Chapter 26
"Surrender"
The garage was silent as Casey helped Raphael put the finishing touches on the crib and rocking chair, staining the wood and smoothing down the last of the sharp edges on the metal rungs. It had taken a frustrating week to get them presentable, mostly because of Raphael's mood since his brother's injurie.
Raph had been over it a hundred times in his head, how he could have done things different and still managed to acquire what he had been after. He even tried to put the blame on Leo, maybe if he hadn't followed him in the first place... but each scenario left one or both hurt or dead or impractically lucky. And Raph hated it.
"Well I'm done staining, man." Casey stated braking through Raphael's thoughts.
Raph stared at the rung that was made of a series of wrenches welded together and wondered how long he had been polishing it, before looking at Casey. "Thanks for the help, Case." He said in a monotone voice.
Casey leaned on the side of the crib he had been working on, and looked down at his disgruntled friend. "Want to get something to eat… and a beer."
Beer sounded like the best thing in the world right now. So Raph nodded and followed Casey across the street to the apartment.
The apartment was a noise whirlwind of ciaos. The T.V. was blaring some kid's cartoon that had no doubt been watched twelve times as Elizabeth and Mathew ran in circles in the living room while singing along to the show. Mathew a bit incoherently. Donatello was at the kitchen table, with his stuff strewn across it, engulfed in whatever he had pulled up on his laptop, noise canceling headphones helping him to remain oblivious to the on goings of the house hold. April, Mike, and Arayah could be heard fussing about the kitchen with the radio up just a little too loud. Splinter must have been back in the bedroom with Leo as he could not be seen in the main part of the apartment.
"Can I feel then yet?" Mikey asked placing a hand on Arayah's belly not thinking for a second that he might be overstepping some invisible boundary.
Arayah showed no sign of it bothering her, however, as she answered. "I don't think so. Honestly I am surprised I am feeling them moving so soon.
"Well," April chimed in. "I don't know if it matters but you are pregnant with twins. And you are a lot bigger than I was at four and half months. Honestly you look more like six months."
"Aww, but she's still beautiful." Mikey smiled before removing his hand and turning back to the food on the stove befor adding, "Even Leo thinks so."
"Oh my gosh Mike!" Arayah slapped Mikey in the shoulder.
"What's he talking about?" April asked, intrigued at what the normally stoic leader might have revealed.
"Oh his pain meds had just kicked in and you know how he seems to get on Vicodin." Arayah explained with an eye role.
April laughed. "Ya, I think we should avoid that one next time."
"I'm gunna start keeping records with how much trouble these guys seem to get into." Arayah teased while elbowing Mikey in the side.
"Hey you haven't had to fix anything major on me yet." Mikey defended.
"I am sure it is only a matter of time." Arayah shook her head as April nodded her agreement on the matter.
Raph could hear April, Arayah, and Mikey laughing in the kitchen as he made his way across the living room, losing Casey to the couch, kids and T.V.. He didn't care for the way Michelangelo flirted with Arayah. She was pregnant, with his kids for God's sake! Never mind that that was how Mikey was and always had been. And lord knows Mikey didn't mean anything by it. But it didn't matter to Raph as he stepped into the kitchen giving Mike a 'Knock it off' glair.
Not wanting to get into it with the turtle that had been stewing in guilt and frustration for the last week. Mikey turned his full attention to the food on the stove.
"Is Casey in the living room?" April asked Raph. She received a quick nod as she passed Raph and headed for the living room.
"Oh I love this song." Arayah announced, oblivious to the sudden change in the rooms mood, as she turned up the radio and started to sing along.
At first Raph listened to Arayah as her voice filled the kitchen to Atlantis Morset's 'Uninvited'.
"Like anyone worthy I am flattered by your fascination with me. Like any hot blooded woman, I have simply wanted an object to crave. But you you're not aloud. You're uninvited…"
And that's when Raph walked the rest of the way in into the kitchen and shut off the radio with a disgruntled expression. If there was one song that he wanted to listen to less than any love song in the world it was this song.
"Hey. I'm listening to that." Arayah turned the radio back on while giving Raph a stern look.
"Must be strangely exiting…" the radio sang.
Raph responded by immediately reaching for the power button again only to get his hand slapped causing him to hit the auto tune. He would have snapped at her but the song that came through the radio caught his attention.
"And I'd give up forever to touch you. 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be…" It was Iris, by the goo goo dolls. And the Irony between the two songs and his current situation had Raph staring at the radio with a look that showed a mix of emotions he seemed unable to quite sort out.
"All I can taste is this moment. And all I can breathe is your life. Sooner or later it's over…"
Arayah stubbornly hit the button to tune back to her song.
