I stood on the deck of the ship, leaning out towards the water. Watching the waves crash against the side of the ship and retreat back down into the Waking Sea. The smell of the salty sea air and the sound of the waves filling my senses. It was so calm and relaxing. I always loved being near the ocean. Back at home, my family would take annual camping trips to Garibaldi when I was growing up. We would always fish off the jetty or go crabbing off the docks. I would always become soothed by the sight of the waves and the smell of the air. Even the smell of the dead fish bait, as disgusting as it was, soothed me. It was my serenity, my sanctuary, my peaceful place. Those trips were everything to me. I would always vision myself being able to just jump into the water, allowing the cool feel of the wave's crash against my body before submersing myself and swimming off like a mermaid into the sea. A childish fantasy, but even now, it was always a vision that painted itself into my mind.
"It's beautiful isn't it?" I glance behind me and see Garrett watching while he saunters over towards me. One of his signature half crooked smiles placed perfectly across his face. I look back to the water as he comes up next to me and leans over towards the water as well.
"The ocean has always been so peaceful to me. So serene. I can understand why Isabella loves being out on her ship so much." I reply to him, my eyes remaining locked on the waves.
He chuckles next to me and nudges my arm with his elbow. "That is like pillow talk to her. Don't let her hear you say that or she might just keep you forever."
I chuckle as well in response. Then we remain silent next each other, both watching the waves and taking in the sight of the water. I honestly wish a dolphin or whale would jump out of the water, as totally cheesy as that would be. But, I can't help it, I am cheesy and I wish a damn dolphin or whale would appear so I can be happy as a clown for a moment. But, of course this is reality and that does not happen in reality. I sigh and drop my gaze back down to the waves that crash against the ship.
"You ever wish that time could just slow down for a few moments?" I ask Garrett, my voice low and almost somber. Garrett doesn't reply right away. He runs his hand through his jet black hair and sighs.
"Yeah I do. More often than not." I look at him, watching the side of his face as he stares out to the ocean. I know he can see from his peripheral that I am staring, but he doesn't seem to mind. I giggle and then bring my gaze back out before me.
"But it never happens. We wish for time to slow and no matter how much we drag our feet, it only seems to quicken by at least ten times. Then, when we wish it to move faster it only seems to move-"
"Ten times slower." He finishes for me with a slight mirthful huff to his voice. Then he leans his arm on the railing of the deck and turns his body to me, registering most of his weight onto his leaned down arm, causing his stance to be more of a lazy form.
"Are you nervous about Haven?" He asks, his faced filled with a curious and concerned look. The man really does care more than he should.
I however, keep my stance and my gaze out towards the water. Garrett does not understand the full amount of fear I carry towards the Conclave. He believes I will be joining him into Haven. I can't tell him otherwise, only partial truths even as horrible as it makes me feel to hold back from him.
"I don't know what to expect from Haven, true. It is a slight worry. Will they allow me to stay? Possibly allow me to lend a working hand where it is needed. Or…..will they just kill me on sight for being an elf and a mage? I have no idea." I pause only for a moment. Feeling absolutely terrible for my full on lie. Trying to decide to either leave it there or bring a little honesty in this moment to Garrett. When he does not speak and just keeps his eyes locked on the side of my face, I choose the latter.
"Honestly, I just am not looking forward to feeling alone again…ya know?" Not the full truth, but it is a fear of mine, and it is all I can openly tell him. I turn then to look at Garrett, just a glance at him, enough to notice the recognition and understanding in his eyes. Then shift my gaze back to the water. Before I can comprehend what was happening, Garrett moved swiftly to wrap his arms around me in a tight side hug.
Bringing his face to my ear he says "Hallie, you could just say you'll miss me." I turn my head and almost bump my nose against his, not realizing he was so close. I don't even attempt to shift my body, his arms are still tightly wrapped around my waist. I look at his eyes, then move my eyes down to his lips, which are finely turned into a crooked smile. I lingered there for a moment, when I realize I had kept my eyes on his lips far too long, I move them back up to meet his. His smile turns cockier while he watches my eye movement. No doubt noticing and absolutely loving the fact that I just stared at his lips like a hungry idiot.
