Reference to: 'The Higgs Boson Observation'
xTBBTx
"So Howard and Bernadette are really separating?" gasped Leonard as Penny got off the phone.
"He's moved back in with his mother," Penny replied as she went for her purse. "Amy and I are off to see Bernadette."
"Okay." Leonard got off Penny's couch. "I'll call Raj and find out what's what. Guess that rules out moving stuff today." He sensed more than caught Penny's scowl. "Not that I'm saying our move takes precedent." He turned to her. "Is Amy picking you up or are you spending the night there?"
"Hel-lo! Have my own car here."
"It's not that. I just don't want you to drink and—"
She gave him a death glare. "I don't drink all the time. Although given the amount of encouragement I get it'd be no surprise if I did."
"You're not thinking about what Howard said last night, are you?"
"He was pretty smart."
"He was pretty drunk." Leonard went to the door before turning around. "I'm sure this thing with Bernadette will smooth itself out. I mean all couples have bumps in the road. We've had some and we're still together."
"You ever think you could do better?" Penny asked.
"Do you?"
"Of course not!" Penny and Leonard said at once.
They both smiled awkwardly and Leonard left the apartment and crossed the hall to his own. Sheldon was inside clacking away on his computer.
"Sheldon, there's a hitch to our plans today," Leonard began as he set his keys in the bowl.
"Leonard, you know that I'm not partial to change," tsked Sheldon. "In fact Martha and I are—"
"Howard and Bernadette are separating so I don't think Raj and he will be showing up." Leonard pulled out his phone and dialed Raj. "Hey Raj, how's Howard? ... Yeah no kidding. Listen, should we come over or... You sure? ... Okay." He hung up. "Things are still on," he told Sheldon. "Howard needs the distraction."
"Understood." Sheldon pursed his lips. "This really must be stressful for him. Hopefully Bernadette and he will reconcile."
"You didn't see them at the gala last night," said Leonard as he flopped into his chair. "The knives were really out."
"Huh. Given the way we all address each other it's surprising that either one of them took offence."
"What are you talking about?"
"Just an observation," said Sheldon as he resumed typing. "Since I've established an alternate social network I've noted that our group dynamic isn't as positive as it once was. We snit and poke and belittle where once we might have shared a joke."
"So now we're not as good as your new friends, huh?" Leonard said with a frown. "We're not perfect but neither are they."
"I'm not looking for perfection, Leonard, I'm looking for civility." Sheldon stopped typing. "If I've learned anything from having Tracy and Martha in my life it's that I've come to appreciate surrounding myself with people who understand me." He shrugged. "Amy and you understood me as best you could and I appreciate the sentiment. That's why it pains me that we aren't any closer than we are; in fact, if anything, we've drifted apart." He continued typing.
"Sheldon, just because I'm moving out doesn't mean that you're no longer my friend," Leonard said.
"If anything, our physical parting of the ways is symbolic of the emotional divide." Sheldon turned to Leonard. "I was afraid of you leaving because I thought that no one else would be my friend. But after meeting new friends I've come to realize that we haven't been friends for a while." Leonard made to speak. "The fault is as much mine as it is yours. You treat me like an inconvenience, a burden, someone you barely tolerate and I became more infantile in my behavior instead of standing up and putting you in your place." Sheldon shook his head in disgust. "I used to be so certain about everything, mostly because I was so sure of myself. As the years went by I found myself in a position where I questioned my work, my relationship, my friendships and myself." He looked at Leonard. "I might not have all the answers but I'm no longer questioning."
"So you don't want to be friends anymore?" Leonard asked incredulously.
"Of course I do. The question is, are you capable of being one—because I'll accept nothing less."
Sheldon returned to his writing. Leonard sat pondering in his chair.
"You aren't a cakewalk either, you know," Leonard said after a moment. "You're condescending, arrogant, stubborn, obsessive and bat-shit crazy from time to time."
"So why are you friends with me?"
Again Leonard thought.
"You're loyal, keep your word, honest, brilliant." Leonard gave a half smile. "I guess where it really counts you're okay."
"Your observations are sound even if your conclusion is off," said Sheldon distractedly as he typed. "I'm exceptional not 'okay'." Leonard chuckled.
