Hello and thank you everyone (Ennael, Guest, TOOLAZYTOLOCKIN, PersonWithCrazyIdeas, Simo-chan, PoisionousDream, Sworddeath, The 15th Noah, Carefree89, SherryAi, Zepharia, bookpoisioning) for the reviews!

Answers to questions:

The 15th Noah: Sorry, but this will not be "pokerpair". I see them more like friends in this fic. But naturally there will be hints of it. Lots. Because, lets face it, it's practically canon and Tyki is the hottest thing ever to walk the earth.

I know I said this chapter would be "A Hobo, A Clown and An Undertaker Walk into a Bar" but it turns out that will be the next chapter. This one just happened, sorry! On another note, I finally got holidays so the next chapter will be coming soon!

Prison-hopping for Beginners

It had been a week.

One week since Tyki had decided to go on an impromptu vacation with Allen Walker.

And if anyone were to ask Tyki he would tell them that this must have been one of the longest weeks of his life. Personally he was actually pretty sure that it had been longer than a mere week since the start of their little trip. It certainly felt more like two or maybe three weeks had already passed. So he would compromise and say two and a half. Yes, in retrospect, Tyki Mikk was pretty sure it had been two and a half weeks since all of this started. Everything else would have been ridiculous and absolutely surrealistic after all.

Naturally he felt the need to inform his travel companion of this.

"I'm pretty sure it hasn't been a week" he said, shifting one of his legs into a more comfortable position so it wouldn't fall asleep.

"What do you mean?" Allen asked looking back at him from the other side of the room, seemingly far more comfortable with the situation than Tyki was.

"There is no way we only started this trip one week ago." Tyki clarified while trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling in his backside. One of those stupid bricks was sticking out of the wall and poking him in the back. "No way." he added for emphasis.

"We didn't" Allen concluded after adding the days up in his head.

"Good" Tyki was happy to find the exorcists agreeing with him. "I knew it couldn't have been a week."

"Yes, technically it has been five days" Allen informed him goodnaturedly.

"No." Tyki argued "That makes no sense."

The white haired boy just threw him a confused look. "I don't know what you are talking about but I'm certain this is our fifth day."

"This is already the seventh time." Tyki decided to elaborate "Nobody -and this is coming from a Noah so I would know- absolutely nobody manages to get thrown into jail seven times in only five days. That's not how it works. It's against all statistics. Laws of nature. Word of God."

"Oh" Allen's eyes brightened up in understanding as he gave the little cell they were currently in a once over. The cell itself was dark and smelly with only a very small window near the ceiling letting any light or fresh air in and despite the fact that said window was too small for even a child to fit through it was clad in iron bars. The same iron bars made up the whole front wall of the room, allowing them to look into a short corridor with three more cells of the same kind, none of them occupied. Allen was currently leaning against one of the walls, whereas Tyki had literary been shackled to them, forced into an uncomfortable sitting position on the dirty ground.

"Sorry, I forgot that you aren't used to this." The teen glanced at the bars separating them from the corridor before letting his eyes wander towards the heavy door at its end. "If you want we can break out now, I think the guards are finally having their break and no one is watching."

"That would be much appreciated."

The white haired boy just flashed him a smile before pulling off his left glove and activating its innocence in a flash of light. With his hand now in its clawed form he quickly inserted one of his fingers into the lock on Tyki's chains, using it as a lock-picking tool rather than a holy weapon. It only took him a couple of seconds of poking around before a loud click signalised his success and the chains came off.

Finally free, Tyki massaged his wrists that now sported bruises where the shackles had previously been. With a frown he watched as Allen proceeded in a similar manner in order to make short work of the cell-door's lock as well. "You are pretty good at that" the Noah commented offhandedly as the door swung open and the two of them stepped into the corridor.

"Years of practice" Allen supplied as he turned his hand back into its dormant form. "And Crown Clown makes for a really good makeshift key so I don't even have to carry tools with me anymore."

"Sure seems wrong though, an exorcist using his innocence like that" Tyki commented as he put one of his ears against the corridor door, listening to what was going on behind it. "Isn't misusing it considered sacrilegious or something?"

Allen snorted. "That's rich coming from you. I know for a fact that you use your 'choose' ability whenever you feel like changing your cards in poker."

"Not always" Tyki argued "And that's different since it's a Noah power. Noah's don't like humans, so using our powers to cheat humans out of their money is perfectly acceptable."

"Well, I personally think that using my innocence to free myself from a completely unfair and unjustified imprisonment is a good thing so there should be no problem with that either."