I give him a half smile and say "I could, but I won't." Shooting him a wink, then move my gaze back again to the water. I can't hold eye contact with him this close, his lips too tempting and far too close to mine. I'm already feeling the heat rise to my cheeks, no way am I going to lock my eyes on his. Nope. Not happening. As it is, every time we touch or like right now as he embraces me, it already feels so natural to me. I don't get tense as much anymore. Though I am thoroughly sure it has much to do with our aura's colliding in such a way that they did. I now realize how incredibly comfortable I feel with him. That thought and those feelings should not have any hold inside me. But they do, and I fucking hate it.
He releases his grip on my waist and plants a small kiss to the side of my head, before saying "Well I WILL miss you."
He turns to leave then, but before completely disappearing he says over his shoulder "Oh! And our packs are in the room next to Isabella's cabin, in case you needed anything from them." Then he fully disappears into a larger room where the crew sits for eating. A gust of strong wind blows my long red hair directly into my face, I attempt to move the irritating strands away, but they just fly right back over my fingers and into my face again. I sigh in my defeat and decide I probably should seek out my pack and grab a hair tie.
I start moving my feet across the deck, bumping shoulders with some of the crew men. I am pretty sure that the lot of them are already in a drunken stupor. Isabella seems to just have barrels of ale everywhere on this ship. Which doesn't really surprise me at all. One of the crew members pinches my ass as I walk by, I pause for a moment debating to go off on him. Then deciding against it I keep moving, not wanting to cause a scene. I stop in front of two doors that are quite literally side by side. Well, shit. I have no idea which door leads to the room where our packs are stored and which one leads to Isabella's cabin. She doesn't have it marked in any sort of way, most likely assuming the crew already knows of her domain. Well that is just lovely for me then. It's hard for me to even thoroughly decide which door to go through with the crew having a loud and rambunctious merry old time on the deck. Asswipes. I sigh and just turn the latch on the door to my left. I open it slowly, then enter quickly when I hear a crew man laughing rather closely behind me. Shutting the door quickly, I turn to take in my surroundings. A rather large table with maps thrown over it sits in the middle. A large, messy, and colorful bed sits right behind the table. Pillows and blankets strewn all over it. Candles hang down bringing forth light in the room. Colorful fabrics and curtains hang from the walls, almost completely covering the wood of the ship and all the windows. A swift smell of ale and musk enters my nostrils. This is definitely not the room where our packs are. I peek around and see an additional closed door, but no one seems to be in the room currently. Next to the bed is a heap of clothes and trinkets. I walk over to examine and notice a Tambourine barely peeking out under the mess of fabric. Without further thought or control of my body movements, I bend to pick it up. It is truly beautifully put together, the leather on top for the drum is stained a beautiful deep teal color. The chimes are a beautiful golden color, which sit in a deep red wood base. I place my hand within the holder and smack the drum once, causing a beautiful jingle sound. Excitement rushed through my body, but was quickly diminished when I felt long arms slink around my waist. I freeze in my movements and instantly drop the Tambourine, causing more and much louder jingles to escape from it. I turn quickly, eyes wide in my fear and see Isabella standing before me, arms still wrapped around me. Is everyone this touchy? The only person I feel okay and comfortable with touching me is Garrett. She is definitely not Garrett. Her deep brown eyes bore into mine hungrily. A smile that's stretched across her face as I fumble with getting words of apologies out of my mouth.
"I-I-I am so sorry! I di-didn't mean t-to intrude…I-I swear I wasn't s-s-stealing anything." Fuck my stuttering! Her smile only gets wider, which I honestly didn't think it could.
"Oh my darling, it's quite alright. I hold no offense at having such a beautiful woman in my cabin." She purrs. She releases my waist and moves to bend over next to me, picking up the tambourine. She turns back to me and shifts her gaze from the Tambourine to me again.
