A/N: Hey guys, here is the first part of a two part, um, thing? This was supposed to be one whole chapter but towards the end I realized it was getting too long and too many things were happening so yeah. Songs featured are listed below.

The titles of the two chapters sort of come together as a whole. :P

At any rate, here is chapter 19 featuring awkward Staubrey, a long awaited POV from Aubrey, the Bellas being the Bellas… and… well… 'obstacles and hurdles'…

I don't own pitch perfect.

The boxer's fracture on her right hand was going to be removed in two and a half weeks. It barely even hurts anymore. And yet Beca couldn't find any consolation or any joy or motivation for anything. She should be able to do more activity with her right hand, jump right into mixing yet again. But nothing.

Her dad was behind her LA move which was coming closer and closer but nothing as well.

Her dreams, they were falling into place.

Isn't this all you wanted? she kept asking herself but she couldn't feel any excitement about it.

LA just seemed so dull now. It felt so empty.

And Beca was used to her greyscale world but for a while it had color and now, it was as if nothing had ever existed.

Because right now what she wanted the most wasn't LA.

What she wanted most wasn't that dream she was chasing.

What she wanted was a redheaded girl with the most beautiful blue eyes, the most heartwarming smile, and the most musical laughter she has ever known.

She wanted Chloe Beale.

"Ugh, what have you done to me?" Beca whined, rolling over in her bed and hiding her face underneath her pillows. She had just gotten back from her shift stacking CDs at the radio station. It was a strange feeling of loss, not having Chloe around her whenever she can. She had tried, she had actually tried so hard to reach Chloe, texting her to ask how she's been and leaving a message on her mailbox once to ask if they could talk.

Chloe replied once to say she was fine and that was it. Nothing more. No other elaborate explanation as to anything else at all. Like why she was dodging Beca's attempts to reaching out? Why was she being so stubborn?

Huh, guess this is how frustrating it is to deal with me in the first place.

Chloe hasn't called either. During her Midnight DJ run, that is. And with the Bellas failing to go through to Nationals and officially disbanding, it wasn't like she had been busy with much of anything.

She could be studying Mitchell. Beca reasoned to herself.

But Chloe was one of those smart, always on top of things students.

It was a bit of an epiphany to her, how much someone could mean to another. Beca never really saw herself as someone who would ever go through what she was going through now. She never thought that she could be so addicted to a human being, wish they were there always, miss them in their absence, and crave their hugs and all. And then came Chloe Beale barreling through every single one of Beca's fortified walls.

That was what she was. Chloe Beale was an addiction, and one that she knew for a fact that she could never quit.

Beca turned around, sat up, and ran a hand through her hair as she proceeded to look around the room. She was itching to do something. Without Chloe, life just didn't seem as lively as it had been, which in all honesty Beca never really thought would be possible in the first place. It was just boring and dull silence.

Amy had texted her to hang tight at their dorm by herself for a while. Without Bellas practice, Beca thought that her friends would at least keep her company. She was wrong. Amy and Stacie seemed to have been busy with some sort of 'project' for the last couple of weeks or so. What it was, Beca didn't know and they wouldn't talk about it much either. Jesse had been looking worse for wear himself, but Beca was just chucking that up for Treble's practice for Nationals.

At least they still had their traditional dinners.

But that wasn't for a few more hours.

Beca sighed as she got up and logged onto her laptop. If she can't mix she can at least discover some new songs or artists or something and listen to their work.

And so, Beca decided to seek solace in music for the time being.

Stacie was in the library with Amy. Their 'Jesse Initiation' plot still in full swing, with the Treble loudly typing on the keys on his laptop while the two of them watched. They've been designing a 'How to understand Beca' crash course for him, aside from having him run errands for them, to make sure she doesn't propagate the mess he's been unsuccessfully trying to fix himself that is Beca and Chloe's blossoming relationship. So now, before he 'graduates', he must pass a test that Stacie designed online.

He was currently on the essay part of the quiz.

"Got to say, the Treble definitely is patient with us." Amy commented in a low voice as she leaned back on her chair.

"Guess he's adamant on proving himself. We've been kind of giving him ridiculous tasks and he still does them." Stacie noted.

