"All hail His Grace, Robert of the House Baratheon, King of the Andals the Rhoynar and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, and Protector of the Realm!" From inside the throne room, Tyrion could hear a thousand feet rising for their king. A moment later and the doors were thrust open and a Baratheon man-at arms grunted, "Go on, Imp."
Tyrion smoothed his doublet absentmindedly, before waddling confidently out into the hall. Inside the throne room, he could feel five hundred pairs of eyes fixed on his small stature and woefully stumpy legs. His uneven footfalls filled the otherwise silent hall.
Tyrion Lannister strode down the Great Hall his Lannister guardsmen trailing behind. Please gods, if you have any mercy, don't let my legs cramp up now. He felt even smaller than usual, dwarfed by the iron monstrosity that rose before him. It had been the seat of the Targaryens for two hundred years before a headstrong young lord from the Stormlands claimed it for himself. And he dares call my father a traitor.
Robert Baratheon stared down at him from the Iron Throne, ill-disguised malice in his eyes. The King looked terrible, his eyes were bloodshot, his once muscular chest had grown a massive gut, and his face seemed to droop in a defeated way.
His brothers Stannis and Renly Baratheon, standing on either side of the steps to the ugly, barbed seat, did not seem particularly pleased to see him either.
Tyrion stopped just before he reached the line of Kingsguard, only four, Tyrion noticed and executed a clumsy bow. "Your Grace," he said.
"Lord Tyrion of House Lannister!" the Herald announced.
"Imp. Why have you come here?" Robert spat. Well, at least he's not subtle.
"Your Grace, I come on behalf of my father, Lord Tywin Lannister, Lord of Casterly Rock, Shield of Lannisport, and Warden of the West, to speak with the King regarding the imprisonment of my siblings. I hope we may come to an arrangement that benefits all."
Stannis scoffed, "Queen Cersei and her brother Ser Jaime have been arrested for treason. They are to be put on trial for their crimes against the King."
"Speak your piece, Imp, and begone. Or stay and watch what happens to those who betray the King." Renly glared at him.
"Your sister and brother have committed crimes against me, and I'll make sure they die for it. And if your arrogant prick of a father has something to say about it he can come to King's Landing his bloody self, instead of hiding behind his last and least son!" Robert snarled.
Tyrion felt the attention of everyone in the hall fixed on him.
"I agree, Your Grace. My father is a cunning and malicious man, and he's hated me since my birth. But I obey his orders, and give him counsel all the same. Why? Because he is my flesh and blood. And we must always stand beside our family no matter who they are or what they've done. I have little love for my sweet sister or my brother the Kingslayer, but here I am all the same, pleading for their lives, when I know full well they would never do the same for me."
The hall was still for a moment, five hundred onlookers held their breath, waiting. Finally, Stannis spoke, "What is it you want, Imp?"
"Why, Your Grace," Tyrion smiled at Robert, "to make a deal."
"I will have your sibling's heads for how they have insulted me, Imp. Your 'deal' better be a fucking good one!"
Tyrion smiled again in the humblest and most understanding way he could. "That is for you to decide, Your Grace. The Iron Throne has had some hefty expenses in recent years, and my… generous father has paid those debts. Now, Lord Tywin has offered to forgive the Iron Throne of all it owes to House Lannister. In exchange, of course, for Queen Cersei and Ser Jaime along with the Lannister squires and the Queen's children to be delivered safely to the Rock." A Lannister always pays his debts, after all.
"Fuck your deal," grunted the King. But Tyrion noticed that Stannis was looking worriedly at Robert.
A smooth voice from the shadows beneath the great tapestries spoke up, "I would not wave away the dwarf's words so easily, Your Grace," The voice stepped forward, as it did the torchlight revealed the scheming face of Petyr Baelish. "We do in fact owe House Lannister a prodigious amount of gold, Your Grace. They have assisted us, frequently in fact, on some of our more…lavish events." What are you playing at Littlefinger?
"I said no didn't I?!" the King roared, turning on Littlefinger, "I will not have my authority questioned by the lord of a craggy chunk of rock no one gives a damn about!" The king turned back to Tyrion. "And unless your father has a better proposition you can bloody well piss off!"
"I don't believe he does, Your Grace. And I can't think of a proposal that my father could abide to, right now either. But I do have a request."
"You must be joking," Stannis said, clenching his jaw.
"I assure you I am not, but my request is quite simple. I would like to meet with my brother and sister, if that's not too much to ask."
"Is this a trick, Imp?"