"So, still friends?" he asked hesitantly. Sheldon stopped typing.
"No, we're not." He turned his head to his roommate. "But I want to be."
"Me too," Leonard said.
XXX
"So what happened?" asked Penny gently as Bernadette wiped her tears with a tissue.
"I don't know. First we were talking about how childish he is and then he tells me he's not happy and then before I know it he's packing a suitcase and heading to his mother's place." Bernadette dabbed her nose. "I don't know what went wrong. When I first met Howard he was wonderful. He only needed to grow up a little, y'know?"
"The hyperactive sexual comments," Penny nodded knowingly.
"He was just trying to be funny," sniffed Bernadette. "I mean other things like flying kites and buying toys and playing with printers and keeping his magic stuff." She shook her head. "I told him that he didn't need any of that and he put the stuff away and I thought everything was going great." She teared up. "And then he tells me he needs to play cards with strangers and spend money at stupid superhero conventions." She looked at Penny. "He said we're just like you and Leonard."
"Whoa, I wouldn't go that far," whistled Amy. "I mean, sure, you and Howard might have problems but they aren't insurmountable."
"What?" Penny gasped. "What's wrong with Leonard and me?"
"Bestie, quit being the center of attention. Bernadette needs our help." Amy patted Bernadette's knee. "Men can be particularly ungrateful when it comes to how much work we women put into them." She frowned. "Just look at Sheldon and everything I've done for him. Did he treat me with respect or fill my loins with his hot, piercing love? No. Instead he found himself a similarly regressed girlfriend who reads comic books, teaches literature and does zumba classes twice a week at Goodlife Fitness."
Penny looked at her. "How did you know Martha works out at Goodlife?"
"Penny. Focus," Amy said pointedly. "The fact is, our men are overgrown children."
"I dunno," Penny replied. "Leonard and I did a couple of Beta Lists of problems so we can clear them up."
"Oh please," said Bernadette as she blew her nose. "If you had to write out everything you two were incompatible about you'd still be writing."
"So how come Leonard and me are still together while Howard and Sheldon left?" Penny growled with a scowl on her face.
"Because you found a way to compensate," Amy said evenly.
"Speaking of that, I could really use a Penny solution about now," said Bernadette.
"I'll get the alcohol," said Amy as she got off the couch.
"Hey!" Penny snapped.
"What?"
Penny went to say something but suddenly found herself at a loss.
"I'll get the glasses," she mumbled and went to the kitchen.
xTBBTx
"HO-WARD! SOMEONE'S AT THE DOOR!"
"I GOT IT, MA!" Howard yelled as he came to the front door. He opened it and before him, to his surprise, was Penny.
"Hey," he said.
"I want to talk to you," she said coolly.
"Alright," he nodded even as he let her in the house. They went into the living room. "So, how's Bernadette doing?"
"How do you think she's doing? You left her!" Penny snapped.
"I didn't have any choice," Howard countered. "It's for the best."
"No, Bernadette is the best. Now get over there and apologize."
"I don't have anything to apologize for."
"Yeah? So why was she crying her eyes out last night?"
Howard opened his mouth but nothing came out. Instead he dashed up the stairs to his room.
"Shit," grumbled Penny and followed after him. "Howard," she called as she came to his closed door.
"Go away!"
She tried the door handle and, finding it open, entered his room. Howard was sitting on the end of his bed.
"Not finished telling me what a bad person I am?" he snapped. Penny sighed.
"Howard, I just don't get what's happening," she said as she leaned against the doorframe. "I mean—why? I've never seen you more happy than when you were with Bernadette."
"Better than when I was that sleaze ball, hypersexual douchebag?"
"Well yeah."
He looked up at her. "Thanks a lot." He shook his head. "Look at me: married, out of Ma's house, a great career. So many positive changes—and yet there was something bothering me but I wasn't sure what."
Howard stood up and went to his desk. He picked up a toy rocket before turning to Penny.
"When I was playing cards with Sheldon's friends it hit me. The guy I thought was crazy actually had a girlfriend who genuinely liked him. We went gaming with Martha and there were no eye rolls or nasty comments or pats on the head." He snorted. "Do you know among Sheldon's friends I'm actually the cool one? I've been to space. I built a robot. I speak fluent Klingon."
