Carry On

By: Teenlaunch

Disclaimer: I wouldn't be writing if I owned it.

a/n: *creeps out of hole in the ground* Er, hi. So, I have a million excuses and none of them are even good enough for me, so I won't bore you with them. I can' believe it's been so long! I feel horrid for doing such a thing. Hopefully you won't all hate me after you read this pitiful excuse of a chapter either. Maybe to get me to update you all should lay on the guilt really thick. That might work. Or send me a PM every day insisting I update…

Harry groaned. He had been magically bound to his bed by Madam Pomfrey after she found out that he had sneaked out. He really didn't mind though. It was worth it to be there when James had needed someone to talk to, even though he thought Harry had been a dog. And Harry had paid dearly for his little romp. Besides angering Pomfrey, he had made his cough worse, ensuring at least three more days in the wing. But to add insult to injury, Lupin still hadn't come to see him.

After wondering why Lupin had left him alone for almost two weeks, he realized that his friend probably would have laid into him if he came earlier than he thought was best. He had been furious the last Harry had heard and Harry didn't want a taste of it, no matter how much he wanted to see the man.

Luckily, someone was almost always there to take his mind off Lupin. Lily had dropped by a few times, always bringing him his homework. Harry loved talking to his mother and had gotten to know her pretty well since he had woken up. Remus usually checked in on him once a day, bringing him news about the other Marauders, especially James. Even Severus had popped in once, but only once. He told Harry that he couldn't be seen hanging around a Gryffindor too much or the other Slytherins would think he was going soft. Harry didn't blame him and just settled for regular owls every other day usually bearing sarcastic remarks about something going on in the school.

Besides the fact that he was in the hospital wing again, Harry was happy. He had time to himself. He didn't have to worry about keeping his identity from the Marauders. Remus visited him often. His mother and father were dating. Peter was pretty much staying away from him so everything could be straightened out. And he had all the time in the world to work on his homework, which took up most of every day for him.

Harry looked up from his schoolwork as the door to the wing opened, expecting to see Lily or Remus. He was partially right. Remus had come to see him again but he wasn't with Sirius (who had dropped by once, explaining that until James came around and they actually talked to Harry he wanted to stay at a distance). He was with James.

Harry froze. They stared at each other as Remus closed the door. The young werewolf rolled his eyes and gently nudged James forward until he was standing right beside Harry's bed.

Harry knew he was staring, but he couldn't help it. James, his father, was actually there, willing to talk to him. Harry's mouth was suddenly dry. He couldn't speak, couldn't start to express how it felt to finally have his father looking at him as his son.

James cleared his throat. "Er…hi, Harry. How – how are you feeling?"

Harry shrugged. "Unless you count the fact that I'm about ready to climb the walls, I can't complain."

James smiled. "That's normal. You should see Remus after the full-" James' eyes widened and flew to Remus who was looking out the window, completely at ease.

Harry sighed as James stopped, biting his tongue to keep from going on. "I know all about Remus, James. And I don't care one bit. Without the werewolf, Remus just wouldn't be…Remus. Besides, even if I didn't know, I have no room to judge. I'm a Parselmouth after all." Harry sighed again. "Can we not talk about too much? I know that Sirius would kill to be there when you get to the good stuff."

James smiled again. "Alright. Well, anyway, I really didn't come to grill you. We'll leave that until you're out of here. And like you said, Sirius would kill me if he missed that." James looked around the room, trying not to seem uncomfortable.

Harry smiled gently. "You can sit down you know."

James jumped slightly. "Oh, right!" He sat down on the edge of Harry's bed and glanced over at Remus who had sat down on another bed to read one of Harry's extra books, obviously intending to leave them alone as much as possible. James cleared his throat again. "So, I just wanted to…apologize for how I acted when you woke up. I overreacted. I can't really explain why or anything like that. I don't really want to. I just wanted to let you know that I didn't understand I guess. Getting angry is kind of my way of letting off steam. The guys have told me I need a better outlet."

Harry chuckled. "I'm the same, so I understand."

"So…how long 'til you get out of here?"

Harry shrugged. "That depends. Hopefully only two more days, but Madam Pomfrey's not promising anything." James nodded sagely. "You can be normal around me you know. I'm not going to attack you or anything."

