Author's Note:

Greetings and salutations everyone and welcome to another chapter. Once again I'm sorry for the gap between chapters and I'll see what I can do about updating sooner. Thank you for your reviews and support and I hope you enjoy the chapter.

I do not own Star Trek.

Communications Stalling

Jim Kirk seriously wondered why the universe seemed to hate him and his crew.

They had been on a nice simple away mission on a nice boring planet, again. They had then come across a hostile group of people on said planet that weren't supposed to be there, again! Said group had then managed to capture Jim and his team and were planning to use them as hostages to take control of the Enterprise, AGAIN!

Jim was certain that this was the fifth time something like this had happened and it was likely Bones would now be convinced that Pavel got his tendency to be kidnapped from him. The only good thing was that because this had happened a few times already his crew were now well versed in what they had to do, namely stall the hostile and then mount a cleverly conceived and daring rescue.

This was why he and the rest of his team were quite relaxed as they waited in their cell for the sure to come dramatics from their captors shortly followed by a serious ass-kicking courtesy of a ticked off crew long overdue their shore leave.

They had just finished placing their bets on which one of their captors Spock would nerve pinch first when they were all taken from their cell by several typically burly henchmen and brought before this week's main antagonist. He was your average villain giving off a suitably villainous aura and he'd obvious spent time perfecting the 'evil genius' look. He then launched into the usual dramatic spiel and long winded explanation of his plan before finally holding up Jim's communicator.

"And now Captain Kirk lets find out how much your crew care about you and your team."

Jim managed to resist the urge to role his eyes at this clichéd line as the man contacted the Enterprise; what happened next was not what anyone expected as a robotic female voice came through the communicator.

"Hello and welcome to the USS Enterprise call service. If you wish to speak to Captain James T Kirk, press 1. If you have an Engineering enquiry, press 2. For a list of medical services we can offer, press 3. For diplomatic business, press 4. If you are a hostile vessel and wish to shoot us, press 5 or if you are the leader of the hostile group that is holding our Captain and away team hostage, re-press the call button."

Despite being obviously taken aback by this as well as hilariously confused and panicked by the lack of numbers on the communicator the chief antagonist dutifully pressed the requested button and the voice came through again.

"Thank you, we shall be with you shortly, please hold."

Then a suitably irritating tune began playing and they all sat there waiting for someone to pick up.

Five minutes later Spock, Bones, Hendorff and several security officers burst into the room stunning all the bad guys. As they approached Jim he nodded to his communicator that had fallen to the floor and was still playing the annoying music, "Whose idea was that?"

It was Spock who answered, "I believe it was a joint effort between Mr Scott and Lieutenant Uhura."

Jim tried in vain to avoid Bones as he began fussing over him like a mother hen as he replied, "Remind me to award them the 'Best Stalling Technique of the Month' award this month."

"I shall Captain."

PS-There we are and please let me know what you thought.