Thank you for the reviews! (bookpoisoning, Carefree98, bougainvillea blossom, TOOLAZYTOLOGIN, Ennael, Simo-chan, thesparkie2300)
Questions:
Carefree98: Hey there! To answer your question, yes the Order will also get a little screentime later on. And so will the Noahs of course.
Ennael: Meci beaucoup! Mais mon francais es horrible...which is why I'll write in english now. Since you can read the ff I hope that's alright with you? Anyway, I hope I understood everything correctly but I'd be honoured if my fanfic got translated :D I'm really glad you like it! And yeah, I'll probably continue it for quite some time since my stories somehow always progress so slowly...
Disclaimer: I don't own shit. Sadly.
A Hobo, A Clown and An Undertaker (Walk into a Bar)
The inn they had spend the night in was a dingy little thing at the edge of town. Since arking directly into London was impossible to do without attracting a lot of attention (and quite possibly causing a mass panic) Allen had decided that the suburbs were the closest he could get them with the gate.
Tyki figured that the area itself wasn't half pretty. No, seriously. It was ugly as hell.
Whatever new hygienic measures existed within the better parts of London definitely hadn't reached this particular area yet. The air was stale even on the outside, trash littered the sidewalks and seemingly every small crevice and alley was occupied by homeless and rats. Not too far away a few blackened chimneys could be seen, crows circling around them like vultures. It was also still close enough to the actual heart of the city that the buildings were at least a few stories tall and blocked out any sunshine that might have otherwise illuminated the grey streets. Not that there was any sunshine to be blocked. This was England after all, so naturally, it was raining.
All in all it was exceptionally gloomy and the Noah could practically feel the hopelessness radiating of the place.
"This place is..." '...filthy, poor, smelly and a breeding pot for plagues...' Tyki thought. But when he tried to put his feelings into words the only thing he could say was: "...absolutely perfect."
"Thought you would like it" Allen said smugly, looking around the street with a bored face. "It's totally your style after all."
"Oh?" Tyki queried "What makes you say that?"
"You play homeless coal-miner in your free time" Allen said "Plus being a Noah and therefore generally enjoying people's misery...well, it only makes sense you know?"
"You know me too well" Tyki grinned.
"I fear so too" Allen sighed "Come on let's find a place to stay and tomorrow morning we'll get ourselves some proper clothes."
Tyki looked down on his attire: slightly smudged shirt, black vest and once-shiny shoes. The time he had spend locked into one cell or another had done wonders for his overly expensive outfit but the boy was right, this just wouldn't do. They would stick out like sore thumps in this area.
His grin widening the Noah pulled out a pair of thick, swirly glasses from his pocket and put them on "Way ahead of you shounen. Way ahead."
After another hour or so in which Tyki and Allen had planlessly wandered the streets the boy finally seemed to have found an inn that suited his tastes. Now, normally Tyki would have gleefully mocked him for being such a picky wuss. However, it occurred that the boy had somehow managed to pick out the one place in this area that seemed even more run-down and gloomy than the rest. The inn was poetically dubbed 'The Hanged Man' and an artful little picture of a man hung by his neck decorated the wall, drawn in brownish reds that gave people the uncomfortable feeling that it wasn't painted with actual colours at all.
"You sure know how to pick them" Tyki commented appreciatively.
"Hm?" Allen blinked back at him "What do you mean?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Tyki asked "This place looks even creepier than the rest of the street. And I'm pretty sure that the thing at the end of it is a morgue or something."
The boy just scrunched up his nose, cocking his head to the side and staring up at the building contemplatively "I'm not quite sure what you are on about. I think it looks a lot happier than the other buildings with having pictures drawn on it and looking at a park."
Tyki turned to look at the aforementioned park at the other side of the street. There were trees. And some birds. And graves. It was a cemetery.
"Right..."
"You coming then? It's getting cold and I'm hungry" Allen said, already pushing the door open.
Tyki, who until then had still stared at the 'park', just nodded. There really was no reason to further discuss the boy's tastes, after all they were surprisingly good in the Noah's esteemed opinion.
The inside of the building looked much the same as the outside. The ground floor was a bar, dark wood panelling on the walls, a counter running ... and a few small tables and stools thrown around the area. The windows filtered out a lot of the light and only a few dim lamps helped them to orientate themselves properly. Behind the bar a fat man in is thirties was currently cleaning a glass with a dirty rack and Tyki made a mental note not to eat or drink anything from here.
"Good evening!" Allen exclaimed happily as he spotted the man.
