Interludes Part II:

Lindstrom and Olivia sat across from one another in their respective armchairs. The morning sunlight streamed in the otherwise dimly lit office. The Lieutenant, anxious to get back to work, conversed earnestly about recent events. She held nothing back, but still, Lindstrom couldn't help but harbor the tiniest doubt about her sincerity. After all, she'd been less than forthcoming on previous occasions when the object was for him to sign off on her return to SVU.

"No flashbacks? Nightmares?"

"I haven't had a nightmare in months."

"Flashbacks?"

Olivia closed her eyes. She vowed to be completely honest. "Just one, it wasn't really a flashback. On the street yesterday, I was turning the corner and, I broke out into a cold sweat when I saw a homeless guy…sleeping on a stoop."

"And?"

"Deep breaths. And I kept moving."

"That's all?" Lindstrom asked disbelievingly.

"Yes," She replied firmly. "It was a freak thing."

"And Ed? How did he react?"

"He thought I was more seriously hurt at first. He was…shaken."

Lindstrom stared at her for what she thought was an inordinate amount of time. Finally he spoke. "Does that put pressure on you, Olivia? Now you have Noah and Ed who love you and depend on you."

Interesting question.

"I don't think so," She thought out loud, "Ed isn't Noah. Noah needs us for everything. With Ed, it's reciprocal. We depend on each other."

Balance.

Lindstrom smiled almost impishly, "I noticed you used 'us' when you talked about Noah."

Olivia didn't see why this was so intriguing, she talked to Lindstrom weekly about everything—Noah, Ed, SVU, Noah calling Ed "daddy." She shrugged, not sure what he was getting at.

"Olivia, all the other times you've talked about Noah, you used the first person. You never talked about you and Ed together, as parents."

"I didn't notice."

"It's a good thing, Olivia," Lindstrom assured her and then got them back on track. "What were you thinking after he stabbed you?"

"I didn't know it was so deep at first. Adrenaline. And I wasn't feeling well anyway, so when I started to get dizzy I thought it was because of the cold. Plus, I'd just sprinted several blocks. Then, my blood pressure dropped and I lost consciousness in the ambulance. I was thinking of Noah and Ed. It wasn't like the hostage situation. I wasn't scared. I just wanted Ed there and I wanted to get to Noah."

Olivia told him about Ed's hospital confession and his brief yet terrifying battle with the idea that she was gone forever. "I felt so bad," she said ruefully, "Carisi, my detective, first told him I'd been injured but didn't explain what happened exactly. I was just ready to get out of there and get Noah and there he was, still…almost shaking."

Lindstrom raised his eyebrows, but there was also a hint of amusement in his face as he made his next point. "When a man shows vulnerability, Olivia, it can be paradigm altering."

She didn't buy the theory. "I would feel the same way."

"Has the dynamic between the two of you changed?"

"No."

"Be prepared, Olivia," Lindstrom advised, "Ed facing the reality that you could be lost to him…it may come back around later on but look like something else. It can be hard for anyone, but especially a man…to admit fear."

Olivia considered this for several minutes. Lindstrom merely flipped through his notes, allowing her to ruminate.

Ed had been doting on her more than usual in the past few days, but she had been stabbed and she was fighting the remnants of the cold. He took charge of the household—either preparing or ordering their meals, looking after Noah, and helping her tend to the wound. Thinking about how tenderly Ed unwrapped and replaced her bandage sent pleasant chills up and down her spine.

"Tell me if it hurts." He said as if he would rather set himself on fire rather than cause her pain.

"It doesn't"

"Too tight?"

The care and concern in his eyes warmed her heart. "No," she said softly.

He secured the white gauze with medical tape. "There you go," He said with finality, but he didn't move away from her. "How ya' feeling?"

"Better. I think the hot toddy helped." Earlier, Ed mixed whiskey, honey, and lemon together, heated it and poured an elixir for each of them.

"Yeah, always works."

"Are you going to kiss me?" She was still slightly congested, but she tried to parlay that into a sultry voice.

"I thought you'd never ask."

"Come here. I miss you."

Ed slid his tongue inside her mouth, tasting the liquor and lemon. He missed her, too. Illness and injury sent them into a week-long sexual hiatus which Ed guessed was probably not so unbearable for most people, but, as far as making love was concerned, they were not "most people." The week felt like months.