James looked down in embarrassment. "I can't help it."

Harry nodded. "So, what's Sirius think about everything? Does he believe me or what? I mean he swung by here once but he really didn't say anything."

James shrugged. "He said that he believes you, mainly because the guy you said was Lucius Malfoy told us. I mean, why would he have said that if he didn't think it would affect me or you in some way? Mainly it was just me that was the problem. The others just want explanations. Which means the sooner you get out, the sooner you get to answer our questions."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Oh joy." He was about to ask how James and Lily's relationship was going when he froze. Someone was standing outside of the infirmary door. Harry could tell exactly who it was from his aura. And something told him he was very angry.

James frowned. "What's wrong, Harry?" Remus looked up and sat the book down, frowning as well.

The door opened and they looked around. Lupin walked inside, came over to Harry, and transfigured a cushy armchair resembling the ones in the Gryffindor common room. Harry gulped, taking the chair as a sign that he would be there for quite a while. "Hello, Professor," Harry murmured, looking at his hands.

"Hello, Harry," Lupin answered coolly, his voice betraying no emotion. He turned to the others and nodded in greeting. "James, Remus."

James and Remus glanced at each other and nodded back. James suddenly smiled. "So, who are you?"

Harry watched Lupin out of the corner of his eye. Lupin raised an eyebrow. "Why do you assume that I am not really JR Century?"

James smirked. "Harry is always around you. I doubt that you don't know…I mean, you do, don't you?" James asked, confused.

Lupin almost smirked. "I do know about Harry. That much is true. However, I fail to see why my knowledge about Harry leads you to think that I am not who I say I am. Care to elaborate?"

Harry caught Remus' eye and they both shared a smile before turning their attention back to James, who was running his hand nervously through his hair. "Well, how did you find out? I doubt Harry came out and told you."

Harry saw Lupin frown at this. He hadn't thought up a story to back up his claim that he was in fact JR Century. Harry worried his lip for a moment, almost biting through it then said, "Actually, I did." The others turned to look at him. "Professor Century is the one who found me when I got here. I practically landed on his front porch. He took me in, cared for me, and I told him who I am and what had happened. He's agreed to help me get back to my time."

Lupin seemed to breathe a small sigh of relief. James' eyes widened. "Really? You trusted him with such a secret when you barely knew him?"

Lupin shrugged. "He didn't have much of a choice." He leaned further back into his chair and sighed. "I really must ask that you leave for today, James."

James frowned. "Why is that?"

Lupin's voice hardened, the first hint of his impatience showing through. "Frankly, I believe it is none of your business."

James and Remus stared at him, both frowning. "Er, excuse me, Professor, but as Harry is my son, I believe I have more, uh, authority than you."

Lupin just blinked, not at all surprised. "James, if I must involve Poppy, I will. I don't mean to come off as harsh but you do need to leave. Harry will be able to leave soon enough and then you can torment him with questions."

James' face darkened as he considered the possibility of getting on his professor's bad side. "Well, alright. I can wait." He and Remus stood up. "Take care, Harry."

Harry nodded and smiled slightly, waving as they both left. After the door closed silence fell and Harry settled for watching Lupin passively. Lupin stared out the window, not hinting to what he was thinking.

"R-Remus," Harry whispered. Lupin didn't react, making Harry wince. He simply continued to watch something outside. "I've missed talking to you. I mean, this you. The young you doesn't understand me as well." Harry paused. Lupin still wasn't reacting. If there was one thing Harry couldn't stand it was silence from such a close friend. He could take it from anyone else.

"Look, I'm sorry. I know you must be angry with me. But nothing bad happened. I'm alive. And I'm sure the Death Eaters won't try that again any time soon. I-"

"Nothing bad happened?" Lupin asked quietly, his eyes still riveted on the window.

"Well, no. I guess it depends on – we're all alive!"

Lupin growled low in his throat, his eyes narrowing while still not looking at Harry. "Do you realize that you almost died?"

Harry gulped. "I…okay, so things didn't turn out like I had hoped. I had expected Wormtail to have at least a little honor. He said he wanted to repay his life debt. I thought that meant something to him."

"So you expected him to give you this information, which is what I assume he offered, with nothing in return?"

