Raphael was walking around the small house just outside of Alicante mostly because he knew if he didn't try to occupy himself that he would end up back outside by Ragnor's grave. All he was waiting for now was for Magnus to arrive so that they could portal back to New York. He'd left Alicante before everyone else just for the purpose of bringing Ragnor to the one place Raphael could come up with to make his final resting place. Over the years, this had become the one and only place they could go and be themselves together without having to worry about anyone or anything else. Raphael had begun to look forward to the times he visited Ragnor here, but now all he wanted to do was get out of that house forever.
He felt like he was suffocating, Ragnor's absence pressing down on him as if he was underwater. Except that didn't make any sense because Raphael no longer needed to breathe, and yet here he was, feeling as though all of his breath had been taken away from him. Without Ragnor, the house felt cold and uninviting. Raphael had never realized just how much Ragnor truly lit up his world, but now, it was like everything was black and white. Color meant joy, and Raphael could no longer find any joy either within himself or around him.
Without really knowing where he was going, Raphael wondered into Ragnor's bedroom, a place he'd seldom been before. Raphael all but collapsed on the bed, reaching out for the coin that was on the nightstand beside of it. He clenched his fist around it, unable to bring himself to look at it. It was the coin he had given Ragnor for good luck. A lot of luck it had been. When Raphael finally looked up again, he wasn't at all surprised to realize that there were tears in his eyes, and he didn't try to wipe them away.
He felt a mixture of several emotions well up inside of him when he saw the picture that was sitting on the nightstand. It was a picture of him and Raphael standing outside of Magnus's favorite bar in Peru. They'd made the trip that summer mostly to annoy Magnus because he couldn't go with them, and they'd taken the picture just to have something to send back to Magnus and further aggravate him. Raphael had always loved the picture because they were both laughing in it, Ragnor having made a highly inappropriate comment about Magnus right before it had been taken. And it was the only picture Raphael had ever seen of himself in which he was genuinely happy, in which he was truly smiling for the joy of it.
Without really registering what he was doing, Raphael reached up and knocked the picture frame off the nightstand, sending it crashing into the wall. He heard the glass in the frame shatter, and he thought that was pretty fitting since he could feel his heart shattering into just as many pieces. Raphael was so focused on the fact that he felt like he was drowning that he didn't notice that Magnus had entered the room until he went to pick up the picture frame. "He talked about this trip for years afterwards," Magnus said, his voice much softer than it usually was. "You made him so much happier than anyone else ever did," Magnus finished, coming to sit beside of Raphael on the bed.
Magnus reached out and placed something in Raphael's hand, smiling in a heartbroken sort of way. "I got that off of him before you brought him here," he said, motioning toward the ring he had just given Raphael. Raphael recognized it as the one and only ring Ragnor had ever worn in his entire life, the ring that he had worn since his mother had died. "He would want you to have it," Magnus finished, reaching to take the picture out of the broken frame. "Just like he would want you to have this, even if it hurts right now."
Just as Magnus moved to get up off the bed, Raphael reached out to stop him. "Wait a second, I have a favor to ask of you." Magnus turned back around, his eyes wide with curiosity. "Our tattoo faded," Raphael said, his voice distant, almost detached. "I was going to see if you could magic another one for me, maybe right here?" he asked, pointing to his wrist. Magnus stared at him for several seconds before reaching out to take hold of Raphael's wrist without a word. The cross appeared on Raphael's wrist almost instantaneously, and with it, Raphael felt the weight on his shoulders lessen ever so slightly.
The last thing Magnus wanted to do was walk outside and say goodbye to Ragnor, but he knew it was the only thing left to do before heading back to New York. So he took a deep breath and followed Raphael out of the house, moving to Alec's side without a second thought. Alec had insisted on accompanying him, saying that he didn't want Magnus to be alone at the moment. Magnus was incredibly thankful for the way Alec seemed to be so understanding of his pain, always knowing what the right thing to say or do would be.
Magnus could only look at Ragnor's grave for several long seconds before he had to turn away. He knew his pain was nothing in compare to Raphael's, but after three hundred years with Ragnor by his side, he felt as though a piece of him had been ripped away. Magnus quickly turned back to the house, moving to lay several protective spells around it, knowing that he would have to come back soon and go through Ragnor's things. But right now the only thing he wanted to do was go home. He needed to be away from this, away from the thought of all he had just lost.