"Oh no, don't tell me he's falling in love with me next and he's just using whatever reason he can to stay close to me!" Amy whispered and Stacie chuckled. "What? We've proven that he's capable of that with Beca, right?"

Stacie laughed this time before Jesse shot her a curious gaze. "I think I need a coffee break, do you guys want some?"

"I think I'm good." Jesse replied. "Thanks though."

"I'm good too Stace. Go, don't worry, I'll keep an eye on our pet." Amy said before Stacie left.

It's been, well, quite dull without all of the Bellas, Stacie had to admit. That's why she was looking forward to that night. They haven't really spent time together since their revenge plan with Tom. The other Bellas sort of just drifted off.

Then of course there was Chloe who hadn't really been keeping in touch, possibly because she was still trying to process things with Beca or whatever it is she thinks was happening. And it would've been so much easier if she'd just agree to meet with them over coffee but…

…well…

…Stacie has tried. But Chloe really didn't want to. She'd tell her straight out that there was nothing going on between Beca and Jesse and that she was going through heartache over nothing but she didn't exactly know how to approach that or open the topic through texts especially when she hasn't replied to any of the ones she's sent about having coffee or talking or something.

Which meant that Chloe's heart must really be broken badly at the moment, for her to just stop being the Chloe they knew, it must've really hurt.

And Stacie would've also marched into Chloe's apartment and drag Beca along or drag her out to meet Beca or something so that they could talk things through and just... God! Finally be together already!

But…

…then she'd run into Aubrey.

And she hasn't really spoken to Aubrey since after the regionals mess.

Besides, what would she even say?

Seeing her at that party where Beca punched Tom, it had completely disarmed her. She wasn't mad or upset anymore, but then what? It's not like she had an actual thing going.

But why does she feel like there was something? Something that Stacie's afraid they might completely miss if they don't do anything about it, if they let things be.

"Oh, hey." she heard Aubrey say as Stacie reached the coffee shop.

Ask and ye shall find.

"Hey." Stacie said. Well, that wasn't so hard now, was it Conrad?

"Um, how uh, how're things?" Aubrey asked as she tried to search for words to say.

"Uh, things are fine." Stacie replied and Aubrey nodded. "Haven't really seen everyone else. Amy is Amy. Beca's hands' patching up nicely so Amy and I think that'll ease her constant irritation. She's been on edge lately and I don't even think she's noticed."

"Beca's hand?" Aubrey asked giving her a curious look.

"Yeah, she didn't properly formed a fist or something when she punched Tom so her hand's in a brace. She fractured her metacarpals. How's Chloe?"

"She's, well, being a different kind of Chloe from what you're used too really." Aubrey said uncertainly. "Anyways, I shouldn't probably hold any longer." she rambled possibly upon realizing that they were having their first actual decent conversation since the Christmas break. Aubrey looked a little flustered and was acting a bit nervous that Stacie guess it was probably that reason.

Aubrey started to walk past her when Stacie turned around wanting to call after her but her words had failed her.

And in the end Stacie had to simply content herself with watching Aubrey walk away.

As Stacie watched Aubrey leave, a thought had hit her. It was like a schism had happened, ever since she's become a Bella, ever since she's met Aubrey. She was changing and in ways she's never expected. All of a sudden she realized, she was pining away for someone, wasting her time away.

And maybe, well, maybe it was time for some change. A return to normal that's been very much lacking in her life.

Aubrey came back home feeling some sense of relief. She still hasn't apologize to the Bellas, mostly because they haven't had a decent chance to see each other, but at least her encounter with Stacie had been decent enough. Although she was disappointed that it had to be limited to being descent enough.

A part of her had wanted more. To apologize and perhaps… perhaps…

Aubrey wasn't really sure how she wanted that thought to end.

"Did you know that Mitchell broke her hand for you?" was the first words out of Aubrey's mouth as she reached their apartment and marched right into the living room.

"Huh?" Chloe responded as she lifted herself out of the couch, a warm blanket wrapped around her, the TV on to some random programming. "I heard from her dad she hurt her hand but… it's broken?"

"You know Chlo, when I know more about that munchkin of yours, that's a real sign of trouble right there." Aubrey commented before finding herself on the couch next to Chloe. "Especially when the first thing you do after class is change into your PJs or sweats and camp out on the couch like this."

"Beca's hand, Aubrey. And do you know which hand?"

