Did you all really think that you would get through almost 20 chapters of a story with me without a single death? I hope you didn't! You all should know better by now!
Sorry for this!
Raphael would have known what was happening to Ragnor even if he hadn't been watching every last agonizing second of it. As soon as Raphael had registered what was happening to Max, he knew that Ragnor wasn't going to be able to keep himself from stepping in. Raphael assessed the situation as quickly as possible, trying to see if he would be of any use if he stepped in to help as well. But he realized that there was nothing he could do in time to help either Ragnor or Max, even with his vampire speed, nothing he could do would be enough.
So when Raphael fell to his knees in pain, he wasn't the least bit surprised. He knew what had happened had only taken seconds, but it felt like it was stretching out for an eternity. The pain in Raphael's chest was almost unbearable, but he didn't care about his own pain in any way. The only person who currently mattered was Ragnor. And Raphael was entirely powerless to help him. The only thing Raphael could do was watch, trying to prepare himself for what he knew was coming.
Raphael felt his entire world shatter when the demon sunk its claws into Ragnor's chest with pinpoint accuracy. There was no mistake that the demon was going for the kill. Not when one of its talons landed directly in Ragnor's heart. Ragnor's death was immediate, and so was Raphael's pain. Before Ragnor had even hit the ground, Magnus was in action, all but shoving Max out of the way and launching himself to Ragnor's side.
But Raphael knew that nothing would be enough. The white-hot pain in his chest told him that much. Raphael had no idea what he was doing, he was hardly even aware of where he was in that moment. The only thing he could register was the pain. It was so consuming, so overwhelming that Raphael was entirely sure it was the only thing in his entire world at the moment. He heard Magnus screaming at him to get up, but he didn't register it.
Yet even if Raphael had registered what was going on around him, he wouldn't have cared in the slightest. He almost wanted the demons to come for him, he almost wanted to follow Ragnor to wherever he was now. But both Magnus and Alec apparently had very different ideas of what they wanted. Alec shot down the demon that was the most immediate danger to Raphael, sprinting to his side once he had made sure that Max was safe with Magnus. To his own surprise, Raphael didn't fight when Alec forced him to get up, leading him to the closest corner of the room.
Magnus and Alec shared a meaningful look before sitting Raphael down, Alec placing Max beside of him. They turned back to the battle, obviously planning on protecting Max and Raphael for however long was needed, keeping them in the corner so they no longer needed to worry about any attacks from behind. Their shared look told Raphael that they knew he was down and out, useless for the rest of the battle, too overcome with pain to be of any use at all. When Raphael finally slowly checked back into reality, he was pained to see that there were tears streaming down Max's face.
More than anything, Raphael wanted to blame Max for what had just happened. He wanted to find it in himself to hate Max. But the boy's face was full of such open and honest pain that Raphael couldn't find it in himself. He knew Ragnor had made his choice, that Max would never have asked Ragnor to do what he had done. But that didn't make things any easier to handle. That didn't mean that he could suddenly pick himself up and get back in the battle. That didn't mean that he could suddenly ignore the pain that was still washing over him in waves.
Raphael watched the rest of the battle in a distant sort of way, almost as though he no longer truly cared about its outcome. Which was technically true. He didn't care about the outcome of the fight because of himself, but there were still people he cared about locked in this battle, and that was the only thing Raphael was truly concerned about in any way. To everyone's surprise, the demons eventually retreated, and once the remaining Circle members saw this, they either retreated or surrendered.
When it was over, Raphael allowed himself to be led back to the Lightwood house; Magnus excused both of them from the meetings that the Clave apparently wanted to take place. Raphael couldn't help but push Magnus away when he tried to move to tend to Raphael's wounds. The last thing he wanted was to be fixed. Nothing could fix what had happened to Ragnor, and fixing his own body wasn't going to do anything for his pain. "Listen to me, Raphael," Magnus said, obviously trying to make his voice as stern as possible. "Ragnor wouldn't want you to keep yourself in pain just because you miss him."
Everything that Magnus was saying was terribly rational, Raphael knew it most certainly was. But that didn't keep Raphael from getting angry. "Do not speak to me of Ragnor or his wishes," Raphael replied, throwing all of his pain into his words. "Do not speak to me as if you understand my current emotions. You have no idea what this feels like, Bane. He was my soulmate, not yours. You were busy protecting your own soulmate when he died. Don't even begin to pretend you understand."
Raphael knew that what he was saying wasn't fair to Magnus, but he couldn't seem to keep himself from saying it, the grief he was feeling taking over everything. "Three hundred years together," was all Magnus said at first, his own grief all too evident. "If you want to suffer alone, then go ahead," he said, getting up from the couch and stepping around Alec when he tried to stop him. When Max walked up behind Alec, Alec quickly shuffled him away. Raphael wanted to tell Alec that it was okay, that Max could come talk to him if he wanted to, but the only thing Raphael could seem to do was sit there in silence.
When the others got back, Raphael still couldn't bring himself to leave the room, his energy still so depleted that he couldn't imagine going anywhere else. Just as everyone sat down to catch them all up on the night's events, Simon handed Raphael a bottle of blood. It came as such a surprise to him that he simply took it without a question. As he opened the bottle, Raphael noted the fact that Alec returned to the room, but Magnus had not.