So Magnus worked on autopilot, protecting the house and making the portal without turning back to Ragnor's grave. As soon as they were back in New York, Alec took his hand and refused to let go, and Magnus slowly began to feel as though Alec was currently the only thing holding him up. As soon as they were alone, Alec sat Magnus down on the couch, going to feed Chairman Meow without being asked to do so. "Isabelle just called," he said as he came back in the living room. "Simon sent her a fire message saying the Clave is reevaluating its soulmate laws."
More than anything, Magnus wanted to be able to show his excitement and happiness to Alec. He wanted Alec to know just how much all of this meant to him as well, but the only thing he could currently feel was just how tired he was from his grief. Somehow, Alec seemed to register this, coming to sit beside of Magnus and taking his hand. "We can celebrate later," he said, moving to give Magnus a terribly gentle kiss before resting his head on Magnus's shoulder. "Personally, I'm very excited to see what kind of bond we get to have now and what kind of trouble we can stir up with it," he said, referring to the reason the Clave had forbidden Downworlder-Shadowhunter soulmates in the first place.
For the rest of the night, Magnus let Alec take care of him in a way he'd never let anyone take care of him before. It didn't make any sense, but somehow, Alec seemed to help him heal, even if it was ever so slightly. Alec didn't fill the hole that Ragnor had left, and Magnus knew that no one would ever be able to do that. But Alec seemed to sand down the sharp edges of it, to make the pain just a bit softer, a bit less overwhelming than it had been before. So Magnus forced his mind away from thoughts of Alec's mortality, and he focused on the feeling of Alec's arms around him until he finally drifted off to sleep.
Alec was terribly glad that he had had ample excuse to get out of the various Clave meetings that were going to be taking place over the next week or so. He didn't want to leave Magnus alone, and he certainly didn't want Magnus to have to deal with the Clave at the moment. Not after losing Ragnor. Not when his pain was so visible in every last line of his face, in every last movement he made. So Alec set about making Magnus as comfortable as possible, throwing everything he had in to trying to help comfort him in any way he could. Alec knew there was nothing he could truly do to help Magnus, but that only made things worse, that only made him want to try even harder.
The first full day they were home seemed like it was going to be the hardest. Alec was trying to tiptoe around Magnus, not wanting to do or say anything that might make things worse for him. And Magnus just seemed distant. It wasn't as though he was trying to pull away from Alec, at least, not on a conscious level. But he just seemed much further away than Alec could ever hope to reach.
So Alec didn't argue when Magnus urged him to go take care of himself for a bit. He desperately needed a long, hot shower, not to mention his need for many healing runes. The battle had taken a lot out of him that sleep had not replaced, so Alec didn't argue with Magnus, knowing that an argument would only make things worse. Alec sighed in relief as the shower loosened up his muscles, the runes taking care of the rest. He felt much more capable of taking care of Magnus now, much more capable of dealing with life in general.
Yet Alec stopped short when he walked back into the living room. For some reason that seemed beyond Alec, Magnus had a lot of the furniture pushed back to make more space in the middle of the room. Magnus got up from the couch as Alec walked in, holding out his hand. "Dance with me, Alexander," he said, his voice catching ever so slightly. "I might go crazy if we don't celebrate everything you've done for me," Magnus explained, smiling as Alec finally took his hand and stepped into his arms. Alec couldn't help but sigh in contentment at the feeling of being with Magnus, the pain and worry of the past few weeks washing away as soon as they came together.
"If anything, the past few days have made me realize just how lucky I am to have you," Magnus continued, his voice as soft as the music that had begun playing. "Four hundred years is such a long time to wait for your soulmate, and at first I was so angry that you kept it from me that I couldn't think of anything else. But losing Ragnor has made me understand just how quickly you can leave me, not to mention all that you have done for me to show me just how much you truly care." Alec closed his eyes at that, focusing on their movements, focusing on the music and the feeling of Magnus's hand on his arm.
Magnus suddenly went silent, and Alec opened his eyes to see Magnus watching him intently. "You, Alexander, are the single best thing that has ever happened to me," Magnus finally said, his voice betraying his every emotion. "And I intend to spend every day of the rest of my life thanking you for that." Their dancing stopped when their lips found each other, but Alec didn't try to fix that. When they finally pulled apart from one another, Alec was still terribly speechless. There were so many things he wanted to say in response to Magnus, so many emotions he wanted to express, but they were so overwhelming that Alec couldn't find any words worthy of them. So he simply wrapped his arms around Magnus and kissed him once more, allowing himself to get lost in Magnus's touch.
Let me know your thoughts! There's gonna be one more chapter, but I'm not sure when it will be up yet!