~What Am I Feeling?~

~Chapter 43- Hurdles~

Teddy stood in front of the door to Malfoy Manor, his fist hovering, ready to knock. Screwing his eyes up and gritting his teeth, he knocked quickly and suddenly.

He was nervous about seeing his Uncle, though relieved to see Scorpius. It had been two days since the picture was released in the newspapers and Albus had been in a state when he saw him. He could only imagine what Scorpius was like, with nobody close to him to support him; plus, being stuck in the house couldn't be easy. He was about to confront his Uncle about the situation and he didn't know what his reaction would be. He did like his Uncle and got on well with him, he just wasn't sure about putting his foot in it, getting involved, but it was necessary… Scorpius needed his support and he needed to know Scorpius was okay.

The papers hadn't stopped talking about Albus and Scorpius and their Romeo and Juliet romance. It was the hot topic at the moment. Somehow, it had got out that Albus had been kicked out of Malfoy Manor and that Scorpius was on lockdown. Everyone was wondering what would happen to the couple. Albus had tried to go out for a walk yesterday with Teddy and George, but they had been flooded by paparazzi and had to apparate home.

The door crept open and a house elf appeared at the door, peeking through the gap. He or she glared at Teddy, looking them up and down.

"Mr Malfoy is not letting guests. I'm sorry-" The elf tried to close the door abruptly but Teddy shot his hand out and stopped him or her.

"Can you please ask Mr Malfoy to come here? I would like to speak to him." Teddy said firmly.

The house elf looked frightened and scurried away as quick as possible. Teddy sighed and took a step into the foyer of the large house, shutting the door behind him.

Soon enough, Draco came charging into the room with the house elf rushing behind him to keep up. When Draco realised it was Teddy he calmed down a little bit. He thought it was going to be a Potter or Weasley trying to find Scorpius, but it was Teddy and he could at least trust Teddy…

"Oh… Teddy…" Draco said anxiously, "What are you doing here?"

Teddy nibbled on his lower lip, "I'm here to see Scorpius."

Draco's eyes narrowed, "I don't think I can allow that."

Teddy furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "Why on earth not?"

"Because I can't risk anything… I trust you, Teddy. But you're also friends with even consider yourself family with the Potters. I just can't risk anything."

"I don't know what you think I could do but I honestly haven't even seen Albus the past few days," Teddy lied, "I'm just here to see Scorpius. I'm worried about him."

Draco observed Teddy for a second but Teddy didn't give anything away. Eventually, Draco nodded and indicated for Teddy to follow him.

They walked down the long corridors of Malfoy Manor, just a few feet away from each other, "Scorpius is in the library. The house elves have been watching him."

Teddy looked at Draco who was concentrating on the path ahead of himself, "Don't you think you're being a bit harsh on them?" Teddy said hesitantly.

"No," Draco replied immediately, "I've never been completely happy or comfortable with Scorpius being gay but he cannot be with a Potter. A male Potter. And a Potter like Albus to top it all off."

"But why are you so against Potters? I understand, everything that happened in Hogwarts, blah-dy-blah-dy-da! But you've been holding a grudge so long? And Albus is not his father! It's unf-"

"It's not the grudge!" Draco growled in frustration, stopping in his path, "I hate everything the Potters and Weasleys stand for! And what I hate even more is their attitude! They think they're on top of the world! They think they're better than everyone else! Just because they were fortunate enough to not be sucked into the wrong side of the war! They're so arrogant about the whole thing! They haven't had to suffer with work and just making sure they have enough money to put food on the table for their wife and child!" Draco thumped the wall in anger, a sob ripping through his throat, "They haven't had their parents locked up for the past twenty years! And they say their lives have been so hard! They flaunt all they have while all I've had is this huge, empty house and a struggle!

"Everybody loves them and everybody hates me… I know I've done wrong in the past but I don't understand why we can't move on… All I want is my family. And for my family to be safe and for me to be able to provide for them. But even my family loves the Potters more than me…" Draco shook his head and shook off the tears, "Scorpius loves them and loves Albus. And that kills me because I know I haven't done enough for Scorpius… even my own son loves them more than me… And that's why I cannot let him be with Albus.

