I know it has been a while, but I am multitasking with my life at the moment. I am making an attempt at becoming an officer for the marines, so give me luck people. :)

Anyways... Ignore me when you can. This chapter has no "concrete" Bane, but it does have a lot of conflicting emotions, particularly with what Ren is going through. This chapter is a very important aspect of how Ren makes her decisions from this point on so. I hope it isn't boring because Bane isn't involved, but I promise this will help everyone better understand of Ren and Bane's relationship and Ren's relationship with herself because that will be extremely important the next few chapters.

There is also a little anecdote in the beginning, something you should all pay attention to because it hints a lot.

I am sorry, I just really like literary devices.

Chapter 9: Lost

One Week later...

When Ren was younger, about the age of sixteen, she would venture down to the tiny pond that resided near the temple. She started doing this when she felt sad, when she felt angry, or perhaps just like herself. She did this everyday at the same time, even when the snow became much more heavier in the mountains and the chilliness was nearly unbearable. She continued to visit this pond because it was her balancing point.

"Master, if you could go back in time and change your life, what would you do differently?" It was an odd question and obviously a bold one, but Ren had been receiving a punishment of cleaning the lower deck of the training room and he had given the punishment, the only other individual in the room. R'as sighed and sat back in his chair, crossing his fingers over his abdomen and stared at her with a glint of admiration.

"There are moments in which I wish I could go back in time and take all the sadness away, but I have a feeling that if I did, all the joy would be gone with it."

R'as al Ghul had told her that everyone had their balancing point and that his was his daughter. The balancing point is something that brings you both pain and joy, how Ren had associated this pond with those things in her life she had never known. She had thought of many reasons as to why the pond signified such things to her and most importantly it signified more. This was where R'as had taught her how to fight with a katana, this was where she ran off to when Bane had yelled at her for not completing her duties, then of course this was a pond.

When the breeze rolled over it's clever waters she could see the pond in joy and when the ice covered it in a thick clear sheet she could see its pain. The pond was her balancing point somehow and she would never know truly why.

It was a much colder day when she had decided to skip training and head over to the pond. She had bundled herself up in a grey wolf skinned coat and headed out. The sky had darkened by then and the wind became much more fiercer. Needless to say that Ren was an idiot, she had gone out into the storm just to see her pond, she had fallen into the snow from her body freezing over, and she had nearly died that night.

She could barely make out the feeling of being lifted and carried away, it was as if she had been saved by some unknown stranger, but this man was only unknown in the sense of his past. He had brought her into the temple and laid her down onto the wooden boards of the ground, walking away before she could make out his image.

She didn't have to see to know who it was, the sound of an inverted breath and the feel of strong bricks beneath her was enough to give her a hint.

It was Bane and instead of guarding Talia as he should have been, he had been guarding her.

Ren could feel the soft silky covers consume her body, she could feel the light drift of cool air hitting her skin, her head supported by a feather filled pillow. When she opened her eyes she could barely make out her surroundings, but she knew it was something she wasn't familiar with. She groaned, moving her aching limbs around under the scattered sheets. Her eyes creaked open, she was in the lime light of rats that peaked through line blinds and a comfort she had never quite felt before.

She rose up from what she thought was a cloud and looked around just barely making out the furniture in the room she rested in. There was a dresser across from the length of the right side of bed, the bed width faced the door which hung wide open allowing the scent of eggs to float into her burning nostrils.

She thought this was a dream, the last thing she could remember was passing out by a large trash can that smelled like fish. Now she smelled like men's axe soap and was wearing a fresh pair of white boxers and overly large blue t-shirt. She considered this a dream because there has been similar ones like it, except Bane remained in the bed with her, a vestige of himself in a simpler time when the mask didn't hide those handsome lips of his.

She stood up from the bed, her les trembling under her weight, her vision cleared and she became more alert of her surroundings. She tiptoed over to the door and peaked out from the edge of the frame that looked out into a rather homely living room, across from that was a kitchen where a man in plain view was cooking eggs.

