A/N: Apologies to Terry Pratchet*

x

The Heir Apparent
Chapter 8 - Two New Captains, part 3 - the party

'Three cheers for our two new captains, Kurosaki Ichigo and Shiba Kukaku,' called Kyoraku. 'Hip hip,'

'HURRAY!' Roared the assembled captains and lieutenants.

'Hip hip,'

'HURRAY!'

'And to our new lieutenant, Kuchiki Rukia.'

'HURRAY!'

Ichigo had to admit, this was kind of nice. The whole set up, with trays fill of small delectable snacks and tons of alcohol. He felt dizzy just looking at all the stock they were expected to consume. It was a combined captains and lieutenants party, apparently this was the first time it had happened. They were all in the fourth division barracks, which had been converted for the event into a venue suitable for twenty-one people.

Material drapes hung from the walls, softening the sterile; military room. Plants and flower vases added to the effect. One side had been opened up so they could also walk around the small herb garden, which was meticulously well kept. There were tables and chairs set up, comfortable sofas to lie and lounge on, even futons to pass out on. He had a feeling, judging by atmosphere, that there would be quite a bit of that before the end of the night. A five person band played relaxing music in the background.

He wondered briefly why they were having at the fourth division, of all places. Then again, remembering what Hanatarou had said once about the fourth division getting the shoddiest jobs, it did make sense. He couldn't imagine any division volunteering to clean up after a score of drunk people. It would be useful too, since the medics would be right there help all the heavy drinkers get over their hangovers in the morning.

'Ichigo, Rukia,' Renji exclaimed, hugging them both to him so tightly that he took their breath away. 'Lets go get a drink.'

'You oaf, that hurt,' said Rukia, swatting him angrily.

'Come off it,' he laughed, slightly warily.

'The last time I went drinking with you and the guys I was finished the next day,' Ichigo reminded him. That had only been two nights ago.

Renji gave him a hard look. 'Ichigo, you just got promoted to captain. You have to get drunk tonight, it's a tradition.'

'Did you?'

'Hell yeah, and when I became a lieutenant too.'

Ichigo grunted, remembering what Rukia had said about his fight with Hisagi. He had probably been wondering if he would have won if his opponent had been Hiyori. He must have been promoted before her recovery and re-entry into the protection squads, which was likely a good thing for him. But it did mean that there would always be the question now in all the seated officer's minds, who was stronger? Renji had realised this too, and wanted an excuse to drown his immediate worries for the future.

'Fine,' said Ichigo.

'Good man.'

'Ichigo, don't you dare,' warned Rukia.

'I'm your captain now,' he reminded her, pointing at his haori. 'You can't order me around.'

She tried a different tack, making puppy eyes and the pathetic expression that had won over all the adults in the real world. 'D-Don't leave me here alone, Ichigo.'

'Course I won't,' he said.

'Huh!'

'You're coming with me,' he smirked and hooked his arm under hers, leading her towards one of the drinks tables. He knew all of her tricks, they wouldn't work on him.

She immediately tried to pull away, but then Renji appeared at her side and grabbed her other arm. 'Come on, Rukia, you got promoted too.'

'Yeah, so you have to drink,' said Ichigo, and they started frogmarching her towards the drinks table.

'Help, NII-SAMA!' Rukia cried out as they passed Byakuka, who was talking to Kenpachi. Both had large sake bottles in their hands.

'Good evening, Rukia,' said Byakuya coolly. 'Congratulations on your promotion. You have brought honour to the Kuchiki name.'

'Thanks, but could you please get these lunatics off me?'

He nodded, and gave them a piercing glare. 'Is there any particular reason why are you manhandling my sister?'

Ichigo gulped and let her go like a hot potato. Renji was even faster.

'Well you see, Kuchiki-tai-; um; san,' said the red-head, staring at the floor like a child caught with his hand in the candy jar, 'it's kinda a tradition that the new captains and lieutenants get horribly drunk the night of their promotion.'

Byakuya nodded. 'Tradition's should be observed.'

Ichigo had to laugh at Rukia's expression.

'Nii-sama, don't tell me you…' she said, too aghast to continue.

'Of course. It is a tradition.'

'I've never seen you drunk!'

'Those where the only times I've participated in the activity.'

'Che,' said Kenpachi, 'None of the other captains turned up for my promotion party. Probably cos they were cross with me for killing that weakling. Still, that meant I had all the booze to myself. A whole week of happiness.' He smiled at the memory.

'You like being drunk?' said Ichigo.

'Who doesn't? Next best thing to fighting.'

'What about the hangover?'

'Nothing a good fight won't fix.'

'Hate to interrupt,' said Renji tactfully. 'But we have some serious drinking to do.'