At the sound of Lindstrom shifting in his chair, Olivia snapped out of her daydream and responded to his last point. "I love him more now than I ever have," she said, "He trusts me…trusts us. He's comfortable. And, that's a good thing, right?"

"Absolutely, Olivia. And he's lucky to have you."

"And vice-versa."

….

Olivia ran a quick errand and called the precinct to check in but decided to take the rest of the day off to relax and hopefully banish the cold once and for all. At home she changed into sweats and heated the last of Carisi's soup. She sent a text to Ed telling him Lindstrom signed off on her psych report freeing her to return to work. It took a while for him to reply which was not unusual. If he was working a case, his phone typically remained in his office. Normally, Olivia would balk at spending a lazy afternoon on the couch, but the mid-December frigidity warranted it and exhaustion still weighed her down. Sleep should have come easily, but her mind bounced from thought to thought.

She and Ed decided to take a few vacation days before and after Christmas, so until then she would be working almost nonstop. After that they would be off the days before and after the wedding. The honeymoon, if they took one, would have to wait. This bothered Olivia. Ed attempted to console her by wisely pinpointing late February as a more opportune time.

"That's the time of year when we're really getting tired of snow and cold, ya know?" He'd said when a bummed-out Olivia came to the conclusion that an immediate vacation would be impossible.

Now craving a little noise, she flipped on the stereo and hit shuffle on Ed's iPod. Olivia tolerated most of his music. She turned the volume low and curled up with the throw blanket. REM chords filled the space; her mind continued to wander.

Vacation.

How wonderful it was to check her accrued leave in the online database and see the numbers noticeably dwindle. Previously, neither she nor Ed spent many days.

Married to the job.

The job.

SVU, comparatively speaking, was not as dangerous as other special posts within the NYPD; however, Lindstrom seemed to be alluding to a time in the future when she would feel the risks outweighed her obligation to family. She couldn't imagine Ed would ever ask her to leave her job for a safer assignment. Besides, she was stabbed during an impromptu chase which had nothing to do with SVU's work. The attack could have happened to anyone.

Lindstrom's comment about a paradigm shift also bothered her as did the vague it may come back around later on but look like something else. She should have pressed him for more insight. Something else? Like what? Was he predicting Ed would distance himself in an attempt to avoid the devastation that would ultimately ensue if something tragic happened? Why, then, would he be so adamant about marrying her? Would he lash out in other ways? Jealousy?

Aloofness? Either she needed to talk to Ed or go back to Lindstrom's office. Like, tomorrow. The shrink was supposed to help her clear her mind, not further muddle it.

A Face Time call from Sarah interrupted her little self-shrink session.

"Hi Livvieeee!" She sing-songed, "I'm calling to check in. How are you? I'm worried about you! You didn't answer my last text."

Olivia was truly baffled. "I didn't?"

Sarah looked at her phone. "Oh, crap, I typed it but didn't send it. Whoopsie."

Olivia laughed. "I'm fine. Back to work tomorrow."

"How's the cut?"

"The stitches look like they're ready to come out."

"Are you and Dad still sick?"

"We're…" Olivia thought of last night, "definitely much better."

"Good, good." Sarah was still at her office and Olivia could make out parts of the Philadelphia skyline in the distance even though most of the screen was taken up by Sarah's face. She always pressed her mug up close, trying to jump through the screen and touch whoever she was talking to. The next order of business was Olivia's wedding attire. "Do you want me to come and help you shop for a dress this weekend or next?" Sarah offered.

Olivia adored Sarah, but she and Brooke were both getting a little frustrated with her inability to distinguish Ed and Olivia's wedding from her own. There would be no designer wedding dress, no elaborate reception, and certainly no 300-person guest list.

"Sare, I'm not buying anything terribly fancy, but you're always welcome to come."

She still didn't get the hint. "Lemme check with Jeff and I'll let you and Brooke know. But I don't know if she'll want us staying with her."

"Why not?"

Sarah turned her head from side to side as if she were worried someone was listening in. "Well, I think she's got a man."

"Really? She hasn't mentioned anything."