"Does it matter which hand?" Aubrey threw back and Chloe pouted. "I don't know. Stacie just randomly brought it up when I ran into her. She probably thought you'd be interested in that piece of info. I hear it's healing and that Mitchell's on edge. Probably because she misses you."

"She's got Jesse." Chloe harrumphed before diving back into the pillows she had next to her.

"Okay, that's it." Aubrey then said, standing up to turn the TV which earned protest from Chloe. "I have been watching you pine away over that pint-sized alt girl, who, dare I say, may actually be a decent human being, for months now Chloe. Months. Months of enduring the longing stares and love sick glances. So either you do something and fight for her or you give it all up and move on already. I don't care if she's with the Treble or not, let her know she's got options."

"Aubrey, I don't want to push myself on Beca if she's with someone else. You don't mess with couples. Besides, you were the one constantly preaching that she's got Jesse, what's changed now?"

"I'm just concerned about you. Chloe, you can't keep living in this void you've created forever. You need to either pick yourself up and move on or fight for Beca and if you insist on not fighting for her because she's made her choice or whatever, then you need to start moving on and heal." Aubrey said, giving Chloe's hand a gentle squeeze. "Now listen, I'm going into my room, I'm going to have a nice long bath, and when I come back you need to be out of that outfit, all these pillows and blankets will be back in your room and you're either going to out and have fun tonight or we'll make our own fun or something here. Just don't sulk anymore, don't grieve for what might've been. You need to find a way to live Chloe, over whatever heartbreak this is. Because this isn't you. I've seen you go through break-ups, and this, this much worse that what I've ever had to deal with before."

Chloe nodded and Aubrey accepted that as a yes. It was true, Aubrey herself is at a loss to how to help Chloe or what to do with her. She had been inconsolable for weeks.

And all Aubrey could think of was how much Chloe must've really loved Beca that she'd be hurting like this.

Aubrey looked at Chloe curiously when she finally got out of her room. "What's with all this?" she said waving over at Chloe's sudden makeover.

"What? I'm listening to your advice." Chloe aid with a shrug. Within an hour she had herself clean out her camp at the living room, called a guy she almost dated, got dressed and was getting herself a glass of wine.

"Yeah, but do explain to me what all this is. Are you fighting for Mitchell? Are you going out to have fun? Because you're dressed to impress. Like 'going out on a date with a cute guy or gal' dressed to impress." Aubrey commented. But before she could even answer there was a knock on the door.

Aubrey was surprisingly quicker than her and beat her to their front door. "How may I help you?" Aubrey had said looking up the guy outside from head to toe, trying to size him up and figure out where she's seen him before.

"Oh, hi. Yeah, my name's Dean. I'm here for Chloe." he replied with a casual smile.

"See you later Bree." Chloe then said as she walked past Aubrey and off they were.

Dean was a charming guy, tall, handsome, athletic. They met in Chloe's philosophy class end of sophomore year. He asked her out but Chloe just wasn't feeling the magic. They stayed as sort of friends though so when Chloe reached out about having any fun ideas of how to spend the night, he didn't hesitate to ask her out again. Thus a decision was made.

Dean was nice. He really was. He's not the one, Chloe knew that for sure, but he was nice.

And that should've been Chloe's first real sign that this wasn't going to end in anywhere else because when a guy is good looking, smart, and funny and all you can say is 'nice', then yikes.

But Aubrey was right.

If Beca's with Jesse, then there's nothing she could really do about it. And she needed to heal, move on somehow. Forget about Beca.

Well, not completely.

She misses her, so much. But she knew that she couldn't take it. She tired but she couldn't. And Chloe could lie, she can say she doesn't feel the way she does for her, say that she doesn't love Beca Mitchell the way she does. She could tell herself that Beca is not the only thought in her head, that she is just a friend, her best friend, and that's how things will always be. But in the end, that's all it's going to be. On big lie because Beca Mitchell had suddenly become her world and without her Chloe feels lost.

But Chloe was hoping, if only so she could start healing her broken heart, and that she'll be able to move on. That Beca isn't the love of her life. And maybe, if she said it many times over and over again she'll end up believing it's true.

But a part of her was already doubting she ever will.

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

The place was surprisingly packed. Much to Beca's surprise really, considering it was a Thursday night.

