Reference to: 'The Werewolf Transformation'; 'The Rothman Disintegration'; 'The Cooper/Kripke Inversion'
xTBBTx
"So is this a mixer or are there seating arrangements?" asked Bernadette from the washroom.
"A mixer as far as I know," replied Howard as he tucked his white dickey into his undershirt. "I mean what's the point of having an astronaut at your gala if he can't orbit the room and talk with people?" He hauled up the rest of his flight suit from his waist and slipped inside before doing up the zipper.
"Okay. Then I'll wear my lower heels so my feet don't hurt." Bernadette came out of the washroom in her cocktail dress and stopped dead. "You're wearing that?" she gasped.
"They asked for Payload Specialist Howard Wolowitz, not a Caltech engineer," Howard saluted.
"Howie, we get it, you're an astronaut. That doesn't mean you have to wear space pajamas to a gala," Bernadette growled.
"When Chris Hatfield gives his talks he wears his flight suit!" Howard countered.
"NOT TO A FANCY SHMANCY AFFAIR HE DOESN'T!"
"SAYS WHO!?"
"SAYS HIS WIFE FOR ONE THING!"
"If that's what his wife is like NO WONDER HE SPENT SO LONG UP AT THE SPACE STATION!" snapped Howard even as he began to take off his flight suit.
"Yeah, well, she probably sent him out there until he learned how to dress himself properly because he'd have to be on a different planet if he thought what he was wearing was acceptable!"
"FINE!" Howard stepped out of his flight suit and stormed into the walk-in closet. "But I'm wearing my NASA pin and Star Trek buckle!"
XXX
"Come on, Sheldon, we're leaving shortly," Leonard said from the living room as he, again, readjusted his tie.
"I've secured an alternate means of transportation," Sheldon called out from his bedroom.
The apartment door opened and in came Penny wearing a low-cut, strapless, short, black cocktail dress, wickedly high heels and smoky-eyed makeup.
"Wow," Leonard said, grinning like an idiot.
"Best I can do," Penny said with a smirk.
"You're terrific." Leonard stepped over to his fiancée. "There'll be some people there from the tenure committee so I can use all the help I can get." They kissed.
"Especially since the tenureship will be mine," said Sheldon as he came into the room.
"Nice try Sh—" Leonard stopped as he took in his roommate's purple plaid suit, grey shirt and checkered tie. "You're wearing that?"
"Leonard, it's a formal gala. Of course I'm wearing a suit," tsked Sheldon.
"Which would work if you were the attraction but you're not," Leonard explained. "Martha's the primary focus and you have to dress appropriately." He indicated Penny. "Penny compliments me. She makes other people look at me because I have such an attractive fiancée. Then I impress them with my expertise. See how that works?"
"Yes," said Sheldon slowly. "Only after setting the bar high with Penny's appearance I'm not sure how you deal with the donors' disappointment when they hear about your work." Penny grinned even as Leonard frowned.
"Leonard, he's fine," Penny said.
"Fine, Sheldon, drive everyone away from your date," Leonard sighed to his roommate just as a knock at their door announced a visitor. He crossed over to the door. "You'll be lucky if she even wants to be see—"
He opened the door to Martha, who stood before him wearing a sleeveless plaid dress in autumn colours with a black lace jacket and Mary Janes.
"Hi," she said and stepped into the apartment. She took one look at Sheldon and smiled. "Hello eye candy."
"I'm a doctor twice over thank you very much," Sheldon sniffed as he came to the door.
"Of course I respect you for your mind, Dr. Cooper, but you can't wear my favorite plaid colours and expect not to be ogled."
"We'd best depart," said Sheldon with a bit of a flush and the pair went out the door. Just before the door closed Sheldon popped his head in and stuck his tongue out at Leonard.
XXX
Raj, Emily, Howard and Bernadette were in the midst of conversation with an elderly couple.
"Cosmology is a field of patience," said Raj.
"I'll say," said Howard enthusiastically. "It used to take two days for a Soyuz capsule to connect with the International Space Station. But we managed to do it in six hours. Still, it feels like an eternity when you've got those booster rockets underneath you."
"Nine years ago I was part of a team that launched the New Horizons space probe."
"The telescope I helped build didn't take that long but it—"
"Howard, Raj is talking about cosmology right now. I'm sure the donors would rather hear about science than show and tell," said Bernadette. Howard visibly deflated.
"So what's the space probe doing?" the elderly woman asked Raj.