"You can't expect Bernadette to be into the same things as you," Penny said. "I mean Leonard's into all that and I couldn't care less about any of it."
"Ron's wife isn't into science fiction or gaming but she came to the post-paintball barbecue and brought jalapeno poppers and fresh rolls. She said hello and stayed and she might not get why her husband is into the things he is but she sees he's happy so she's okay with it." He put his rocket back on his desk. "They've all shown me that the old Howard isn't as bad as I thought."
"But you weren't happy," Penny said, confused.
"No, I was lonely," he amended. "And Bernie was just awesome and made me want to toss the old guy away. To be her leading man."
"You said she made you a better person."
"She made me grow up." He glanced out the window before returning his stare to Penny. "But after seeing Sheldon and his friends I don't think it was in the right way. It was her way. None of my knick-knacks and collectibles in the apartment. She controls the finances."
"Wait a minute," Penny interrupted. "You expected her to do the things your mother did."
"My mother was the only stable thing about my life," Howard shrugged. "I mean prostitutes and Comic Con adventures aren't exactly ways to find a stable relationship. I want a stable relationship." He sighed. "I want to build a rocket with my son. I don't want him to know that daddy has an allowance. I want him to be proud of his dad the astronaut." He grimaced. "I don't want to be put down for making less than my wife does or not having a doctorate."
"I didn't realize you were this unhappy," Penny said softly.
"Like you care," he snorted. Penny made to protest. "You said that Bernie was the only woman on the planet who'd ever be interested in me. You didn't give a damn about my feelings about the prenup. That I saw it as a backdoor exit to an easy divorce and after seeing what my mother went through the last thing I wanted was a divorce of my own." He took a breath to calm himself. "I didn't want to go into my marriage thinking about it falling apart."
"I'm sorry, Howard," Penny said.
"Maybe I'm being an idiot but I think that I should have a say in how I live my life. It can't be a tossup between what makes me, me, or a wife."
"Bernie said that you saw yourselves in Leonard's and my relationship. Am I really Bernadette?" Penny asked quietly.
"You have to understand, Leonard's been a geek his whole life. You're his chance to be normal. He has the cocktail parties and button down shirts and a hot fiancée. Things he's only dreamed about." Howard shrugged. "Maybe it'll work out for the two of you since there's so much about himself he loathes and wants to get rid of."
"I don't want Leonard to ditch everything," said Penny defensively.
"You're his dream girl, Penny, and sometimes people do some pretty fucked up things to keep that dream alive. Even when that dream isn't realistic." Howard went over to Penny. "When I see you and Leonard I see two people who love each other but don't understand each other. Who don't really see each other for who they are." He smiled grimly. "Trust me, that's no way to live."
"It's funny. Sheldon said that he was a dreamer. Said I was one, too."
"The difference is that when you guys dream you rely on your own talent to get you there. You're not dependent on someone for happiness." Howard gave a slight shrug. "I want to be a dreamer, too."
Not knowing what else to do. Knowing it was the right thing to do, Penny stepped forward and gave Howard a hug.
XXX
"Well, here you go, chum," said Martha as she pulled the car up to Sheldon's building.
"Thank you," he replied. Martha leaned over and he took the hint to kiss.
"You seem distracted," she said after it was over.
"Just verifying my current thought process," he said evenly.
"And what's your algorithm saying?" Martha smiled.
"I'd like very much if you stayed the night."
"Really? I mean, sure!" she grinned as she put the car in gear and went to find a spot in the visitor's parking.
"You don't have to sound so astounded," Sheldon tsked as she parked.
"I'm not astounded, I'm delighted." They got out of the car and proceeded down the sidewalk. "So will you be spending the night in Leonard's room again?"
"My bed is more comfortable," Sheldon replied. "The quality of his mattress is questionable." He looked at Martha. "Bazinga."
They entered the building and went up to his apartment. They opened the door to darkness save for the lone light on in the hall.
"Leonard must be here," Sheldon said, annoyed. "What a time to have a fight with Penny."
"You want to take a rain check on us?" asked Martha.
"Rain check my sweet patootie," Sheldon tsked as he took her hand and led her to the washroom. He went to the cupboard underneath the sink and came back with an unopened toothbrush.
