70. Disgust
"I can't imagine how twisted you'd have to be to fall in love with your own sibling. It's so gross to think about."
"Never in a million years would I ever kiss my sister!"
"Incest is disgusting. How can you think of your family that way?"
Replaying in her head, Rin remembers all the comments her friends have made expressing their utter revulsion at the idea of incest.
Disgusting.
"Rin?"
She looks over at the boy laying in bed beside her. Her brother. He's wearing a concerned expression, his eyes- that so match her's in color- trained on her. His gold ponytail is gone, leaving his strands loose on the pillow.
"You haven't fallen asleep. Is something bothering you?" Len asks. "Are you afraid of the nightmares again?"
"Y-yeah…" Rin lies.
"Don't worry, Rin. I'm here. I'll keep you safe," Len says, drawing close and pulling her to his chest protectively.
Rin snuggles close, inhaling his scent, her heart pounding wildly in her chest. Stop, stop, she pleads with it, wishing she didn't feel like this, wishing that it was someone else, something else, anything but this.
Repulsive.
What ever happened to being just an annoying sister? How did it go from thinking of her brother as her role model and guardian, to wishing for something else, something forbidden and wrong and disgusting?
Her fingers grip his shirt, and Len hugs her tighter, thinking she's frightened by something, but in reality she just wants to be closer to him. He's oblivious, which is good, because if he knew about how sickening his younger sister's feelings are, he'd never forgive her. Sharing the same bed would be a distant memory. Sharing the same space? Unspeakable.
Clutching onto him as if for dear life, Rin clamps down on those horrible, confusing, revolting thoughts that rear up inside her like terrifying monsters, much scarier than any nightmare.
He can't know.
It's disgusting, wrong, unforgivable.
I'm his sister.
She buries her face in his shirt, tears threatening.
What do I do?
I love him, but not like I should.
I'm in love with him.
Disgusting.
"Rin, is there something else on your mind?" Len asks her, and she finds herself looking up into those caring, handsome orbs that portray only sibling love. As if they'd show anything else.
He can't know. Ever.
Rin forces a smile, shaking her head slowly.
"...No. Nothing in particular."