"I'll send him to another school… To Durmstrang for his last year… It's young love, he'll get over him. But I can't have him with an arrogant group of people like that! It'll ruin him… It-It's ruin us… I'm worried I'll lose him, to them. Like I've lost everything to them and he's the only thing I've got left and I'm going to lose Scorpius too…"

Teddy was shocked at Draco's sudden outburst but he strangely understood. It wasn't that the Potters and Weasleys did flaunt their riches and fortunes in life since the war, but they were happy, that was clear. Draco had misunderstood. He had lost everything in the war, except Malfoy Manor, even all the Malfoy's riches had been given to the Ministry as reparations, but it had hit Draco hard. He was left alone and it wasn't easy. But the Potters and Weasleys had gained everything from the war. Wealth, power and happiness. They had a lot of things on the surface, while Draco had nothing. Only when Scorpius came was there something good in Draco's life. And he worried that he would no longer have Scorpius either soon, he would lose his son to them.

But the truth is, the Potters and Weasleys didn't have everything, it only seemed that way to Draco. There was quite a lot of commotion behind the scenes.

Harry had suffered from post-war depression for a few years, though it was very well-hidden from the media. He had seen a lot of death and lost a lot of people during the war and before, not to mention growing up without a proper family. It had never been easy. Ginny helped him to get through it though.

Ron and Hermione had faced some hardship in their relationship a few years in. Hermione had a lot of trouble with her parents. After obliviating them, Healers had been trying to return their memories but it worked on and off. It really affected Hermione and really got her down. It caused a rift between Ron and Hermione for a while but they also managed to get through it eventually.

There was no doubt that George had suffered greatly after the war too. The loss of his brother hit him greatly, without doubt. He never fell into depression, but he never was quite the same. To lose someone so important to you was hard, there was no doubt about it. George had never quite gotten over it, though he did tell Teddy that Teddy was the first person to make him feel complete since Fred's death. That made Teddy feel like he was worth something, he was put on this earth for a reason.

"They have been through hard times, during the war and after. But none of that matters, what matters is your son," Teddy said softly, "He's not going to love you anymore if you separate him from Albus, in fact it will do the exact opposite. You can't send him to another school either, it will kill him. He loves Hogwarts."

"No, he'll get over Albus. It's young love, it would never last. I'm helping him. And he's more than capable of working in another school and doing well."

Teddy looked at the Malfoy sadly. He wouldn't be able to change Draco's mind. He was a Malfoy which meant he was stubborn and hell-bent on what he wants so there was no point of trying to stop him. In silence, he just let Draco lead him to the library.

They reached the grand library and weaved through the bookshelves. Teddy knew that this was Scorpius' sanctuary, where he loved to come when he wanted to be alone and for some quiet time, to think and learn. And to revel in sadness. He could only imagine Scorpius had spent as much time as possible here the past few days.

Eventually, they found Scorpius lying on a plush sofa, a book rested open over his head with a house elf, Tiggy, glancing between Scorpius and a book she was reading herself.

"Scorpius," Draco said kindly. Gradually, Scorpius rolled over and removed the book from his face. His features were incredibly descriptive. His eyes were red and empty. His cheeks were noticeably paler than usual and the most obvious feature was the resentment towards his father, "Teddy is here to see you…"

Scorpius forced a smile for his cousin, "I-it's good to see you Teddy…"

"It's good to see you too, Scorpius…"

After an awkward moment of silence, Draco shifted and spoke, "I have Potter's wand to return, Teddy," Pulling the wand out of the pocket, he handed it to Teddy, " I trust you'll give it back," Teddy nodded while Draco sighed, "I'll leave you to it."

Draco walked away, his head hung low. As soon as Draco was out of sight and earshot, Teddy instantly stepped forward and took Scorpius in his arms, giving the blonde a tight hug. Scorpius broke down on the spot, sobbing into Teddy's shoulder.