Tyki threw him a highly sceptical look "Really? I vaguely remember them saying something about a search warrant for you. One that has been going on for two years. There was also something about gambling, a bar fight, illegal businesses and how you happen to own the local mafia a shitload of money."

"Technicalities." Allen waved them away. "It was all Cross's fault anyway."

"If you say so." Tyki didn't sound convinced but decided to drop the matter for now. "Anyway, I'm pretty sure the guards are just behind this door so if we leave through it they will be chasing our tails at once."

"Then it's a good thing we are fast" Allen said with a smile.

"Right. It would be even better if we didn't have to run at all though."

Allen shrugged "Not much of a choice there if we don't want them to capture us again."

"Except if we keep them from running after us in the first place by, for example, taking a different route out" Tyki hinted.

Allen frowned and looked at the little windows in each cell. "But this is the only door out and I'm pretty sure we don't fit through those windows."

"Would be great if there was another door in here don't you think?" Tyki tried harder.

"Yes, but there isn't so there really is no point in discussing this" Allen steadfastly ignored all hints thrown his way.

"Too bad none of us can make one appear out of nowhere" the Noah gave up any attempts at subtlety "Like, a magical white door that connects to a white city and from where it can lead to anywhere."

Allen just gave him a flat look.

"I'm not going to use the ark, Tyki."

"And why not?"

"For the same reason you aren't using your Noah powers right now. To avoid detection."

Which could have been a logical argument. After all Tyki knew first-hand that the Earl could detect the other Noahs whenever they used their powers and since Tyki was currently trying to hide from his loving family using his powers without a proper reason was out of question. And the same could be said about Allen's Ark ability since by now the Earl was probably aware that they had run off together and was therefore looking for both of them.

So yes, not using the ark would make perfect sense.

There was only one problem with Allen's reasoning.

"We are in Mexico. You already used the ark countless of times in the last few days. I'm sure the Earl already knows of our location by now."

"Oh, I know that" Allen responded, not looking all that impressed "Which reminds me that you decided to tell me of his detection ability only after we nearly got caught by those Akumas in Poland."

"Well, sorry for not remembering straight away. It's not exactly everyday that I'm being hunted by my own boss" Tyki drawled "And at least I stopped using my powers after that. You on the other hand merrily arked us to at least four further countries."

"Which brings us back on topic" the white haired boy said crisply "Since we haven't been attacked since you stopped using your powers I assume that the Earl can't feel me using the ark. It might be because I'm not a full Noah or because I'm technically using the Ark's ability and not my own. But no matter why, by now I'm pretty sure we can safely use the ark for transportation."

Tyki was a little surprised by the other's conclusion. He hadn't really thought about the Akuma's attack patterns before. But it was true that while they frequently had run ins with demons at the beginning of their trip the last two days had been spent in relative piece.

"Wait, so if you are saying you can use the Ark freely then why are we still discussing this?"

"Because I'm not avoiding detection from the Earl here, that should be your job. I'm trying to keep the Order from finding out our location. Two guys mysteriously disappearing from a closed room will definitely draw some finder's attention."

"So? We will long be gone by the time they arrive." Tyki just didn't get the boy's reasoning.

"That would completely ruin the effort I put into this" Allen shook his head and continued in a voice that gave the Noah the distinct feeling he was being talked down to. "Do you think I let myself get captured by all those different police forces out of fun? No, it was to give the Order false leads."

"Wait, just yesterday you told me some nonsense about bad luck, karma and the curse of being Cross Marian's apprentice and now you are saying it was on purpose?" Tyki asked annoyed. He certainly hadn't enjoyed their prison times. For some reason it was always him getting either beat up, chained to a wall or otherwise abused by the authorities while the actual criminal (alias Allen) would just stand by and smile.

"The curse is real! Don't diss the curse! Why do you think there are so many search warrants for me in the first place!?"

"Because you are an evil little twerp with a serious gambling problem?" Tyki guessed.

Allen graciously decided to ignore that comment. It was totally untrue after all.

"Anyway the Order will look into our captures sooner or later. If something is obviously fishy about our disappearance, like say mysteriously vanishing from a closed room, they can make it quick by reason of innocence and will get information on us in two to three days. But if we run away the normal way without using supernatural means they will only hear about us way later and then have to go through a bureaucratic hell so it can take up to three weeks."

Tyki just gave him a blank stare. "Okay? So they won't get prison records easily but does that really matter? Wouldn't it have been easier to just hide from the Order in the first place?"

