Reference to: 'The Commitment Determination'; 'The Higgs Boson Observation'
xTBBTx
"How's your mother taking the break-up?" Leonard asked as he finished lunch.
"About as well as can be expected," sighed Howard. "It's been a bit awkward since Stuart's still living there but since he's taking care of Ma I suppose it's working out."
"So what time are we starting the move?" asked Raj.
"I told Bernadette we'd be there at seven."
"You need any help?" Leonard asked.
"There's not much stuff to move," Howard replied. "Besides, you're still moving in."
Leonard rolled his eyes. "Yeah, it's been fun trying to get the apartment organized."
"I told you I could have provided an organizational system instead of letting Penny toss things into a box willy-nilly," tsked Sheldon.
"That's just her way," said Leonard. "I mean, sure, I had to hunt through six boxes labeled 'living room' to find the tv remote but it was no big deal."
"So you saw Agents of Shield last night?" asked Raj.
"No," Leonard pouted.
"I have it DVR'd," said Sheldon as they all stood. "You can come to the apartment at some point and watch."
They all got rid of their lunch trays and garbage before saying their adieus.
"I have to visit the department office," said Leonard so both he and Sheldon trekked together through the halls.
"Leonard, are you happy?" Sheldon asked.
"Very much."
Sheldon took a moment to phrase his next question.
"Are you sure you couldn't think of anything more pleasing like winning the Nobel Prize or getting chosen to pull the sword out of the stone at Disney World?"
"Not really."
They arrived at Sheldon's door. He unlocked it and hesitated.
"Do you think Penny could think of something more pleasing than what's she's doing now?" he asked.
"I hope not." Leonard's eyes narrowed. "Why are you asking?"
"No reason," Sheldon said hurriedly and entered his office.
"Did Penny say anything?" asked Leonard as he followed him inside.
"Why would she say anything to me? I'm her quaternary friend after Amy, Bernadette and you." Sheldon turned to his whiteboard to hide his eye twitch. "To say that she would say anything to me and not you implies that I'm higher in the order of things and we both know that's not true." Leonard made to speak. "I've got to get back to work before I lose my train of thought."
"Okay," scowled Leonard. "I'll see you later."
When the door closed Sheldon let out a breath.
Deflecting the truth was better than lying. But that didn't mean he liked it.
XXX
Bernadette sat on the couch drinking a glass of wine. For the last forty five minutes Raj and Howard were busy packing and carrying out Howard's stuff. Whenever they went downstairs she'd get off the couch to look over the apartment. A few miniscule changes aside it looked basically the same. Plain. Magazine-like. All the touches of character were packed away in Howard's boxes and suitcases.
The door opened and this time it was only Howard who entered.
"We're all set," he said quietly. He went over to the couch and handed her his apartment keys.
"Howie, can we talk?"
He sat. Silence.
"Maybe we just need some time," she said.
"Maybe."
More silence.
"Dad wants me to file for separation."
Howard nodded.
"I'll sign whatever you give me, Bernie."
Bernadette nodded.
Howard got up to go.
"It wasn't always bad, was it?" she asked.
"No," he said. "It just wasn't real."
XXX
"Well that was a nice meal," Leonard said overenthusiastically as he dried a plate.
"It was tuna fish sandwiches," Penny smirked as she washed.
"Still, it's the point that we made dinner together and ate together. Happy."
"Eyah." Penny inwardly sighed. "Leonard, is this another awkward start up to something even more awkward?"
"Funny you should ask." He set the plate in the cupboard. "I was talking with Sheldon today. He asked me the oddest question—am I happy?" Now Penny inwardly swore. "Then he went on to ask if you were happy." He gave an odd smirk. "Funny he should ask, don't you think?"
Penny rinsed a glass and set it in the drain tray.
"Well you know Sheldon, always curious," she said. Leonard took the glass , dried it and put it away. "So how do you think things are going?"
"Honestly? The happiest I've ever been in my life," he said cheerily. "I've worked with Stephen Hawking, have a beautiful fiancée and I'm free of Sheldon. Things are absolutely perfect." Leonard took in Penny's stiff smile. "Don't you agree?"
That seemed to wake Penny.
"Of course I do!" she said.
"Only...?"
"I'm scared. I mean I love you and so I know it's not a mistake but at the same time I'm really hoping this isn't a mistake, y'know?" Penny sighed as she rinsed the cutlery and put them in the drain tray.
"How could it be a mistake?" Leonard smiled. "We've known each other eight years. Plus we've done two beta lists to fix everything up."
