Kyle's POV:
I get out of bed early in the morning and I go downstairs. I'm completely exhausted and I'm falling apart on the inside. My skin is crawling again, and I still feel so disgusting. I walk into the kitchen, where I find Craig smoking a cigarette while making sandwiches...
"Yo..." He says casually and he takes a bite from one of the sandwiches that he just made.
"Good morning." I answer. Craig takes another bite, and then talks while still having food in his mouth.
"Want one?" He asks in his usual monotone voice. I nod. Craig gives me a sandwich and we end up sitting at the kitchen table, opposite of each other.
"How are you feeling?" Craig asks me as we eat.
"I'm alright..." I answer, and I smile slightly. I lied again, and the smile feels sickly fake. But I think that I'm an okay actor so it should be alright.
"Liar." He says harshly. Okay... Maybe I'm not a very good actor... "You're breaking apart, and you know it."
"It's that obvious, huh?" I ask sadly as I stare down at my half eaten sandwich.
"Not really... I'm just observant." Craig tells me. "Please don't lie to me Kyle. I just want to be there if you need me."
"Thank you Craig. I really appreciate it. But I don't think that you can do much of anything right now..." I answer.
"I thought so..." Craig says, and lights another cigarette, right after he finishes the previous one. There's a long pause before I speak again.
"Dude... Your lungs are gonna get fucked up real bad if you continue that..." I say, pointing at his cigarette.
"I'm well aware..." He answers. "But it's an addiction... And it's too good to stop." Craig sounds like he's so content with it... It seems a little strange to me.
"It could kill you... You could get lung cancer and die prematurely Craig..." I tell him sadly.
"I already know that." He tells me, and I can almost see the beginning of a smile appear on his lips, but it disappears quickly. Craig is in a good mood today, huh... "I'm okay with not living until I'm really old... It's alright if I die prematurely, as long as I'm satisfied with what I've done in life."
My heart beats a little faster now, like it sometimes does when I'm around Kenny. I wonder why. Seeing Craig like this is so odd though. He is actually so full of emotions. Most people never notice. They call him cold, but Craig is actually a very expressive person, if you look really close. His body language is much more relaxed when he is comfortable, and you can pretty clearly tell how he feels by looking closely at his eyes. I don't know why I look at Craig while being so observant, or why my heart beats so strangely now. I wonder... Am I about to fall for Craig Tucker?
"I see..." Is all that I say to him.
"I like smoking. It's my thing I guess... Something I just can't give up...It's a part of who I am... I know it sounds lame as fuck but..." He explains.
"It's not really lame..." I answer. "I think I understand, Craig..." I smile now, genuinely for once. Craig's company is really nice. I'll miss him after I leave today... Even though I don't know what to do with myself. Even if I feel disgusting and wrong. Even if I hate myself. Even if I am such a nuisance to him. I still feel at ease with Craig. He is kind and he's helped me so much. It's really comfortable, being here next to him. I'll miss this feeling...
After we've finished eating our sandwiches Craig stands up.
"Come on... Let's go upstairs... I'll pick an outfit for you today... When you leave you can keep it." He says.
"Thanks a lot. " I say and give him a soft smile.
"No problem Kyle..." He answers, and I can see it again. That hint of a smile on Craig's lips... It looks really pretty. My heart is beating kinda funny again now...
I'm given an outfit that consists of a pair of black, skinny jeans, that are too long for me, and a navy blue hoodie that is a little too baggy. The clothes are comfortable really... They smell like cigarette smoke and Craig's family's fancy detergent. I kinda like the smell.
We both leave the house soon, since Craig decided that he wanted to walk with me to the bus stop to see me off.
Craig's POV:
I think I have really fallen for Kyle Broflovski. Just like that. It happened really fucking fast and I don't even know what's going on. But I'm really into that bastard. His smile is beautiful, and he is a bright person, even when he is breaking apart like this. Even when he is silently suffering, from all of this pain.
I don't know how to help him. I want to. I really do, but... There's nothing I can do. He's experienced all this mental trauma and there's no way that he can cope with it properly. But all I can fucking do is watch him suffer. For fucks sake Craig, he was raped, fucking raped... How can you expect to ever make things better?!