The bartender looked up from the glass that he had by now managed to scrub grey. His beady, small eyes were surveying the newcomers with distrust with his mouth set in a heavy frown.
"Good evening!" Allen tried again when he didn't get an immediate answer. "We'd like some rooms!"
The bartender's frown deepened and he looked from Allen to Tyki and back again. "Who are ya lads? Neva seen ya 'round." With the way he pronounced the question however Tyki guessed the true meaning was something along the lines of: 'I don't know you and I honestly don't care who you are but would you kindly fuck off please?' Only formulated far less elegantly off course.
Naturally Allen ignored the implied meaning.
"I'm Allen Walker and this gentleman here is Tyki Mikk." the boy answered and gestured to the Noah. "We are travellers that are passing through and wanted to spend a few nights here."
"...Why 'ere?" This time Tyki was sure this translated into: 'Even I know this place is a dump so why the hell would you stay here out of your own free will?'
But again, Allen ignored the obvious.
"Because this place is just lovely of course!" he proclaimed with a broad smile and such honesty that everyone but Tyki might have nearly believed him, had it not been for the utterly rundown surroundings that is. But Tyki knew better of course. He didn't only nearly believe him. He knew the brat was being serious.
The bartender for his part looked slightly disturbed and mustered the boy with even more distrust. His eyes bored into Allen as if he was expecting the boy to either tell him he was kidding or suddenly pull a bloody knife from his pocket and scream 'surprise!'.
"Ya two look a bit ta posh ta be in this area o' town. Ya ain't runnin' from the coppers are ya?" the man grumbled "Cuz I don't want ta guys here if ya are."
"Of course not good sir!" Allen exclaimed with fake horror and an incredulous expression on the his face "We are just two honest men trying to find a place for the night. And excuse me if our appearance threw you off but I can assure you,we too are only working men."
"That so?" the bartender didn't seem to believe a single word they said "Then why the fancy clothes and speak, huh?"
"I work as a clown. You must understand, in the entertainment business appearances are everything" the boy explained with a smile and a flourish of his hand, letting some cards pop out out off nowhere. "And Tyki here had a rich mistress until she found out that he was a cheating scumbag and threw him out. Now he's just your average hobo."
Tyki raised an eyebrow at that.
The man critically looked at the cards in the others hand and then let his eyes glide over the boy, from his white hair to the scar marring his face. "Fine, I can believe ya that ya're a clown or whateva, lookin' freakishly enough for it" he paused for a second "And ya're weird. A lot."
"Thank you" the boy replied as if it was a compliment.
Then the bartender's gaze shifted to Tyki who was still wearing his swirly glasses. "But that fella right there? I don't trust 'im. Don't look the part to have a rich missus."
'Well, ouch.' Tyki felt insulted. If he wanted to he could have plenty rich mistresses! And he certainly looked the part too! And why was he met with more distrust than Allen anyway? "That's a rather impolite thing to say to my face, don't you think?"
"Is the truth." the bartender shrugged at him before turning towards Allen again "But fine. If ya really ain't running from the coppers you can stay 'ere."
"Promise!" Allen beamed at the man "No running from anyone!" Liar.
"Two rooms, that's five pound for each of ya for the night." The man said finally, looking at Allen expectantly and holding his hand out.
Allen's smile vanished at that and he just stared at it for a minute before turning towards Tyki. "Tyki. Pay."
The Noah chose to ignore rude command and gave a shrug instead "Sorry, got no money on me."
The boy's eyes narrowed at that, running him over as if to decide whether or not he was lying. Maybe it was the innocent smile on Tyki's face. Or the fact that he was generally a very honest person. Or maybe the brat remembered that the reason why Tyki was currently bankrupt was because Allen himself had cheated him out of his last money just two days prior. But whatever it was, Allen chose to believe him.
"Fine." he huffed "But if I find out you are lying and just making me pay your stuff I'll make you regret it."
"Didn't you just try to make me pay for your stuff too?"
"Tyki if you're lying I'll hurt you."
"But still, you just tried to do exactly that!"
"I'll gauge your eyes out and feed them to you." Allen smiled.
"But..." Tyki was feeling a little perturbed. Not that he wasn't used to threats, even threats form Allen, but the boy certainly never formulated them so crudely before. "...okay?"
"Good" the smile turned towards the barkeeper "One room then please."
"One?" the man asked with a frown looking between them. "I only got a bed a room lad, you'd havta share."