"For you," he said. He gestured at the line of tape in front of the wash stand. "Please stay behind the line while you brush. When you're done place your toothbrush in this container. I'll sterilize it later."
"Thanks," she said with a little smile.
"I'll get you a towel and housecoat so you can shower."
"I thought we'd shower in the morning."
"Not if we're planning on having intercourse," Sheldon admonished. He stepped in and kissed her. "And I've most definitely scheduled it in."
"Aye, aye, Captain Clean."
After she'd finished showering and brushing her teeth Martha went to Sheldon's room. The physicist was waiting with his towel in hand.
"My turn," he said and darted from the room.
Martha sat on the bed and took a deep breath as she looked at his comic book collection on his shelf and the various action figures and statues around the room. She couldn't believe that she'd find someone as passionate about comic books as he was smart. When they met the first time it was like winning the lottery. Going back to his place, nirvana. Then when he left her in this room while Abby and Raj made out in the living room it was painful. Looking at the blend of physics awards and knick-knacks and superhero action figures she was heartbroken that he wasn't interested in her.
He was interested now.
With a smile, Martha took off her housecoat, slipped into bed, and waited.
Sheldon dried himself off after his shower. As he brushed his teeth he thought about all he had read online— the book on sexuality Penny and Leonard got him was deplorably basic—and his extracurricular activities with Elizabeth. He knew that he wanted to do this right, but realized that more than anything it had to be fun. Even when things were physically awkward with Elizabeth she roleplayed straight through them and made him feel comfortable. Willing to take chances. Learn about himself and his likes and dislikes.
Amy might have opened his mind to the idea of sex but Elizabeth showed him the possibilities.
For Sheldon Cooper, nothing was impossible.
He cleaned himself up and returned to his room, opened the door and stepped in dramatically wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.
"Aquaman has returned," he quipped and closed the door.
"Aquaman, huh?" Martha chuckled as he turned off the light and made his way to the bed. "Gee, I don't know about this. My boyfriend might not be impressed."
"Boyfriend?" Sheldon scoffed as he folded his towel and set it aside before climbing into bed. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close. "The king of Atlantis doesn't share." They kissed and kissed heavily.
"But you never asked my name," Martha gasped as they parted. "I'm Lois. Lois Lane."
Sheldon paused before he rolled them to her back and began administering little kisses to her flesh.
"Nice to meet you, Ms. Lane," he said. "So tell me about your boyfriend."
"Well, by profession he's a physicist—"
"A nerd."
"He's too brilliant to be a nerd." She gasped as he sucked at her neck. "He likes comic books and Star Trek and playing"—she giggled at his touch—"card games."
"Sounds like a geek."
"Probably. But I'm a geek, too."
Sheldon propped up on his elbows.
"Really?" he smirked. "Did I tell you that I'm a member of the Justice League?"
"That's a coincidence. So's my boyfriend."
"Hmm. Now that's interesting." He began to administer to her breasts. "Is it Bat-Man? He's got the cool car and lots of gadgets women like."
"Not Bat-Man," she sighed as she closed her eyes. "Although he can be as focused when he's working."
"Okay, is it Green Arrow?"
"Nope."
"Oh God, don't tell me it's that weenie Green Lantern," Sheldon groaned before kissing her belly.
"Definitely not," she laughed. "Shall I give you a hint?" She hummed the first few bars of the Superman theme song.
"Really? You're dating that boy scout?"
"You don't know him the way I do," Martha sighed softly as he went further down her body.
"Oh, I don't know about that," Sheldon said with a slight twang. "He told me he remembers the first time he saw Christopher Reeve playing Superman. Six years old, he went all by himself to a comic book store to learn more. Brad, the owner, called Ma, who came to pick the little boy up. They bought a few comic books and he brought them home. He read them over and over even though he has an eidetic memory. Crisis on Infinite Earths. Different worlds. Dimensions. Completely in line with the possibilities he was reading about in physics books. The writers who believed like he did that in an infinite number of universes anything was possible."
Sheldon attended to her in a way that made her toes curl.