She did not recognize this man and became even more alert. This was no dream anymore, she snuck over to the counter just from the stove where the man had his bare back facing her and she could easily make her attack. She crouched out from behind the counter and crawled around it till she was behind him. She pounced, wrapping her arms around his neck and draggingq him to the floor, but he didn't let up without a fight.

He shoved her off of him and pushed himself up to his feet, holding the back of his head that had quite harshly hit the tile of the floor. He stared up at Ren who was blankly staring at him, ready to fight if it was required. He was handsome, his face was clean, his eyes a chocolate brown and his hair cut short and loose.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" His voice was the usual thick accent that all Gothamites carried proudly. Her eyebrows furrowed, she made no response and instead attempted a kick to his head, he ducked and then tackled her to the ground. She wrapped her legs around his waist and flipped him over, pressing her knee upward against his chest in which he grabbed it and used all his strength to lift her off of him. She was once again shoved to the side and at this point their conformation can be anything but an actual fight. It was as if some part of her knew that killing this man wasn't the answer, otherwise she would have snapped his neck in minutes. "I am the one that fucking brought you here!" Her complained and stood up with Ren, the two stared at each other for the longest moment before she put her hand out.

"I am-"

"I know who you are." He snapped and then rudely turned to the kitchen again to go check on the eggs. "Everyone in this goddamned city knows who you are." Ren crossed her arms and averted her eyes to the tile floor in shame, but still remained cautious of the man.

"Who are you?"

"My name is John and with your history that's all you need to know." Ren glared at his back, he was in nothing but a pair of long black cargo pants that went over the white tennis shoes he was wearing.

"Why save me if you knew who I was?"

"Because... I don't think you are as bad as your reputation has made you out to be."

"I have killed countless people, what gives you the benefit of the doubt?"

"Bane must have kicked you out for a reason, otherwise you wouldn't have been near that dumpster smelling like shit." His eyes shot down her body once more before meeting her eyes again. She knew every man's motive, the fact that she was a woman could have been the only reason he helped her and she felt some kind of resentment because he did.

"I was pitying myself, you shouldn't have helped me."

"Well now you owe me."

"How exactly?" He snorted a bit and then took the eggs from the pan and onto two separate plates.

"Sorry sweetheart, but you aren't that lucky." Ren scowled at him, turning her back to him to sit on the coach.

"I think you can give the resistance valuable information." He then walked into the living room with the two plates of eggs and two forks. He handed one to her and took a seat across from her in a lounge chair.

"I would never betray Bane like that."

"But it looks like he has betrayed you." Ren gulped and stared down at the eggs, her stomach tightened with hunger as she hadn't eaten for the last week, but she felt it wasn't a necessity at the moment and placed it down on the coffee table.

"Bane is only lost..." She sat back and stared at him. "He only knows what he is told because if he did anything else he would lose himself even further."

"Hmm..." John responded in between chews. "An interesting concept, I really don't care. It looks like..." He swallowed his bite. "You have three options to me, you can go back to Bane and get killed, die out there on the streets, or help us and get off with that life sentence you will live with when this is over."

"You really think this will end in your favor."

"At this point it ends in no ones favor, but like you I want to live so with your help we can make that happen."

"How do you know I want to live, I would suffer for my cause."

"I know you want to live because no one will do it for you." It was silent for the remainder of John's breakfast, Ren hasn't even looked at her food once after putting it down. John eventually ate it for her, he went into the kitchen once to get orange juice, but following that there was barely any contact between one another.

Ren was contemplating, she could betray Bane and join this man in the resistance or she could go back to Bane and beg him and Talia to take her back again. Ren knew the latter was weak, but her options were limited. All she wanted was to see Bane again, to see the admiration he held in his eyes when he looked at her.

It had become official, Ren was a tragedy, all she had ever wanted was to be loved and cared for and the moment she falls in love it's with someone who will never love her back. She needed to let him go, she needed to do something for herself.

