Chapter 17

"Acceptance"

Arayah sat with her arms wrapped around her knees watching dust float in and out of the rays of sun that filtered through the drain grate above her. The hum of the city above lulled her into an almost wistful state of being. Her dirty bare feet rested just outside the murky sewer water she had splashed through before coming to rest here.

She had left so quickly, so determined to leave it all behind. She had even left her shoes. She smiled at the thought. What a stupid thing, to go running off into the sewers bare foot and in nothing but a night shirt and work out shorts. She had run simply because she was afraid… of babies, two little babies.

She let out a soft, pathetic laugh as she rubbed away the last remains of her tears. Raphael was right and she knew it. He had a say in this as much as she did, even if they had never been together intimately, even though this had been forced upon her. It wasn't like someone that goes in to a clinic and makes a sperm donation. It was stolen from Raph, just as the ova were stolen from her. In truth it was forced upon both of them.

Arayah let out a sigh as a realization settled in. These babies were a part of him and he wanted them. He needed to see something good come from this. And in truth so did she.

With her world feeling a little less heavy and feeling a little more determined, Arayah stood and headed back down the tunnel she had come from, though she picked where she placed her tender feet a little more carefully than she had before. The murk of the water she had trudged through and the muck and objects that littered the ground seemed a little less desirable for walking now that she wasn't focused on running away.

She turned down a tunnel that seemed familiar. She couldn't say she was looking forward to the conversation she and Raphael would be having, simply because she knew he would be surly and sore from her initial reaction. Not that she was necessarily happy with him either.

Carefully Arayah hopped across the stream of water that trickled down the tunnel then turned around another corner. Looking around as she walked Arayah realized she no longer recognized her surroundings. As she turned to head back the way she had come a tinny sound, like a can falling over, echoed through the sewer bringing her to a stop. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up as she strained to hear anything more.

Footsteps. One set.

Arayah took a step back around the corner. Her heart began to race and her palms began to sweat as she balled her hands into fists. All she could think about was that she was not going back to that white room, with its nauseating bleach smell, where she was alone and scared.

As the footsteps approached Arayah positioned herself for the attack.

A large hand slipped over her mouth stifling Arayah's surprised gasp as another wrapped around her waist and pulled her back, kicking and squirming, around another corner. The more steps her captor took the more she fought. She didn't want to go back! She didn't want to be poked at or cut into again. Using her knowledge as a martial artist she attempted a few escape techniques. But her captor was tall and quite strong. Unable to reach his head to gouge at eyes or yank at ears and her kicks being easily avoided. Arayah bit down on the hand that covered her mouth.

"Stop it." The man that held her whispered over her shoulder through gritted teeth.

Mikey suddenly walked by and peeked around the corner. He motioned that they should go down the tunnel they were already in.

As Arayah relaxed Leo loosened his grip and brought his hand back to inspect the bruising bite mark. It had broken the skin in a couple of spots causing him to frown at her as he took hold of her arm and began to lead her after Mikey. "Who was in the tunnel?"

"A maintenance guy." Mikey whispered back the uninteresting information.

Leo didn't relax however. They shouldn't be out here during the day with people wandering about, and there was also no telling when Bishop would extend his search to the sewers. He and Mike could hide fine but he wasn't sure of the extent of Arayah's skills. She could fight sure, but that didn't mean she knew anything about stealth and making herself invisible.

As if to put weight to his concern she spoke, and a little too loudly for his liking.

"Where's Raph?"

Leo sent a quick text to alert the others of his find as he quietly explained. "After he stopped throwing stuff around the layer, he and Don went to look for you to the north east."

"Ya with Raph kicking stuff the whole way. You sure know how to piss him off." Mikey chuckled.

"So he's mad then?" Arayah said as she began to press her fingers together in thought, her right pinkie having no match to press against.

Leo gave her a quizzical look. "What did you expect?"

Arayah stopped walking and looked up at the blue masked turtle, his brow quirked expectantly. "I'm scared."

