This is the chapter where Ren gets extremely depressed and suddenly has an epiphany involving her dad. Enjoy! :)
Chapter 12: Silence
One month had passed, Ren remained observant and quiet, that was what had made her so dangerous from the beginning. Nazir would bring her food, she would sit in her cell and refuse to leave. She thought about a lot and thinking was something that was more of a disadvantage to her. But suddenly she didn't know what to think of, she wasn't sure of anything. So she told herself to not think of anything at all, to lessen her worrying and her pain. She spend her time meditating and training; one hand-hand stands, sit-ups, wall sits, pull-ups, push ups, and yoga.
Every so often her mind would switch to Bane and she would wish he was there. Sleeping was hard for her, it wasn't the darkness at night that scared her, it was her dreams. She would sleep for a few hours and then suddenly be pulled from rest by a jolt or an image in her head. When she would awaken, she would throw that same old shirt on and exit her cell to stand out on the catwalk over looking the domain of the prison.
The moonlight was no savior, the darkness made the pit feel like the cold, moist hell that it was. She loved the darkness, but much like what had happened in the sewers, she craved the light just as much. She would return back to her cell, to lay on her cot and stare at the ceiling. The days that went on were lonely, she could feel herself deteriorating from the inside.
She wasn't hateful of Bane, it was her own doing that had brought her here. She would forever know that she could never kill that man or hate him for long. It was because she loved him. It wasn't his brains and muscles alone that drew her, it was his darkness, his cold, calculating persona that she adored. She wanted to warm him, keep him in her arms and never let go. She dreamt of him some nights, on those nights she slept the best. Sitting at the edge of her cell, she realized things.
She realized her hopes and dreams, aspirations and inspirations. She noticed how dull they were, how she had never really had any. But sitting her at the edge of her cell... She realized things. She had always wanted to be a teacher, a mother, a pilot, maybe even a dancer. These were things at the pit of her soul that she had never realized before, things she had once had as a child slowly washed away by horrid events of her past. It was a deluded mix of happiness and desire, her dreams were once to climb Mount Everest and land on the moon. When the month had ended so did her dreaming and moping, whatever had happened to her, she was now a blank canvas.
Nazir entered the cell with a tray of cold soup in his hand, he placed it down beside her, but did not leave.
"A man wishes to speak with you. He can help you."
"I don't want help. If Bane brought me here than he obviously doesn't want me to get help with anything or from anyone."
"Helplessness is not why Bane brought you here." She finally looked over her shoulder at him, her eyes were darker than they usually were, her lips were dry and her skin hoarse with dirt. "The cell is not far down the staircase to your left, it is two doors down from the last stair." Nazir informed her because he wanted her to see this man, he had seen people react like this to the pit before and it never ended well. He promised Bane something else, something that didn't pertain to keeping her trapped in here. If he was asked of it again, he would say it meant nothing, but In fact, it meant everything.
She listened carefully as Nazir left the cell, biting her bottom lip nervously. Torn between going to this man and speaking with him, to staying in here as long as she felt she needed to be in here. Her body, however, moved on its own accord. She had lifted herself up from the ground onto bare feet, her boots had been discarded and placed beside the cot. The shirt that John had given her was ripped and dirty, she used it as a cleaning rag for her face and hands now. The jeans he had provided for her, she had taken off because they were annoying in this heat. This left her in a sports bra and compression shorts that barely met mid thigh.
She was exposed to criminals, rapists and murderers, who wouldn't once hesitate to gang up on her. She was nude to the ways of man, mentally, the League of Shadows was not there to protect her any longer. Her scars were for all to see and her toned muscles were known by the world. Her feet padded against the stone floor as she walked towards the entrance of the cell. Peeking out in a cautious and paranoid manner before furthering towards the railing across from it.
There was no point in hiding things here, an individual stays in so long that they get to know every one else after trying to know themselves. She gazed up at the top of the pit and took a deep heavy breath, before looking to her left where a set of metal stairs went down to the second catwalk. She sauntered forward before he feet could realize it, the cold stone beneath them sending tingle up her body and to her brain.
I see now that you are pathetic, a simple vessel, just waiting to be taken from this world.
It called to her, the ways of the world and who was she to deny them?