The Bellas had brought her along for dinner out and then karaoke. Technically the place was very much nearly empty when they arrived but over the course of a few hours, people started pouring in.

Jessica, Ashley, and Denise were on stage singing their hearts out to some Backstreet Boys song that was released after they got back together, or so Amy explained. It helped that the crowd totally loved the Bellas and their performance, having very nearly dominating the mic since their arrival.

"So, you having fun Shorty?" Cynthia Rose asked.

"I suppose it's not so bad." Beca replied.

"You still haven't sang anything Shorty, and Lilly's got like three solo performances already. You should get up there soon." Amy teased. "Blow us all away with your talents."

"I think I'm good." Beca replied and soon the three Bellas on stage had rejoined them and Stacie's turn was up.

I cannot refuse your eyes,
Please don't look at me tonight.
My heart beats fast I know you're there,
And I pretend like I don't care.
It hurts so bad to know the truth,
But I am still in love with you

It wasn't that bad of a night. All in all her friends managed to at least get Beca's thoughts off of her own gloom and doom. But the karaoke plan had been more of a double-edged sword for Beca.

The singing got her mind off from her not-so enthusiastic LA countdown.

But the singing kept drilling the thoughts of Chloe in her mind.

What's worse is that she kept looking for her face in the crowd, hoping she'll just spot her. Hoping she'll see her smiling back once more. Hoping just to hear her voice as one of the faces in the crowd.

Anything really.

Because she couldn't live like that anymore. She couldn't live without Chloe.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Stacie asked as she rejoined the group.

"Huh?" Beca responded and Stacie chuckled. "Hey, where'd Amy go?"

Stacie pointed to where the restrooms where and Beca nodded. Meanwhile some drunk guy had replaced Stacie on the stage. Beca was a little bit thankful that this one can sing compared to the others she's heard that night.

I must have been a fool
To love you so hard for so long
So much stronger than before
But so much harder to move on

"You should really give singing a try Beca. It might make you feel better."

"I'm fine."

"But you're not." Stacie said as a matter-of-factly.

And now the bitter chill of the winter
Still blows through me like a plague
Only to wake up with an empty bed
On a perfect summer day

"I know you don't like people pushing you to open up, Beca, but maybe it's time you do." Stacie then said. "Something's ben bugging you for a while. Something's not right."

My world just feels so cold
And you find yourself walking down
The wrong side of the road
Ow!

Beca sighed. "Maybe."

"Sometimes talking about it helps." Stacie offered. "But whenever you're ready, no pressure."

Beca gave a nod. "Thanks Stace." she replied. Maybe Stacie was right. Because her mind was starting to feel too cramped up full with thoughts. She was overthinking things, and it's been like there's a constant buzzing in her head that's gotten her restless.

Besides, she can't keep whatever it was she was feeling for Chloe buried forever and having someone she can talk to should her process things and figure out what to do.

I can't lie your on my mind, stuck inside my head
I wanna feel your heart beat for me instead, yeah
I just die so much inside now that you're not there
I wanna feel your heart beat like yesterday

Beca remembered that first major fight with the Bellas where she walked out on practice, when she hasn't been talking to Chloe for a while. It helped her then when she talked to that girl before – Flo, if Beca remembered correctly – so maybe talking to someone she trusts would help again.

Because she definitely doesn't want to feel stuck in a pit of confusing thoughts and emotions forever. And she does want to see and talk to Chloe soon again.

I never did my best to express how I really felt
And now that I know exactly what I want
You found somebody else

Beca's head started to spin, like some sort of haze was surrounding her. Think of something a good number of times, and there it was.

And all at once Beca felt her heart beat faster at the sight of Chloe by the bar, a spike of hope.

Then she felt it somewhat flat line when she saw the tall and handsome guy next to her, talking to her, flirting with her and buying her a drink.

And then she felt… there were no words to describe it really…

…but it was she felt the rage of the stormy seas well up inside her when she saw him moving in closer.

And she felt her stomach tighten up in knots when she saw him kissing her.

When she saw Chloe kissing some other guy.

All of a sudden it felt too hot in there, like there was a tightening feeling in her chest and the room started spinning, and the music and the noise of the chatter had mingled all into a blur. She couldn't breathe. It was like her lung had just collapsed. Seeing Chloe with someone else, seeing her smile for someone else, touch his arm…

…watching her kiss someone else…

…it was worse than a death sentence.