Leo's demeanor softened as he sighed. "He might throw shit and yell but he's not going to hurt you."

"What? No." Arayah shook her head. "Not of Raph."

"Are you talking about Bishop?" Mikey offered. "He freaks me out too. Gave me this." He pointed at a scar that ran along the center of his plastron.

Arayah would have argued about what her fear was but the scar Mike pointed out intrigued her. Surprising Mikey, she reached out and placed her hand on his chest and ran her hand down it a short ways as she inspected the scar. "Raph has a similar one."

Mikey's voice caught in his throat at her touch and all he could do was nod.

"We all have them." Leo stated. He didn't give her a chance to inspect his scar. He had turned and started walking toward the layer before she could respond.

Standing next to Mikey, who seemed to have frozen under her warm touch, Arayah watched Leo walk away. He seemed angry. Not like Raph's loud out roar when he was angry though, more of a quiet brood. She hadn't considered them in the flip flop of decisions she had been making. And she should have. They all lived in the layer together it affected everyone, not just her and Raph. Breaking into a sore footed run she hurried to catch up to the clan leader.

After Arayah's hand left his chest, Mikey took a second to remember how to breathe then hurried after the two. He didn't know why he always reacted to girls that way. He was always out going and flirty. That part was easy. But god, the touch of a beautiful woman was a rare occurrence that seemed to just rob him of all thought. He wondered if Leo had an equally hard time with it as well, because the look on his brother's face at the moment strongly suggested it.

Arayah had caught up to Leo and wrapped her fingers around as much of his bicep as they could have reached. And she was looking up at him with those bright green eyes. Her hair still a mess from sleep. Leo's obvious discomfort to her proximity completely lost on her. Mikey actually had to bite his lip to not laugh at his brother despite his own loss of breath, because of the woman, just moments before.

"Are you mad at me?" Arayah asked.

Leo didn't know what to say. Yes he was upset that she had been so biting towards Raph and he felt that the corner she had pushed his brother into was unfair, but, "Why does what I feel matter?"

Arayah dropped her hand as she considered his question. "I don't know." She answered softly. Then regaining her confidence she looked back up into his face. "It affects you too, doesn't it? All of you." She spared Michelangelo a glance before looking back at Leo.

A sound from somewhere down the tunnel drew Leo's attention for a moment. They needed to get home. Taking a deep breath Leo looked back down at Arayah, and for a moment wondered how the hell Raph had even gotten the beautiful woman to talk to him. He swallowed down his own admiration before answering. "You need to talk with Raph. We stand behind what you BOTH decide." He frowned at another potential problem. "No matter our view of the morality of it. Now, no more stopping." He said the last bit as he gave Arayah a gentle nudge in the right direction.

*scene change*

Raphael kicked another can down the sewer tunnel and watched it sail out of sight. It's crash and pinging about echoing through the tunnel. "Where, the fuck, is she?"

Don looked up from his phone with a frown. "Now every sewer worker with in a ten block radius knows where we are. Good job, Raph."

Raph shot Don a dark look. "What the fuck can they do?"

"Slow us down. Arayah is with Leo and Mike they are heading back to the layer."

Relief washed over Raph's features for a moment before retreating to his anger.

"I'm going to kill her." He snapped as he brook into a run, Don having to work hard to keep up.

The door slammed open as Raph stormed into the layer, causing everyone with in to jump and look at him. Ignoring the room at large, he narrowed in on her as she sat on the couch looking at him with those eyes that captured him like green leaf covered snares. Those sweet tasting lips parted just slightly, calling him to devour every inch of her in deep carnal acts. The object of his pain, anger, lust, and obsession, and right now he hated her.

Raph grabbed the back of the couch and, with a hard pull, tipped the couch back. He held on to it so it didn't hit the ground and he came nose to nose with, the wide eyed, Arayah. "If you ever run off like that again I will make Bishop the very least of your worries! Got me?!"

Licking her, suddenly, dry lips Arayah gave a quick nod.