"That's perfectly fine" Allen smiled back, not seeing a problem there. People that couldn't pay their own stuff and made him pay in their stead weren't worth their own room after all. He didn't even consider them human, really. More like vermin. Or leeches. One bed was fine - Tyki could sleep on the floor.
Tyki however begged to differ. Funnily enough so did the bartender.
"I want my own bed!"
"Ya sure ya want ta share a room with a guy twice ya age?"
"I have a right to a bed after I went to prison for you!"
"He ain't forcing ya to do stuff is 'e?"
At the last part the bartender and Tyki looked at each other incredulously.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Tyki asked annoyed "What makes you think I'm forcing him to do anything? And why the fuck do you even care?"
"And why did ya go to prison for 'im?" the bartender shot back "There's somethin' fishy 'bout ya, I knew it."
Tyki just glared. He was so sick of being accused of being a paedophile. "I'm not quite sure what you're trying to insinuate but I'm sure you're wrong" he grit out between clenched teeth.
"Don't play dumb. Just know that I'll be keepin' an eye on ya."
"No need! I'm not some-"
A loud roar of thunder interrupted them before things could escalate further, causing both of them to jump a little in surprise.
"I'm hungry." Allen stated.
"Ah." Tyki understood.
"What the hell?" The bartender didn't quite make the connection yet.
"No, really" Allen continued "I'm quite hungry so could I please have a room now and then dinner?"
The bartender wanted to argue a little further but something about the white haired boys demeanour had suddenly changed. His smile was a little too wide and his eyes held a dangerous gleam as he held out his hand for a key. "Eh...here ya go. Dinner starts in an hour."
"Thank you" the boy smiled and paid the five pounds in exchange for the key. "Come on Tyki let's go."
"Wait, that's only one key! What about my bed?" Tyki protested.
"Lets. Go. Tyki."
"My. Bed. Shounen."
"Don't test me. I'm hungry."
"...fine."
Unsurprisingly the room was just as creepy as the rest of the house. First off all it had the number 13. It was also located in the attic. And of course its only window gave them a perfect view of what Allen had dubbed 'a lovely, little park'. Awesome.
"Are you really making me sleep on the floor?" Tyki asked while staring at the singular bed mournfully.
"Yes" the boy plopped down on the end of said bed.
"Can I at least have the blanket and the pillow?" he tried.
"Sure."
"What, really?" that one surprised Tyki. He had honestly expected to sleep on the cold floor with only a pillow. A blanket would at least keep him warm. Maybe the boy wasn't all that bad after all. Or maybe he was starting to treat Tyki more like a human and less like a walking annoyance.
"I mean, why not? The blanket doesn't look at that great anyway. It kinda reeks and is full of holes and Crown Clown makes for a perfect makeshift blanked anyway."
"Oh." Tyki was taking back his last thought, the brat was still mean.
"Anyway, first your claw as a lock pick and now the cloak as a blanket - I still think you are misusing your innocence."
"Well, ok, maybe" Allen admitted with a shrug, not really in the mood to argue. "But I'm far from the only one. Lenalee throws her shoes at people that annoy her, Lavi once used his hammer to plumb a toilet and Kanda regularly turns Mugen into an oversized toothpick. Want me to go on?"
"No, thank you" Tyki replied dryly. He really didn't want to know these things. It was quite disgusting to think that some exorcists used their innocence in such a fashion, only to attack them with it later on. Luckily he couldn't recall ever getting hit by the Bookman's hammer or skewered by the Japanese's katana. But thinking about it, he did get slashed with a certain broadsword. "Just...ehm...please tell me you never did anything like that with your sword of exorcism."
"Crown Clown?" Allen asked sounding slightly amused "Technically not, it's a broadsword and kind of useless for anything that doesn't include beheading akumas or attacking Kanda."
"Oh, good." Tyki breathed out relieved, happy that he never got attacked by and improvised toilet plunger. But wait. "What do you mean by technically?"
Allen just shrugged nonchalantly "Well, like I said Crown Clown's sword form is pretty unhandy but most of the time it's in the form of my left arm so of course I use it for more than just slashing at things."
"Ah" Tyki nodded. He hadn't thought of that before but even if he didn't fancy nearly getting offed by a lock-pick it could have been much worse. "I can live with that."
"Really?" the exorcists asked way too gleefully "I just thought it would bother you because I'm ambidextrous you know?" Allen sniggered, waving his left hand around and wriggling his fingers.
But the Noah didn't know and didn't get it.
"And a guy" Allen added with some more sniggers.
Slowly, something dawned on Tyki.
"And a teenager."