"It's collecting data about Pluto," he replied. "It should arrive in a week at the most and will then turn itself on." He smiled grimly. "Then it becomes a waiting game as it sends a signal back to Earth. Well, if it survived the trip to Pluto, that is."
"Interesting," nodded the elderly man. He looked to Howard. "You went to the International Space Station?"
"Payload specialist Howard Wolowitz at your service," the engineer said.
"Oh, now I see the NASA pin on your lapel," the patron said. "It's hard to distinguish you from the others, which is a shame."
"Well I do have a flight suit but someone felt it was to costume-y for a gathering," Howard said.
"Oh, I don't know about that," said the lady patron. "Usually at donor gatherings the idea is to get our attention not hide your achievements." She smiled. "Going into space must have been exciting."
"Oh, it is, for some people," Howard sniffed. His eyes drifted to Bernadette. "Other people don't think it's worth talking about even though it's a life-altering experience."
"That's probably because some people are sick and tired of hearing the trip being referenced every single day," Bernadette replied crisply albeit with a smile.
"But I really have to say that Caltech has been very supportive of my trip," Howard continued with a frown. "They actually encourage me to talk about it since they know how important it is for the university and science in general."
"Being called up to the Space Station to install a telescope just makes you a galactic repairman not Neil Armstrong," Bernadette said as she crossed her arms in front of her chest.
Raj looked uncomfortably at his best friend and his wife.
"You never know what can happen to a space probe," Raj said haltingly. "Space ice, for example, is no joke because—"
"I was more than a repairman," Howard seethed. "I was part of the team that designed the deep field space telescope and NASA specifically wanted me to install it so quit saying what I did was nothing!"
"I'm not saying it's nothing. I'm saying it isn't everything!" Bernadette spat back.
Howard stormed off, leaving the stunned group in silence.
"Your probe might have gone to Pluto but I think Bernadette's flew right up Howard's Uranus," Emily said to Raj in a low voice.
XXX
"Well hello there," said a dapper man with an East Coast accent.
"Hi," Penny beamed back.
"Hi," Leonard echoed.
"Whatever department you're in I'm willing to listen about," the man grinned to Penny.
"Actually, I don't work at the university but my fiancé does and so here I am," she said cheerily.
"And where is the lucky man?" the donor said as he looked around the room.
"I'm right here," Leonard piped in.
For the first time the donor looked at Leonard.
"You're kidding," the donor said. He shook his head. "He really must be a genius." Penny and he laughed.
"Actually," said Leonard nervously. "Right now I'm working on the possibility of neutrinos—"
"How did he convince you to marry him?" asked the donor, intrigued.
"Well, it did take eight years," Penny chuckled. "We're neighbors."
"I see," said the donor although in his mind as he took in the couple he couldn't understand the connection. "So what do you do, Ms?"
"Penny. I'm a pharmaceutical rep."
"I'm an experimental physicist," added Leonard.
"That sounds interesting," said the donor.
"It is," Leonard smiled. "In fact I got to work with Stephen—"
"How long have you been in the pharmaceutical field?" the donor asked Penny.
"Actually I just started," she smiled.
"Brains and beauty." The donor smiled. "You're a double threat, Penny."
"Thank you," she blushed.
The man nodded his head and walked away, oblivious to the scowl on Leonard's face.
"Well, he seemed nice," said Penny.
"A little too nice," said Leonard as he glared daggers into the patron's back.
"Hey, this outfit was your idea."
"Yeah, I meant to attract them. I didn't mean be all flirty."
Penny turned to him with a frown. "I wasn't flirting."
"He sure was."
"So how's that my fault?" she growled. "I'm just being nice."
"Well, try for aloof."
Penny rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll be aloof."
"Good." Leonard scanned the crowd. "Now there's Dr. Hoffman. He's on the tenure—"
"I'm sorry, do you really think I'd actually whore myself for your tenureship?" sniffed Penny. "What kind of woman do you take me for?"
"Someone with a very sarcastic sense of humour," Leonard said, frowning.
"Why Leonard, would you think a stupid person like me would be like that?"
"Penny, I didn't say you were stupid. I don't think you're stupid."
"You just don't think I'm smart."
Leonard sighed. "Penny, I brought you out here so people can meet my fiancée. I'm not embarrassed of you. In fact everyone here knows how lucky I am to have you." He pursed his lips. "I just don't want to feel like I'm being left behind."