"Look at me, Your Grace." He said smiling in what he hoped was a disarming way, "I am a dwarf, that's all I've ever been and that's all that I'll ever be. What's more, I am an unarmed dwarf, and you know just as well as I do that an unarmed dwarf is as about as useful to a prisoner as a pool of piss and some straw."
"Very well, talk to your traitorous siblings; fuck them for all I care. It wouldn't be the first time Cersei's felt a brother's cock, just get out of my sight!"
Tyrion bowed deeply, "Thank you for your generosity, Your Grace." He rose and smiled. "A Lannister always pays their debts."
The Baratheon guard shoved the key into Cersei's door and opened it with a clattering of metal. "There you are dwarf, the queen." He entered, and the door shut behind him.
The queen's chambers weren't even lit. It was a tiny cell with no windows or torches. Just stone walls, some straw and a metal bucket reeking of shit. The queen sat amid her luxuries in a simple woolen shift. Cersei squinted up at him in the low light from the corridor.
"Who are you?" Her voice sounded crackly from hunger and thirst, but her haughtiness still shone through.
"Can't you recognize me by my charming figure, sweet sister?" Even in the minimal light Tyrion could see his sister's frustration.
"Tyrion! What are you doing here? Where's Father? Why hasn't he come for us?"
"Father is still at Casterly Rock, no doubt pacing about in his solar, brooding. As to why I'm here, well naturally, Father sent me."
"Father sent you?" Cersei was incredulous. "Why hasn't he come himself? Why hasn't he raised the West and come to free us?"
"Calm yourself sister. He'll do no such thing; you shouldn't expect so much from our father, after all he only sided with Robert when he knew there was no way to lose."
Cersei was on her feet, "You mean he's abandoning us in these cells! You mean he's sitting at the Rock doing nothing?!"
"Quiet, Cersei, there are King's men around here; we can't let them hear us."
"I am the Queen! I will speak as loudly as I please!" Tyrion did something he'd never done before, he slapped his sister. "You are no queen. You are a caged lion, the louder you roar, the harder you're beaten into silence. Know your place, or you'll get every one of us killed!"
That shut her up. Cersei fell silent probably from shock, and then said a few moments later, "Where are my children? Did my Kingsguard remain loyal?"
"Preston Greenfield did, he arrived at Casterly Rock with Joffrey only a few days after I left. I received a raven from Father. Apparently Ser Preston said you instructed him along with Boros Blount and Meryn Trant to smuggle your children out of the city." Tyrion raised a questioning eyebrow at his sister. "And how in seven hells did you discover Robert's plans?"
Tyrion thought he saw his sister smile, "Varys isn't the only one with little birds," she said. "And did you truly expect me to let my children be taken by that oaf, so he could torture or kill them at his whim? Of course not! But where are Myrcella and Tommen? You said Joff's safe?" Tyrion heard the fear in Cersei's voice, and to his surprise, he thought he saw tears swimming in her green eyes.
"Joffrey is fine, but he did manage to break his arm somehow. Unfortunately, it seems the other two were captured before they could escape. A letter came from Myrcella before I left. It was clearly written by Stannis, but it did say she and her brother were safe. I'm sorry, but I didn't see either of them when I spoke with the King."
Cersei looked back at him suddenly, "You talked to Robert? What did he say?"
He said he'll strike your pinched little head off your cuckolding body. But instead he said, "He refused my offer to pay your and Jaime's ransoms."
Cersei was silent again, her figure was motionless. "He's going to kill us. Both of us, won't he?"
Tyrion sighed, he wished he had some wine to wet his throat. "There'll be a trial, and if you're found guilty and if Father doesn't intervene, you'll probably be executed by the King's Justice." It would be hard to deal with Jaime's death, but in his heart he'd known this day would come.
"Father will intervene though, won't he? He has all the Westerlands at his back." There was a certain note of pleading in her voice that Tyrion found unnerving. He had never heard his sister sound so desperate before.
"You aren't the only caged lion, sweet sister. Our father can do very little from his prison at Casterly Rock. If he raises the banners, Robert will crush him with an army thrice his size. If he comes to the Red Keep to bargain for your life at the foot of the king, he will seem weak in front of the entire realm. Indeed, there is very little we captured lions can do, except pace about our cage and wait. Eventually, our captors focus will shift elsewhere, and the bars of our prison will grow rusty and brittle. And do you know what will happen next, sweet sister?" Tyrion smiled at the disgraced queen, "We will roar!"
It was hard to tell in the dim light, but Tyrion could have sworn his sister was smiling, "Hear me Roar."
Tyrion turned to leave the room, but over his shoulder he replied, "We will never forget. A Lannister always pays their debts." And with that he left his sister in the cells beneath the Red Keep.