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"I need to piss" Ivan had said as he left a confused Ludwig and a panting Gilbert downstairs.
Ludwig sighed and looked at his brother "I'll look after him" he mumbled. He stood up and walked to the guest room and heard the other cry.
He knocked. "Ivan? Hey are you okay? Ivan? Hey please open the door...why are you crying? You kissed my brother...if you wanted to make me jealous...well...I often had to share with my brother...my food, my friends... We shared our last bread when we were starving...I can't be jealous on him...I'm mostly not jealous...open the door ok? God do you really think I decided to find you because I hate you?" He sighed.
Ivan listened to the other talk, he wondered if he should stay or go. This was a perfect way to escape, and should he let this pass. Ivan started to think; maybe he should hear the other man out. Or maybe he should buy more time, if the other left him then he would think Ivan is sleeping, and won't suspect that Ivan has escaped until the morning.
Then he would have more time to find somewhere new to live, he could even move in with Natalia, but just the thought of living with her made him shiver. He had to make the other leave as soon as possible.
"Leave me alone, I don't fucking care how you feel. Don't flatter yourself, I wasn't trying to make you jealous, and I am not crying over you, I have better things to think about you bastard, and fuck you, I am not going to open the door, so fuck of and don't ever come back…" Ivan hissed.
Ludwig laughed. "Hey darling I saw your facial expressions when you went away. Don't lie to me...so please open the door..." He sighed and leaned in the wall next to the door. "What happened with you in the past that you are like that?"
"Fuck you! You saw nothing! And for the last time I am not lying, just because you saw me cry once before in the station doesn't mean I love you okay. I f-fucking h-hate y-you" Ivan said as he felt even more tears fall down his face, how dare the German laugh at him. He had no right.
"Nothing happened in the past! I'm fine, and what do you mean 'like that' it's like you are saying that there must be a reason to why I am so insane right, why I am not like everyone else, but sorry to burst your bubble, but I AM FUCKING FINE SO LEAVE ME ALONE"
"Darling I hear you cry...don't be so rude..." Ludwig sat down. "Oh and...Don't try to run away...outside are snipers...and they will shoot...so please...open the door and let me see you...please darling..." He mumbled. "I know you don't hate me...don't lie to me...and don't lie to yourself..."
Ivan cursed as he heard about the snipers outside, he stood up and walked over to the window and then he noticed them, they were hiding on the roofs of the surrounding buildings. That bastard, why did he have to be so good at this?
"I don't want to see you" Ivan said as he walked away from the door and towards the bathroom, connected with the room. He groaned when he saw his reflection, his face was a mess, his eyes were swollen, he looked like he had been hit by a bus. He felt like shit, how did his life become this?
Ivan tried to ignore the German as he collapsed onto the floor and continued to let all his feelings out, he wouldn't let the other in, and there was no point. He needed to stop his feelings, he needed to stop himself from being in love with him, and the only way was to stop seeing him and stop any interaction.
Ludwig sighed and stood up when he heard the other collapsing. He took out a few things and unlocked the door. He went in and looked at the other, kneed down and stroke over his back. "Don't be my toy...be my friend..." he whispered.
Ivan heard the door unlock, he knew that the other would open the door but he had thought he would have done it in the morning, not now. Why was he doing this? Doesn't he know how much it hurts?
Ivan tried to hide his face with his hands as he heard Ludwig walk towards him, then he felt a hand stroking his back, then he heard him speak. What did he mean don't be his toy and be his friend? Doesn't he get it; I don't want to be with his friends.
"Don't you know how much it hurts? Even in my heart I see you're not being true to me, you don't want to be friends, you hate me. I raped you and something like that doesn't go away. Sometimes I wish I could turn back time, even though it's impossible as it may seem, but I wish I could so bad, I would go back to the time before I knocked on your door, and I would have just walked away, if only I knew that it would hurt like this, then I would never have knocked on that door. The pain wasn't worth it, quit playing games with me" Ivan said as he turned away from the German.
"That wasn't a lie...I want you to be my friend...you made something with me...you...you let me go...I thought you would kill me...and throw me away like trash...but you didn't...and you stopped raping me...and you regretted..."
He sighed. "I like you," and for some reason that wasn't a lie.
Ivan heard the other speak; he stood up straighter as he looked at the other. He couldn't tell if he was lying, or trying to manipulate him, but either way it didn't matter. Ivan needed to forget about his love for a second, because it was too painful for him to handle.