"Must be somewhat hearting to watch shepherd need shepherd. But you, you're not aloud …"
Raph hit the button again, staring her down as Iris came back through.
"And I don't want the world to see me. 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."
The purpose for him going back to the song, instead of just turning the radio off again, wasn't lost on Arayah as she returned his glair. But she hesitated for a moment letting the next verse come through as if she was letting him say his piece. Because whether she wanted to admit it or not, she cared, Mater of fact she cared very much.
"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming, or the moment of truth in your lies. When everything feels like the movies, ya you bleed just to know you're alive."
She took a breath and pushed the button back, hoping to give him her answer on the matter of their unspoken conversation.
The radio sang, "I don't think you unworthy. I need a moment to deliberate."
The radio didn't give the answer she had expected and she quickly tried to change it only to bring the song back to the last verses of Iris.
"And I don't want the world to see me. 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."
Was he really going to make her have this conversation with him … again and now? Make her face emotions that she didn't want to admit to or even fully understand herself? Arayah started to shake her head. "Raph…"
"You know what? Fine, whatever." Raph said putting his hands up in over dramatized defeat. "I came in here to tell you I finished fixing some stuff for the babies." Turning to walk out of the kitchen He added over his shoulder. "You should come check it out when you're done flirting with my brother."
"What? I'm not flirting." Arayah defended.
"He sure the hell is." Raph was now shouting from the other room.
Arayah looked at Mikey who did his damnedest to look innocent, which only made him look all the more guilty.
Arayah responded by rolling her eyes then following after Raph, leaving Mikey standing there smiling to himself knowing full well that Arayah was slowly losing the war between her and his temperamental brother.
Everyone in the overcrowded living room stared up at Raph as he stormed up to the door, yanked his jacket off its hook and stormed out, slamming it in Arayah's face.
At a complete loss of how to deal with the turtle she leaned her forehead against the door and let out a long sigh. She may have been at a loss, but she was determined to bring this issue between them to a final end. So with her jaw confidently set, she yanked open the front door and stomped down to the street after Raphael.
As had become their stubborn custom she called his name demandingly and he ignored her. He stormed into Casey's mechanic shop again slamming the door behind him. With a huff Arayah pulled it open.
"What do you want from me?" Arayah demanded upon entering the garage.
Raph spun around "Nothing!" He lied. "Not a god damn thing!"
"Really?" Arayah asked sarcastically.
Having nothing to throw back at her in argument he decided to snarl and turn his back to her. He couldn't get lost in her electric green eyes, hot with aggravation, or contemplate softening the purse of her strawberry lips with the heated crushing desire of his own if he wasn't looking at her.
"Damn it, Raph." Arayah stomped after him, "Will you stop walking away from me. We need to talk about this."
"Ain't nothing gunna change, Arayah." Raph stated as he tossed his jacket onto the back of a truck then started walking around the back of the garage putting away the tools he had left out. All the while being mindful to not look at her or breathe in her sent to deeply.
"But everything has." Arayah had spoken almost absent mindedly. She hadn't meant to say it out loud. It had kinda slipped out but it was none the less true. Everything had, her life and even though she had fought it, so had her feelings for him and everything that he was. Her downfall, her confusion, her protector, and best friend and all she had seemed to be able to do was drag his heart through the mud in an attempt to protect her own, perhaps. Or maybe because of what he was… she really couldn't remember why she had been so determined not let herself give in to him. He had bent over backwards to protect her and right the wrong he had done her.
Biting her lip and wringing her hands she slowly looked up at him, taking in his bare feet, faded and worn out blue jeans. He didn't wear a shirt, as usual, so she could see every scratch and scar that marked his upper body as he turned to face her, his hand resting on the back of a unique rocking chair.
He didn't argue with her statement. He didn't dare even open his mouth, afraid of what truths and feeling would suddenly come flooding out. Instead he stood there staring at her and pressing his thumb into the back of the, mostly, wooden rocking chair as he attempted to understand the meaning of what she had just said.
"Are those…pistons?" Arayah asked breaking into Raph's concentration.
He looked down at the legs that held up the rocking chair's seat. "Yes." He answered hoarsely.
Arayah's gaze shifted to the crib as she crossed the space between them. Slowly she ran her fingers over the home made metal rungs of the crib, each one unique and beautifully made of scrap metal and spare tools. Each hole filled and each edge and corner filed down smooth. She then viewed the rocking chair with the same thorough touch as she was continually filled with awe.
"These were the broken ones in the layer?" Arayah came to stop in front of Raph.
Looking down at her he gave a small nod. "I went back for them. Finished them here."
Going back for them had not been wise and had not left him and definitely not Leo unscathed. But it would do no good to chastise him for the action as he already carried enough guilt. So Arayah chose to ignore his dangerous venture and focused on what he had been trying to do. Provide.