Raph sneered at what the action of her rolling her tongue across her lips did to him. He then gave a quick tug up and released the couch letting it right it's self with a thud, and stormed into the dojo.

Arayah moved to get up wanting to comfort her angered friend, but Splinter caught her shoulder before she could fully rise off of the couch. Arayah gave him a worried look.

"Some fires can be put out, others you must allow to burn out. It is wisdom to know the difference." Splinter advised.

Arayah nodded as she understood his meaning and settled back onto the couch.

Don, having closed the door to the layer, made his way to the couch intent on taking up the empty space. The T.V. buzzed with some late daytime show. The guys should be training, as was their custom this time of day. But no one cared to get in Raph's way least his temper reach its full breaking point.

Arayah didn't watch the T.V.. She watched the dojo entrance listening to the steady thud of Raph beating the hell out of a punching bag. Biting her lip she thought about the scars that ran down the chests and belly of the four turtles. Then looking at her own stitches that ran down the side of her hand she asked, "What did Bishop do? How did you guys get those scars?"

They all looked at her for a moment. None of them really wanting to recall the memory at any great detail.

"I think he wanted to see what we were made of." Mikey started.

"and what our mutation effected." Don continued. "Really what happened had a scientific basis."

"Done by a mad man." Leo finished. Looking at the floor, he leaned forward in his chair resting his arms on his legs as he began to recall the story. "He held us in a facility that doesn't exist anymore. Similar to the one you were in though, with white walls and smelling of bleach and other chemicals."

Leo took a deep breath before continuing. "We were restrained, strapped down to mettle tables, facing each other. He waited for us to all be awake."

"Bishop started with Mikey," Leo gave his brother a sad look. "It was like he was seeing how much we could take. I don't know… He took some sort of a small circular saw…and he cut open our plastrons. And cut away the skin that attached to the edges of the bone."

"I screamed." Michelangelo admitted, looking a little ashamed that bishop had rendered him to such a state of pain and hopelessness.

"You weren't the only one." Donatello comforted. "It hurt, and watching what Bishop and his scientists, or whatever they were, were doing to my brothers." He looked up at Arayah who was listening intently, "It was like a nightmare. And there was nothing I could do. I couldn't move."

"I don't remember what happened after my chest popped open." Mike said quietly. "I'm not sure if I just blocked it out or if I passed out."

Neither of his brothers confirmed or denied either possibility. Knowing very well that they had not lasted much longer than he had.

"I was out after I saw my own organs." Don admitted. "It's interesting how being on the other end. Dealing with dissecting something or the medical needs of my brothers, blood and insides never bothered me. But seeing my own..." Don shook his head. "It made me sick."

Leo nodded his agreement. "I couldn't take seeing my brother's that way. Their bodies splayed open." He stomach turned and he winced, trying to keep it in check. "I kind of disconnected and then just… I don't know. I guess I must have blacked out too. I remember hearing Raph screaming our names. I think he thought we were dying." Leo frowned. "I don't know how long he stayed awake after that. He doesn't talk about it."

"His scars are much more extensive, which might suggest he was awake much longer." Don explained. "I'm not sure. It could be possible he was the one bishop chose to continue the dissection with. Bishop took samples from all of us. Different things…" He touched a long scar on the side of his head. "tested us. Pushed us to our limits in ability…"

"And pain." Mikey frowned, a heart breaking look on the normally smiling turtle. "Sometimes mine still hurt."

"How did you get away?" Arayah asked. She was honestly feeling lucky and a little guilty at what she had endured in comparison.

The three brothers looked to their sensei.

"I don't think we would be here if Splinter and the Jonses hadn't found us." Leo stated.

"April is pretty smart and used connections she had at the time." Don explained. "She was a reporter for a while and had made some very useful connections. After she was connected with us though she decided it was safer for her family to stay out of the public eye."

"In short we got lucky." Leo emphasized his remark with a nod. "April found where we are. Then Casey posed a distraction so Splinter could get in and get us."

Arayah took a moment to let the story sink in. "I'm sorry you all were put in position to have to face that again."

