Chapter 10

"I should be just so thankful he is alive. And I am. It's just….the silence is so difficult for me." Elizabeth confessed, wiping a stray tear from her cheek.

"Why is the silence difficult?" Dr. Sherman asked softly. They'd made significant progress with her PTSD triggers, silence was not one of them. She wondered where this was coming from.

1989

Elizabeth Adams sat alone in her dorm room. It wasn't an unusual occurrence during winter break. She had been used to it. Since her brother enrolled in medical school, he'd often had to work on the holidays instead of being able to visit her at school.

Gone were the days of them watching a movie and eating take out together, exchanging a small gift or two. She'd turned down the invitation from her roommate to go home to California with her family. She didn't want the pity faces that usually came with that.

She was independent and used to holidays alone. She actually found she got a lot done. She'd clean her wardrobe, catch up on sleep, reading and simply enjoy the quiet beauty of the school campus.

That particular Christmas Eve morning Elizabeth watched the weather report as she ate a bowl of cereal. They were predicting the most terrible blizzard in years and she sighed, upset it would likely de-rail her carry out plans as places were sure to shut down early. She decided she had better make a run to the grocery store before the storm of the century and pick up something she could make herself for dinner. She was less than thrilled about this; settling in on the fact that she'd likely be eating another bowl of cereal or a simple TV dinner she could heat herself, since her cooking skills were not great.

She bundled up in her warmest coat and boots and braved the cold; carefully navigating her car to the corner store. Picking up a small basket she gathered her groceries as quick as possible among the frenzied last minute shoppers fighting over the few remaining turkeys and hams in the meat section. She was lucky she was not one of those.

She plucked some lunchmeat, bread and yogurt from the shelves; figuring sandwiches could be another easy meal on hand if the storm did come her way. She also grabbed some cans of soup, more cereal and a couple lean cuisines from the freezer. Along with a carton of double fudge ice cream. She waited in a terribly long line and wished the grumpy cashier a Merry Christmas politely, telling her she was sorry she had to work instead of being home with her family.

Sometimes she wondered if the cashiers and waiters who worked on the holiday were like her, trying to work through the holiday to conceal the disappointment of not having a family to return home to. Either way it was disappointing she supposed, not having a family or being forced to be apart from them due to work. She often hoped her kind words brightened their day, as she knew sometimes she felt that way.

That evening back in her dorm, she flipped through the channels trying to decide on what sappy Christmas movie to watch as she warmed a cup of soup. Mid-way through White Christmas the power flickered, then went out.

"Fantastic." She thought as she rummaged for a candle and flashlight. She sat alone in the silence for two hours before deciding to get up and see if the security guards were around; she knew there was a back-up generator and they should have turned it on by now.

As she tiptoed down the dorm hallway in silence, the glow of the flashlight guiding her way she soon realized even they had gone home, even the security guards; assuming no one was left on campus. She was truly alone.

Returning to her room, she crawled into her bed and sobbed. It was dark and cold, the wind and snow swirling and howling outside her window. She'd never felt so isolated and alone. She didn't even get to finish her soup before it chilled.

The power was off for a full day. By the time it came back on, she'd huddled under every sweater and blanket she owned. It was freezing and couldn't even have a hot meal or cup of coffee. It was one of the worst days of her life. Not a single soul to talk to. With the power out she couldn't even call her brother to wish him a Merry Christmas. A million thoughts ran through her mind. What if the power didn't come back on? No one knew she was there alone? Am I going to die here alone in the snow?

It was silent. She could hear nothing but the sound of her own breaths and sobs.

"When classes started the next January, I met Henry….and by the time we reached the holiday season he had taken me home to meet his loud, raucous family. He promised me I'd never have another silent Christmas…." Elizabeth remembered before getting back to the topic at hand. "I know there are other ways to communicate. And Henry & I can read each other so well….I know he knows that something is bothering me. Even though he can't say anything."

"Have you spoken to him about this?" Dr. Sherman tried again, since Elizabeth had re-directed her first question.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because he needs to focus on recovering, not helping me. He is worried too. He doesn't need my worries on top of it."

"So he has told you his fears."

"Yes."

"Don't you think you should share yours then?"

"I suppose. But, I want him to focus on getting better. I should be focused on helping him. This is why I came, so I can get back to focusing on him."

Dr. Sherman smiled, realizing the approach she needed to take to make Elizabeth understand. "I think you are forgetting a very important fact. Men like to fix things. And from what you have told me about your husband, he has that quality – doesn't he. He wanted to fix your silent Christmas, and fix your PTSD, and many other things….right?"

"Yes, but…."

"Elizabeth. I think right now maybe Henry feels a little…..impotent in a way. Right now, with him unable to talk, he probably feels like he is not able to fulfill his husbandly and fatherly duties to you and your family. Let him help you through this. In turn it will help him, because he will feel whole, like he is contributing and not a burden."

Dr. Sherman noticed something clicked with Elizabeth and she nodded. "Thank you Dr. Sherman."

It wasn't until two nights later that she was able to come home at a decent hour. She'd of course texted Henry multiple times to check on him, and he assured her he was fine. Although she wasn't sure if he believed that she was actually tied up or just avoiding him since they hadn't had a chance to discuss anything since night she told him she needed to go back to work.