"No," Harry answered weakly.

"You're smarter than that, Harry. You knew there would be a catch and you still went."

Harry's face flushed. "Yeah, that's right."

Lupin's eyes snapped onto him. "Then why, pray tell, did you walk straight into their trap?"

"I…don't know."

Lupin jerked forward in his chair, only his tight grip on the arms keeping him seated. "Don't lie to me!" He yelled so fiercely that Harry recoiled.

He'd never heard Lupin yell properly as it usually took too much to upset him. And perhaps that was a good thing. "I really don't know why."

"Yes, you do," Lupin answered quietly.

Harry looked down at his hands for a moment. "I don't want him to be indebted to me anymore. I can't stand the thought of it."

Lupin narrowed his eyes. "That's it?" He hissed. "I would rather you have him indebted to you than see you dead!"

"I don't know why," Harry snapped savagely. "You'd be better off without me. I've officially screwed up your life. Congratulations to me!" He snarled. "I should have let Bellatrix have me. At least then you'd be rid of me."

"And rid of my heart as well!" Lupin yelled.

Harry frowned. "What are you on about?"

Lupin's eyes blazed. He leaned as close to Harry as possible without vacating his chair, and hissed, "I love you!" Harry felt his chest tighten immediately but ignored it. "And it takes a lot to make me love and trust someone as much as I do you. Besides Dumbledore, a few colleagues, and my family, my parents making the list by the skin of their teeth, I can only name four people who earned my love and my trust: James, Lily, Sirius, and Peter, at the time. Dumbledore and the others are only included because of the respect I have for them, not because I can tell them anything. Your father and the others knew everything about me. I could hide nothing. And I didn't want to hide anything. I was an open book to them. Or at least that's how it felt. Most times, they could even guess my opinion on something. But I could still surprise them sometimes, and they always understood. I was never judged and I gave them, the Marauders, the one thing I had never given anyone else."

Harry found his eyes glued to Lupin's. He couldn't look away now even if he wanted to. The man's voice was mesmerizing when it held so much emotion, most of which he usually kept to himself. "Wh-what?" Harry asked quietly, knowing he really shouldn't have broken the silence.

"My heart." Lupin growled in a low gravely voice. "And it was ripped out the night your parents died." He paused for a moment. "After thirteen long years I was able to finally see you again, four years earlier than I should have. And I slowly but surely let you earn the same thing, even though I had promised myself that I would only look after you, that I would never become so attached to another person. You have my love, my trust, and my heart. And you can read me as well as the Marauders could.

"When I found out that you were out there being tortured, possibly dying from your injuries, I knew that if I lost you I would lose myself. If I lost you, I would have no reason to live. You are all I have left. You are my world. And I am not ready to let my world be destroyed by Voldemort and his lackeys again. That heartbreak was bad enough the first time around."

Lupin's voice shook slightly as he forced his voice to stay level. "I would do anything for you, even die for you. I give you only the truth when you ask for it, in many cases where I have given others lies and half-truths. But it seems you are intent on disregarding that fact. You outright lie to me. You push me away half the time, and act as though nothing is wrong. You say that you miss talking to me, but you never really talk to me. You keep everything to yourself. And you expect me to either guess what's going through your mind or force me to extract what I want from you. It's like pulling teeth from a werewolf. Do you understand?

"You claim that I know you better than my seventeen year-old self, but I couldn't agree less. I can only guess how your mind works because I have watched every move you've made for the past three years, not because you have bothered to confide in me. You are constantly trying to keep me in the dark, for what reason I do not know. And I have therefore come to a conclusion." He paused again and Harry felt his heart skip a beat as he felt the sorrow radiating from Lupin. "You do not seem to have the same love and trust in me as I do in you." Lupin stood up and banished his chair, looking down at Harry with undisguised hurt and anger in his eyes.

"I am not Sirus, and I know that you hate me for it, that you wish I had been the one to fall through that veil. But I can not be anyone other than Remus Lupin, werewolf and lonely old hermit. I can not change the past for you, no matter how much I would like to do so. I can not bring back Sirius, James, or Lily. I know you want me to just leave you alone so you can get on with your life. That, I believe, I can do, and with all haste. Therefore, I bid you good day, Mr. Times. I wish you a speedy recovery and a happy life, without me to help screw it up for you." Lupin turned around and left quickly, the infirmary door slamming behind him.