She could hear him, his soft melodic voice and she did not need to see him to know it was her father. Her real father. She was then in front of the cell, Nazir had told her of. She had noticed the lengthy walk it to her to get there and did not mind.
Her breath hitched as she entered the cell an aura of sorrow surrounded her, it weighed over her lunges. She gripped a hand against a bar of the cell, her eyes finding the man who laid in the cot. She stalked closer to the cot, worried what she might find if she kept moving forward and her fears were confirmed.
"Bruce Wayne..." She whispered, but this snapped the once significant vigilante from his sleep. He was covered in a thin sheet of sweat, his eyes glaring at her with pure rage and his chest heaving.
"You!" He shouted angrily between clenched teeth and pointed at her accusingly. He snatched for her, but she stepped away, watching with a hard gaze. "You!" His holler echoed through the prison, she choked back the tears stemming at the corner of her eyes. When Bane had left for two days it was to bring Bruce here, she had watched as ha broken the Barman, but now he was waiting to break the man behind the bat. The only way to do that was to have him watch his city. He hurled himself off the cot, but as soon as he hit the floor he yelped and went still with a hazy look on his face. "You..." He muttered sleepily, obviously exhausted and physically broken. Nazir came into her line of sight and helped Bruce back up onto the bed, he then pointed behind her and she turned.
The hardest part in understanding the truth is knowing that it is never permanent.
A man sat there; he was in thick red robes, he was old in age and bald, but another thing that brought his attention was that he was blind.
"His name is Hassan, he has something for you." She lifted her chin up slightly and then pressed forward, lowering onto the ground on her knees in front of the man in red. The bars of the cell beside the one Bruce was one was the only thing separating them.
"Hassan... What is it you have for me?"
"Your father... He told me to give this to his daughter, Alugana." Ren averted her eyes, her eyes closed at the horror behind her real name. This blind man had not seen her or known her, but he somehow knew who she was.
"My name is not Alugana anymore, I would like you to call me Ren." Hassan stuck his arm out between the bars in a swift manner. He opened his hand and within it were several black pill shaped tablets.
"We will not be speaking again, child. So it does not matter." She hesitantly took the pills, she held them in her palm and stared down at them curiously, using the index finger of her other hand to nudge them about.
"What do they do?"
"They give you a path." Ren was conflicted with herself again; she could take the risk of this man being crazy and the pills being poison, or she could trust her father. A father she would never truly love as a member of her blood, but as a master of her knowledge. "Thank you." She muttered, holding the pills with a vice grip.
"You- You will not win." She heard a hiss come from the broken man behind her, she turned to face him, still sitting on the stone.
"I don't care about winning anymore."
"Why..." He took a deep breath. "Why are you here?"
"Bane brought me here after I betrayed him, or in some manner I did."
"You put me here. You wanted to destroy my city."
"It was never about destroying your city, it was about saving it. But Talia got out of hand."
"Talia?" Ren shook her head, she had already said too much. Bane had other plans for him, she stood up and went back to her cell taking the pills with her.
That night she closely stared at the pills in her palm, trying to determine whether or not they were worth taking. The pills could very much not work, what they were made of was unknown and she wasn't sure how crazy that blind man was. It must be scary, being blind in the middle of hell, even a place more worse than hell.
She had nothing left to lose anyways, she always had nothing to lose. It's what made her expendable because she had no one there to miss her.
A secret is far better to keep in one's body than one's soul.
Ren looked up at the wall across from
her, blankly, there was nothing there so she didn't know what she was looking for. The realization of everything crossed her expression, she needed to get out of here, but first... Her father wanted her to know something. She picked up a black pill and pinched it delicately between her index and thumb, the other two still resting in her other palm. She held it up before her face, then before doubting anything slipped into her mouth and swallowed. She laid back on the cot and stared up at the ceiling, her hands resting on her stomach. She turned her head to the side, placing the remaining pills on the floor floor beside the cot. Her hand returned to her stomach, caressing over the scar that resided there. Her eyes drifted shut and her breath evened out, she was gone.
Ren jolted awake, her breathing sounding through the confined space, wide eyes. She was no longer in a cell, but a room... Her old room at the temple. The sun bled through the shutters sliding door across from her bed. She heard laughter muffled from the other side, she stood up from the cot, eyes squinting and shoulders raised.
