Chapter III

Surprisingly, the room they showed me to wasn't too far from Ilya's. It was on the other side of the hallway, in fact. It was a luxurious, spacious room. I knew that by Ilya's standards this whole castle was too frugal, but for me this was too much. I sat down on the bed. It was too early for me to sleep, and I surely couldn't have fell asleep even if it was night already, but she understandably wanted time to herself so there was nothing I could do.

I bit my lip. I had to tell her. I knew I had to tell her the truth about Kiritsugu, both for her, so she knew that her father hadn't left her alone because he wanted to, and for me, because this might leave her open to an alliance with Emiya Shirou. But still, I didn't like seeing her like that. It was… it propably sounds stupid, since she has threatened to kill me not too long ago, but it hurt. But… more that she was like this, it hurt that I couldn't do anything.

I looked up when I heard the maids start to go away without a word.

"Sella, Leysritt." I said, feeling a little nervous. They actually stopped and turned back. "Could you… could either of you tell Ilya that I'm sorry?"

They nodded, and went away. I buried my face in my hands for a few moments, then laid down on the far too big bed, staring at the pristine brown ceiling. I was worried about Ilya but, as I said, I couldn't do anything about it. She could and would work through it by herself and, to begin with, she surely didn't want my help. I was just a stranger to her.

So I had to concentrate on my other problems. I had too many, so it was better if I started now, anyway. But soon I realized I couldn't start, not really. I had seen Shirou before. He wouldn't be leisurely strolling about at night during the War, not without Saber by his side, so that meant this was before night of fate would happen. Which meant that the route wasn't decided.

No, wait. Route? What a joke. This was reality. The Visual Novel had fixed outcomes, but that didn't meant shit. I had thought that it was just a matter of determining the route of this universe as early as I could, pray that Shirou didn't trigger any of the bad endings, and try to predict what would follow from whatever bad ending if it ended up happening anyway. But things weren't so simple.

In the Visual Novel, Shirou couldn't die unless the player made a bad choice. But here, in reality, in those moments Shirou was supposed to survive he could die as well. I could predict things to an extend based in that I know these people really well, and what they would do and wouldn't do, but the scope of the possibilities… it was too big for it to be comfortable.

"Well. Shit." Perhaps I spoke to try to erase my nervousness, perhaps just on a whim. I didn't know.

I had put myself into something far beyond me, far beyond anything I knew or would ever know. And it was too late to turn back now. No matter how uncertainty the future was, the only certain thing if I had gone by myself would have be my eventual, earlier dead. So I had to suck up my nervousness and hesitation.

Tomorrow. I could think about this more tomorrow, when I could actually determine how things stood.

The only thing I had left to do was try to sleep, so I tried.

I didn't sleep. I just, I couldn't sleep. Too many things had happened in too little time, not leaving me even time to think and consider my situation, fully take in what it meant. This wasn't my world. I wouldn't never go back anymore. I wouldn't never see my mother and my father anymore.

I couldn't stop thinking about that. That my mother or father would go wake me up in the morning, and none of them would find anything, and they would spend years and years vainly hoping that I would turn up, some way, someday, unsure if I was dead or alive. It hurt. It hurt so much, I thought my heart might break right there and there.

At some point, after what felt like hours, I cried myself to sleep.

My sleep was thin, but at least I didn't have any nightmares. When I woke up, for one single, perfect moment, I almost believed that the last few hours had be only a crazy dream and I was in my house again, in my bed. I even ignored feeling somebody shaking me, thinking that it was my mother and that I had simply sleep in. Then I opened my eyes. I saw Sella and Leysritt at my bedside, watching me with their empty, red eyes. It wasn't unexpected, not really. But it still hurt.

It was morning. Not sure at what hour, since there was no clock in the room. I sat up. I had sleep, but I didn't really feel rested. I would have liked to spend the rest on the day in bed. Unfortunately, I had things to do. I looked at the two maids, which were simply waiting patiently for me to wake myself up. I hastily wiped my eyes with the back of my hands, then looked back at them. They didn't say anything.

"Uh... How is she?" I asked.

The maids shared a look.

"Better." Leys… no, Sella. Sella said that.

"Okay. So, uh." I got out of the bed. "Let's go?"

I followed them outside the room, and into Ilya's room. She was there, sitting by the window and looking outside with an empty expression. She turned her head towards us when she heard the door open. The maids stood there, and I went to take a seat in yesterday's desk. I maintained eye contact with, despite that a tiny part of me thought that it was a fucking stupid idea. That part of me got overridden by the biggest part, the one that thought that it didn't matter even if it was a bad idea, because if she wanted to do anything to me there was fuck all I could do to stop it.