"You're not being left behind, Leonard. You're just being enough of an ass that you're putting yourself at the back."
He nodded. "Fine. I'll be less of an ass." He gave an overly enthusiastic grin. "See? No ass here."
"Good," said Penny as she smiled at another male patron coming her way.
XXX
As Martha and a couple of patrons chatted about something liberal artsy, Sheldon spent his time mulling over the implications that dark matter might interact with more forces than gravity.
If that was the case, Cold Dark Matter was out and what was needed was more observation determining the rotation of—
"Weww, weww, Coopah," said Kripke as he approached the group. "Who wet in the hewp?"
With a frown Sheldon stepped away from Martha.
"What do you want, Kripke?" he growled.
"I thought you should know the patwons were vewy intewested in my stwing theowy wesearch."
"The donors are here because of their money not that they're scientific geniuses," Sheldon sniffed. "They couldn't tell a Nobel Prize winning idea from pseudoscience."
"They can, now," Kripke grinned. "All they have to do is wead my wesearch and then wead yours. Wight years diffewence. You can see for yourself when we're pubwished next month."
"'We're published'? In no way do I permit you to copy my work," said Sheldon, his eyes narrowing.
"Me and your ex-girlfwiend, woser."
"But she went through my notes and papers. Amy wouldn't have had the inspiration without my work!"
"Funny how you wooked at it and saw nothing and she takes a wook and finds something pawadigm-altewing," snorted Kripke.
"Yes, well, it's still a lost venture in the end," Sheldon sputtered.
"Just wike you. Actually, a few of the donors asked about you. I towld them you wan from stwing theowy with your tail between your wegs because it got too hawd."
"I did not run! It'd obvious that string theory—"
"Hello Sheldon," said a familiar female voice which immediately straightened Sheldon's back even as it cut him off.
He turned to see Amy, who stood before him in a conservative length flowery dress and cardigan.
"Barry, could we have a moment?" she asked.
"Sure thing." He looked to Sheldon. "Water, woser."
"Sorry about that," she said after Kripke had left.
"He's always been like that," Sheldon scowled. "Why you chose to work with him is beyond contemptible."
Amy sighed.
"Sheldon, like I said before, you wouldn't have listened to my ideas." She shook her head. "I didn't want it to be this way. I wanted it to be like Madame Curie and her husband, working together to explain the universe, but I knew once you saw that Barry's work was further ahead than yours that dream was over."
"And then you stabbed me in the back."
"I supported your decision to abandon string theory," she amended. "What kind of girlfriend would I be if I kept talking about string theory when you were in crisis?" Sheldon's eyes narrowed.
"So you're saying that you did this for my benefit?" he snapped.
"I did it because I wanted you to notice me," Amy said evenly. "I wanted you to see what I could bring to our relationship if you quit being so selfish and childish. We have a relationship of the mind. No one can take that away from us and—"
"Hey," Martha said as she came to stand beside Sheldon. "I'm Doctor Martha Wallace from the humanities interdisciplinary department."
"Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler," the neurobiologist replied. As she said her name she saw Martha's eyes widen in recognition. "A friend of Sheldon's?"
"Girlfriend, actually."
"What a delight to finally meet you," Amy said evenly. "Penny and Bernadette told me all about you, you know, because that's what besties do. Watch each other's back."
"That they do," Martha agreed even as her eyes looked questioningly to Sheldon.
"I've been away studying addiction in monkeys," Amy continued. "Did you know that chimpanzees form short-term alliances with others by mutual support, sharing meat, and allogrooming? They do it to achieve dominance. And it isn't the largest and strongest who make it to the top. Teamwork can frighten and impresses much more effectively than a solo effort, wouldn't you say?"
"I'll keep that in mind should I ever meet a chimp," Martha said slowly.
"Well ninety eight point five percent of our nucleotides are similar," Amy said and then gave a quick smile.
"Ah." Martha took Sheldon's hand. "Well we better keep mingling. Nice to finally meet you, Amy." Before Amy could answer the pair departed.
"If only I had some feces to fling," Amy growled to herself.
XXX
Penny pretended to fix herself up in the mirror as other women washed their hands and primped themselves before heading out of the washroom. She felt some glares in her direction; she was used to them given how she looked but tonight they seemed wrong. Tonight was a donors' gala and people with money and people with brains were here. She knew she brought her looks but as the night went on and she kept getting stared at she found herself wishing she'd be approached because a donor thought she had something to say not because her boobs were nearly falling out of her dress.