Teddy rocked the smaller boy in his arms, feeling his own tears prickle his eyes. He couldn't imagine what Scorpius and Albus were going through. Yes, he and George had gone through a hard time when they were revealed to be together but they were never physically forced to separate. He couldn't imagine it.

"T-Teddy… are you going to get me out of here? Pl-please!" Scorpius cried desperately, gripping onto Teddy's shirt for dear life.

"I can't, Scorpius, I can't…" Teddy shook his head, "But I've brought you something…" Teddy turned to eye the house elf suspiciously, worried that they might tell Draco.

"Tiggy won't say anything…" Scorpius reassured him.

"I've got a letter from Albus…" Teddy reached into his pocket and handed it to Scorpius who handled it as if it were the most precious and expensive thing on the earth, "Open it later and make sure your dad doesn't see it."

"Oh, thank you Teddy so much!" Scorpius squeezed Teddy tightly, "This means the world! How is Albus? What happened when he was kicked out? Is he okay?"

"He's fine… just… devastated…" Teddy breathed out, "He got home eventually… But he's been moping about a bit… He's desperate to get you back though, Scorpius."

"I miss him so much…" Scorpius collapsed back on the sofa, his face buried in his hands.

"I know you do…" Teddy sat on the sofa also, lifting Scorpius' head to rest on Teddy's lap, "But you'll get through it. You can't give up, Scorpius. Albus is not giving up on you, he loves you. And his family are behind you both too, they've reacted really well to the news of your relationship…" Teddy brushed his fingers through Scorpius' hair comfortingly.

"What should I do, Teddy?" Scorpius whispered despairingly, "I don't want to just sit here… doing nothing. I want to be with Al."

"For now, that's what you're going to have to do… neither me, nor Albus, nor anyone know what's going to happen… We're going to try our best to help you both, but we're not sure what's going to happen. Until we do know, you're going to have to stay strong. Both of you, for each other."

Scorpius agreed, nodding, "Thank you so much for coming here, Teddy."

~X~

Albus was sitting on the sofa with his legs crossed and a newspaper spread over his lap. The paper was filled with pictures of he and Scorpius throughout the time they had together. Even pictures of them when they were just friends, the reporters were trying to pick out all the signs of them being lovers or on the verge of becoming lovers and silly stuff like that. Yet Albus found comfort in looking at the photos of him and Scorpius. They never really took photos together but Albus vowed that when he was with Scorpius again they would capture more moments together.

When James walked into the room, Albus' head shot up, giving a weak smile. He closed the newspaper, watching James awkwardly. They hadn't spoken since Albus came home yesterday, except for a few mumbles and definitely not about Scorpius.

James leant up against the doorframe, eyeing Albus, "I can't believe you like a Malfoy of all people."

Albus' eyes narrowed and he threw the newspaper against the table in anger, "See, this is one of the reasons I didn't tell anyone. You've always been awful to Scor for no apparent reason and I thought everyone would hate Scorpius, and me for that matter, like you. I thought they would all react the way you would react. Well I can't believe I was such an idiot to think that. Because the rest of the family are not idiots like you!" Albus hissed while James stared at him in shock.

Slowly, James' facial expression became softer and more apologetic. He stepped hesitantly towards Albus and when his brother didn't react, he took a seat next to him, "You're right, Albie. I've been an idiot. I honestly don't know what I was doing and I don't know why I have been so horrible to Mal- Scorpius. I'm so ashamed of myself. I regret it so much," James rested his forehead on the palm of his hand, "And I don't know why I acted that way… I guess I just thought that was the way we were supposed to treat Malfoys and that was forever imprinted on the mind… by the end of it all, I couldn't even remember why I was doing it, just that I thought I was supposed to do it. I'm so sorry, Albie. I really am… and when I see Scorpius, when you get him back I'll apologise to him again, and I'll try to get to know him better instead of just judging him so quickly, and most importantly I'll support you one hundred percent…"

Albus was the one to have a shocked face this time. But a sense of relief overcame him too. It was another hurdle faced, getting acceptance from his brother. And if James could accept them… someone who had caused a lot of problems for them in the past… then it gave Albus hope that maybe one day, Draco would too.

