"So how's the apartment hunt going?" asked Bernadette before taking a sip of wine.
"Slowly," sighed Penny as she leaned back on her couch. "Haven't looked in a while so I didn't realize how expensive it is out there. Finding something between the university and work with two car spots that doesn't cost an arm and a leg is not easy."
"Maybe you could ask Sheldon about trading apartments?"
"That's his home. Besides Leonard and I are making a new life together so why not take the plunge and start fresh somewhere else?" Penny moved forward and clicked on her laptop. "I'm practically glued to this apartment listing."
Bernadette leaned forward and together the two women scrolled the listings.
"That one's nice," said Bernadette.
"Leonard said no because it doesn't face south," said Penny.
"Ah." They continued to scroll. "This one has an awesome walk-in closet."
"It has underground parking and Leonard's afraid he'll get mugged there."
"Well this one has a nice open concept," Bernadette said after a few minutes.
"Apparently Leonard's afraid it'll collapse due to the lack of observable support walls."
Bernadette straightened up.
"But that only leaves these dingy ones that remind me of grandpa's den," she said with a wrinkled nose.
"You got it." Penny took a deep gulp of wine.
"I suppose you could always paint."
"Or kill my fiancé and find a better place."
"Good thing my apartment is big," smiled Bernadette. "Of course I also have Howie store a lot of his stuff at his mother's place."
"So how are things going anyways?" asked Penny.
"Howie's doing his best not to be as childish about things and I'm doing my best to be more respectful of his stupid hobbies."
"Sounds great," Penny said before taking a sip of wine.
"I just don't get why a grown man wants a rocket ship lava lamp in the bedroom," Bernadette frowned.
"When I first met Leonard he was using Star Wars shampoo."
"Penny, are we stupid for thinking they've changed?" asked Bernadette as she rested her glass on her knee.
"Of course not," said Penny after a moment. "I mean I didn't give Leonard a second thought when I first met him." She smirked. "If anything I thought that Sheldon was cute."
"No kidding," Bernadette giggled.
"Then he broke into my apartment and cleaned it. Kinda ruined it there for me."
They both laughed and finished their wine before leaning back against the couch.
"Sometimes I'm worried that Leonard and I don't really have a lot in common," Penny said slowly.
"It'll work out," Bernadette soothed. "I mean look at Howie and me. I can't stand most of what he likes and yet we get along great."
They sat in silence.
"More wine?" Penny asked as she went for the bottle.
"Yes please."
Penny filled the glasses and both women took them up and drained them.
"Felt dry," Bernadette said.
"Me too," Penny agreed.
xTBBTx
Penny opened her apartment door just as a tall woman with auburn hair to her shoulder blades, a knee-length purple plaid skirt, a light purple top and black sweater vest that was accentuated by a sheer scarf around the neck came up to the floor.
"Hi," said Penny as she ventured over. "You must be Martha. Sheldon mentioned you were coming by and so I thought to myself this would be a perfect opportunity to meet you since I didn't the last time." Penny stopped herself and smiled. "I'm Penny."
"Nice to meet you," Martha replied. She knocked at the door.
"Don't worry about that," said Penny as she opened the door and entered 4A.
"Penny, note the knock," said Sheldon as he helped Leonard wrap up Leonard's collectibles that were around the living room. "You may wish to familiarize yourself with the social convention."
"Yeah yeah," Penny smirked. "So how are things going?"
"We're making progress." Sheldon set down Leonard's collectible in a box. "This shouldn't take too much longer," he said to Martha.
"Don't worry about it," Martha replied. "Wrapping collectibles is serious business."
"You should listen to that, too," Leonard teased Penny, who stuck her tongue out in response.
"Would you like a beverage?" asked Sheldon. "I have water, milk, orange juice, tea, coffee, strawberry quick, hot chocolate—"
"Just a water would do," said Martha as she went to sit down in the stuffed chair. Sheldon procured her a bottled water from the refrigerator.
"Note how Sheldon gets Martha a drink," Penny said to Leonard.
"Yeah but you're here enough to constitute being a third roommate," explained Leonard.
"No she doesn't," Sheldon countered. "You're just rude."
"Anyways, there are some things we bought together," said Leonard as he took the full box off the couch and set it on the floor in front of the book shelves.
"I suppose we should come to an amicable means of distribution," said Sheldon.
"The sword is mine," both men said at once. Sheldon and Leonard glared at each other.
"Leonard, give it to him," said Penny.
"No," he grumped.
"Where the frak are you gonna put it?"
"On the mantle." Penny rolled her eyes.
"Sheldon, it's yours," she said firmly.
"Hey!"
"Leonard, I'm not having that on my shelf."
"It won't be on your shelf. I said mantle," Leonard sniffed.
"Our new place won't have a fireplace," Penny said.
"But it'd be perfect for my new wingback chair," Leonard whined.