"I will help you. Under one condition."

"And what's that?"

"I get to kill Bane." It wasn't because she wanted revenge or because she hated him, she wasn't even sure if she could kill him. It was because she didn't want anyone else to do it, she didn't think anyone was capable of even doing it, but there was only one worthy of doing such a thing. And she felt that was her.

"He's all yours." John stood up and began walking towards a door near the kitchen. "I left a pair of jeans on the dress that had belonged to my ex girlfriend before she left, you can wear those with one of my shirts." He said before he disappeared into the room, Ren went into the room and dressed in more suitable clothing. She didn't care that he had changed her himself before at this point she was only thinking of the future. Where were they to go from this point?

She changed into the jeans that were a bit to large around her waist, then she grabbed a black shirt from his dresser and put it on. When she finished, she went back out into the living room where he was waiting for her, he wore a grey t-shirt and held two jackets in his hand.

"Where are we going?"

"To see commissioner Gordon."

It was odd, their system of doing things was abstract to Ren. She entered the back portion of the laundry mat and saw the many faces of people who were once her enemy. They probably still were and that is exactly why she decided to just close enough to John and just farther away from them. They scowled at her, faces crinkling with disgust and absolute anger.

Ren knew that she wasn't popular amongst the resistance, but she also knew that she was the only option they had left. Without her help they wouldn't have a chance at defending Bane. John stopped in his footsteps directly in front of table that had a map of Gotham city placed over it. On the map were fresh red marking and black dotted lines shooting across it from location to location.

She stepped around John to stand at his side and looked down at the map. She knew what they were trying to do, maybe if they had the actual education they would understand they doing it wrong. She didn't pay attention to the fact that Jim Gordon was just on the other side of the table, glaring at her.

"Why did you bring her here?" He asked in an accusing manner, John signed, pulling his hands from the pocket of his jacket and placing them on the table.

"Bane kicked her out, she says she will help us."

"And then what?! Betray us?!" The man next to Gordon asked, he was pudgy, but intimidating nonetheless. Obviously the bulk of the group.

"That's why I am here." She replied in a sarcastic manner, keeping eye contact with Gordon the entire time. She could easily walk away from this and any chance they had at winning this would become nothing.

"She can stay, but only if she gets our men back. Three of them..." He looked down to the map and pointed to the courthouse highlighted in blue marker. "You know your men well, three of ours were caught in a recon mission to take food from the supplies they are hiding. We-"

"If you are dumb enough to do that your men deserve what is coming for them." Ren snapped at the commissioner, Gordon gritted his teeth together and sighed.

"The people are starving."

"I'm sure they are." Ren showed no care for them, it was really a matter of whether or not it was worth her time.

"You don't care?"

"I could care less, trust me."

"How can I trust you when you still have this idea that what you are doing here isn't wrong?"

"There are multiple perspectives to this situation." Gordon slammed his hand down on the table and John glared down at you.

"No there isn't, if your men died, how would you feel?" Gordon did have a point, Ren respected the mercenaries that Bane hired mostly because they were strong enough to fight alongside Bane and her. They were willing to be something greater.

"What is she doing here?" A familiar man stepped in from behind her, breathless and obviously incensed by her presence. Ren knew it couldn't have been anyone but Folley, in his long coat and button up. "She threatened to kill my family, my goddamned children, we should kill her right now and end this."

"She is here to help."

"No, I am here to assist. Two very different things to me, if I was helping you I would be doing it on my own valor. I don't want to go to prison after this, that is... If you defeat Bane."

"This is ridiculous! Someone get her out here." He flung his hand in her direction, everyone stared at him then back to Ren as though expecting someone to actually complete his request, but no one had the guts.

"I'll do it. I mean I really have no where else to go, but it's going to go my way if we do this. I make the plan."

"But we already-"

"It's shit compared to mine." Usually Ren was calm, but now she felt completely opposite of herself. It was like working under Bane had changed her greatly... The man she loved. "So here's what we are going to do..."