"Does the pretty lady enjoy music?" She asks me in a smooth and sulky voice. I drop my gaze from her and down to my hands as I fumble with them out of nervousness.
"I-I do very much so, playing music is sort of a passion of mine." I reply, praying to the gods that she does not ask for a private performance. She giggles at my response and brings up one of her hands to my chin, lifting it up and forcing me to look at her.
"My dear, don't be shy around me" she coons. "Here love, as a gift from me." She lets go of my chin and hands me the Tambourine.
My eyes go wide again and I shake my head vigorously in protest. "Oh no, no, no. I couldn't." I say, waving my hands in protest as I do so. She then giggles at my response and grabs one of my hands and places the Tambourine in it.
"Darling, I insist. Besides, it was a gift to me from a man in Rivain. One such man I have no doubt I will ever see again." She winks at me. "I can't even play, nor do I enjoy playing it. You will get some good use out of it, sweet thing." She then takes her free hand and tucks a lock of my hair behind my ear. I look down at my hand holding the Tambourine, fear expertly leaving my body and replaced with absolute excitement and gratitude. I practically jump on her, with a loud oomph from her, wrapping my arms around her in a hug and saying thank you over and over into her ear. She laughs rather loudly and says "So sweet thing, whatever did bring you into my cabin?" I let go of her and go back to my shy state. I look down, attempting to hide my blush.
"I was actually looking for the room that holds my pack. But, I got lost trying to figure what door I was supposed to go through." Slowly I bring my gaze back up to her. Her face still holding a mirthful expression. She giggles and grabs my hand, leading me out of her cabin and into the door next to it.
"Here you are my dear. Do please enjoy my gift." She says with a smile. She then plants a rather juicy kiss onto my cheek and turns to walk out of the door. Before opening it she looks at me over her shoulder and says "You have a beautiful soul my dear. Garrett is indeed a very lucky man." To which I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. But before I can protest that Garrett and I are not together, she winks at me and quickly walks out the door. 'Well that's just fucking dandy!'
I sigh and turn to place my new beautiful Tambourine in my pack and grab out a hair tie. Then I pull my hair up into a ponytail. Deeming my task complete I turn and head for the door. Upon coming back out to the deck, I notice across from me that Garrett is speaking to one of the crew members. His hand drawn out from his side, palm down, as if measuring an invisible height of someone or something he is describing. The man he is talking to looks around the deck and stops his gaze at me and points. 'Just fucking great.' I really don't want to see Garrett right now, not after Isabella's little audacious comment. No doubt that rumor has reached his ears as well. Garrett turns his head towards me and smiles, sauntering over in my direction. 'Damn, I couldn't just be invisible right now could I.'
"There you are!" He says as he looms closer to me. Finally reaching me, he stops and grabs my wrist, pulling me to lead to the railing of the deck. He points out into the distance, my gaze follows where he points. A city appears a short distance from us. I link my arm with Garrett's and sigh heavily. 'I am not ready to leave the Waking Sea yet.' Garrett leans his head to the side to rest on mine.
A disappointed frown falls on my face. "Can't we just…stay on this ship? Or, possibly just turn into magical water creatures and live in the Waking Sea?" I ask Garrett, in a voice that was extremely close to whining. He lets out a soft snort of a laugh against my head. 'This position that we're in is definitely not helping those rumors.' I attempt to move my head to look up at Garrett, he lifts his head from mine to look down at me with a smile. "How much longer?" I ask him.
"Not much. When we dock in Jadar, you and I will travel from the docks around the city to head for Haven. I wanted to get as close to Haven as possible before nightfall. Isabella has informed me that attempting to navigate through Jadar will only slow us down. The Conclave begins tomorrow morning and we need to be on time. So, I thought we would make camp this evening and travel down to Haven in the morning during the Conclave."