"Who said you're—never mind. Look, I don't want a bladed weapon in the apartment." Penny smiled grimly. "I mean you managed to cut yourself with a spoon."
"Well, it was sharp," Leonard said defensively. Penny gave him a 'yeah right' look even as she folded her arms across her chest. "Fine, but I want half the value."
"Agreed," Sheldon nodded.
They both went to Sheldon's computer to look up the value.
"Boys and their toys," Penny smirked to Martha.
"Actually sword collecting is quite popular," Martha replied. "In fact I have a first edition Duncan McLeod katana." Penny looked at her blankly. "From Highlander." No recognition. "It was a television show."
"Ah." Penny chuckled. "You know, it sounds really strange hearing something like that from a woman."
"You'll have to excuse Penny, she's not versed in the ways beyond Jersey Shore and the Kardashians," Sheldon said absently as he scoured the screen.
"Actually, there's a whole whack of women and girls into fantasy, sci-fi and comic books," said Martha. "Just go to one Comic Con and you'll note a good forty percent of the people there are female."
"Well, according to this the sword has appreciated thirty dollars," said Sheldon. "I'll pay you your half plus half the additional value when we finish dividing the items." He checked his watch. "But it's now date night. See yourselves out."
"Date night?" Leonard asked even as Penny popped off the breakfast stool and took him by the arm.
"Have fun, you two," she said and dragged Leonard out the door.
"'Date night'?" Martha echoed, albeit with a smirk.
"Well, it is night time and we did have a prearranged meeting," Sheldon said as he closed his computer and went to his spot on the couch.
"I see," said Martha as she got up moved to the couch. "So this isn't a 'date' date." Sheldon cocked his head.
"If I take into consideration your previous use of a double word, you're expecting this night to end in coitus?"
"Actually, I'd like to be dating before we do anything." Pause. "And just to clarify, are you possibly thinking that at some point we might actually turn these get-togethers into dates?" Martha bit her lip.
"I haven't got around to devising a contract," Sheldon said.
"Contract?"
"A relationship agreement."
"Why do we need a contract?"
"How else would we define the parameters of our relationship or provide the means for termination should it prove necessary?"
"Wait, we're not dating and yet you're already planning to break up with me?"
"Martha, I'm not always clear of the implications where social interactions are concerned." Sheldon gave a slight shrug of the shoulders. "I need things concrete."
"How about this?" Martha leaned over and kissed him. "I like you. You like me?"
"I do," Sheldon said. "Only I'm not sure if the parameters are beyond friendship."
"Then let's see where this goes," Martha smiled.
"Agreed," nodded Sheldon.
XXX
From Penny's bedroom came the sounds of huffing and puffing and the mumbles, moans and groans of sex.
Inside, Penny and Leonard were 'in the moment', working a missionary position.
Penny glanced at Leonard as he worked his hips. His eyes were screwed shut and his asthma was starting to come into play. She then looked about the room until she spotted the sex art canvas on the floor by the closet.
There was a term her cousin used about her sex life when she got married.
"Fuck me," Penny growled.
What was it?
Leonard pumped harder. Penny repositioned her hips.
'Putting down the boloney pony'? 'Plummer's having problem laying pipe'?
In a rush Leonard grunted and it was all over. He rolled to his side to get his inhaler. After a couple of puffs he settled down to catch his breath and Penny snuggled against him. Closed her eyes and listened to the huffs and puffs and the feelings of dissatisfaction after another night of—
Orgasmic Bed Death.
"God, I can't wait until we have our own place," Leonard gasped with a smile on his face. "We can get wild and crazy like this whenever we want."
Penny thought about sex with Leonard for the foreseeable future.
Crazy was right.
xTBBTx
"All set?" Bernadette asked sweetly from the kitchen table.
"Pretty soon," Howard said happily. "Got my lucky belt buckle and hat." He plunked on his red cowboy hat and went over to the table. "Howdy Ma'am."
"Just make sure you come home with your shirt and horse, Tex."
"We don't play for money." He cleared his voice. "We play for honor, glory and bragging rights at the next comic book night."
"I still can't believe you found another group of people who play this stuff," said Bernadette.
"Like I keep telling you, Comic Con is for more than lonely guys wearing Star Wars costumes. I mean, hey, Sheldon's friend Martha is coming to check out tonight."
"I already had enough fun checking out D&D."
"True." Howard tucked his thumbs in his belt and racked his brain for something else to say. He looked to Bernadette, who seemed to be at a similar loss.
"I better let you go—" she said while simultaneously Howard came out with an, "I better get going—"
They smiled at each other.
"Have fun," Bernadette squeaked. Howard tipped his hat and exited the apartment.
As soon as each was out of the other's company their friendly smiles were replaced by grim ones.
XXX
"Shiver Me Timberwolf," said Sheldon as he laid down a card on the table.
"Hornswaggle Beast," said Martha as she put her card down.