"Tell me about the Masters and their Servants." she said.

And so I told her their names and what they could and couldn't do. Also, I told her about Bazett, Kirei killing her and taking Lancer for him, the orphans in the basement of the churn used as fodder for Gilgamesh, Zouken's plans and so and so on. I also gave her a breakdown of the three routes, including what bad endings I could remember and were actually relevant.

It took a couple of hours, all it all. She stopped me a couple of times to ask me more specific questions, but she had been otherwise silent and unmoving. Only her expression really changed. After I finished talking, she didn't give a response. She just drank the tea, then put it back down on the table. Her expression was pensive. I didn't say anything.

"You can go now." Ilya finally said. "Wander around the castle, if you wish, but don't even try to leave."

"...Are you all right? I meant, yesterday you… I'm still worried."

"Shut up. You care because you're lost, scared and alone and need somebody to protect you, and I care because I need your information. That's how things stand. I don't like pretensions, so you can drop it right now."

"I'm not pretending. I care about you."

"I'm not okay." she said, after a small pause. "Of course I'm not okay. You know me, right? Then you should know that what gave me the strength to pull myself out that hell was my bitterness and hatred. I endured the pain, and used Berserker to crush the obstacles in my way, because I had a reason to live. I had to kill the man who had abandoned me. And when he died, my hatred shifted to the boy he had adopted. The one who I had taken father away from me. But he didn't abandon me. He cared about me until the very end, and I can't even blame Shirou for this. And now I just felt… empty."

"So you will kept on fighting for the Grail, even thought you know how it is." I said. It wasn't a question.

"Of course." she let out a bitter little laugh. "I have nothing else. I should at least fulfil the purpose I was born for."

"Ilyasviel... you were born out of love, not for being another cogwheel in the Einzbern's foolish, desperate desire. Please. I know its not much, I know it doesn't compensate for your suffering, for the life those people took away from you, but please, don't forget that."

She just looked away from me.

"Anyway." she said, after a small pause. "I'm going to ensure you become a real person by tomorrow. You go ahead and have fun."

The next day, Sella drove me to Fuyuki's High School. Leysritt and I were both at the back. It hadn't took Ilya much to forge the necessary documents. Yesterday, Adam Marshall didn't exist, and today he had be in this world his whole life. I hadn't even needed to take an entrance exam, since Ilya had took care of that too.

I was really nervous. Of course I was. Shirou, Rin and Sakura were there, but that didn't change that Kuzuki and Shinji were also there. Shinji was a thrown away villain in the story, but even him was dangerous to somebody like myself, who has not actual way to defend himself. I was aiming to establish an alliance with Shirou, as Ilya desired. That would solve some of my problems, and create even more, but I couldn't even be sure he was still alive.

The car came to a stop. I took a deep breath, and released it.

"Uh, see you later." I said, just to not feel like asshole, and then went to open the door.

"Have a safe trip." both Sella and Leysritt responded.

"...Thank you." It came out more as a question, to be honest, but, in my defence, I was floored that they actually brothered to speak to me on their own accord. I got out of the car, closed the door and watched the car until it turned the corner and disappeared from my sight.

Then, I turned back and headed inside Fuyuki's High School.

The atmosphere was warm and friendly. I knew Rider's Boundinary Field was there, but I couldn't felt it. Also, I listened, but I didn't heard anybody talking about Shirou disappearing or something. That the school was opened was proof enough that his body hadn't be discovered, but that didn't meant he hadn't died.

Then I saw Sakura in the hallway. Yeah, that was proof enough for me that Shirou was alive and well and where he was supposed to be. She wouldn't have come to school otherwise. Which was good. What was no so good was going to school in a place where I didn't know anybody. Not technically, anyways. It was an odd thing to focus on, but for some reason I was really conscious of that.

All in all, the classes were quite boring. Not that much different that my school, except that the students actually stayed silent while the class was going on. I tested it yesterday, and apparently I could also write in Japanese without a problem even though I didn't have any clue about it. Yeah, so it almost seemed like I fit in. It was a very mundane experience.

Except for Kuzuki's class. I knew he wasn't about to karate chop my head off, not in front of the whole class, but still, it was hard to not be nervous around him. He was a terrifying monster who had handled Saber like she was nothing. Yeah, element of surprise and all, but still, few humans could say they could beat a Servant in combat even with that.