She then heard quick footfalls run across the deck outside the door, a silhouette of someone tiny, more laughter followed. She relaxed slightly, her feet pressing against the smooth wood as she stepped closer to the door. She grabbed the bar horizontal up the side of it and slid it open with a wavering choice.
She gasped and stepped back when two young girls came running past the door; their shoes stomping against the deck and giggles resounding through the garden. It was a garden, the garden was the prettiest in the spring and it surrounded the side of the temple. Ren stepped out onto the deck and watched as the two familiar girls ran around the assortment of flowers and stone waterfall ponds.
"Ren, slow down I can't catch you."
"You can run faster Talia, come on. Catch me. Catch me." Ren felt herself tense up, the salty liquid of her sadness formed before she could recognize it. Her innocence was gone now, but even after the events of her youth, she could still have fun. Those were the days she didn't cry about what happened, the days they weren't training, the days that Talia and her could just be friend... Sisters.
Talia tripped and fell, the young version of Ren stopped and went to help her.
"You okay, Talia? I'm sorry. I can be 'it' next time."
"No it's alright." Ren held a hand out to Talia and lifted her up, Talia hugged her after brushing the dirt off of herself.
"Why don't we play hide and seek now?"
"Sure. I will find you." Ren replied and Talia ran off, the real Ren smiled, a tear drifting down her cheek.
"You both use to be so kind to one another..." Her eyes darted to the warm body beside her, it was Ra's and he looked younger and better than ever.
"Then everything became a competition." Ren finished, dropping her head.
"Ready or not here I come." Her child self shouted and then ran in the direction Talia went.
"Talia made it a competition."
"You expected too much from us." But her words she knew were only true in some manner, he pushed them hard to make them stronger.
"How else would you be as capable as you are now?"
"I know, thank you for that." Ra's pointed out to a bush at the corner of the garden, Ren followed his gesture and noticed Talia hiding in the bushes. She smiled. He turned to stare at her.
"I would like to think that you both went through the same amount of pain, but I would be wrong if I did." She closed her eyes, her lips twitching slightly, but still forming a placid line.
"I feel hurt. It hurts."
"It is going to, but you can still change things, Ren. I have faith in you."
"You always have." His hand grabbed her chin and the other her shoulder, turning her to face him. "I never understood why." She finished, his hand moved to her cheek and she leaned into it.
"You are strong, I would have made you the leader of the League of Shadows before my death, but I knew you were lacking something." Her eyes fluttered open, his thumb wiped away a tear and he gave her a tiny smile. "You were too good. Too much goodness within you. But you have two sides to yourself. I couldn't watch you be torn apart by your own decisions." He pulled his forehead away, hand still on her cheek and he pointed in the distance. Talia was coming out of her hiding place with a pout on her expression.
"Ren, why aren't you-" Talia was cut short as Ren dropped from the tree branch above her and pinned her to the ground.
"Found you." Talia let out a shrill of anger and pushed Ren off of her. Ren's smile fell as Talia brushed the dirt off herself, standing up.
"You never play fair." She accused with an angry expression, crossing her arms and stomping her foot. Ren picked herself up off the ground and sighed, dirt covering her elbows and knees.
"I'm sorry, Talia. We can-"
"No, I am not playing anymore games with you. You don't know how to do anything." The young Ren frowned and looked down at the earth as Talia walked away, out of the gardens. Ren sat down on a stone nearby and sulked in sadness.
"I am sorry." She muttered to herself.
"You were always alone, Talia was the only friend you ever knew and she discarded you." Ra's stated, although it best went unsaid, Ra's had a way of pointing things out that needed to be said despite their horrid truth.
"But the truth can change."
"Fix things for me, Ren. I trust you more than anyone else with this burden. Face your fears, the unexpected is always going to be ahead of you... Don't let them control you." His voice faded out and the darkness emerged, Ren sniffled and wiped her tears away. She looked down at her thumbs, fiddling with them for a moment. She then rose her gaze to the little girl still sitting on the stone, she wished she could tell her young self how things would go. How her decisions would matter.
How things would change.
"I won't... I promise."