"You fixed them?" she asked as she brought her hand to rest on the top of the rocking chair's back, next to his.
He nodded as his eyes settled on the proximity of her hand to his. "I know they ain't like new…"
"Their perfect. I could have never have found something this beautiful in a store."
Raph's gaze shifted to Arayah's as the familiar swell of pride filled his chest and a small smile tugged at his lips at pleasing the woman he cared so deeply for.
She was momentarily lost in that look he gave her full of pride and something else. Something he had never been able to hide but that she had been in denial of. He was so much more than just an animal and his obvious attraction to her was so much more than some instinctual desire. She had just refused to see it before, but even so, she found she needed to hear him say it.
"Why do you keep helping me, Raphael?" Arayah's fingers stretched out, ever so gently brushing his hand.
The action was small and the touch light but it sent a wave of heat and desire through him so intense it took all he had not to pounce on her and devour her in all his pent up desire, fueled by some deep seeded feeling he had been trying so hard to ignore. And here she was asking him tell her, to risk a rejection so deep it physically hurt him to even think of it.
His smile faded as he struggled with admitting the truth even to himself. He let out a huff of air and he started to shake his head.
Arayah's heart quickly became so heavy she thought she might cry as she realized she had missed her chance. Pushed him away too hard and for too long. Trying desperately to swallow down the hurt and to hold back the tears she didn't deserve to shed she gave a quick nod of understanding.
"Ok. I am sorry…" Her voice cracked as she spoke. "I am sorry for hurting you, and for taking so long to see you for who you are."
Swallowing down her regret she took a deep breath, let her hand fall to her side, and began to walk back through the garage.
Raph stood there for a moment staring at the space Arayah had previously occupied trying to decipher her words and understand their meaning, and then it hit him.
"Arayah." He called as he looked at her over his shoulder.
She came to a stop and waited.
Raph turned to fully face her watching for some sign that he was right. "What are you sayin'?"
Looking up she took a steadying breath, then wiped a couple of tears away that had escaped down her cheeks as she turned around. Looking at him, as he stood there legs braced apart and arms crossed over his chest, she thought he couldn't have looked more perfect. So, she looked away focusing on anything that might help keep her from crying.
"Raph, I…" Arayah bit her lip as she searched for the least incriminating words. But they refused to come to her. "In all this ciaos and calamity I… I forgot what you are and saw who you are… and I…"She chewed her lip as she struggled with the last of her confession, "I fell in love with you and I was in such denial I…"
She didn't get the chance to finish. He closed the space between them to quickly, his mouth finding hers and cutting her confession short as he wrapped his arms around her pulling her as close as her swollen belly would allow. His lips brushed over hers again and again hungry and wanting. Arayah's soft strawberry lips parted and Raph growled as he claimed her mouth with his tongue.
Arayah wrapped her one arm around his neck and with the other hand gripped the edge of is carapace pulling him closer to her so that her kisses could trail down his jaw to his neck where she nipped him gently earning another pleasured growl from him.
Raph responded by raking his teeth over her ear lobe then whispering low and husky in her ear. "I Love you, Arayah. I always have. From the fucking beginning."
Arayah closed her eyes and tilted her head back allowing him full access to her neck as he proceeded to kiss and taste her sweetness.
"Show me." She whispered.
With a low grown he reached behind her and opened the tail gate of a truck that graced the garage. He then broke their kiss long enough to lift her into the truck bed and climbed in after her.
Raphael wasted no time in shucking her clothing from her so he might devour every inch of her succulence, feel her soft skin beneath his callous finger tips. From the hollow of her neck to the swollen peaks of her breasts, the soft rise of belly, to the moist valley between her thighs. He tasted of her sweet and musky juices till she cried out his name begging for him to fill her, to utterly consume her in his voracious fire.
Arayah helped Raph kick off his own jeans as he stretched himself over her bringing himself to rest between her thighs hesitating just at her entrance, warm and wanting.
"Raph, please." She begged as she wrapped her legs as far around him as his shell would allow her arms slipping up around his neck as she lifted herself to him desperate to fulfill the carnal need he had ignited with in her.
He watched her as he began to push into her, slowly, fighting his desire to completely and utterly claim her as his own, aggressively and without remorse.
Her head tipped back as she moaned and he answered her with an approving grunt.
Holding onto the side of the truck bed with one hand and fondling one of her breasts with the other he began to devour her with kisses once again as he began to thrust into her harder and harder till kisses were impossible and the truck rocked and squeaked with complaint, a sound drowned out by the couples pleasured cries as both surrendered to each other, giving up on their small war against each other and fate.