We soon arrive at the bus stop. It sucks to see him leave, since I like him. Fuck, I like him. He's been great company these past few days too... He's nice and sweet and talks about things that are interesting. But he has to leave. It's inevitable. It's actually a good thing that he's going back to Boulder. To a place that's safe, to a place that's home. A place that isn't a constant reminder of what happened. A place where the horrible predators are so far away from him.
Kyle and I stand next to each other at the bus stop. I check the time. The bus should be here in around 5-10 minutes.
On a whim I decide to tell him something.
"Kyle..." I say, as I move to stand in front of him. He looks up at me with his big, emerald eyes, that are filled with so much pain behind the facade. "I have something I kinda want to talk about..."
"What is it...?" He asks with raised eyebrows.
"I don't think that I could ever fix you... After what happened... Even if I were to try my hardest, I'm not sure if I could ever make you heal..." I say. Kyle still looks at me, and his eyes are starting to water a little.
"Craig..." He says. "You don't have to fix me. I'm not sure if I can ever be fixed either... I'm probably too messed up already... But I... I'm very thankful... You're trying... And you were there when I had nowhere to go." He smiles through his now teary eyes.
"Kyle... You can come to me anytime. I'm here for you." I feel so conflicted. It hurts so much to see Kyle like this, but I'm happy that he appreciates what I tried to do for him. I grab his hand in mine, just cause I fucking want to. Kyle stares at our connected hands, and our now intertwined fingers. Kyle's hand is kinda small, but it's really warm, and it fits nicely in mine. I wish I could hold his hand more often... As silly as that is.
"Craig... I might always be messed up. I might never be what you want but... I... I think that... You're special to me." He says, tears sliding down his face. "And I... I want to be with you... Even if I'm not what you want... How I feel about you isn't really... platonic... I just needed to tell you how I feel." I think my heart just skipped a beat. I stare at Kyle in disbelief for a moment. Kyle is into me? Fuck yes. We have something going here. Awesome...
"I don't give a fuck." I tell him. He raises his eyebrows and looks a little hurt. Oh fuck. He thinks I'm rejecting him now... Oops... "I don't give a fuck about that you're messed up. You're into me... I'm into you... Everyone has some issues... So whatever dude." Kyle then stares at me in disbelief. For the first time in long I can feel a smile spread on my lips, or it's more like a grin. I didn't know that I could actually grin but apparently I can... Kyle looks completely dumbfounded and his mouth is open, so I take the opportunity.
I grab his chin with my free hand, the one not holding his. I move his chin so his face is pointing upwards. I lean down and roughly place my lips on the shorter boy's. It's perfect. This is perfect. His mouth tastes fucking amazing. It's so sweet and I'm really fucking enjoying this. My tongue enters his mouth and explores it hungrily.
It takes a while for Kyle to cope with the chock and he is completely frozen in place at first. But after a while he starts to kiss me back. We eagerly make out, with such passion and force. I don't think I've ever felt this amazing while kissing someone. Never.
There's something about Kyle. I can't quite put my finger on it but... There's something about Kyle that is so damn great. And fuck. He's leaving and I won't be able to do this again for who knows how long. Crap. How do you expect me to cope with that?
I'll miss this damn kid so much... I won't be able to wait to see him again... Kyle Broflovski. Seems like I've got it real bad for you...
Kyle's POV:
What the fuck is going on!? Craig is into me... Since when? How? Why? I'm a fucking wreck and I'm kinda disgusting... He doesn't care, he said. So he's okay with it? That I'm this fucked up?
His lips against mine are moving so hungrily, but it's sooooooo nice. His mouth tastes like ashes, which was to be expected but... I kinda like it. The kiss is really rough and Craig has all the control. But I kinda like that too... Cause I know that Craig wouldn't hurt me. Even if Craig is being rough, nothing could be as rough as how those horrible people treated me the day before yesterday. It's not comparable at all though... Cause I want to kiss Craig. There is this thing called consent...
When breathing becomes a huge problem I'm forced to pull away. I gasp loudly for air. Craig is pretty out of breath too. I smile at him, and he gives me that small hint of a smile that is so Craig...
"Here." He says, before shoving a piece of paper into my free hand. I stare at it and I'm kinda confused. "Don't lose it. I wrote my number on it."
"Oh..." I say, before going back to gasping for air.
"Look... If we are kind of a thing then you should have my number... Are we a thing?" I nod. We are a thing I guess... I'm not sure what we are but... This sure as hell ain't just friendship. "You can call me any time."