"Oh you don't have to apologize, beautiful." Mikey gave a small smile. "It wasn't your fault."

No it wasn't her fault. But it would seem Raph had been faced with enough retribution for his choices. Arayah didn't know if she could have gone back in there after him had she endured what they had. "None the less, I appreciate you all coming after me."

There were small nods as they accepted her gratitude and no one stopped her when she stood this time. Step by step she left the unnervingly quiet room her destination the dojo. She needed to face him, she needed to apologize for the pain she had caused him and try and save what was left of their friendship. When you only have one friend you realize you can't afford to lose them. Even if they are a six foot six talking turtle. In truth he was more human than many of the humans she had dealt with lately.

She looked back at the living room area where Mikey had made some joke to lighten the weight that had settles over the room. It had worked as some soft chuckles floated through the air followed by quiet chatter. She smiled at the odd family then stepped into the dojo.

Raph now sat on a workout bench, which was positioned in a corner, with his back to her curling a heavy weight. But that didn't mean he didn't know she was there. He turned his head slightly listening to her footsteps as they fell softly on the dojo floor, her scent drifting into the room torturing him in its delicate spiciness. "What do you want?"

She hesitated for a moment then, after regaining her confidence, she stepped around the bench and kneeled down in front of him.

He stopped curling the weight to frown at her. His anger and frustration rolling off of him in hot waves.

Taking a deep breath, Arayah looked up at him. "I don't know how to be a mother Raph."

"I think it's something that kinda comes naturally, Arayah." Raph snapped at her obvious and, what he deemed, ridiculous worry.

"No," Arayah shook her head. "Not for everyone."

Sure she was right not all women were able to step up to the task, But Arayah seemed to have her life pretty well together… well, before he had come in and turned her world up on end and shook it up for good measure. He was actually surprised she was willing to still talk to him. "I don't see what you're so worried about. You have Me, Leo, Don, and Mikey." He considered that for a moment and smirked. "Well, Me, Leo, and Don, anyway."

"First of all turtles are not exactly parental. The males breed and leave and the females lay their eggs and leave. Not a lot of nurturing instinct there, Raph. And my mother… well, She left me in a dumpster." She stated solemnly.

Raph grimaced at the thought, then continued to curl the dumbbell in his hand. "That doesn't mean anything. I was raised by a rat, that was parental and nurtuin'. Besides, Look at you. You were takin' pretty damn good care of yourself before you met me."

"Only because I didn't want to be what I was raised in, not because I knew what I was doing. I was raised by a heroin addict until she met some… lunatic that convinced her to help him murder a guy so they could use his apartment to cook the drug." Arayah wrapped her arms around herself at the memory " The look on his face after they killed him still gives me night mares…When I cried they put me under the sink and tied it closed. They just forgot me there. I was found by the police when someone reported the smell of the man's body."

Raph sat down the dumb bell and studied Arayah. His anger with himself and the situation subsiding to pity for her. Not sure what to say he reached out and took her hand trying to give her some sort of reassurance.

"I bounced around foster homes for a while. But that never really prepared me for this." She said motioning to her belly.

"I don't even know any nursery rhymes" Arayah sighed and moved to sit down next to Raph on the bench. "I've always done everything pretty much on my own. You're the best friend I have ever had, Raph. And given everything that has happened I am not sure even that is a good thing."

Raph forced himself to ignore the sting of the barb she had unwittingly thrown and tryed to focus on the real problem. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. "I don't know anything about being a mother." He started. "But I do have a kick ass father. And I think between him my brothers, me, you and April. We will do alright. You're not alone. I promise."

Though not convinced in her own abilities, Arayah gave a small nod and smiled weakly at Raphael. Leaning her head against his chest she whispered softly. "I'm sorry you had to face that man again after what he did to you and your brothers."

He hadn't wanted her to know, he hadn't wanted anything to be added to her fears. But it couldn't be taken back now. So he rested his chin on the top of her head and whispered. "Me too."