As far as secret keeping was concerned, Sarah was as bad as Noah. "I think he's a cop 'cause she said she didn't want Dad to know and she didn't want to tell you because you would feel trapped in the middle."

"She said he's a cop?"

"No, she just said she didn't want Dad to know yet. I put two and two together. She's really private about that stuff." Sarah was self-deprecating, "Not at all like me. I blab about everything in my personal life."

"Is it that Luke guy again?"

"I don't think so. He kinda scared her. He was really, like macho and manly and 'roid rage type of dude. He'd been in Iraq. She was worried about his head."

PTSD. Olivia could certainly relate. Even though she never met Luke, she immediately felt compassion for him. "That's too bad," she sighed.

"Yeah, but, anyway, I miss you guys and Jeff is bored."

"What is Jeff up to?"

"He helps his buddy renovate houses, but they're kinda in a lull right now with the holidays."

That gave Olivia an idea. "He might be able to help us out. All the apartments we've seen that are in our price range need some serious work done."

Sarah brightened even more, "Omigod, that's great. Well, I'll let you know if it's this weekend or next weekend and maybe Dad and Jeff can go check out some places?"

"Maybe. I don't think we're ready to move yet, but at least we'll know the potential costs."

Sarah frowned at some commotion occurring in front of her near what Olivia assumed was her office door. "Livvie," she groaned, "I think I have to go be an adult now. Boo." She blew Olivia a kiss, her typical Face Time sign off, and said, "Love ya!"

"Sarah had already disconnected herself, but Olivia whispered, "Love ya" back at the screen.

Sarah and Brooke. In some ways the Tucker girls made her feel more like a mother than Noah did. Brooke and Sarah texted her daily. Most of the messages were sent purely in good fun, but others were more serious. Brooke's job teaching middle school in the South Bronx was stressful, and she often spend her subway ride home venting to Olivia. Sarah's job was less intense and her emoji-filled texts mostly consisted of frivolous complaints about coworkers. Olivia quickly learned Brooke was the deep thinker and Sarah was the impulsive sweetheart. Ed once predicted her marriage to Jeff would not last.

"She'll either wear him out or she'll get tired of him," he pessimistically predicted. Olivia hoped he was wrong, but she couldn't help but see the theory's merit. Sarah dove in blindly and with reckless abandon; Brooke tested the waters first.

One night, a while ago, Ed offered to tell his daughters to ease up on their texts and calls to Olivia. Just as she had been wary about making Noah a part of his life, Ed fretted that his girls' affection for Olivia had come on too strong and too soon.

"I like that they want to talk to me, Ed," Olivia had insisted.

Sarah and Brooke awakened a rarely used sisterly-maternal side of her. She could be a girl with Ed's daughters without being a cop, although, she did sometimes have to be the voice of reason and temper Sarah's enthusiasm and Brooke's cynicism. She flipped through recent photos stored in her phone; her face was the epitome of contentment as she viewed the images. There was their selfie at Quinn's and the photo of all of them that night gathered around the dinner table. Noah, the only one not looking up, had his eyes fixed on the pizza. Ed and Olivia leaned against one another and flashed easy smiles. The sledding shots were next. Those were mainly of Noah, but Olivia's favorite was the one of Sarah and Noah doing a "no hands" pose as they sped down the slope on the saucer. Ed surprised her towards the end of the outing by requesting they take a run together. Olivia agreed, and as Brooke pushed them down the hill, Sarah snapped a picture. Their faces were only partially visible, but Ed's tight grip was evident. Olivia closed her eyes and revisited the moment…and the ensuing kiss at the bottom of the hill.

Sharing a saucer sled with Tucker. Yet another thing I never in a million years would have predicted would happen. Olivia still did this. She couldn't help but compare the then and now with every "first" they experienced as a couple. Initially, she thought it was unhealthy, but Lindstrom assured her the opposite was true.

"Recognizing the path it took to get you to this place, Olivia, will only strengthen your bond," he had instructed her when she questioned whether or not those comparisons were healthy.

Ed and Noah returned home sooner than expected which was fine with her. Noah ran in, grubby from day care, and shouted "Mama" while Ed, weary from his IAB day hung his coat and collapsed into the armchair across from her.