I stare into his golden eyes and then nod my head in acknowledgment. Tonight will be my last night with Garrett, and with any luck, will be my last night in Thedas. If, and that is a huge if, I survive the Conclave. I decided a while ago that my best bet to return to home is to go to the Conclave rather than Haven. I have no idea if my plan will work, and to be honest, it may very well be the most idiotic life threatening plan I have ever had. But, there is truly nothing left for me here in Thedas. I just feel overall, done and defeated here. Garrett has done so much for me, but I can't and won't hang onto his kindness with my life. That is not fair to him. I have to let go of him and doing that will cause me to be alone once more in this world. Something I would much rather not face again. If there is even the smallest chance that I could return to my world during the events at the Conclave, I have to take it. And pray, pray as hard as my heart can, that I will survive and that I will make it home.
It didn't take Isabella's ship long to reach the docks of Jadar. Garrett and I unloaded our horses and packs, as well as said our goodbye's to Isabella. I caught her whispering into Garrett's ear before we were officially off, which made them both glance over to me. Isabella winked and Garrett just nudged her off of him and quickly mounted his horse. I have a good feeling what that shit was all about, Isabella and her insistent pushing about Garrett and me. But, he seems quite content in not addressing the matter further and to be honest, I am as well. Without any further distractions, we set off towards a dirt path that led us into the woods towards the Frostbacks. We traveled rather quietly as the cold and patches of snow began to form around us, covering the forest in patches that glowed beautifully white and powdery. It took a lot of my will power to not hop off Dhruva's back and jump in the freshly fallen snow. But, we only have a few hours of daylight left for traveling, so instead we kept up with our pace, attempting to get as close as we could before dusk. I used the opportunity of the cold air to release some of my magic to warm me up, making sure to keep control of my aura. It is becoming easier to gauge how much to let out when I need to and how much to keep in when I need to. Except of course when I sleep, I still have not allowed myself to fully connect back to the Fade. Being an inexperienced Somniari, I have no idea what I would find or what I would do. The last thing I would ever want to do is to intrude on another person's dream again.
The closer we traveled to Haven, the more I thought of the Conclave. It is the worst feeling in the world to know what will happen and that so many will die, but be completely powerless to stop it. Even if I tried, no one would believe me. And if by chance someone did, we would then never be able to stop Corypheus, a darkspawn and Tevinter magister who was one of the seven to assault the Golden City in the Fade. I mean, who's to say that even if the Conclave were to never happen that Corypheus would not find another way? He, no doubt, would. Then, there is no guarantee that the future Herald of Andraste would be there to intervene, causing complete and utter destruction to Thedas as we would know it. HE would become an unstoppable force. No, the Conclave, as absolutely horrible as it is, must continue to unfold as it should. I can't stop it and I shouldn't stop it. Somethings are just meant to happen, no matter how terrible they may be. There must be a Herald if Thedas is to have a fighting chance against the horrors Corypheus is about to unleash.
I shut my eyes tightly and sigh, attempting to bring my thoughts away from the grim and fatalistic. All I have done in the last two hours or more is surround myself with the feeling of melancholy. Which Garrett has been quietly observing. I catch him occasionally glancing back to me, as I follow on Dhruva behind him, with a concerned look. But, he has not yet voiced any words on the matter. The sun is dipping lower along with a few snow clouds looming above us, causing the forest to darken as well.
"Okay, what is wrong Hallie? You look like someone just kicked your kitten." Garrett asks me. An odd mixture of concern and sarcasm mixed with his voice.
I shake my head to clear my thoughts, then look at his horse, then to him. "I just realized I never asked you what you named your horse."
My attempt at a subject change does not pass by Garrett. He squints his eyes at me in suspicion and pursed his lips. "That's a shit subject change, but I'll let you have it." He moves his gaze down to his horse and pats her neck. "I named her Beth, after my sister. My sister loved animals, horses especially. She always said that they had beautiful and mystical spirits. When I got my horse, she had the same look in her eyes that Bethany would describe to me as full of depth and beauty. Almost like they know and can sense your own spirit. So, I named her Beth, because she reminded me of my sister Bethany." He then pulls the reins of Beth causing her to stop, then he glances back at me with half of a smile painted across his features. I smile back and briefly drop my gaze to Beth, then back to Garrett.