"He often felt like he was from Krypton," he continued as he worked. "That's why he didn't understand the cultural norms of the planet. But when his parents' marriage imploded he pulled himself up by his bootstraps and got out of grade school and Galveston, left the country for Germany as a visiting professor and ultimately settled down at Caltech to continue his career."
Sheldon felt her stiffen even as she let out a lingering groan but still he pressed on.
"People always treated him differently. He didn't understand why at the time but as he's grown older he got the punch line. Smelly Pooper the freak wunderkind who reads comic books and doesn't get sarcasm."
He got to his knees, propping his hands on her knees as her legs were drawn but spread wide.
"Up until I met Amy it never bothered me. She said that my comic books were 'lame-o' and pushed me to do other things less 'geeky'. Pushed me into physical intimacy when I wasn't ready." He snorted. "The worst thing is that I let her change me. Some for the better. A lot for the worse. My career suffered. I delved less into my hobbies. There became a divide where it was Amy or my old life and I didn't want to be alone. And then I was, despite my changes." Pause. "I wasn't good enough.
"As I think about it now I can understand why," he said as Martha reached for his hands. "I wasn't myself. And Sheldon Lee Cooper is a force to be reckoned. Eidetic memory. IQ of at least one hundred and eighty seven. I'm not a snuggle bunny or a sexy toddler. I'm the Man of Steel." Another pause. "It unnerves me when you see things in me I don't normally share." His eyes flashed to her face. "I refuse to be anything other than myself."
"And you're absolutely perfect," Martha replied as she pulled him to her. "So, Superman, show me how they do it on Krypton."
As they began their love-making, on the other side of the wall Penny sniffled as she lay in Leonard's bed. She had listened to what was said and it was the most beautiful thing she had heard. The greatest compliment.
Howard had once told Bernadette that she made him a better man. Sheldon offered Martha nothing but Sheldon but he was appreciated for who he truly was. Arrogant and kind. Geeky and brilliant. Sheldon was honest about it and Martha had truly listened. There was no criticism, only acceptance. A connection.
Penny thought back to what brought her to California—the pursuit of being a film star. Not an actress, a star. As she learned more about her craft, however, she found a passion for it, one that lead to nearly ten years of poverty row struggling as a waitress in order to support her dream.
Now her passion was her friends. Leonard. She looked at his sleeping form. Thinking about what had transpired between her friends she wondered if she was putting all her eggs in Leonard's basket like Amy and Bernadette had with their guys. If Leonard and she broke up, who'd be her friends? Where did her old friends go? What would she do with herself? What happened to dancing and the beach and rollerblading and—
Was my old life that bad?
She thought about the overdue bills and the humiliating auditions. No wonder I partied so much. Things were most definitely better now. So why am I drinking more than I did back then?
Penny was now a pharmaceutical rep. She loved that she was a success. But this was any old success. She could have been in any career if it paid like this one did and she would have been as happy as a pig in shit.
Sheldon was wrong. Penny wasn't a dreamer. She grew up. Because people can't always get what they want.
She heard the gasps of climax from next door.
"We all can't be Superman," she whispered.
xTBBTx
Amy arrived early at the university. She quietly made her way down the hall in the physics department until she stopped at a familiar door. Taking out the key she'd copied from her purse she unlocked it and stepped into the world of Sheldon Cooper. She turned on the lights and, with pursed lips and grim determination, went to his desk. She picked up his stapler and licked it before rubbing the phone receiver in her arm pit.
As she continued scenting his desk she thought about her year in Chicago. She had been alone. Yes, she'd made a couple of acquaintances but nothing happened on the romantic part. Now to have Sheldon back here like Casanova—
"Intolerable," she grumbled.
He was living the life she'd envisioned for the both of them. His science was pushed to the side as he was now a junior professor. A stable career for settling down and bearing offspring.
The coitus. It was a mantra she said to herself whenever he did something to upset her. TheCoitusIsComing. TheCoitusIsComing. And it did come—to someone else.
Why was it such a fight for her to get Sheldon to do what she wanted? Amy might not respect him but he was all she had to work with. Step one was re-establishing their relationship of the mind. Something his current girlfriend wouldn't understand. A sneer came to Amy's lips. Humanities. How quaint. Not that she would have to put up with that trollop for long. After all, getting rid of Martha was step two.
Amy finished up her business and exited the office.