It took Tyki a few more seconds to get the implication.
And a good minute to connect the implication to the white haired boy.
Then Tyki was horrified.
"Hell, no, you didn't just say that. Please tell me you are shitting me. You are kidding aren't you?"
Allen just snorted a laugh, an immensely smug look on his face. "That's for me to know and for you to never ever find out."
"No, seriously. That isn't funny shounen!"
"But of course it is. And now let's get cleaned and down to dinner. I'm getting hungrier by the second."
"Shounen, please!"
By the time the two of them managed to get cleaned (thanks to a shared bathroom on the third floor that looked like it hadn't been cleaned in ages and only had cold water) it was already nine in the evening and half an hour after the official beginning of dinner time. Naturally Allen wasn't very amused. Neither was Tyki even if for entirely different reasons.
While they were gone the bar had gotten a little bit more lively and a lot more creepy. People were sitting at the tables around the room and a woman in her late thirties was bringing out food from a door to the left side of the counter. The room itself had gotten even darker now that no more sun came in from the small windows, only lit up by a couple of dim lamps and candles. Those that frequented the bar only added to the heavy atmosphere. Most of them were men, some of them wore hoods, a few looked like they were crippled and absolutely all of them were shady. So shady in fact, that even Tyki had to mentally remind himself that he was probably the most dangerous being in the room. (Well, him or the exorcists brat at least.)
"I think they are watching us" Allen mumbled as they made their way over to a table in the corner.
"Same here" Tyki agreed "And I have the feeling that old woman to our left is either grinning at us or baring her teeth. But I'm not quite sure which since she doesn't seem to have any teeth left."
"I think she is leering. At you that is" the boy answered after glancing to the left.
"Oh, brilliant..."
By the time the two of them sat down on their table most people were openly staring at them. Allen shifted in his seat uncomfortably and Tyki fumbled with his glasses. Both of them were suddenly acutely aware of the way they looked in comparison to the others. Tyki of course knew that for him it was mostly his clothes that let him stand out. Even if they were slightly dirty and torn by now, they were still made of materials that would cost the average factory worker his yearly wage. Allen on the other hand, while wearing slightly more normal clothes simply stood out due to his white hair and scarred face. But they had already agreed to get their new clothes the next morning so for now they couldn't do anything but to simply had to endure the stares.
As the evening progressed the staring never completely stopped but at least it dwindled down to occasional glances in their direction. The only exception had been the many disbelieving looks they received when Allen's usual mountain of food arrived and consequently vanished in the boy's black hole of a stomach. Not that Tyki could blame them. After all even he still felt the curious mix of fascination and slight nausea whenever he watched the exorcist eat.
Allen for his part didn't know why Tyki refused to eat or drink anything in 'this particular establishment' but he was definitely glad he didn't have to pay for him too.
At some point in time Tyki had pulled out his usual set of cards and soon the two of them were cheating their way through all kinds of games. It was nearing eleven and the two of them had started to relax some more when another person entered the bar and made his way to the counter.
Tyki immediately knew that there was something very wrong with this specific person.
Why you might ask? There were several indicators.
First of all, the man stood out even more than them. His long, black coat and top-hat were clean and new-looking. In the back, his hair reached down to his waist and in the front it covered up the whole upper half of his face, making it impossible to see his eyes. The only thing that was really visible was the broad and slightly psychotic grin on his face, the kind that Tyki himself had perfected a long time ago.
Then there was of course the way that all conversations and whispers suddenly ceased and a nervous silence fell over the room. Everyone's eyes were on the man as he slowly strode through the room. The man himself, on his part, didn't look bothered by the attention at all.
Especially unsettling was also the fact that, despite his apparent youth, his hair was white. Not just grey or a light blonde, but an unearthly, clean, snow white. Which, as everybody knows, was a sign of evil. (Or so Tyki thought)
But the final clue? The one thing that could proof to Tyki that this man spelled trouble and that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with him?
Apparently Allen knew him.
"Undertaker!" Allen exclaimed in happy surprise.
"Little Allen!" came the joyful reply.
"Fuck, no." Tyki groaned in dread.
The man looked around him, spotting them in their corner. He quickly grabbed the bottle the bartender had put on the counter counter for him and then headed directly towards their table. Once he arrived he snatched a chair from the neighbouring table (not a free one of course, but weirdly enough the person that sat there quickly vacated it once the man came near) and plopped down in it, looking far too satisfied with the new seating arrangement.
"Cookies?" he randomly asked and suddenly held out a box full of bone-shaped biscuits.