"Hey," he said. Even in the throes of exhaustion, his eyes sparkled as he gazed at her.

"Hi."

"I hate to be like, the asshole, but, uh, what's for dinner?"

Olivia empathized. They had been subsisting on soup and bread lately and she, too, was ready for real food. "Chinese or Italian?"

"Italian."

"Carbonera or Chicken Parm?"

"Get both and share?"

"Absolutely." She plugged the order into her phone and waited for a confirmation.

"In bed?"

"Kind of messy."

Ed shrugged. "We'll deal with it. Put on a movie. You wanna watch Cars, Noah?"

"M'Kweeeeen?"

"Yeah, bud."

"We watch M'Kween and Mater, Mama," Noah told Olivia assuredly.

She kissed him. "Ok, sweet Noah. Let's go get your jammies on."

Less than an hour later Ed and Olivia lay propped against several pillows, periodically passing plates back and forth, and sneaking quick, innocuous kisses. Noah was between them, sitting up with the assistance of his child-sized backrest pillow. He plucked pieces of plain pasta from a bowl merely out of obligation. The restaurant had thrown in complementary chocolate chip cookies which he'd spotted right away and were going to be consumed only when he'd eaten an acceptable amount of rotini. He routinely glanced over his shoulder quizzically.

Have I choked enough of this down yet?

When the end credits rolled, Ed took Noah to the bathroom and used baby wipes to wipe the chocolate from his mouth and hands. After that, he handed Noah his toothbrush and supervised as the little boy somewhat awkwardly cleaned his teeth. Finished, Noah leaned over the sink for one final spit and rinse, and Ed playfully splashed water on his face. Noah cracked up.

He returned the clean boy to his mother for a goodnight kiss and then took him to bed.

"Here's Bernie," Ed said softly.

"Tuck in," Noah instructed.
Ed diligently wedged Noah's fleece blanket between his tiny body and the mattress.

"You Dada not Tuck," Noah mused, the familiar vocabulary betraying the slightest bit of confusion about Ed's monikers.

"I was Tuck first," Ed said gently, speaking as if Noah were older, "I'll be your Daddy forever. You call me Tuck if you want, it doesn't matter to me...I love you so much buddy." He bent down to kiss Noah's forehead and he felt two little toddler hands clutch his neck.

"Love you, Dada," he mumbled sleepily.

Ed lingered for a few minutes as Noah drifted off into a deep slumber.

…..

Ed found Olivia in the kitchen rinsing their dinner plates.

"I was gonna do that, Liv."

She rearranged some glasses, shoved the last plate in the dishwasher, and turned it on. "I got it," she said casually.

Ed sat in one of the bar chairs, "He went right to sleep."

"He seems to be sleeping a lot lately. Is that normal?"

Ed was unfazed, "Just getting over a cold, no real nap at day care…"

"You're right."

"So," Ed began cautiously. He didn't want Olivia to think he was trying to pressure her for details about her session with Lindstrom, "Back at it tomorrow?"

"Yep. I'm good to go."

Ed rolled an apple back and forth across the countertop. "And only another week until Christmas."

Olivia studied him. Ok, something is not right. "We talked about you today," Olivia said breezily, trying to engage him, "well, we often discuss you and Noah, but today, the shrink was trying to shrink you…remotely of course."

"Really." The Tucker really—dry, sarcastic, rhetorical, but, secretly, he was pleased.

Olivia leaned over the counter, "I'm really sorry I didn't realize how scared you were." She intercepted the apple and took his hands in hers. "I know that fear, Ed, when you think something awful has happened to a person you love so much. I hate that you had to experience that and I especially hate that I was so…dismissive about it at the hospital."

"You didn't know."

"But I should have known," she insisted. "You're always so rock solid. You look out for me and for Noah, and I love and appreciate that about you. More than you'll ever know. But I have to remember that you're not immune to…fear."

Ed lifted his head. There was a desperate uneasiness in his blue eyes. "I told you…you don't have to get through this type of thing alone anymore."

"I know, but…there's more to it."

This he knew, and he also knew she was not going to let him wiggle out of the conversation. So, he let loose and spilled the larger truth, "Fear…that was one part…but the other part was anger with…I don't know…God? Fate? I couldn't understand why it would take such a long, difficult time for us to find each other and then, just like that, it's over."