A toilet flushed and then a moment later the door opened and Martha came out.
"Hey," Penny said brightly. Martha smiled and proceeded to wash her hands. "I meant to say that I really like your outfit. You and Sheldon really make a matched pair." She smirked. "Makes me wish Leonard and I could have dressed like a couple."
"You both look nice."
"We look like Leonard paid me five hundred bucks to attend this thing," Penny said with an amused expression. Martha laughed.
"Well, as a bright side, you might be responsible for the physics department getting the funding for the accelerator they're looking at," she said.
"I do it for science," Penny sniffed as she thrust out her bust and accented them with her hands.
Martha went to the dispenser and tore herself some paper towel. She thought for a moment before turning to Penny.
"Can I ask you a question about Amy?" she asked as nonchalantly as she could. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."
"Shoot."
"Is she—okay?"
"Okay as in—"
"I mean mentally."
"Why?" asked Penny.
"Well, it's just that when I met her tonight I believe she insinuated that she'd fight me for Sheldon like a chimpanzee," said Martha carefully.
"Oh God," Penny said as she rolled her eyes. "Yeah, Amy can get a little whacko when it comes to monkeys." She shrugged. "I'm not going to say that Amy's normal. I mean hey, she dated Sheldon."
"I'm dating Sheldon," Martha said seriously.
"Yeah, but I mean when she dated him he was a lot more whacked than he is now."
"I met Sheldon nearly six years ago and if he was willing I would have jumped him on the first night," Martha said crisply. "I thought he was absolutely amazing. I still do."
"I'm glad," Penny flushed. "Don't get me wrong, I really love Sheldon. It's just that he can be—" She shook her head. "I sound like an idiot. Sheldon is amazing and you're gonna be on the ride of your life with him." Penny shrugged sheepishly. "Can we start again?"
"Sure."
"When I met Amy she immediately took a shine to me, which was kind of flattering at first, but then got really creepy with the bestie comments and how she said she'd let me shave any hair on her body and wanted to give me a nude portrait of the both of us."
"Really?"
"Let's not talk about it again," Penny said diplomatically. She hesitated a moment. "Look, you didn't hear this from me but, you're right, Amy is having second thoughts about dumping Sheldon." Pause. "So be careful."
"Understood." Martha tossed the paper towel into the garbage can. "Well, time to get out there and continue to whore myself for the university." Penny snorted.
"They call it 'higher learning' but somehow their eyes never get higher than my bust line," she chuckled.
"Maybe you should try plaid," suggested Martha as the pair exited the washroom.
XXX
Howard stood by the punch bowl watching the room. To be honest he'd lost count of how many cups of punch he had but it was enough to quell his agitation. He'd done his best to continue socializing with the donors; in fact it was their interest in what he had done that helped him get his mojo back. To lose the doubt.
He glanced over and saw Sheldon and Martha talking with a donor. Hands held. Sheldon probably bored out of his mind but he was still there supporting her. Howard realized that he didn't know that much about Martha but from what he did experience playing Rock Band and MWOK with her he liked. She was like Tracy and Dragan, doing geeky things with zest. No shame. No ridicule. She was the way she was. Just like how he and Raj and Sheldon used to be.
"Not Leonard," Howard slurred before taking another sip of punch.
He spotted Penny and Leonard. Actually it was easy to spot Leonard because he was on the outside of a small group of men who surrounded Penny. It was actually an apt metaphor for Leonard. He hung out with Raj and Howard and Sheldon but when Penny came along it was obvious he'd dump the three of them for a chance at landing her. Leonard was suddenly ashamed of who he was. Howard snorted. Then again, after meeting Leonard's mother the guy must have been ashamed of himself his whole life.
The men departed and Penny went over to Leonard. More likely than not she was treating what happened as nothing because, to her, being the center of attention wasn't a big deal. Penny was always attractive—indeed Howard spent many a lovely night with his hand and her image firmly in mind. But like most women he fantasized about she didn't fit. Yes, she was nice and, yes, she had a personality but Penny was a different world from the guys. She didn't go to conventions or watch Star Trek and she got drunk playing Dungeons and Dragons. She was about Vegas and roller skating and—
Howard stopped as he came to the realization that he had someone in his life who offered him the very same activities—Raj.
"Maybe I should have dated Raj," Howard snorted before taking another sip of his drink.