"Beth is a beautiful name." Is all I can muster from my lips. I know talking about his family is hard for him, he lost everyone. At least, to my knowledge he has. Perhaps his brother became a Grey Warden or a Templar. Though, if I'm being honest, neither of those organizations would be one I would want him to be a part of.
Garrett nods his head and smiles before dismounting from Beth. "Let's make camp here for the night, it is not the largest clearing, but enough room for us to have a small camp. It will take us roughly an hour to reach the gates of Haven in the morning and I would rather us not get too close when we camp."
I follow his actions and dismount from Dhruva, leading him to where Garrett is tying Beth up as well. We both work at tending to Dhruva and Beth before setting up our bedrolls and making a fire. By the time we get our fire going, the sun is nearly completely set, granting almost complete darkness within the trees around us. Only patches of glistening of white radiating off the trees and some of the ground below. We both used our magic to melt enough snow for our camp, the snow isn't too heavily set on the ground so it didn't take us very long. We kept our bedrolls close to the fire and used them to sit on while we ate our dinner. I sat with my legs criss-crossed on my bedroll, facing the fire with my chunk of bread laying in my lap while I chewed on dried meat. Garrett sat similar next to me on his bedroll, keeping our water skin in the middle between us. Upon finishing my piece of dried meat, I pulled my hair out of its ponytail and let it fall down, running my fingers through it to remove any tangles. Garrett nudges me and I stop my movements to look at him. He smiles then pulls out a bottle of wine from the other side of him and takes a swig. Then holds out the bottle to me.
"Want some?" He asks, I look at the bottle and then to him and roll my eyes.
"Are you trying to seduce me?" I ask suspiciously while cocking an eye brow at him.
He smirks and then asks "Is it working?" Then winks at me. "Nooooo, I just wanted a drink before we go to Haven. Maker only knows what bullshit could go down with me charging in as Varric's knight in shining armor." He cocks his eyebrow in return, attempting to suppress his mirth. The ass is mocking me now. I snort a laugh and take the bottle from him and bring it to my lips to swallow a gulp. Hell yes I want a drink, I don't need the Maker to tell me what is going down for me when I get there, I already know. That thought causes me to take another large gulp. The wine is actually delicious, hints of berries and cinnamon laced with the alcohol. It is strong too, I can already feel the warmth of the alcohol spreading throughout my body.
We continue to silently eat and take turns drinking the wine. It doesn't take long for the effects of the wine to really hit me. Not enough to make me drunk, but enough to get a good buzz tingling throughout my body. I huff a sigh and lean back on my bedroll, arms spread out above my head. Garrett turns to look at me and smiles.
"So, are you in a mood to sing for me? It is, after all, our last night together." He gives me a cheesy grin, and when I don't answer him right away, he then drops the cheesy grin and pouts his lips while giving me his puppy dog eyes. Damn him. I sit up and look at him. He kept his begging expression and puppy dog eyes through my movements, his gaze following me as I sat up. I glare at him then bring my finger up and poke his cheek where a faint dimple sits. "Damn you and that face." He chuckles at me, then I shake my head and stand up. I move to my pack and grab out the Tambourine Isabella gave me. I turn to Garrett and smile down at him. He's still sitting on his bedroll, legs criss-crossed and waiting with one of his smirks. Damn those smirks. They are attractive enough without alcohol, but with it, that look is just smoldering. That thought brings me to a giggle as I think of the Disney movie Rapunzel. Garrett has a smolder. Ha!
Garrett gives me a questioning look, then brings his hands to his face. "What's so funny? Food stuck in my facial hair?" He says as he pats along his face and hair. I shake my head at him, smile never leaving my face.
"No Garrett. Okay, so since I'm feeling rather ballsy…" I stop when he cuts me off with a round of laughter. He brings his hands up and waves them, trying to contain his laughter.
"Wait, wait, wait…Ballsy?" He asks me, still trying to contain his laughter.