"Cackling Crow's Nest." Tracy put her card down and sat back. "So Martha, Sheldon tells me you met at the university?"
"Jacob's Ladder Snake," said Howard and put down his card.
"We did several years ago," replied Martha. "Abby wanted to go to this social mixer and I was bored out of my mind and then I see this guy with a Green Lantern lantern. I mean, totally brilliant!"
"Boom Monkey," played Sheldon.
"Freebooter Looter," played Martha. "And I gather Sheldon met you at Comic Con. One of his kissing experiments?"
"Landlubbing Leopard. One among many that night," said Tracy. "No harm no foul."
"Slimy Blimy," played Howard, who was now curious at the women's conversation.
"Still, I did take Sheldon under my wing," Tracy continued. "You know, just to make sure that people didn't take advantage of him."
"What people would take advantage of me?" asked Sheldon. "Fluty Booty."
"'He who shall not be named'," Tracy said in a deep voice.
"Who's that?" Martha played a card. "Captain Hookworm."
Sheldon turned to her. "I believe she's alluding to Leo—"
"Hey!" yelped Alice from the other end of the table.
"Ah, I get it," nodded Martha. "Yes, I've rather gathered that," she said to Tracy.
"That's why I was pleased when Sheldon said he had another friend," said Tracy. "I knew that we totally had to meet. You know, just so that we all know the score. Davy Jones' Stalker."
"Well, I'm about as normal as they get," smiled Martha. "And for the record, Sheldon and I have graduated to 'seeing each other'."
"I disagree," said Sheldon. "We were already socializing." He looked to Tracy. "Martha has offered a proposal whereby we alter our relationship paradigm."
"And are you?" asked Tracy.
"I'm considering it. Martha has many favorable qualities. For instance, with only a few games under her belt she's become adept at playing Mystic Warriors of Ka'a, unlike Howard who's taking his own sweet time deciding whether to play Jolly Roger Rancher, Ba-Ba-Blackbeard or Cannonball—"
"We win!" Howard said gleefully as he played his card.
"How do you win?" Sheldon snapped as he took up the card and read, 'Filling the Sails with Tales'. "Why this isn't even a real card. 'Card must be played after Sheldon verbally reveals the remaining cards in any opposing player's hand. Card owner automatically wins'." He looked to Tracy and scowled. "You never said that unsanctioned cards were allowed."
"House cards," said Tracy. "All the decks are full of them."
"Mutinous," Sheldon growled.
"Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of glum," chuckled Howard.
XXX
"So I think I passed the gatekeeper," chuckled Martha as she drove Sheldon home.
"What are you talking about?" Sheldon asked.
"Your friend Tracy. She made it very clear that no one's going to mess with you on her watch."
"Really? I didn't know that." Sheldon thought for a moment. "I'll talk to her tomorrow."
"No!" Martha gasped. "Sheldon, I think she wants to make sure that I'm not nuts or anything."
"Well you do prefer the New 52 to the classic DC universe."
"So why are you collecting the new stuff, Dr. Fancy Pants?"
"I collect both," he sniffed. "The old to fill in my collection and fully flesh out the universe and the new ones to see how they screw things up." Martha laughed and Sheldon let loose with a quick smile before looking out the side window. "So did you like Tracy?"
"Well she's a force and a half but really nice," said Martha. "Actually I thought the whole gang was pretty cool." Sheldon was relieved.
"So you'll come back?"
"Sure."
"Amy never wanted to involve herself in any of my 'lame-o' hobbies, although she did play Dungeons and Dragons once."
"How was that?"
"I thought she enjoyed herself but she never asked to play again," Sheldon shrugged.
"That's too bad." Martha signalled and turned right.
"I liked playing with you tonight," Sheldon said as he looked at her.
"Me too. So how about you come meet some of my friends next week?"
"Will we be playing Mystic Warlords of Ka'a?"
"I was thinking more along the lines of a night out to unwind. You know, chit chat and what not."
"And scrutinize me."
"Of course."
"Well, fair's fair. You came tonight and experienced an entertaining evening so in return I shall endure a night of estrogen and fruity alcoholic beverages," he sighed.
"You're lucky you're cute," Martha snorted.
"Genetics, Martha," he tsked. "For instance, I have my mother's eyes."
"And your smarts?"
"She says from Jesus but I disagree. Of course given the average IQ of the rest of my family an extraterrestrial origin might be plausible."
They pulled up in front of his building.
"Well, wherever you're from, Kal-El, you sure rock this girl's planet," Martha grinned.
Sheldon turned to go but stopped.
"You know, it just occurred to me that I've never initiated a kiss on a liberal arts professor before," he said evenly. "I'd like to remedy that." He leaned over and their lips met. One moment became two and three before he pulled back and smiled. "Goodnight Martha."
"'Night, Sheldon," she squeaked back as he exited the vehicle.
Martha waited until he entered the building before letting out a squeal of delight.