'But, nii-sama,' said Rukia, making puppy eyes again.

Byakuya turned the full wrath of his glare on her. 'Are you or are you not a member of the noble Kuchiki clan?'

'I am, sir,' she squeaked, standing rigidly to attention.

'Then go forth and fulfil your duty as tradition dictates! Take no half measures, or shame shall be upon the family forever.'

'Yes, sir,' she said, and ran to the drinks table where she started downing all the alcohol she could reach as quickly as she could swallow.

'Did Byakuya just order Rukia to get drunk?' said Ichigo slowly.

'I think he did,' said Renji, equally amazed.

He could have sworn he heard contained laughter from the two captains, who were now turned away from them.

'I think we'd better slow her down before she kills herself,' he said.

'Yeah, and we got some catching up to do man!'

x

Hitsugaya Toshiro stared over the assembled captains and lieutenants, taking in the various groups. Ichigo, Rukia and Renji had been joined by Kyoraku, Nanao and Matsumoto; and were going through the alcohol stock at an alarming rate. Theirs was the largest group. Yoruichi, Urahara and Kukaku were at the other drinks table on the opposite end of the room, getting equally sloshed. Kira, Hisagi, Isane and Iba were standing a bit away, having a serious discussion. The other groups were just pairs, Yamamoto and his lieutenant, Shinji and Kensei, Kenpach and Byakuya (who would have guessed at the two them being friends). And then there was him.

He sighed, wishing for a moment that Momo was with him. He'd forbidden her to come, afraid that she would attack Kurosaki once her inhibitions had been lowered by drink. She wasn't the only lieutenant who hadn't attended. Hiyori was in the intensive care unit, Nemu still wasn't seeing anybody, and Yachiru had been banned from these kind of parties after nearly destroying the sixth division barrack during Abarai's promotion party when he'd become a lieutenant. The already hyperactive child had become a little demoness when inebriated. By comparison all the captains had made it, although Unohana had left early to check on Hiyori.

And here he was, the only one alone at the party.

'Captain,' Matsumoto cried out, ambushing him and hugging him tightly. Because of their height difference, his face was squashed against her ample bosom. 'Come and drink with us!'

He pulled away, his face red. 'How many times have I told you not to do that,' he growled angrily.

'Aw, come on, I know you like it,' she cooed. Hitsugaya felt a vein pop on his forehead.

With an effort he calmed himself. 'Fine, I'll come. But I'm not drinking.'

'Course you aren't,' she said, smiling as though she knew better. Hitsugaya let it pass. He'd forgotten how much he missed her goofy antics. She had always been a bit of a big sister to him, as well of his subordinate. Even though she wasn't his lieutenant any more, apparently that aspect of their relationship had remained. And he did appreciate that she was watching out for him, he wasn't the type to move in on a group by himself.

'Yo, Toshiro,' said Ichigo when he came, the others at least greeted him by his surname, even if Kyoraku did add -kun to the end. Hitsugaya though didn't retort. He could hardly press his rank now, and it would be bad manners to correct the other man on the night of his promotion.

'Congratulations; Kurosaki-taicho, Kuchiki-fukutaicho,' he said crisply, getting the necessary compliment of the way.

'Thank you, tiny taicho,' Rukia giggled.

Hitsugaya ground his teeth loudly, but didn't say anything. She had obviously been drinking a lot more than she could handle. She was flushed and practically hanging off Ichigo's arm. Probably the next most inebriated was Renji, whose face was rapidly approaching his hair colour. The rest were at various levels, but not yet spouting nonsense. Except Matsumoto, but she didn't need to drink to do that.

Renji thrust a drink in his hands, Nanao asked him a polite question, and all of a sudden he was part of the group. Part of all the laughter and chatter, the jokes and the stories. As with any group, there were certain noticeable dynamics about it. Renji was consistently trying to get Rukia's attention, with minimal success. The rest of the time he was staring openly at Matsumoto's breasts, which she was flaunting as always. Matsumoto was the life of the group, although Kyoraku was giving her a good run for her money. He was becoming more and more touchy-feely with Nanao in direct proportion to the amount of alcohol he poured down his throat; and she minded less and less the more she drank. She even started singing at one point, forgot the tune halfway through, and made up for it by kissing her captain in front of them all.

It was midnight when he finally excused himself, tired and tipsy. By that time most of the others who weren't alcoholics had gone. Kukaku had passed out, somebody had put her on one of the futons. Urahara and Yoruichi were grappling on the one next to hers, engaged in furious tongue-fencing. Hitsugaya snorted, he had no doubt what they would be up to later, assuming that they weren't too drunk. Shinji was helping Kensei to the door, even though he was staggering himself.