Beca felt the life of her draining away, but she knew she had to stand. She knew she had to move. She wasn't allowed to tear apart at the seams.

The Bellas hasn't spotted Chloe just yet, and it was nearing time for her radio gig so if she wanted to start on time, she had to go then.

Beca excused herself, her voice shaky but thankfully the Bellas were too drunk to notice the struggle of getting her words out. She didn't let them have the chance to properly say goodbye either, she didn't want them to spot any of the cracks on the surface she might be giving away.

And so Beca Mitchell didn't walk back to the radio station from the main street on campus. She ran.

She ran as if her life depended on it because she was afraid of what might happen if let's herself get caught up in one stationary moment.

"You okay Chlo?" Dean asked as she walked Chloe back to her apartment from the parking lot.

"Yeah, yeah I am." Chloe replied. It was a lie and Chloe hated herself for it but it'll have to do. The night had been going so well. Sort of, at least. They went to dinner to a nice place near campus before heading out to the karaoke bar. Some drunk guy had been rocking out on stage when they got there, buying drinks, and Chloe was starting feel some sense of normal.

But then Dean leaned in and Chloe decided to give it a try.

But nothing.

No sparks. No magic.

It was like Chloe felt herself desperately clinging on to anything that can make her heart race and make her feel alive but it didn't. It only made what was missing all the more painfully obvious. Because as much as Dean was nice, he was most definitely Beca.

And it's not like she was thinking about kissing Beca at that moment, but she was all that Chloe could see and think of and she knew it wasn't right.

Chloe could try to move on for all she likes. But she was in love with Beca and no one else.

And giving it a try with anyone else now felt so unfair to whoever it was that she ends up with.

It was unfair to her too, and unfair to Beca in some ways.

"Why do I have a feeling this is all our date's going to be?" Dean asked when they finally reached the door.

Chloe took a deep breath and sighed. "Dean, it's not…"

"Oh God, Chloe, don't say it. Look I like you, but if your heart belongs to someone else, I can't ever have you. I don't have the right to."

"I really am sorry Dean."

"No worries Chloe. I'm glad you still decided to give me a chance though." he replied before waving goodbye with a smile. "Goodnight Chloe."

"Night." Chloe muttered before taking yet another deep breath. And going inside.

"You're back early." Aubrey commented as she walked inside. "You okay?"

Chloe shook her head.

No, no she was not.

And perhaps it was time she accepted it. She was in love with Beca Mitchell and she will never be okay.

Because her heart was still breaking.

Matt was wrapping up his show when Beca reached the station. She was breathing hard, gasping for every jagged and painful breath she could to fill her air with lungs but it was a desperate effort. Maybe her breathing does steady at some point but she knows she was still out of air, her feelings for Chloe Beale reaching for the surfaces from the darkest corner of her mind where she had buried the thought not so long ago, wanting to take over her completely.

But she can't.

No, she can't let her emotions get the best of her. Not just yet.

Put a smile. Do her job.

And die just a little more inside.

Break apart.

Crushing, crumbling, and falling until she was gone.

But she had to put up the act that she was fine first.

"You okay Beca?" Matt asked with genuine concern.

"Yeah." Was Beca's short answer as she took one last deep breath and started her show. Matt had left, still looking quite concerned but he let her be and Beca was thankful to just jump into it. But as soon as the mic was off, the music started playing, everything she was keeping bottled up had reached the surface, taking hold of her.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even

And Beca was at a loss.

Because she couldn't figure out why the tears were already continuously streaming down her cheeks. And quite possibly, it's been falling since she parted ways with her friends.

Beca stood up, not sure what to do next, but she knew she can't stay still for the next few minutes of the song.

That's when she saw Amy and Stacie rushing into the station looking all sorts of bewildered.

And that's when Beca didn't hold back anymore, rushing to her friends open arms and letting it all go, with her tears somewhat the only thing that could soothe the ache in her heart.

Songs featured in this chapter: 'Until You're Over Me' and 'I Can't Lie' by Maroon 5; 'I Just Want You to Know' the Backstreet Boys; 'Breakeven' by the Script