"Of course not." Allen said with a slightly exasperated voice "You have to give them something to do or they will get bored. Moreover, like this, they will know that we are using the Ark and won't concentrate on a single country. Combine a worldwide search with bureaucracy and the limited number of administrative officers that are concerned with finding us and you get yourself at least two weeks of freedom."

"That's sounds more like a wild guess than a logical conclusion" Tyki complained in a last ditch attempt to keep himself from participating in a merry police chase through Mexico's streets. "And isn't our biggest problems the finders? They are practically everywhere, look like normal people and stupidly report back everything they see!"

"It's not a guess but experience, And the very same thing could be said about Akuma and yet you never seemed to worry about them." Allen pointed out, sounding unconcerned about the whole thing.

"Because you can detect Akuma's!" Tyki tried to explain himself "Your magical eye thingy can see them from a distance so we can avoid them! But finders are practically undetectable so its impossible to hide from them."

Allen rolled his eyes at that "You know, for a Noah you are pretty pathetic if you can't even tell who's a finder and who's not. There are many little signs they use to communicate their status to other finders so identifying them is easy enough."

Said pathetic Noah blinked at that "Signs? Like what?" He'd never noticed anything but if that was true it would make his work a whole lot easier in the future.

"Right." the boy snorted "As if I'd tell you. But really, shouldn't a Noah know these sort of things already? It's a wonder you guys get anything done with that little skill. I'm not using the Ark and that's final."

"And shouldn't an exorcist not know these kind of things?" Tyki grumbled back, slightly annoyed at the other's teasing and knowing that there wasn't anything else he could say in favour of using the Ark. Not because he had run out of arguments or anything but because the brat was stubborn as hell.

"Talent." Allen said flippantly and seeing that he had finally won the argument went and pressed his ear against the door that lead to the guard rooms. "And three years under Cross, who by the way was never caught by the Order" he added as he listened in to the muffled conversation on the other side.

The Noah frowned at that. How come that everything about Allen always seemed to relate back to that 'Cross Marian' person? Tyki knew about the man of course, since he was an exorcist general and everything. Hard to ignore him, really. Especially after the twins had been ordered to track the guy down – Tyki's ears had practically been bleeding from all the complaining they had done about him. Road had also told him that it had been Marian who kicked his noah-fied ass on the ark but luckily Tyki didn't really remember what happened during the time his Noah took over so he was spared the painful memory. Still, Walker overdid it with how often he mentioned that man.

"You know, I'm beginning to think you have some serious issues there." he commented offhandedly.

"Hm?"

"About that Cross Marian guy."

"Yeah, he's problematic."

"No, I mean you have, like, a serious obsession. Do you ever listen to yourself? 'Cross Marian did this, Cross Marian did that, Cross Marian threw me into the Amazonas to teach me swimming.' Whenever something bad happens you somehow believe it to be that guy's fault."

Tyki hadn't really expected much of a reaction by pointing this out to the boy. It had been more of a random observation than anything and it didn't seem all that ground-breaking. But apparently Allen begged to differ.

The white haired boy stared at him, eyes widened in ...shock? Fear? Tyki wasn't quite sure how to interpret this specific expression but he had the distinct feeling he had seen it somewhere before.

"Um...maybe not exactly a serious obsession?" he tried to retract his statement "More like...a small or...well, medium obsession?"

Allen was still staring, his mouth opened slightly open as if he was trying to find words but couldn't. Ah, now Tyki finally remembered where he had seen that look before. It was exactly the same expression that Road's vic- eh...playmates usually had on their faces whenever she mentioned the word 'dolls' around them. Or 'dress-up'. Or 'candles'. Or...well generally anything that would have seemed completely harmless, had it been said by anyone but Road.

But he was digressing. Point was, he knew that expression.

Terror.

Jup, Tyki was sure. Allen was staring at him in silent terror.

'Now, surely this is a mild overreaction?'

"You...you..." Allen managed to stammer "...name...you...three.."

"Yes?" Tyki inquired "You need to speak a little bit more coherently, please."

Allen just continued to gape at him, his mouth still forming silent words and the Noah really had to wonder what exactly he had said that was horrible enough to cause this kind of mental shutdown in the other. Was the name 'Cross Marian' a trigger or something? Nah, nobody could be that scary, after all Walker was facing Noah and Akuma on a daily basis without going into hysterics. Or maybe it really was the implied obsession? Or the reminder of the Amazonas incident? Now that last one could make sense. After all childhood traumata were said to b-

Before Tyki could finish this particular train of though a glowing white gate opened up under him and he fell through the floor.