Raphael halfway listened as Jace and Clary launched into their story about their own battle with Valentine. He had apparently finally admitted that Jace was, indeed, a Herondale, which clearly made Jace happier than Raphael had ever seen him. They recounted everything that had happened to them that night, Simon chiming in to recount his own part of the battle, saying that there was no way they would have even come close to surviving if the Downworlders had not continued to fight with the Clave. Raphael knew that never would have happened if it hadn't been for Magnus and Alec, but he kept his mouth shut, unable to do anything other than think about Ragnor.
Now that they knew Valentine was dead, the Clave was most certainly going to order another round of meetings, most likely to reevaluate the Accords as well as the laws surrounding soulmates. The only thing Raphael wanted was to go home, to get away from this place, to be able to give Ragnor the attention he deserved. And now he had no way of asking Magnus to find a replacement vampire representative for him. Because the thought of even speaking to Magnus at the moment was enough to make Raphael sick.
When Raphael finally got up from his seat, ready to attempt to get some rest, Simon stopped in his way. "You go home," he said without hesitation. "When the sun goes back down, you take Ragnor and you go home. Whatever representation the Clave needs from the vampires, I'll cover it." Before Raphael could protest, Simon was gone, and he looked over to see Max standing outside of the room that had been designated as Raphael's. Raphael internally sighed, knowing that, no matter how tired he was, he had no other option but to have the impending conversation.
"I'm sorry," Max said as soon as he followed Raphael into the room. Raphael's biggest problem at the moment was that he had no idea of what to do, that he wanted to comfort Max, but he barely even knew how to keep himself functional. "I never meant for this to happen. I never meant for anyone to get hurt. I tried to help and all I did was mess things up even more." Raphael was made momentarily speechless by the emotion in Max's voice.
Raphael bent down to Max's level, trying to steady his emotions before he began speaking. "You saved my life, Max. You didn't do anything wrong." Raphael held up his hand when Max looked like he was going to protest. "What happened to Ragnor was not your fault, don't ever think that. Ragnor made his decision, and now we all have to respect that." The last thing Raphael wanted to do was respect Ragnor's decision. Since the battle, he'd slowly become angrier and angrier with Ragnor, even though he knew that was the most illogical thing he could do.
"It's not your fault either," Max replied, his voice softer than it had been before. He was silent for several long moments, and Raphael couldn't come up with anything to say in response. "I hope that my soulmate has a heart as big as Ragnor's," Max finally said, lowering his eyes to the floor. Not for the first time that day, Raphael was entirely speechless, and he was fairly certain that remaining silent was actually the best course of action.
But before either of them could say anything else, Magnus walked through the door. "Go get some rest, Max," he said, his voice a soft mixture of grief for Ragnor and care for Max. Magnus didn't say another word; he simply sat down in the chair by the bed, but Raphael knew exactly what that meant. For some unknown reason, Magnus had forgiven him for what he had said, and Raphael had no idea why. Raphael sat down on the bed, eyeing Magnus, trying, and failing, to get some idea of how he was feeling.
"I'm sorry," Raphael said after several minutes of silence. "I may have lost my soulmate, but you lost your best friend." Magnus simply inclined his head, as if to acknowledge what Raphael had just said. "I can't be angry with Max because I know it's not his fault," Raphael continued, suddenly finding his voice after hours of silence. "And I can't be angry with you because I know you would have done anything in your power to protect him. I'm grasping for someone to blame, someone to be angry with. And the only person I can find any real fault in is Ragnor."
Magnus seemed to consider this for several moments, and Raphael became slightly anxious at the thought of what Magnus was going to say. "I'm angry with him, too, Raphael," Magnus finally, his voice terribly and fully resigned. "He knew what he was doing, and he did it regardless. I wouldn't trade Max for anything, and that only makes me angrier." At that, Magnus moved to reach out for Raphael's arm, and Raphael finally let him take it, hoping that healing it would help comfort Magnus in some way.
Raphael felt his heart drop when he realized there were silent tears streaming down Magnus's face as he began healing. Raphael wanted to stay silent, to let Magnus grieve, but, as usual, he couldn't seem to do the one thing he knew was probably best. "The worst part is that I know what Ragnor would say to me if he could," Raphael said, his voice much more even than he had thought it would be. "He would tell me that he had to do this because Max is just a child, that he had a nice long life and it was his time to give someone else the chance to live. But that's just it," Raphael paused for a moment, looking away from Magnus's tear-filled eyes. "His life wasn't nearly long enough. It took us a century to find out we were soulmates, and what did we get for it? A few meager weeks."
"Ragnor would also tell you that that century you two spent stumbling around wasn't wasted," Magnus said, a soft smile playing across his lips. "He would tell you that this past century has been the best century of his life, just because it had you in it, and you know that, Raphael. He would tell you that these past few weeks were worth the centuries leading up to them." The worst part was that Raphael knew Magnus was entirely right. "Get some sleep, Raphael. We can talk more about this later; you'll be able to deal with this much better once you've rested." Raphael doubted what Magnus was saying, but he moved to sleep regardless, hoping that Magnus was right for once.
So I'm leaving again in the morning, but I plan to try to work on this a lot tonight as well as on my road trip. I think there will be one more chapter, but depending on its length, that might turn into two. The plan right now is to have a final scene from each character's point of view so that the story can be both caught up and wrapped up all at once.
Let me know your thoughts on this! You guys have stopped talking to me as much as you did before I left!