I sigh and lift my head back in slight frustration and bring it back down to look at him with annoyance. Though I'm not truly annoyed or frustrated. "Yes ballsy. Now, will you stay focused please?" I cock my eyebrow and wait for his response. He drops his hands back down to his lap and nods his head, his face still lifted up in a smile. "Yes, yes I promise." Then he finally brings back his attention to me.
"Okay so anyway, I am feeling ballsy" I emphasize the word ballsy. "and will show you a dance with the song I've picked." I catch excitement rush through his features before he opens his mouth in an attempt to say something, then he closes it when his eyes lock on mine and nods his head instead.
I move my body in position, close enough to the fire to grant light upon my body. I bring my body up on my tip toes to prepare myself for movement. I suck in my stomach and push my chest out, leaning my head back, allowing my long hair to flow freely down my backside. I bring my arms up, Tambouring in hand and begin softly slapping my hand on the drum, causing a short jingles and a thump to release from the instrument. The position I have my body in grants Garrett a view of my side as I begin. I close my eyes and bring the lyrics back to memory. Isolating my hips and chest as I bring movement to them, as I would do when I practiced both Ballet and Belly dance. Continuously keeping to the beat of the drum and jingle. Staying slightly lifted on my tip toes and moving my feet in delicate and graceful movements to the steps. Then I breathe in and begin to sing, my voice soft and low with the lyrics.
"Seems that I have been held, in some dreaming state
A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake
No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber
Until I realize that it was you who held me under"
I quicken my steps and the beat of the Tambourine. Twirling with the Tambourine lifted, my hair swaying as I do so. My hips also swaying with me, my arms and my legs moving gracefully along with my dance. I slightly raise my voice and quicken the song and the lyrics. I haven't once brought my gaze to Garrett, just kept focus on the beat, the lyrics, my voice and catching all the notes just right, as well as my dance movements.
"Felt it in my fist, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids
Shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs
No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world"
I slowed my movements, to a more elegant sway and step. I slowed the beat back down and kept it steady before continuing. Adding in a few twirls and slight skips to my steps. Then bring my body slight down after my last twirl, bringing my hands together at my chest, I begin to slowly slink my body up like a snake as I continued singing, low and soft again.
"And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack
All around the world was waking, I never could go back
Because all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open
And finally it seemed that the spell was broken
And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open
And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open
No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world"
I slowly bring the song to an end, dragging out the last word slightly. Ending it with a slight slow and isolated sway of my hip, popping it out to the side. Hands above my head, slightly bent, hitting the last beats. Causing the front of my body, which now faces Garrett, to look more of an 'S' shape. When I finally look upon Garrett's face, I quickly realize how provocative my dance may have been in this world. In my world, belly dancing with a mixture of Ballet would not be considered provocative, unless the dancer intended so. Garrett looks completely captivated, his gaze so intense. 'Did he watch me like that?' Then I catch his eyes and realize they are boring into mine, taking in my entire form, he has an intense gaze. It almost makes me want to hide and shrink within myself. His eyes don't hold judgment in them, but almost like he's searching again, for the depths of mine, of me, of my soul. I can feel the buzz and warmth still ringing throughout my body from the wine. I start fumbling and try to get his look to change, the only thing that comes to my mind and body movements is a slightly hesitant rendition of the chicken dance. I almost feel like I'm moving in slow motion as I bring my hands up above my head and clamp my fingers together to represent a beak three times. But I keep going and I can't help but smile when I see that Garrett snaps out of his spell and looks at my moves almost confused. Then I bring my hands in a fist under my armpits and flap my arms up and down three times. Followed by wiggling my hips, childishly with my hands on either side. He starts fighting back a smile, I twirl while still wiggling my hips and turn back to face him, bringing my hands up over my head with a fat grin to announce that I've finished.
Garrett bursts into laughter after my little goofy performance at the end, much to my relief. Coming out of his mirth momentarily he says to me. "What in Maker's name was that last bit?"