"Thank you." I say, now having caught my breath somewhat.
"No problem... Whenever you have some free time... I could come visit you in Boulder and hang out or something..." Craig tells me. I nod happily.
"Sounds great..." I say with a smile. That's when our moment has to end. The bus rolls past and it stops right in front of us. The doors of the bus open.
"Fuck... Looks like you gotta leave..." Craig says, and lets go of my hand. He pecks my lips once before I have to walk onto the bus. "Say hi to Stan from me..." Is the last thing Craig tells me before the bus doors close behind me. I nod a little towards him.
Yeah... I can't wait to see Stan again. I really have to tell him about all of this...
I see my own reflection in the bus window when I flop down in a seat, after paying, with Craig's money, for my ticket to Boulder. I'm really fucking flushed and my face practically looks the same color as my hair. My eyes are a little puffy and swollen from the crying earlier and there's a trail of saliva running down from my bottom lip to my chin... How did I not notice the saliva up until now? I feel pretty awkward... What must people think of me?! It doesn't help when I now realize that I've also got a boner. God damn it. Kissing Craig was really hot... I sit there in my seat feeling extremely embarrassed and I try to hide from all the other passengers.
The bus starts rolling and I watch Craig waving me off through the window. I wave back. I wave towards him, until he has disappeared in the distance long ago.
My mind starts to wander and I just sit there thinking. I know that I loved Kenny but... There's no way that it could ever be real. After all of this I probably won't ever forgive him for not telling me that he moved. It's kinda unfair and it's not really his fault that this happened but... Who doesn't tell their fucking friend that they've known basically forever that they moved away from their fucking hometown?!
It's okay that I didn't get to be with Kenny McCormick. I still love him a lot and it kinda hurts but I mean... I have someone else now I guess? I don't know where this is going with Craig but... It'll be interesting... It's okay if it doesn't work out... But it'd be pretty awesome if it did.
A lot happened these past few days. Both good and bad. I could say that the good outweighed the bad but that would be lying... I was freaking raped and got all of my shit stolen as well... There has to happen A FUCKING LOT of good things for it to be outweighed... But it could've been somewhat worse at least?
I think I'll be alright. Even if I probably won't ever recover completely. I'll still continue going forward. I know there will be days that are worse than others, days where the memories will haunt me more... But that is to be expected. Even if the physical pain has faded, the mental pain may not ever fade. There is nothing I can do about that. All I can do is continue living, and do my best to be as happy as I can.
I can't wait to see Stan. I have a lot to talk to him about... And it'll be fun... We'll sit there sulking and eating ice cream together, and it'll be alright... I've dealt with all of this better than expected, even if it still hurts so much... I think... I think I can continue to deal with this.
As I sit here on the bus, waiting to get home, I start to sing quietly to myself.
Coffee and cigarettes are my only escape,
I got my cup of Joe, my pack of stokes,
And I'm on my way downtown to
Set up shop and sing my cares away.
So won't you sing with me,
'Cause it's cold outside, and I'm feeling kinda lonely.
Coffee And Cigarettes by Never Shout Never. Kenny was the one who introduced me to this song once upon a time. It was one of his favorites... I'm not sure if it still is. It's been so long. Maybe I should ask him sometime.
The song kinda reminds me a little of Craig, I don't know why. It's silly I know... But I need to get occupied by something or this bus ride will be boring as fuck... And this is good enough, even though it makes me seem like a giant dork...
Friday nights are always the same in this town,
I'm looking up, but I'm feeling kind of down,
So I'll light a cigarette and smoke the night away,
And I'll hope that Saturday will be the day
When everything feels okay.
Time passes by quickly and soon I'm in Boulder. When I step off the bus Stan is already there, at the bus stop, waiting for me. Craig must've called him and told him that I was going home today. Stan smiles gently when he sees me.
"Are you okay?" He asks, and he seems so worried.
"I've been through a lot of things... And I'm not sure what to do but... I think I'll be kinda alright..." I tell him honestly. Stan places a supportive hand on my shoulder.
"That sounds about right..." Stan says. "Tell me everything and then let's figure out what to do, together." I nod and smile at him. Stan is the best friend I could ever ask for. He's always there for me when I need him.
We then walk off together, towards our home.
I'll call Craig some day. I already miss him, even though it hasn't been too long. I think I should ask him out... On like a real date. And then I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens after that.
The End