At lunch time, I went out and tried to find the Student Council's room. Shirou should be over there. There was no route in which he stopped coming to school… not this early, anyway. It soon became apparent that I wouldn't find the room by wandering randomly, so I had to ask around. Hopefully I could get time alone with Shirou before the launch period ended. I knocked on the door. Issei opened it.

"… It's Emiya-sempai here?" I asked. Even though I was seeing him, sitting in a chair and eating lunch.

Shirou sat up, left his food right where it was and came to the door.

"What is it?" he said.

"Could we talk in private? I… I need help with something… something serious. Really serious."

"Issei, do you mind?"

"Of course I don't, Emiya." he said, and got out into the hallway. I stepped inside. Shirou closed the door.

I looked at his hand, just to check. And yes, I could see a Command Spell on it. Which made me wonder how he explained that, exactly. Going and getting a tattoo was something out of character for Shirou. Though, that too would be really out of character for Rin, and she didn't make an effort to hide it. I assumed that Command Spells were invisible to those who weren't Masters or something, even though that had zero basis in canon. But it turned out that it wasn't like that.

Maybe.

"So what did you want?" Shirou asked.

"I know about it."

"W-what?"

"The Holy Grail War." I simply said. "I'm not one of the Masters, so don't worry. I'm not a magus, either, so I'm not a threat to you. But I'm under the service of one of the other Masters. She wishes to ally with you in order to minimize causalities."

"Really?" he let out a breath. "That's great."

"Well, then. There's a forest at the outskirts of Fuyuki. In the middle of it there's a castle. We live there. Come if you accept."

"Yeah, sure. I know where it is." Shirou said. "It's kind of big, though. We could easily get lost in there, since we don't know where the castle is exactly."

"You don't need to worry about that. Really. You don't. Is not that easy to get lost there, and you can always be showed the way." after a small pause. "Well, that's all. I leave you to your business. Just one last thing. Your friend, Matou Shinji… he's not the person you think he is."

"What's that supposed to meant? Is he a Master, too?"

"Yes." well, no, but I wasn't about to explain the circumstances behind that. "But I was not referring to that. He's a terrible person, and he I don't meant that he's asshole. He has done worse things. More importantly, he doesn't care. You can chose to believe it or not. But kept that in mind. See you later, Emiya-sempai."

"...See ya."

I went out, feeling like I had got a weight off my chest. I didn't know which route was this, if this reality even vaguely resembled any of the three routes, but the alliance with Shirou brought solutions to quite a few problems. I couldn't be a hundred perfect sure, of course. But still, I felt relieved. I had achieved a small victory.

Now for the next thing. I went to the rooftop and, as I expected, Tohsaka was there. I approached her. Was Archer there with her, or was he recovering at the house? It didn't really matter. I would stick out like a sore thumb to the Counter Guardian, but he would come to learn of me, in time, so the danger was the same. She eyed me for the corner of her eye, but didn't say anything. I looked at her.

"Tohsaka. Matou Shinji's Servant is the one behind the Boundary Field in this school."

She looked to me, her expression shocked for an instant.

"Who are you? How do you know that?"

I didn't answer, of course. I just turned away and ran for the door.

"Hey!"

I didn't listen, either. I ran down the stairs and into the hallway. I let out a sigh of relief. I wasn't in the mood to get manhandled by her, and I wasn't in even less of a mood to get threatened and intimidated by another powerful magus. Just working up the courage to go and tell her was nerve wracking enough.

The day continued as normal. To be honest, I didn't pay much attention to classes after that. I kept sketching plans in my head for potential situations, though as far as how things were going I didn't really have anything concrete. I couldn't concentrate on that, even if I wanted to, so I might well do something slightly productive. That was my whole reason.

After classes were over and I went out, Sella and Leysritt were there again. I got inside the car, awkwardly greeted them, sat down and tied my seatbelt. I dozed off for a bit, woke up again, couldn't sleep anymore and spend the rest of the time staring at the scenery. I only started paying attention when we got near the Einzbern forest.

The sound of something caving in, breaking. Rider's chain spear went through the hood of the car, and tore out of the insides, breaking the engine. But the momentum didn't allow the car to stop there. Without a way to stop, it started spinning, spinning, spinning. There was a loud crash. Leysritt had moved fast to shield me from the crash, but I still felt the impact, and I felt so sick I thought I would throw up right there.

Right behind us, casually holding the chain spear, was Rider. Shinji was not too far behind her, an arrogant smirk on his face, holding the book.