With Raj he always felt comfortable whether it was going to the market or beach or the tar pits. They did things outside of their usual geek pattern—and in that they were far healthier than Leonard and Sheldon—and they had fun even if their excursions didn't end in bed with a woman. No matter what crazy idea each had the other was ready to be the wingman.
Howard shook his head. Leonard tried too hard to be something he wasn't. But then again, who was Howard to criticize? How much had Howard given up to be with Bernadette? No more outings with Raj. No kite fighting or laser obstacle chess. Instead it was domestic bliss. Only it seemed as though there was more yelling than tranquility. Howard had given up his old self to be the man Bernadette wanted him to be.
He didn't want Leonard and Penny to make the same mistake.
Howard drained his cup and placed it on the table before venturing over to the couple.
"Hey Howard," said Penny with a smile.
"Don't marry Leonard," he said.
"What?" Leonard sputtered.
"And you, don't marry Penny."
"Howard, what the—"
"Don't be like Bernie and me," Howard continued. "Don't be afraid of being who you are. It's no way to live." Penny made to speak. "You," he said to her. "You need someone supportive of your changes not someone who whines about how it affects his fragile ego."
"Hey!" Leonard snapped.
"And you need someone who you can relate to," Howard told him. "Someone you actually believe won't leave you and actually likes you for who you are." Howard chuckled. "I never thought I'd say this but believe me, you need something more than sex to keep you together."
"We have more than sex, thank you very much!" Leonard growled. "Penny's kind and gorgeous and funny and the girl of my dreams."
"Like hell," Howard snorted. "The girl of your dreams wears a Star Trek uniform."
"That's juvenile."
"No, that's you. Only you're ashamed of being you and I'm telling you don't be."
"I'm not ashamed of Leonard," Penny added. "I love Leonard. He can do whatever he wants. Conventions. Dungeons and whatever. As long as it—"
"Doesn't involve you," Howard finished. "And you can do things Leonard doesn't like. The only thing is, when you measure up what you do and what Leonard does how much is left in the middle for the two of you do to together? And is it enough to keep you together for fifty years?"
"Hey guys," said Raj as Emily, Bernadette and he came to the group.
"Hi Raj," Leonard said in an angry tone. "Guess what? Howard doesn't think Penny and I should get married!"
"Why not?" asked Bernadette. "I think you make an—unique couple."
"He doesn't want us to be like you," Leonard continued before Penny gave him a sharp elbow to the arm.
Penny gave an overenthusiastic smile. "What Leonard means is that Howard—"
"What about me?" Bernadette asked Howard with a frown.
"There's nothing wrong with you, Bernie," Howard began.
"Don't smooth talk me, Howard Wolowitz! You've been nothing but a suck this entire night and if you think I'm going to go home with one—"
"Why the hell not? It's not like you're interested in going home with me!"
"What are you talking about?" Bernadette gasped.
"Oh, you say you want me but whenever I come home it's HO-WARD! this and HO-WARD! that" —here some people turned to see what the yelling was all about—"and then Howard disappears and it's the good little boy who gets his allowance. Who can't even do the dishes right. Even though he'd been into FRAKKEN SPACE!"
Bernadette turned and scurried from the room. After a moment Howard followed after her.
"Oh my god, Leonard, is that going to be us?" Penny said softly.
"Of course not," Leonard replied. "We've got a lot going for us."
"Funny how we can never think of anything beyond movies and sex."
"That's because we're busy people. I mean with your job you—"
"Why's it about my job?" Penny snapped. "Howard was right, you are insecure with my being successful!"
"No I'm not! I'm proud of you!"
As they argued Emily leaned over to Raj.
"Are your friends always this entertaining?" she whispered.
Raj's eyes opened, stunned at her words.
XXX
"So what's up?" asked Martha as she drove Sheldon home.
"Nothing worth mentioning," Sheldon replied flatly as he looked out the side window.
"O-kay then." Pause. "Thanks for coming out tonight. I guess all that literature stuff must have gotten to you."
"It's not that."
"Amy?"
"And Kripke."
"Yeah, I heard," said Martha with a frown. "What an asshole."
"He has every right to be," Sheldon said softly. "I spent twenty years in string theory and yet his work was superior." He snorted. "He said I must have been distracted by having intercourse with Amy."
"And were you? Distracted I mean?"
"We weren't having sex, no. But we were pair bonded. I spent more time on date nights and less at my whiteboard."