Penny nodded as she let out the dish water.
"You're right," she said. "There's nothing we don't know about each other. We've cleared the decks so there's nothing to bite us in the ass."
Leonard's smile vanished.
"Yeah, about that," he said hesitantly. "There's something I should tell you."
"Your name's actually Miguel Sanchez and you only pay in cash?" Penny chuckled as she dried her hands on a tea towel.
"No, it's about my Hawking trip."
"Sheldon's dream was right and you were almost eaten by a kraken?"
"Nobody ate anybody," Leonard said quickly. He took in Penny's 'no duh' face. "It's just that, there was this party. Actually we partied a lot on the ship. Alcohol. Like the bad boys do."
"Didn't your mommy tell you that physics and booze don't mix?" smiled Penny as she went to the corner and picked up a 'kitchen' labeled box and set it on the table.
"She should have," he said seriously. "You see, there was this girl..." Penny stopped what she was doing and slowly turned to him. "I mean nothing happened. We were both drunk and I was feeling sea sick and then we kissed." He saw Penny's face redden. "I mean it wasn't anything. In fact she tasted like cigare—"
"Are you kidding me?!" she roared. Leonard took a step back.
"It didn't mean anything. I—"
"You're telling me I waited for you and missed you and you were busy sticking your tongue down another girl's throat?" Leonard made to speak. "Didn't she know you had a girlfriend? Didn't you know you had a girlfriend?"
"Penny, it was just a kiss. I stopped it before anything else happened and—"
Penny blanched. "Oh my fucking God this is just like that Alice chick!"
"That was different!"
"Sure it was," snorted Penny. "Priya was away. An opportunity came along and you took it."
"That was a mistake."
"So this wasn't?"
"Of course it was! Penny, it didn't mean anything."
"It does to me." She took a step towards him, pointing a finger. "You're the one always freaking out whenever I talk to a guy or go to school with a guy or work with a guy like you think I'm gonna dump you or take them out to the car for a quickie, yet the moment you're away from your girlfriends you cheat?"
"There's cheating and then there's cheating," he countered. "I didn't do—"
"You think there's levels of being a cheating-ass douche?" Penny said incredulously. "You think if this was reversed and I kissed a co-worker that you'd be okay with it?" She squared her jaw. "Sheldon was right. "
"What did Sheldon say?" scowled Leonard.
"Schrodinger's Cat."
"I don't get what you're saying." He took in her 'junior rodeo on' glare and inwardly cringed.
"Then you should leave and think about it." She pointed to the door. "And it'll take a few days for me to think this out so don't rush back. Since I'm, you know, not a genius."
"Penny I never said—"
"And you never cheated, either. Save it, Leonard."
Penny walked into the bedroom and closed the door.
A moment later and Leonard made his way out of the apartment.
xTBBTx
Martha sighed as she walked through the parking garage. She always found these eight am meetings brutal, especially since her brain never really engaged until ten in the morning—a reason why she never had classes that started any earlier than eleven thirty.
She exited the building and headed along the concrete pathway that was empty save for the scattering of a few bleary-eyed and coffee-carrying students. As she came up to the sciences buildings she thought about the post-it notes she had for Sheldon that were shaped like the bubbles from comic book dialogue.
"What the heck," she shrugged and took the path to the physics building.
Martha made her way to Sheldon's floor and walked to his office. As she turned the corner she saw that his office door was open and the light was on. With a big grin she came up to his door only to gasp as she saw Amy at his desk rubbing the telephone receiver in her armpit.
"What the hell are you doing in here?" Martha snapped.
"I could ask you the same question," Amy said evenly as she set the receiver back in the cradle.
"I'm his girlfriend," Martha said. She thought about taking a step into the room but given Amy's behavior... "Does Sheldon know you're here?"
"Oh, he knows. Every time he enters here and uses the stapler or touches a drawer handle he knows I'm here."
"Are you out of your fucking mind?"
"It's not like I see you in here." Amy came out from behind the desk. "I see a lot of her but not you."
"Who's 'her'?"
"The harlot Sheldon saw behind my back. He was seeing her when I met him. For the longest time I was in competition with her." Amy pursed her lips. "It took me nearly three years to get him away from her but even then they stayed friends." She smirked at Martha. "You think you and Sheldon have something?"
"We do," Martha growled.
"Then why are they seeing each other again?"
"I don't believe you."