She came home to a scene that melted her heart; Allison being sweet as ever self, just as she'd promised studying for the driving test with her dad.

Henry looked relieved to see her and she wasn't sure if it was because he'd missed her, or because Allison was driving him nuts with her responses to the driving test questions. When she walked in she heard Allison say "well that's it's problem." If Henry could have she was sure he'd be groaning at her.

Flipping the laptop away, Allison gushed over her mother's hair on TV during the peace treaty signing Elizabeth took off her coat and Henry rose to greet her. She sighed in exhaustion and planted a huge kiss on her husband's lips.

"I love you." She said against his lips, kissing him feverishly again.

His arms tightened around waist and roamed her back as he kissed her back, unable to actually speak his affection, but doing his best to convey it through his actions until Allison interrupted. "I'm right here." She whined, forcing Elizabeth to reluctantly pulled away.

Allison decided to it was best leave her parents when she saw the disappointed look in her mother's eye when she pulled away. Rolling her eyes, she walked away.

"I feel like fro-yo." Elizabeth said, moving into kiss Henry again. "Wanna go?"

He nodded against her lips in a soft kiss and gently swatted her behind to get her moving. They donned their coats and asked Frank to drive them to the ice cream shop on the corner.

Upon entering the shop Elizabeth placed and order for their usual as Henry reached for a ten dollar bill from his wallet and eyed Elizabeth as he handed it over to the cashier. At least he could pay.

They moved to sit at a secluded corner booth, Henry carried their ice cream cups to the table when they were ready. Elizabeth smiled. "Thanks, babe. Who said chivalry isn't dead…."

Henry nodded with a wink and dug the spoon into his ice cream, the coldness feeling wonderful on his throat. You sign a peace deal with the middle east, the least I can do is buy you ice cream after a rough day. He texted.

Smiling sadly, Elizabeth reached her hand across the table to find his, gently fingering his wedding band under her fingertip. "Henry, I need to tell you something…." She began slowly.

He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles, letting her know she had his full attention.

She swallowed a bite of her chocolate ice cream and began to speak. "I feel terrible saying this….but outside of the treaty thing today, I really didn't need to go to the office the last few days. I was sort of running away…."

Henry nodded. He knew.

"I just…..I went to see Dr. Sherman the other morning, and she said I needed to tell you. So I am, and I feel guilty for what I did. But it's just…..I'm having a hard time dealing with the silence. It reminds me of that terrible Christmas….." She trailed off, wiping a stray tear from her face. "I don't want to burden you with how I'm coping, but I just….I wanted you to know. And I know that you will talk again. I do. But on the slim chance you can't, I know we will work through it and be fine…I just, it scares me to think about that possibility."

Henry nodded softly patting the seat beside him and she rose and slid next to him. He wrapped one arm around her and kissed her hair, as she settled against him, while his hand reached for his phone to text his reply.

It's okay babe. I knew something was bothering you and I'm glad you told me. It scares me too. I've been thinking about it a lot….the possibility. And I've come to realize this.

He paused, looked into her eyes as he tilted her chin upwards and kissed her softly and mouthed, "I love you."

She smiled at him when the tender kiss broke and mirrored his actions, mouthing. "I love you too."

We'll find other ways to communicate and make it work. I'll go write more books instead of teaching. I'll learn sign language. But know this babe. I love you. And I'll never let a day pass where you don't know it, or feel it. Even if I can't speak the words, I can still kiss you and hold you….and other things. You are all I need.

She giggled when he texted her 'other things' and reached for her phone. You know you can kiss me and do 'other things' anytime…

He laughed and kissed her. Promise you won't run away to work again?

"Promise. "

Nodding he set his phone down and lifted his hand, moving it into a position where his thumb, index finger and pinky finger were up, while his other fingers were down.

She looked at him quizzically.

After showing her for a moment, he texted her. It means I love you in sign language. I've been learning a few phrases while I've been home….you know just in case. Besides…I was bored.

She looked at him, amazed and immediately formed her fingers into the I love you symbol he just showed her and spoke. "Teach me?"

He nodded. Of course.

She placed her hand down and reached for his face, stroking his cheek. "And when you can talk again, maybe it can be our little secret way of communicating."

Gazing into her eyes, amazed at her attitude, he pulled her hand down, squeezing it tight while he planted another soft kiss on her lips.

When they pulled apart they smiled at one another; both feeling better after their heart to heart. Elizabeth was quick to lighten the mood. "So….how do you say 'can I have some of your ice cream' in sign language?"

Grinning, Henry shook his head at her playfully and offered her a spoonful of his mint chocolate chip to try. Somehow in that moment, he was sure they would be just fine.

AN: I KNOW GUYS! I took forever. I'm sorry. I hope it was worth the wait! I have had a very busy summer (mostly fun things...and work), forgive me. I will try my best to not take so long with the next chapter. I've also been working on a sort of AU fic and I'm trying to finish writing it before I start posting - so ya'll are not waiting around so long between updates. Please leave your comments...they mean the world to me and they let me know you don't hate me for keeping you hanging!