Olivia rushed around to wrap him in her arms. He let out a relieved sigh and let himself collapse into her embrace. She was not the only one who recognized the serendipity of their pairing and, therefore, was hypersensitive about cherishing every moment together. Once again, unspoken emotions had to be hashed out, explored, resolved, and used to bolster the bonds they had been forging since that day last winter when Olivia accepted Tucker's drink offer.

"When you put it that way…it's even worse," she whispered, still cradling his head to her chest as if he were Noah. "That would be heartbreaking."

"For a minute, there, it was," Ed admitted. Olivia was still holding him close, "You're pretty good at this," he said in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"At hugging you or at shrinking you?"

"Both."

"What about this?" She took his head in both hands and kissed him, gently at first and then with ferocity before breaking away for Ed's assessment.

His eyes were still closed as he asked, "Where'dja go?"

"More?"

He squeezed her buttocks with both hands and drew her back to him. "One of these days—" He had to pause as he wrestled with Olivia's tongue. "I…want—" The kiss deepened again. "To just stay…inbedwithyouallday."

She felt him growing hard against her, and all she could manage was a hoarse, "I want you now" as she let her body fall against his, causing the chair to skid backwards.

She giggled a little but expertly kept her mouth on his, regained her balance, and manhandled him over to the couch while somehow managing to shimmy out of her pajama bottoms at the same time. She yanked off his jogging pants and gently pushed him down in a sitting position.

"Olivia," he groaned as she mounted him.

"Yes?"

His hands moved from her shoulders to her breasts and then to her face and, finally, her hair. He kissed her but kept talking, "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

She would tell him later that she felt the same way, but at that moment the energy not spent on the actual sex was used in restraint. It took a concerted effort for her to hold in her shrieks.

….

"Noah, mommy's going to drop you off at day care this morning, and guess who's going to pick you up?" Olivia asked in a sing-songy voice.

Noah looked up from his breakfast. "Bwookey?"

"You got it, mister!" Olivia set a small duffle bag next to his Thomas backpack, "And guess where she's taking you?"

"Eat Pizza?" Noah guessed. Brooke-Noah pizza dates were common occurrences.

"Well, maybe, but…something else. What did you do with Jeff the last time he was here?"

Noah nearly propelled himself out of the high chair, "Icesate?"

"Right again, kiddo! Brookey's taking you skating!"

Noah's grin was so priceless Olivia took a quick picture and texted it to Brooke. Ed appeared, dressed in his usual dark suit, crisp white shirt, and tie.

"As much as I would rather stay with the two of you, I have to go. Early meeting at One PP," he grumbled.

"Problem?"

"I hope not. Community concerns at the Central Park precinct. I have no idea why they're calling us in." Ed turned his attention to Noah, "You have a good day at day care and have fun with Brookey."

"I go icesate with Bwookey, Dada. And eat pizza!"

Ed looked at Olivia.

"We're having pizza for dinner, I guess," she said.

"Fine with me," Ed replied. He mussed Noah's hair, "See ya later, bud. Love you."

"Love you Dada!"

Ed whispered in Olivia's ear as he hugged and kissed her goodbye, "Last night…"

"I know," she whispered back.

Another kiss.

"Amazing."

She kissed him once more and gently put her palms on his chest, "you better go…"

"Yeah," he looked her up and down suggestively, "or else you and I are gonna be extremely late."

She smiled at him, "Good luck downtown."

"Thanks. Have a good day."

"Love you."

"Love you."

"LOVEYOULOVEYOULOVEYOU." The shouts were from Noah who was working himself into a frenzy and also maybe feeling a little left out.

"Ok, bud, we got it. Time to go."

"You go be police, Dada! You have the badge."

"Got it," he assured Noah. He gave the boy one last tender goodbye and left for work.

As Olivia readied herself and Noah, she saw the manila folder she'd picked up from Langan's office yesterday. She moved it from the dining table to the more conspicuous kitchen counter. They needed to get moving on the documents as soon as possible.

…

Hope you are enjoying my new little story…!

#Tuckson #EndHiatus #FinalFourEpsMayKillMe