"Sounds like what you need is balance, Sheldon," said Martha as she signaled into the left lane.
"I had balance when I was gaming and otherwise pursuing my extracurricular activities." He cocked his head. "Odd that as soon as Amy came along my hobbies went to the wayside."
"Well, I'm not asking you to throw away your MWOK cards," Martha said seriously. "In case I wasn't clear about things, I've liked you from the moment I met you at the university social. Part of what made you so cool was all your hobbies and how incredibly smart you are." She glanced at him. "Things change in a relationship but people fundamentally shouldn't."
"I see," Sheldon nodded. "Amy changed as soon as we began to date. It seemed that I couldn't do anything right. What she wanted baffled me and when I attempted to do what she asked it wasn't 'right'. We went from a relationship of the mind to her conspiring with Kripke against me."
"Well you don't have to worry about Kripke and me writing a science fiction book together," said Martha. Silence. "Joke, Sheldon."
"I don't want us to end up like Amy and me," he said seriously. "If there's anything I cherished about my friendship with her it's the euphoric feeling of being understood." He looked at Martha. "You seem to understand me in ways that are different than what she did." Martha again glanced at him.
"Sheldon, if you told me you could fly I'd believe you." He snorted.
"That would either make you gullible or insane," he admonished lightly.
"Na, it just means that I see you, Superman," she winked.
The light turned red and the car came to a halt. Before Martha had time to register Sheldon's hand turning her face she felt his lips on hers. When they broke the kiss there was a moment when their eyes met and she found his intensity nearly overwhelming. And damn sexy.
"Now keep your eyes on the road," he said drolly. "I'd rather not die in a fiery crash."
"And you say you're not a romantic," Martha snickered as the light turned green and she drove off.
XXX
Howard took a breath before opening his apartment door. It was late and he wasn't sure if Bernadette was going to be up.
As he stepped in he saw that the bedroom door was open and that a reading lamp was on. He took off his shoes at the door just as the light clicked out in the bedroom and a moment later Bernadette came into the room.
"We have to talk," she said.
"You're right," he said and both went to the kitchen table and sat.
"I didn't appreciate what you said to me," Bernadette said. "You made it sound as if I'm some kind of wicked step-mother."
"Well, sometimes you are," Howard replied, tired.
"Well it wouldn't happen if you quit acting like a spoiled child."
"I'm not as childish as you seem to think I am."
Bernadette rolled her eyes. "Says the guy who had threesome sex with Raj and a comic book girl."
"That's not what I'm talking about," he countered. "Some things I did because I was young and stupid and incredibly horny and lonely—yeah, I admit that. But there were also things I did because I thought they were fun and cool." He sighed. "I got them all mixed together and tossed them all out the window to be with you."
"What are you talking about?!" Bernadette snapped. "Who supported you when you went into space?"
"I know, and I appreciate that." He shrugged. "But sometimes I feel that you're not proud of me."
"Howie, of course I'm proud of you," she said. "And that's besides the fact you went into space. I love my wittle tushie face."
They both smiled but it didn't reach their eyes.
"Bernie, when I see Leonard and Penny I keep seeing us."
"Really?" she gasped softly. "But they have nothing in common with each other."
"And we do because we do what couples do. We have dinner parties. We stay home and be domestic."
"Marriage is not all playtime and adventure, Howard."
"But it should be happy."
Bernadette sat back.
"You're saying you're not happy?" she snapped. "You think this has been a picnic for me? Raising my husband who plays with toys and collects comics?" Howard made to speak. "Who took time out to make you your Death Star cake? Who sat through those stupid movies with you? Played video games with you?"
"I don't want you to do this stuff to placate me, Bernie, I want you to do it because you like to do it," Howard said. "And I'm not saying that I want you to fake liking it, God no." His eyes dropped to the table before returning to her face. "It's just that I think we're faking a lot of things."
Silence.
"What are you saying?" Bernadette said.
"I guess that I want us to be happy and I don't think we're able to do that together." Howard sighed.
"I think you've had too much to drink tonight," Bernadette said shakily.
"Guess I can't hold my liquor and feelings of worthlessness in like Penny."
She stood. "If you're that miserable you should go."
Howard stood. "If you're that happy about us you should tell me to stay."
They stared at each other, both too afraid to speak.
Because they knew what each was going to say.
xTBBTx
anthropalomaredubehaviorbehave_2: Primate Behavior—Social Structure