"OW!" Tyki exclaimed as he fell on his butt "What the-?!"

"Don't you ever do that again!"

"What?"

"Never, ever. Understood?"

Tyki looked up from his position on the floor, glancing around the familiar white town. "Why the hell are we in the Ark?" he frowned "Didn't you just give me some cock and bull speech about why we can't use the gate?"

"Screw the Order" Allen snapped back. He was standing over Tyki, glowering down. Apparently he had somehow managed to get back his ability to speak in full sentences in the last few seconds. He definitely didn't look terrified anymore at least. Thinking about it, the Noah realized that the boy had quickly gone from terrified to terrifying, with the way his eyes were narrowed and one of his clawed fingers pointing at him accusingly.

"Never again. Understood?"

"Uh? Sure?" Tyki offered with a strained smile. "Only...what exactly should I never do again?" Because really he had no idea what was going on here.

"His name! You said it three times in a row!" Allen exclaimed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Tyki still had no clue what the hell was going on. "Ehm...so?"

Allen just looked at him as if he was stupid. "So? So?" there was still a slightly panicked edge to his voice "What if you had summoned him or something?"

It took Tyki a few moments to process that. "You mean...like the devil? In the legends? Superstitions?"

"Exactly!"

The young exorcist exclaimed with so much passion that Tyki couldn't help himself. He snorted. "You of all people are superstitious? Really?"

Allen glared.

"Shounen, I expected better from you" the Noah shook his head in mock disappointment. "You are fighting a war against the Millennium Earl, but are scared to repeat your teacher's name out loud?"

"I'm not scared of saying his stupid name out loud. Who the hell is scared of a name? I just don't do it three times in a row! How would you like it if I repeated the Earl's name like that, huh?"

Tyki shrugged. "I honestly wouldn't care since I don't believe in that kind of mumbo-jumbo." Even though, when he actually thought about it, he probably would feel slightly uncomfortable too. Speaking of the devil and all. And the Millennium Earl most definitely qualified for that position. "And for your information, that myth goes for demons or devils. Not some overbearing teachers. If anything you should be scared of the Earl randomly popping up." he finally decided to add. If only to discourage the other from trying. Not that he believed in that of course. Truly.

"You don't understand" Allen sighed sadly "You have absolutely no idea. He is so much worse than the Earl."

And now that was just plain nonsense in the Noah's opinion. He had been right, the boy had a serious obsession. "Unlikely. Extremely so."

"Fine. Think what you want" the other huffed in a tone that suggested that he was everything but fine with Tyki's continued denial of Marian's demonic nature. "So what now?"

"Well..." Tyki drawled and finally picked himself up from his rather uncomfortable position on the floor. "Since we are already here, how about we use a gate to some far away country and find an inn to spend the night?"

"Hm...but our last escape is now kinda blotched up so I thought we might-"

"No. No more prison hopping. I've had enough. This is supposed to be a holiday so we'll go somewhere where they don't have a dozen search warrants for you decorating the station walls. I want to spend this night in a nice, warm bed and not some random prison cell."

The whole thing had been said with such an air of finality that even Allen seemed to realize that the other was serious for once. And considering they had already done quite a lot to divert the Order's attention the boy decided to relent this once.

"Fine, have it your way. I'll ark us to London and we'll look for an Inn."

"London?"

"Yes, London. It's a big city and since my master avoided anything close to the Order like a pest I have no criminal record there to speak of."

"You can go practically anywhere in the world and you choose London? That's basically like camping out on the Order's front porch."

"Which is exactly why they won't look for us there. Plus I speak the language. I'm sick of only hearing insults and threats all the time." Allen smiled at the idea of finally being able to understand his environment again. Mexico was nice and everything, but his Spanish was restricted to a couple of swear words and some mafia-lingo, and that naturally just wouldn't do for a polite young man like himself.

"I see." Tyki secretly wondered whether Allen had truly understood the threats the Mexican police men had uttered at them. Some of them had been positively disturbing, yet the boy hadn't even bat an eyelash. Then again, with how things were going, he wouldn't be surprised if the brat had understood them perfectly well and simply not given much of a crap.

"So London it is."

Another white gate opened in the air and this time Tyki made sure to step through with his feet first.

So yes, some background explanations for why the hell they are going to be in London. I know this story is supposed to be comedy but personally I still like things to be logical. And why the hell was my formatting killed by ff-net?-_-

And Cross Marian is still very much alive in this story, so you must excuse Allen's paranoia.^^