Still don't own Dan Vs.

*grumbles and writes "copy rights" on the list*

When Dan opened the door to his apartment, he didn't expect it to look so clean. He immediately knew the person responsible.

"WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!"

The impostor skipped out of the bathroom with a pink apron on and yellow rubber gloves.

"Oh, hello Dan!"

"Get out!"

The impostor laughed. "Cheerful as always. Do you love what I've done to the place?"

Dan was about to snap. "NO! I DO NOT LIKE IT! EVERYTHING IS OUT OF PLACE! YOU'RE RUINING THE SYSTEM!"

*Dan patted the angry man's head. "Now Dan," he said. "You have to understand that you can't yell at people after they clean your house. I'm trying to make a friendly gesture."

"I thinking about a certain gesture that I could give you right now."

They were soon interrupted by Mr. Mumbles, who was meowing her way into the living room.

"Aw, Mr. Mumbles." Dan cooed, his attitude changing instantly. "Did this criminal do anything to you?"

"No..." *Dan answered.

"I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU!" Dan snapped. "Come on, Mr. Mumbles. Chris offered to let us stay at his house."

"Why are you staying there?" the impostor asked.

"In case you haven't noticed, my apartment is being taken over by criminals. Good day, sir." Dan said as he slammed the door.

Stupid impostor, Dan thought. Cleaning my house, breaking in, could've raped me in my sleep...

"Mrow!"

"Don't worry, Mr. Mumbles." Dan assured. "We'll get that criminal out of our living space."

Dan put her in the passenger's seat and buckled her in. Then he sat in his own seat and continued ranting.

"Or so help me, I will eat his first-born child right in front of his very eyes!" Dan looked over to Mr. Mumbles and noticed a look of discomfort on her face. "What? Too much?"

"I'm here!" Dan announced, walking in Chris' house, unwelcomed.

"Oh, you're back." Chris noticed.

Dan nodded. "Duh! Now, fix Mr. Mumbles some lunch."

"The cat?"

"Mr. Mumbles is not just a cat, you uneducated minion!"

"I know, I know." Chris said, rolling his eyes. "Mr. Mumbles is a citizen of the United States and should be treated as such."

"And don't you forget it." Dan said as he walked away. "Oh, and make me a sandwich."

Chris sighed and went over to do his best friend's bidding.

"Elise!" he called. "Dan is here with Mr. Mumbles!"

"Mr. Mumbles!" Elise yelled as she went over to pet the tabby. "I missed you so much!"

"Ahem." Dan cleared his throat.

"Oh, hi Dan..." Elise said, not looking away from the purring kitty.

"Ugh!" Dan sighed as he sat at the table. "This guy is the worst!"

"The impostor?" Chris asked, giving Dan his sandwich.

"Yeah! When I came home, he cleaned my house! Who does that?!" Dan yelled. "And he had the nerve to call it a friendly gesture!"

"Maybe he's trying to be nice." Chris said, taking a seat next to the jerk.

"MY ARSE!"

Dan was interrupted by his phone ringing in his pocket.

"Hush, monkey!" he said to Chris before picking up. "Hello?"

"Hi, Danny!" he heard a familiar voice say.

"HOW DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER?! AND ARE YOU STILL IN MY APARTMENT?!"

"One, I always had your number. And two, yes, I'm still here."

Dan started to shake with rage.

"Is that him?" Chris asked.

"I TOLD YOU TO HUSH, MONKEY!"

"Is that Chris?" the impostor asked. "Tell him I said hi!"

"No way! And get out!"

"I can't do that." *Dan said, having a slight purr to his voice.

Dan shuddered. "Why not?"

"Because I need to change these curtains! How can you live with your curtains not matching the room?"

"YOU LEAVE MY CURTAINS ALONE!" Dan barked.

"Too late~!" the impostor sang. "Already put new ones up!"

Dan groaned and slapped his forehead. "We will talk about this in the morning!"

"Okay! Ta-Ta!"

"SHUT UP!" Dan yelled before hanging up.

Dan grabbed Chris by the ear and dragged him out the house.

"Come, minion." he said. "We have shopping to do!"