"Thank you…" Albus gave a small smile, "It does mean a lot… though I don't know whether you'll ever get the opportunity to get to know Scor at this rate…"

"Don't talk like that… It sounds like you're giving up."

"Sometimes it's hard to be optimistic…"

Voices from down the corridor were heard and Albus recognised one of them. He stood up and rushed to the door where Teddy had arrived.

"Did you see Scor?" Albus panted, fidgeting anxiously.

"Yes and he's okay… His dad has him on lockdown though." Teddy placed a hand on Albus' shoulder.

"How is he?"

Teddy decided against telling Albus about Draco's plans to send Scorpius to another school. He didn't tell Scorpius either, it would just panic the both of them and upset them even more. He would leave it for a while… until they were feeling any better or it came up, "He's… sad. Well, heart-broken. But he's not going to give up either… He said he'll reply to your letter as soon as possible, I'm going to go back in a couple of days…"

"Thank you so much Teddy…"

~X~

Scorpius was lying in bed, watching the door suspiciously as he held the letter from Albus in his hands. He was desperate to read it and had been itching to open it all day, but always seemed to be at risk of someone seeing the letter.

It now seemed he was finally alone and had the chance to read the letter that had been burning a hole through his pocket all day. He ripped the envelope open and felt a wave of comfort overcome him with the sight of Albus' scrawny writing.

Scor,

There are so many questions, so many things I want to say to you but I just don't know how… I guess I don't even know whether or not you'll even be able to you'll be able to reply to this but I'm going to write this anyway…

I guess the first place to start is are you okay? I've been so worried about you, so worried that something awful might have happened though my brain has been telling me that that's ridiculous, which it is. But the sounds of your screams when I was outside have been torturing my mind. I've just been so terrified something terrible happened.

I've been feeling horrible Scor… The past few days, I haven't known what to do. I think I've just been moaping around like an idiot but what else am I supposed to do? I don't know what's going to happen between us and that scares me so much… we've kind of had this future planned out, this one where we are together for always, living our lives happily, but it seems to be deteriorating every day that goes by…

But more importantly, I miss you like crazy. We were having such a great time together and it was ruined. It all happened so quickly… I don't even know what else to say to you Scorpius… except I'm not going to give up on you, not now not ever. You're absolutely amazing and you're everything to me. I don't care what your father says or does, I'm going to find a way to be with you. I love you. Just don't stop loving me.

Love Albus

It wasn't long, but it caused a clench in Scorpius' chest. Scorpius re-read the letter over and over and each time it made him happier. This was the happiest he felt over the past few days. Not even actually hearing Albus' voice, but just through words put him at ease.

He knew that when Albus put his mind to something, he would be determined to see it through. And Scorpius was also determined. Albus was right. They were going to be together… whether it was tomorrow or a month away or even in years, they would be together in the end. No matter who came between us.

Scorpius felt safe in the knowledge that he would eventually be with Al again.

~X~

A/N: It feels like aaaages since I've updated this so sorry! I've had a really busy week but I've officially finished school for the Summer now! Yay! So hopefully I'll be updating much quicker! I'll get started on the next chapter tonight!

Some big reactions there from James and Draco... I think this chapters really important in getting an insight into what both James and Draco are thinking, especially Draco because it kind of justifies his reasons for trying to separate Albus and Scorpius...

Thank you to Full-Empty-Spirit, DarkSnakeLordess, Blue you, ThugQueenBreezy, BlackDawnRose, esinger, R.A.B 1307, pancakes-are-not-for-throwing (great name) and Satary for reviewing the last chapter! Keep reviewing guys! I'm loving getting so many reviews and hopefully will soon get to 200!

Next chapter:: Scorpius is called to his father's office for a rather devastating conversation.