Amy shrugged. "Believe what you want. You don't engage him intellectually so don't be surprised when he leaves you for her—because he will. In fact, it might be smart if you severed your relationship with Sheldon."
"I'm calling security," snapped Martha.
"Call away." Amy picked up her purse from the desk and went to the door. "It's not like it'll change anything."
Martha moved aside to let Amy out of the office. She pulled out her phone and called security.
XXX
Sheldon was anxious as he came down the hall to his office. He was ten minutes behind schedule thanks to Raj being late picking him up. The astrophysicist agreed to drive Sheldon to work for the first two weeks until some other arrangement could be made. Obviously they needed to get more coordinated.
He by-passed the physics office and mail room so as to avoid potentially running into Leonard. His ex-roommate showed up at his door and spent the night on the couch after reaming out Sheldon for ruining his relationship with Penny.
"Pish," murmured Sheldon. "Anyone with half a brain would know he did it himself long before I came along."
He came to his door and saw a sheet of paper attached to it.
"Another useless memo," he sighed and absently took it off the door before opening it and entering.
He went to his desk and set down the letter before taking out his laptop from his computer bag and set it up. Sheldon then went to his whiteboard. He took out some hand sanitizer as he read over his work. A moment and then his jaw squared even as his eyes narrowed.
"I'm not going crazy," he hissed and glared at his desk. He returned to it with a smarmy smile on his face. "Well, desk re-arranger, let's see who you are."
Sheldon sat and linked up to his personal ftp site where he had stuck the link to the spy cameras he had placed in his office. Whatever cleaning woman that was moving things about would get an earful from him as would Gablehauser for—
On his computer screen he saw the lights turn on in his office and Amy approaching his desk.
"Amy?" he gasped.
In horror he watched as she picked up his stapler and licked it before raising her foot onto his chair, reaching under her skirt and then rubbing her hand on—
Sheldon physically recoiled from his desk and popped out of his chair. He took up his desk phone and dialed the physics department office. As he continued to watch, Amy licked and rubbed his possessions including his phone receiver which she stuck—
"Good Lord!" Sheldon cried and dropped the phone receiver. He took out his hand sanitizer and dabbed a fair amount in his hand before cleaning his ear. While he cleaned he glared at the screen. Amy seemed to be talking with someone but he couldn't see who until Amy walked off-screen towards the door.
Then there was a flash of auburn hair and a glimpse of a purple-plaid shoulder.
Quickly Sheldon pulled out his smartphone and dialed Martha. As soon as her voicemail picked up he dashed out of his office towards the liberal arts building.
"Martha, this is Sheldon. Please call me back as soon as possible." As he ran his mind tried its best to fathom what exactly Amy was doing in his office.
He reached the arts building and, huffing and puffing, made his way to Martha's office. Sheldon tried the knob but it was locked. He then went to the humanities office.
"Where's Dr. Wallace?" he demanded. "Someone's broken into my office and I have to see if she's alright."
"I saw her earlier," replied the receptionist. "She had a department meeting which should be over about now."
Before Sheldon could reply his phone rang. He checked who it was.
"Martha?" he said excitedly. "Where are you?"
"My office."
"I'm on my way."
"Sheldon you don't—"
"I'm already on your floor," he said as he walked hurriedly to her office. When he arrived, the door was open and the two doctors stood facing each other with their phones at their ears. As one they hung up and lowered their phones.
"My office was broken into," he said.
"I know. Your psycho ex-girlfriend said to say hello."
"Are you okay?"
"She didn't touch me. She was too busy touching other things."
"I have to call security." Sheldon went to dial the number.
"I already did. They came to your office and had a look-see. Didn't you see the note on your door?"
"I didn't read it. I thought it was a memo. Did she say anything?"
"Only that you'd dump me because I'm not intellectually stimulating enough and that she's trying to get your attention by spreading her germs around the office. Oh, yeah, and that you're cheating on me."
Sheldon's jaw dropped. "Why would she say that?"
"I don't know. She said that you were seeing someone when the two of you met and that you were cheating on Amy with her while the two of you were going out."
"That's not true! I never cheated on Amy."
"She seems to think so," shrugged Martha. " She also thinks that you're now with the other woman while dating me."
"Of course I'm not seeing anyone else. Besides you I've only had time for my friends and—" Sheldon stopped. "Someone I was with before I met Amy, then continued my relationship with while dating Amy and now you." He cocked his head. "The only 'her' that's had me enthralled for that length of time has been my work. Before my relationship with Amy ended I had a crisis of confidence work-wise and have only now resumed researching." He looked to Martha. "What does this mean?"