Harry stared at the spot Lupin had just vacated, his mouth hanging open in shock, then jumped out of bed. Using a switching charm to change into his clothes, he pulled on his shoes, jammed Sirius' ring on his finger, stuffed the fake locket into his pocket, and tore out of the room.

Harry ran down the corridors, calling for the professor. When he realized that he had lost all traces of him, he rushed to his dorm. After what seemed like ages, he finally made it to Gryffindor tower and dashed into the dorm room, making the Marauders jump. Their eyes followed him as he dove for his trunk and started throwing things onto his bed to get them out of the way.

"Harry, what-" James ducked to avoid a book that landed neatly on Peter's bed. "Why are you out of the Hospital Wing? You said you'd be there at least another two days!"

Harry ignored him and pulled out his copy of the Marauder's Map. He quickly checked it for any sign of Lupin, wiped it clear out of habit, and threw it back into his trunk before slamming his hands against his bedposts. The loud bang his bed made as it lifted off the floor made the Marauders stare. Harry slunk over to the window seat and plopped down, drawing his knees painfully to his chest, hugging them tightly to him. He buried his head in his knees and tried to control his anger, fear, and sorrow.

Before he could rein in his emotions, the door to the dorm burst open. Madam Pomfrey stood in the doorway, her eyes glinting, an uncharacteristic snarl on her face. "Mr. Times! How dare you leave my care without my permission? You are not well enough to be up, let alone cavorting about with Professor Century or these hooligans!" The Marauders sent her offended looks that she disregarded. Madam Pomfrey marched up to Harry and stared down her nose at him in fury. "Get up! You are coming back to the Hospital Wing and you will stay there until I deem you fit to return to classes. At the rate you are going, you will be lucky to leave my care again!" When Harry didn't look up she huffed and grabbed his arm but a moment later pulled away, shrieking.

Harry's entire body was encased in emerald green flames. He looked up slowly at the hyperventilating nurse and stunned Marauders. His eyes radiated sorrow and a deep horror to those in the room, giving him a haunted look. "I will not be coming back to the infirmary, Madam Pomfrey. I have had enough of that white-walled prison to last me until I die. I'm sorry, but keeping me there is more a hindrance than a help at the moment. If it makes you feel any better, send my potions up here so I can take them. Surely you trust me enough to do that."

The fire was ebbing from him now, softly dieing down until there was nothing left. Madam Pomfrey drew herself up to her full height and scoffed, her hands shaking slightly on her hips. "Fine, Mr. Times. But if you need my help again this year, you will find it much more difficult to get away as next time I will keep those bonds on you so tight that you may not be able to breathe. Do I make myself clear?"

Harry nodded, his eyes flashing. "Crystal." She nodded and slammed the door behind her, making Peter wince.

Harry looked out the window, his head lying on his arms, and ignored the furious silent battle that was waged behind him until James sat down across from him and waited patiently for him to look around. Harry felt his anger shift toward James and snapped, "I would appreciate it if you would wait to question me until a better time. I'm not in the mood."

James nodded. "We know. We just wanted to tell you that you can talk to us, you know. I mean, I know we haven't been very friendly to you for the last few months, but maybe venting would help."

Harry snorted. "Unless you can track down Century for me, I'll be this way for a while."

"Track him down?" Sirius asked, sharing a look with Remus. "But he was with you when Remus and James left, wasn't he?" Harry didn't bother to glance over at him. It was obvious Sirius and Peter already knew everything that had transpired in the infirmary not even an hour before. And Harry had been searching for nearly half that time.

Remus frowned. "What happened?"

Harry couldn't bring himself to look at Remus. He didn't want to tell this Remus, the young and oblivious Remus. He wanted to tell his Remus, the one that he had been trying to get closer to but was also unconsciously pushing away in fear of him being targeted. Harry realized the truth behind Lupin's words now. Everything he had said didn't hurt because he had yelled. It had hurt because it was true.

Remus' frown deepened and he repeated himself. "What happened, Harry?" he asked quietly. He moved over to Sirius' bed and sat down beside Sirius. Peter looked on from James' bed, frowning slightly.