Ivan stood up and grabbed the others hand as he led him to the bed, and then pushed him back as he climbed on top of him and started to kiss him…
Ludwig gasped in surprise, but kissed back softly. He closed his eyes and strokes the others back.
Ivan liked the way Ludwig gasped, but it didn't turn him on that much. He was more of a sadistic; he liked to see people in pain, now that was hot. Ivan pinned the Germans hands above him, so that he couldn't stop him, Ivan then started to bite the others neck, breaking the skin causing it to bleed, Ivan sucked the blood up and oh it tasted too good.
Ludwig moaned but just got even hornier. He loved the pain and pressed again the other. "What are you going to do?" he whispered. "Fuck me until I scream?"
"Oh I am going to worse than that, I don't need to fuck you to make you scream, I can make you scream in other ways" Ivan said as he placed his teeth around the others nipple, and started to suck it slowly, but then bit down hard causing blood to leak out.
He gasped in pain. Ludwig looked at him. "Do you want revenge?" He whispered. He tried to hide it but the there was a light hint of sadness in his eyes. "
Then do it!" He said quietly. He would let him do so...he would let him do everything. If he wanted so... But why?
Why let the other do whatever he wanted? He raped him and even if he liked him, he couldn't trust him.
Ivan suddenly caught the glimpse of sadness in the others eye, then he returned back to himself. Why does that side of him always come out when he tries to find some happiness? Ivan jumped off the bed as he backed himself into the corner, he couldn't believe he was actually going to hurt him again, why is it the only way he finds pleasure is pain. Is he that fucked up, had his dad actually fucked him up that bad.
"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" Ivan starts to say as he tries to exit the room, he didn't want him to see the monster he was slowly turning to...
"Wait...wait..." He slowly stood up and walked towards the other. "You seem scared...umm...have I gone mad?... I'm afraid so...you're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret... All of the best people are..."he recited quietly.
Ivan giggled when he heard the other speak, he knew the reference. It was from one of his favourite childhood movies, he used to watch it all the time, until the one time he was watching it and he was interrupted by his dad, who then…. Well let's just say he ruined the movie for the poor Russian.
Ivan gave a sad smile to the younger man, "I wasn't born like this, I wasn't born a monster… he turned me into a monster, he made me like this" Ivan says softly, he didn't notice what he said until it left his mouth, and he soon regretted it, he hated letting people know about his past. No one knew and he always wanted to keep it that way, but this German was special.
"You aren't a monster...you're a scared little child... A child with huge power...but still a child..." He sighed sadly. "Was it your dad?" He whispered. He slowly went to the other and reached out his hand. "I'm a good listener. And nobody will ever hear it from me..." he whispered.
Ivan was shocked as he heard the other speak, Ivan felt a warm feeling spread through him when he heard the other say he wasn't a monster…. He felt accepted and loved. But confused when he heard himself being referred to like a child, but he did feel like a child sometimes, because never was allowed to act like one when he was smaller.
Ivan nodded slowly as he looked down at the German, "but why would you want to know? After you find out you will only see me as some fucked up person, who was too weak to stop his dad from hurting him, I am just so fucked up…"
He smiled weakly. "I want to see one child who fights against his beloved parents. Even if they hurt you, you love them for some reason...or you're just too small to fight against it...it wasn't your fault," he mumbled and carefully stroke over the others cheek. "Trust me..."
For some reason he understood the other.
Ivan felt the other stroke his cheek, and it felt comforting. Ivan finally decided to take the others hand that was still outstretched towards him. "I do trust you"
He smiled lightly and pulled him closer. "Thank you," he whispered and strokes the Russians head. He softly hugged him. "You can talk to me whenever you want about all you want..."he said softly and thought about his brother.
Ivan felt himself pulled into a hug, it was nice to have someone hug him like this, normally he had hugged before, the ones that lead to something more sexual, or the horrid ones he would have when Natalia decided to squeeze him.
Ivan suddenly noticed the look in Ludwig's eyes, as if he was thinking of someone else. Of course he would, he didn't love Ivan but at least he cared.
Ivan was tired and he just wanted to sleep now, and stop talking about his past. He might talk about it tomorrow, but now he wanted to collapse on the bed and let his nightmares take over his mind.
"Do you want to eat something? I'll cook something now...but you can also relax a bit...you look tired." he mumbled and stroke over his head.
He sighed quietly. The whole thing was weird.
"Nah, I just need some sleep" Ivan said as he pulled away from the other and fell back on his bed.
He watched him and nodded. "Okay...then see you tomorrow" he smiled and walked out and closed the door. He walked down and sat next to his brother.