He looked back at his group, which had broken up somewhat. Ichigo and Rukia were nowhere to be seen, Kyoraku and Nanao were playing kissing games, and Renji had buried his face in Matsumoto's busom. She seemed to be enjoying it nearly as much as he was.

'Gah, it's as bad as the academy parties,' he said to nobody in particularly as he walked through the door, passing prone Kira and Iba, who had passed out on the sidewalk.

There was a crash in the distance, Kenpachi must have run through another wall in his effort to get back to the eleventh.

x

Rukia had never been drunk before in her life. As the adopted daughter of the Kuchiki clan she'd always had a massive level of expectation on her shoulders, one that had been very oppressive in terms of her social interactions. She had lost her few friends because of that, so she'd had no one to drink with anyway. Before then, with no income, she simply hadn't been able to afford alcohol. Now, in a strange reversal of that expectation she was required to get sloshed. She couldn't really work it out, and was far past the point of rational thinking. So she stopped trying.

Anyways, it felt good. Her head was weightless, her body difficult to coordinate. Her tongue had taken on a life of its own, saying whatever came into her head before she could even consider it, or where she was going with it. She knew she probably looked silly, but that didn't bother her at the moment; even though she knew it would later that also wasn't troubling. She was as free as a bird, who cared what other people thought. She could and would do whatever she wanted.

Although she felt blissfully content, she had to admit that it was difficult to move around in this state. It was a good thing she had a certain carrot-top to lean on. Her new captain.

'Captain carrot,' she giggled.

'Heh,' he said, 'I read a book once with a character of that name.'

'The writer was on drugs,' she said knowledgably.*

'So are you,' he reminded her.

They were sitting outside, on a bench in the small herb garden. The smell of coriander mixed with lemon grass was pleasant, and they didn't have to watch Yoruichi and Urahara practically engaged in baby-making. Most of the others were gone, and having definitely succeeded in the mission of getting drunk they were waiting until they were sober enough to walk home. Ichigo though had definitely had less than her.

'You're so weak,' she said suddenly.

'What's that supposed to mean?' he retorted, easily offended as always. 'I'll have you know, the only stronger captain is Yamamoto; and possibly Kyoraku.'

'I mean you didn't drink enough. You didn't even get properly drunk.'

'It was close enough. Besides, I donn't want to be like you, falling over every other step.'

'So you're a slacker!' she proclaimed.

'Better than being a small fry.'

That annoyed her. She was touchy about her height, which wasn't the greatest. She was silent for a moment, trying to think of a good retort. She had to prove to him that she was tall enough, by any means possible. So when an idea plopped into her head, she acted on it immediately. Ichigo's eyes bulged when she got up, and sat on his lap.

'Rukia, what are you doing?' he said, frantically checking to see if anybody was watching.

'Proving to you that I'm just the right height,' she said smugly.

She swung a leg over so that she was facing him. It was a good thing she wasn't in a dress, or she would have flashed him. With her on top, the height difference was eliminated, their noses were level. Of course he was still a bit taller, since he had a longer forehead and hair that went up rather than down like hers, but it was negligible. His soft brown eyes were perfectly in line with her violet ones.

'If Byakuya come now,' he said softly, 'he will freak.'

They both knew he'd left a while ago. 'Admit it, I am the right height,' she insisted, holding his gaze and clamping her legs around him so that he couldn't escape.

'All right, I'll admit that if was any other woman, like Rangiku or Orihime; they'd probably be looking down on me right now.'

'If you even think of letting them do that, you're dead. You and them,' she said venomously.

He smiled. 'You're the perfect height to sit on me, Rukia.'

'You're so weird,' she giggled, her mood flipping instantly.

'So are you.'

'Am not.'

'Are too.'

She scowled at him. He scowled back, or rather deepened his ever present expression. She started to laugh.

'What?' he said.

'You look so funny.' She put her hand on his cheek. It was surprisingly warm. Actually, now that she was truly looking, he wasn't unhandsome. Not in the traditional sense, but there was a strength that radiated from him that made her feel both comfortable and safe.

'Thanks, Rukia,' he said, his face burning up under her hand. 'You're also beautiful in your own way.'

She gulped. Had she said that aloud? Her mind was like mush, it had ceased to function. She said the first thing that came to her lips, 'Since when?'

'When what?'

'How long have you thought that?'

His eyes were so intense she was sure she would drown in their depths. 'The day I agreed to be your substitute, a year ago.'

Something warm was melting in her chest, filling her body with heat. Her ears were burning, her lips were dry. What's happening she thought abstractly. The only thing that seemed to exist was Ichigo's face, which was getting bigger and bigger, his eyes, his nose, his lips.

That was the last thing she saw before everything went black.

x