Ch.4
Tris's POV
There's pain. All sorts of it rushing through me. Physical pain, and emotional pain. Mostly guilt is what consumes me. I feel guilty for everything I've done since the time of my aptitude test. For the deaths I've caused. The cause of my own almost death is actually the least painful of them all because it doesn't fill me with anguish.
I've loved him for a short while, Tobias. And being where we were when I left was not how I wanted it all to end. That punches me with guilt.
When they say young love doesn't last they don't usually use near death experiences as a factor in that equation. To be honest our experiences together have made us closer. Well, until recently when they almost tore us apart.
I've tried to understand where he's coming from. How him finding out he's not truly divergent has affected him. But, there's this brick wall standing between me and and my understanding even though I'm begging for the wall to crumble. I guess it all did start when I was jealous of Nita. I thought he was making all the wrong decisions because of her. Maybe he made them because of me. I wasn't there for him like I should've been. I know I could do better if given the chance again.
Then there's Uriah and his coma. I can imagine the guilt falling on Tobias's shoulders. I mean Zeke is his best friend and he let him down. The guilt swirling inside of his stomach making him explode.
Emotions can always get the better of a person when they push them too far.
I know that I'm not leaving today. Maybe I won't leave for a very long time, but am I ready to face everything I thought was behind me. The hardest thing sometimes is letting go. What happens when letting go becomes letting back in? I don't know yet. But, I'm going to find out.