Harry sighed, letting his body relax minutely. "Nothing. Just something with Century. That's all." He looked around at them when they became quiet. They were all staring at him.

Finally, James opened his mouth. "Did something happen after we left?"

Harry nodded wearily. Remus tilted his head slightly. "Did Century get hurt or get sick?"

Harry shook his head, staring at Remus' hands, anything to keep from looking in his eyes. Sirius snorted. "He'd still be down there if Century was hurt, Moony."

"It was just a suggestion, Padfoot," Remus sighed.

Sirius shrugged. "Well, it's way off." The other Marauders shared amused looks, but let him continue. Sirius sighed and reached over to pat Harry's shoulder. Harry watched him, somewhat amused, but also wondering what his godfather was doing. "It's alright, Harry. It happens to all of us."

Harry sat up straighter, letting his legs relax from their curled position. "What happens to all of us exactly?"

Sirius smiled benignly. "Why, your first major breakup of course!"

Harry almost fell off his perch in shock. When he recovered, he looked over at Remus who was methodically banging his head against Sirius' bedpost, his eyes screwed up, a pained look on his face. It almost looked as though he was fighting his instinct to throttle his best friend for the suggestion. Peter was nodding in agreement, but James started laughing hysterically. Sirius pouted. "Why are you laughing, Prongs? Your son has just had his heart broken. You should be comforting him!"

James wiped his eyes, chuckling. "I'm laughing because you're an idiot." Sirius gaped. "I think I'd know if my son was into guys. I mean, I'm not that out of the loop." Sirius sat back on his bed, continuing the absurd pout.

"I thought it was a good suggestion."

"No you didn't," James laughed. "You wanted to see how he reacted."

Sirius smiled. "Oh, alright, you caught me. But, I wanted to make sure he didn't lie during our truth or dare game. Sorry, Harry."

Harry rolled his eyes and smiled slightly in response. Leave it to Sirius to lighten the mood.

Peter moved to the head of James' bed to be closer to Harry and James. "Did Century like keel over or something, right in front of you?"

James rolled his eyes. "I think Harry would be sad, not angry, Wormtail. Use what little experience you have in emotional situations and apply it sometime." Peter shrugged. "Did Century fail you or give you a bad grade on something?"

Harry sighed. "No. It had nothing to do with homework."

"You sure?"

"I think I would know."

"Was Century kidnapped?" Peter asked when James snarled in frustration at the unhelpful answers.

"No."

"Is he in trouble?"

"No."

"Was he sacked?" James exclaimed, his eyes going wide.

Harry sighed again. "No."

"Is he leaving of his own accord?" Remus asked, apparently wanting to figure out the problem for himself.

"N-I don't know."

Remus frowned. "So, you're sure he's not sick?"

Harry looked down at the floor. "No. Century's not…sick."

"Oh my God!" Sirius stood up in shock. "He's having an affair with Madam Pomfrey!"

The others stared at him. Remus' face was green, a disgusted look on his face. Harry felt his mind go into an instant deep freeze. It was ludicrous, insane, utterly –

"Brilliant!" James shouted, standing up as well.

"What?" Peter choked.

"He may just have it! No, listen!" James said, ignoring Remus' protests as he sat back down. "Century goes to see Harry constantly when he's in the infirmary. He makes sure he never misses getting his huge dose of monthly medicine. And he claims to have an almost constant headache every minute of the day which prompts him to get a headache reducer from the infirmary. Right?" James asked Harry, who nodded absently. That much was true. Lupin's senses were still so overloaded that he was constantly taking potions to stop his migraines. "It all fits! He's never sick! He just fakes the migraines. He goes to see Pomfrey, who he always addresses as Poppy. And he must have told Harry that he wasn't coming to see him. He was only coming to see his beloved Madam Pomfrey!"

The others, minus Sirius, stared at him until the door swung open and Lily came inside. "What about Madam Pomfrey, James?" She asked, closing the door and looking around.

Sirius grinned, sitting back down. "Professor Century is having an affair with Madam Pomfrey!"

Lily raised an eyebrow. "And what has led you to that brilliant conclusion, Sirius?"