"It means your ex is one fucked up cookie." She began packing up her briefcase. "She said that it'd be best if I was out of your life."
"Was that a threat?"
"I don't know," Martha sighed. "Look, I've got class in twenty minutes so I have to get ready and get there." She came around the desk. "Let's let campus security handle this, okay?" They kissed and then she went to her bookshelf.
Sheldon's hands curled into fists.
He might not be an expert on kissing but even he knew it felt wrong.
XXX
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
Knock Knock Knock "Penny."
"Hey Sheldon," she said as she opened the door. "Glad you could—" She saw the grave look on his face. "What happened?" she asked as she let him in before closing the door.
"Amy was at my workplace this morning," Sheldon growled.
"Yeah, she said that she was trying to become friends with you again. I said that wasn't a good idea."
"Well a friend don't break into the other friend's office and licks his stapler and coats his desk drawers and seat with the juices from her nether region."
"She what?!"
"My whole office is contaminated," said Sheldon with a disgusted look on his face.
"Holy shit. I mean it's one thing to armpit a phone, but mark your place with—"
"Wait, how did you know about the phone?"
Penny's cheeks went red. "Well, uh, remember when you hired Alex? Well Amy got kinda jealous so she went to your office and—"
"Good Lord." Sheldon's legs gave out and he flumped onto Penny's couch. "Why didn't you tell me?
"Because then you'd freak out and then she'd freak out and it wasn't such a big deal."
"I'm mysophobic, Penny! It is a big deal!"
"I'm sorry," Penny said as she sat down on the couch.
Sheldon took a moment to process what had happened.
"Was this the only time she was there?" he asked at last.
"I dunno. I think so but I can't say for certain." He shook his head disgustedly. "But I can promise you that when I saw her do this she wasn't putting joy juice over your desk."
"This is a disaster. First, my supposed friend doesn't tell me about Amy's trespassing and now my current girlfriend won't tell me that she's bothered by her encounter with Amy."
Penny's eyes widened. "Amy ran into Martha?"
"At my office. Martha interrupted her and called campus security."
"Holy shit. Is she okay?"
"Physically." His jaw clicked. "Amy told her that I was having an affair and that it was only a matter of time before I dumped her."
Penny pursed her lips. "Martha knows that's a bunch of bullshit, right?"
"I believe so, only—" He sighed. "Her kiss wasn't right."
"The fact she kissed you is a good sign. Give her some time and I'm sure she'll talk about it."
"Alright," he nodded. "On another topic, will Leonard be coming home at some point or shall I have to draft up a temporary roommate agreement?"
"I dunno," shrugged Penny. "Leonard cheated on me while he was on that Hawking trip."
"With whom?"
"Some chick he was working with. They only kissed he said but that doesn't mean he didn't cheat." Penny sat back and sighed. "This is just like Alice only this time I'm the dummy."
Sheldon frowned. "Alice isn't dumb and neither are you. If anyone is the idiot it's Leonard."
"I guess." She bit her lip. "This is twice when his girlfriend is away from him for an extended period that he's cheated. Suppose I go away on a conference or he gets another offer to work somewhere? Will it happen again?"
"I can't answer that."
"You already did. Schrodinger's Cat."
"So what are you going to do?" Sheldon asked quietly.
"I dunno" she replied equally as soft. "He always thinks that I'm gonna dump him or cheat on him. He never trusts me and now I realize I can't trust him."
"I realize I'm not an expert on relationships but I do know this—my relationship with Martha has been compromised. She says that she doesn't believe I'm cheating on her but that it was mentioned at all means she must have thought about it after Amy brought up the possibility. I'm a difficult man but I'm an honest one. And to think that Martha might not trust me as she should is intolerable."
"She didn't say she didn't, Sheldon" Penny said.
"Irrelevant. Now I`m left hoping that she knows I`m not unfaithful whereas before I would have trusted her to it without another thought." He looked to Penny. "A relationship of any kind can`t survive without trust."
"Sweetie, things will work out." She took his hand. "I realize I messed up but believe me when I say that I`ll never do anything like this again. Yeah, it might mean I`m on your mortal enemies list and that it`ll be a long time before you trust me again but I`ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you."
"I`ll hold you to that—and sooner than you think."
"What do you mean?"
A serious expression came to Sheldon's face. "Well, Amy Farrah Fowler wanted my attention."
Blue eyes met green.
"She's got it," he said.