrap his arms around Magnus, and Magnus couldn't do anything other than lean in and relax into Alec's embrace. "There is nothing you could ever say or do to make me leave you or think less of you. But the very last thing that would ever change how I feel for you is your sexuality." Magnus stayed there for several moments, closing his eyes and allowing Alec's embrace to comfort him in a way he knew he'd never been comforted before.
Before long, however, Magnus realized that Alec was asleep, and Magnus couldn't help but smile, knowing that Alec was terribly exhausted from his mission. Magnus moved as gently as possible, not wanting to wake Alec up, knowing that Alec would feel inclined to stay awake and continue talking. Magnus knew there would be time for thanking Alec in the morning, so he moved to pull Alec's feet up on the couch. At first, Magnus thought about leaving Alec as he was, but in the end, he decided that Alec would be much more comfortable without his shoes.
Magnus took off Alec's right shoe first, trying to move as gently and quickly as possible, looking to make sure that Alec didn't wake up when the first shoe came off. As soon as Magnus removed Alec's left shoe, he knew he'd made the greatest mistake of his life. He hadn't meant to take off Alec's sock with the shoe, but it came off regardless. Magnus stared at the arrow tattoo on Alec's shoe for several long, agonizing moments before all but springing up, heading for the door.
"Magnus, just calm down, please," Ragnor said the next morning, practically pleading with Magnus in every conceivable way. "Just call him, give him the chance to explain things. He was likely just trying to protect you, and you know that. You're just angry right now, and when you're angry we both know that you do very irrational things. But right now if you do something irrational, it could end up putting your life in danger, so please, just stop and think for a few minutes."
Magnus knew Ragnor was right, but that had never seemed to matter when it came to arguments with Ragnor in general. He was angry, that much was true. Magnus was fairly certain that he had never been so angry with anyone in his life, but that wasn't going to change the fact that Alec had lied to him about what was possibly the most important thing in either of their lives. Magnus had gone to stay with Ragnor, unable to stay anywhere near Alec that night, but now that he was up, he wanted nothing more than to confront Alec about the situation, so he simply ignored Ragnor and headed for the door.
It didn't take long for Magnus to realize that Alec had already left his apartment, so he quickly changed his direction for the Institute. Everything in his body told Magnus that it was an awful idea, that he needed to listen to Ragnor and simply take some time to cool down before finding Alec, but he was unable to do anything other than walk to the Institute, his fury growing with each and every step.
Jace let him in without a second thought and even led Magnus directly to the library to see Alec. Alec froze as soon as he turned to see Magnus, and Magnus knew it was because he knew exactly what was going on, the fact that Magnus had left his shoes off telling him all that he needed to know. "Magnus, let me explain, please," he began talking as soon as Magnus came to a halt before him. "I know you're angry, but let me explain."
Magnus held up a hand, looking down at the floor when he was unable to meet Alec's eyes. "Angry?" he asked, hearing the emotion in his voice. "Let me explain something to you, Alexander. Four hundred years is a very long time to wait for your soulmate. Four hundred years is a very long time for someone to hope beyond hope that they find the person they're meant to be with. Four hundred years is a very long time for someone to build up their dream about their soulmate. Four hundred years." Magnus paused as his voice cracked ever so slightly, finally looking back up to meet Alec's eyes once more.
"Four hundred years, and I finally find my soulmate, and he lies to me about it. He hides it from me like he's ashamed." Magnus could hear the pain in his voice. He moved away when Alec stepped toward him, completely unwilling to listen to anything Alec had to say. "You'll say it's to protect me, but from what exactly, Alexander? From the Clave or from the fact that you're ashamed to have a Downworlder as a soulmate?"
When Alec and Jace remained silent, their eyes on someone behind Magnus, Magnus had the sinking feeling that whoever it was wasn't going to be good news to them. He swallowed the quickly forming lump in his throat when he turned around to see Robert Lightwood. From everything he knew about Robert, Magnus was willing to bet everything he had that Robert wasn't going to be very understanding of what was going on. "I think," Robert began, seemingly reading Magnus's mind. "That he was trying to keep someone from doing this."
Before Alec could reach his father, Robert had already called in the Clave. Magnus knew he could have used his magic to stop Robert, but he couldn't seem to move in any way. He was frozen, not by fear, but by the anger that was slowly turning into sorrow. "I'm sorry, Alexander," Robert was saying, but Magnus barely noticed any of it, his mind already overwhelmed by everything else around him. Robert barely flinched when Alec hit him, and for several moments, Magnus was terribly surprised that the man who had been so gentle just hours ago was capable of raising a hand to touch anyone. "I did this for your own good," Robert finished.
Magnus went silently when the Clave members showed up to take him to the Silent City. He knew he would be held there for the night. Magnus knew they would put him on trial the next afternoon, give him a nice long stay in the Silent City, and wait for night in Idris. He only hoped that Simon and Isabelle would be smart enough to cover their tattoos if they showed up. Magnus met Alec's eyes just before he was dragged out of the room, and Magnus couldn't help but shake his head when Alec mouthed the words, "I'm so sorry."
I may take a break for tomorrow since I posted two chapters both of the past two days! Let me know your thoughts so far (and, yes, I really do mean that! I love hearing from you guys)! If you like my writing, share it with people you think will like it, too!