"All the evidence of course! Century is always sick, or claiming to be! And who is always there to tend to him? Madam Pomfrey!"

Lily sighed. "I fail to see how that points to an affair, seeing as she is the nurse and is always there for everyone, not just Professor Century."

"But it's the only explanation! Why else would Harry be angry at both of them?"

"Harry?" Lily repeated, looking around at him. She gasped quietly, almost as though she was stifling the sound so he wouldn't hear it.

Harry watched apprehensively as she demanded that James vacate his seat and took it instead, resting her hand on his shoulder. It didn't help that Harry had started crying again. Just the idea of Lupin doing something so farfetched was laughable, but Sirius' ability to introduce such an idea at a devastating time had reminded him why the Marauders were questioning him now. Perhaps that was why he had started crying again soon after his father had started to talk, even though the topic was hilarious. Harry cursed under his breath. Why was he crying? He hadn't cried like this, properly, since he was four. Why now?

Lily touched his knee and he flinched. It was silent as they all watched Harry bat away his tears, pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to stem the steady flow. Lily bit her lip and tentatively lifted her hand to his head and gently smoothed his hair down. The motion calmed him slightly and Harry managed to sit there, tear streaks still on his face but his eyes dry once more.

Lily continued to comb his hair and edged closer to him. "What's wrong?" When Harry let his gaze fall to his lap she turned to the Marauders. "What happened?"

Peter shrugged. "We're trying to guess. He won't tell us."

"Why?"

"Because it has something to do with Professor Century." Sirius held up his hands in surrender when she glared at him. "Hey! All we know is that Century just visited the Hospital Wing, something went wrong, Harry tried to go after him, and Harry just flat out told Pomfrey he's tired of her and her sacred wing," Sirius rambled, shrugging.

"But, what happened?" Lily asked again, looking over to James and Remus.

Harry didn't look up but winced slightly, remembering Lupin's betrayed face. James frowned at that. "Harry, did Professor Century…hurt you?"

Harry finally tore his gaze away from his hands and frowned at James, brows knitted. He didn't know how to answer that. It was really a yes but at the same time a no. He, Harry, was the one who had caused the most damage after all. "Well, not exactly."

"Not exactly?"

"No."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean yes and no."

"Did he do something you didn't like?"

Harry hesitated, not sure where this was going. "I…yes."

"Was it really…bad?"

"Y-yes…"

James locked eyes with Harry. "Did he…he didn't…"

"Spit it out, Prongs! You're making me nervous," Sirius urged. The others watched James with bated breath as he steeled himself.

"Did he try to rape you?"

There was dead silence. Lily, Peter, and Sirius' mouths were hanging open. James' face was set, an angry glint in his eyes.

Remus, however, shot straight up, almost bouncing off the bed. He stared at James for a moment before finding him voice. "What did you say?"

"I said, 'did-did he rape you?'"

Remus stuttered. "But I – uh, he would never do that!" He whipped around to look at Harry. "I…he didn't! He wouldn't…"

Harry, his eyes as wide as saucers, choked. "He…Century…wha-rape? No! He-" Harry shook his head, his mouth gaping unattractively. "I can't believe you would think that he would – never. You just – why in the world would you even suggest that?" Harry stuttered.

James didn't respond. He was just staring at Harry in amazement. Harry shook his head again, trying to make the sick feeling in his stomach go away. "Listen, Professor Century didn't hurt me. Alright? We just had a small fight. That's all. End of story. No Madam Pomfrey and no…raping. He would never do that, never think of doing anything to hurt me, ever. Not…" He trailed off, biting his lip. "So, that's it. No more discussing."

He smiled sadly, feeling his stomach churn worse than ever. "I think…I need to go somewhere quiet. See you." He got up and fled from the room, glancing at Remus' distraught face as he passed and closed the door.

A strained silence fell. "Well," Lily said, getting up, "I think I'll go try to keep an eye on him."

The others nodded and watched her go. When the door closed a second time the Marauders stared at each other, frowns on every face. James sighed and shrugged before lying down on his vacated bed, feeling drained.

"Hey, Prongs?"

"Hm?" James grunted, unwilling to do anything else but loll his head to the side to look at Sirius.

"You have a really messed up son."

Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief.

Proverbs 14:13