I laugh and begin making my way back over to Garrett, who is still sitting criss-cross on his bedroll. I attempt to make it back to mine, but stumble a few times before almost flying down into my bedroll. 'How the hell can I dance gracefully but I cannot walk the few simple steps to my damn bedroll?!' Garrett catches my arm in an attempt to help steady me, which only causes my fall to land more towards him. I can't help but to laugh at myself as Garrett helps me sit back up. Finally sitting properly on my bedroll, I face Garrett and muster an answer for his question.
"That last part was a called a chicken dance. I just…..couldn't help myself." I giggle slightly as I watch Garrett chuckle at my response.
I honestly thought that bringing him out of his intense gaze towards me would ease the tension for me. But seeing him laugh so freely, albeit at my expense, is just as captivating. My gaze drops down to his lips that are pulled into a wide grin, creating dimples on his cheeks as he laughs. I stare at his features feeling completely enamored by the person in front of me. It could be the wine that adds to my courage to feel so freely, though honestly, it is the wine. I know if I were completely sober I would never be so bold, especially knowing that I am trying to leave Thedas, not find another reason to stay. I shove those negative thoughts down when Garrett catches me watching him. His mirth slowly slips from his expression and his eyes bore into mine again. I keep my eyes locked onto his this time, refusing to pull away.
"Hallie….thank you. For tonight, for everything really. You are a beautiful singer and dancer." He says to me, more serious now then our previous bouts of jokes and laughter. He then lifts his hand up to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. His hand brushing slightly against my cheek. The sensation causes me to shiver with goosebumps. His hand lingers in my hair that is now tucked behind my ear, eyes locked onto mine. "You are such a beautiful person."
I stare into his eyes as his words hits me down to my core. I swallow my nerves and move my gaze to his lips, a move he no doubt notices. When his lips twitch slightly, I nibble on my lower lip and lean into Garrett, pressing my lips onto his. I can feel him tense up and when he doesn't return the kiss I quickly pull back. My eyes go wide and panic begins to set in.
"Garrett….I am so sorry, I shouldn't have—"
My apology was cut short by Garrett's lips crashing back into mine, coaxing a whimper from me. I freeze up for a second, allowing my brain and body to catch up to the moment. Then I close my eyes and kiss him back. He moans deeply when I do and buries his hand deeper into my hair, tilting my head back slightly and bringing his other hand to cup my jaw. I bring my arms up around his neck, arching my chest slightly into his, and bring my hand up to dig my fingers into his hair. He gently grazes my lower lip with his tongue and I open my mouth to allow entrance and deepen our kiss. He tastes sweet as our tongues dance around together. Sweet with subtle hints of the berries and cinnamon from wine. Our aura's slightly brushing up against each other's, though we both seem hesitant to complete join them. He removes his hand from my cheek down to my stomach, then slowly to my outer thigh. I gasp and move my body to position myself in his lap. In tune to my movements, his hand moves to my ass and grips as he pulls me against him. I wrap my legs around him and press my body hard against his, coaxing a deep moan from him. Our kiss has become more frantic and I desperately move my hands from his hair, to his face, then down to his chest. Warmth spreading down to my core from the wine we had and his body pressed hard against mine. He breaks our kiss and peppers my skin until he reaches my neck, I tilt my head back to grant him access and breathe out a moan. He moves his hand to my lower back, his other hand moves from the nape of my neck to the back of my head, tangled in my hair. His hot breathe against my neck sends shivers down my spine. He gently guides my body down, leaning with me until his body is pressed on top of mine. I tighten my legs around his waist and thrust my hips up, pressing my sensitive spot up against his hardened bulge. He moans against my neck as I do so. Then he brings his hand around from my back to my stomach and slowly slides it up to cup my breast over my light armor. I let out a loader moan that quickly becomes muffled by his lips capturing mine again, leaving my neck cold from the breeze that brushes against the areas that are wet with his saliva. I moan against his mouth and bring my hands, which are placed upon his chest, back up to cup his jaw. My aura is chasing his now, desperate to connect, to be one with him. He breaks our kiss and stares into my eyes, his brows furrowed and his lips pursed. He brings his hand out of my hair and places it next to us to hold him up, then brings his other hand to cup my cheek. I look up at him in confusion while his eyes bore into mine. 'He's pulling away?' Slowly, but surely, my aura begins to retreat back into the depths of my body.