"No, thank you" Tyki replied somewhat testily.
"Sure" Allen simply took the whole box for himself. "It's been a long time. How are you?"
"Fine. Business is going well lately, with the new factory and a pneumonia epidemic going around" the man, 'Undertaker?' answered good naturedly "And you, boy?"
"Going splendid! I'm currently on holidays you see" he said enthusiastically.
"How nice! I wished I could go on vacation too, but people just wouldn't stop dying. Such a bad habit, really."
That was enough for Tyki. "Okay, who the hell are you and how do you know each other?"
"Oh, right!" Allen seemed to finally remember his companion "Tyki, this is Undertaker. Undertaker this is Tyki Mikk. We're currently travelling together."
"Undertaker? You mean he is an undertaker?" the Noah wasn't exactly happy with the short introduction.
"Well, that too."
"Pleasure to meet you Mister Tyki Mikk!" Undertaker grabbed the others hand, shaking it enthusiastically "I presume your presence here and his lack of presence means that the arsene worked?"
"Huh?" Tyki had no idea what the other was talking about, but Allen quickly intervened.
"Ah, sadly not. And I didn't use arsene, kinda hard for a twelve year old to get his hands on. Mercury on the other hand...well" Allen trailed of "Anyway, the bastard noticed and I had to scrub all the toilets in the brothel. Twice. It was horrible I tell you." Allen said mournfully.
"Pity. You seemed so exited to try it" Undertaker sighed but quickly perked up again "But at least that means I'm keeping one of my favourite customers! I don't have many as lively as him."
"Wait, what?" Tyki asked looking from one white head to the other "You two poisoned someone?"
"No we didn't" Allen corrected him "Didn't you listen? It didn't work. And Undertaker only gave me a few pointers here and there."
"Who did you try to poison? And why?" The Noah wasn't going to let the topic slip quite yet "I mean, you are Allen Walker! Saver of Akuma, destroyer of time, friend to all humans! You don't kill people!"
"Oho?" Undertaker asked.
"It was only Cross" the boy wasn't impressed by the other's outburst "He isn't a person and I never really expected it to work. Evil never dies."
"The guy gave you tips how to off your teacher?"
"Yes, he's such a nice guy isn't he?"
Fuck. No.
"Since it didn't work does that mean your master is still around? Do you think he might need a new coffin anytime soon?" Undertaker interrupted them and leaned forward in his seat, his face getting so close to Allen's face that every normal person would have shied back.
Allen however just smiled "I don't know. Maybe. But you work was really good so it might last some time longer."
"Why would that guy be buying a coffin?" Tyki asked slightly baffled at where things were going now.
"For his lovely lady corpse of course, silly!" Undertaker answered before Allen could "That's how I know little Allen here. Came with his master, very polite and a great sense of humour!"
"I bet" the Noah mumbled slightly disturbed. Because 'lovely lady corpse'? Really? The more he heard about Allen and his upbringing the more he was starting to understand what Road saw in the boy. Not in the creepy, paedophilic way of course, but more in the 'oh-my-god-he's-just-as-nuts-as-her' kind of way. Maybe she was right and they really were fated to be together? After all, they both had really messed up tastes and a slightly (very) warped character beneath a cute exterior.
"But anyway! I have to get back to my costumers now, don't want to keep them waiting" the undertaker suddenly said and abruptly stood up. "I was only here to get some Alcohol since I ran out. You should visit me boy. I now work at the end of this very street!"
'Look at that' Tyki though 'It really was a morgue.'
"Sure" Allen doomed the both of them.
"We'll see" Tyki tried to rescue the situation.
"Well then, see you soon!"
With that the man happily skipped out of the bar and back into the darkness of the night. The bar was still silent but now all the attention and distrusting stares were back on the two of them again. And this time Tyki couldn't blame them.
"Well...that was...different" he tried to sum up the encounter. "He's nuts isn't he?"
"So very much" Allen replied with a grin.
"And his customer are..."
"Dead."
"Thought so."
When I wrote the beginning of that chapter the weather in Britain had been curiously well. The whole god-damn last week. As if to spite me. And now I'm sitting at Gatwick Airport. For 8 hours. Our plane needs to be changed. Luckily I have my laptop and managed to salvage one of the only two chargers in the waiting area. People are circling me like vultures but I'll not give up my post. Muahahaha!
Dirty jokes Allen is my favourite Allen. And paedo-Tyki is too much fun to ignore -w-
Happy belated Easter btw!
DA