He sighs heavily. "Hallie…." He says in almost a whisper. His thumb brushes along my cheek. "We….can't do this, not like this." I keep my eyes locked on his while he struggles to continue. "You…deserve so much more than one drunken night with me, I…." He sighs deeply. "I'm sorry."
I lean up and kiss the side of his mouth, which he still attempts to return. "Don't be sorry Garrett, I understand." Which I truly do, it is the wine that coaxed our actions. Had we been sober, perhaps none of this would have ever happened. We can't continue anything after tonight. He is right, we can't do this. I sigh and unwrap my legs from his waist as he moves to sit up, no longer on top of me. I sit up as well and watch as Garrett moves his bedroll next to mine. Then he removes parts of his armor and his belt that holds his pouches before laying down. Then he locks his eyes back to mine.
"Could I at least hold you tonight?" He asks me, with his signature smirk returning. I smile and nod my head. I move my body to lay down next to him, as Garrett wraps his arms around me and pulls me in tightly against him. With my back pressed up against him, I turn my gaze to the dying flames in an attempt to drown out the emotions that areally burning through out my body. The warmth of the wine slowly leaving my blood stream, making my eyes feel heavy. Before I give into sleep I feel Garrett press a kiss to the back of my head and whispers goodnight into my ear. His tender move gives me comfort, more than I could ever hope to express to him.
I woke up well before Garrett, early enough that the darkened night sky was slightly lighter, but not nearly enough for the sun to rise for him to wake. Which I count my lucky stars for. I hate that I have to do this to him, leave while he is sleeping. But, I need to get to the Conclave before it starts and Garrett would possibly stop me if he knew. I slowly and gently remove my body out from underneath his arm, he shifted slightly, but never woke. Then I make my way over to Dhruva, patting him down and hugging his neck. Dhruva nudges my shoulder and I release his neck, bringing my hands to his snout and my forehead pressed against the top of his nose. "I'm so sorry Dhruva, I'm going to miss you so much." I whisper, fighting back tears. I kiss Dhruva before completely letting him go. 'I need to leave everything behind, everything that Garrett got me needs to stay.' I tell myself this, but it's so hard to leave Dhruva. I move my feet across camp and grab my pack, only pulling a hair tie out and then leaving the rest next to Garrett's pack. I can't roll up my bedroll because Garrett is partially asleep on it.
Saying goodbye to Garrett was the hardest for me, especially since he is sleeping and won't be saying goodbye back. I feel terrible, I wish there was another way to do this, or at least a way to write him a letter explaining why I left. I don't want him to ever think I left because of last night. When in fact, last night is what makes me want to just curl back under his arms and lay forever. But…..I can't. I truly can't. What if it was completely just the wine for him? What if he doesn't truly feel that deeply about me? I just can't bring myself to chance it. I belong in a different world, not Thedas. Gathering the remainder of my courage, I gently squat down near Garrett and place a very light, very soft kiss on his cheek. "Please forgive me." I whisper. No longer able to hold back my tears, I silently let them fall as I take in the sight of Garrett's peaceful sleeping form. I wipe my eyes and shake my head. 'Pull it together Hallie.'
I have to move now before any more thoughts take over my mind and cause me to linger for longer. I throw my hair back into a quick ponytail and grab my bow, arrows, and daggers, attaching them to armor quickly and quietly. 'Well, I am as ready as I could ever be for this.' I inhale deeply and sneak my way out of camp, when camp is no longer within my vision I begin to run. I ran towards Haven, only so that I could easily find the road that leads me to the Temple of Sacred Ashes, the site where the Conclave will be held. Fear rushing through my entire body, heart pounding as I quickly make my way to my destination. Praying to all the gods that I can think of in this world and in mine that this will work and not turn into a suicide mission. I am not ready to die, not when I feel like a have more purpose to give to this life.
[Song by Florence and the Machine: Blinding]