A/N: And here is part 2 of angst-fest (yes, I'm making up for the lack of angst from 18 :P)! I mean, here's chapter 20. See, what did I tell ya' the title of this chapter completes chapter 19's. The angst shall slowly lessen from here, slowly, not completely… But hey, there's hope at the bottom of Pandora's box right?

At any rate, this chapter features not just Bechloe angst but also a dash of Staubrey angst and wise ol' Luke.

I might have also gotten carried away with the song choices for this chapter and the song mentions. They are all listed below.

I don't own pitch perfect.

You've read the books, you've watched the shows
What's the best way, no one knows

It was strange. In some form or way what Beca was going through now was the same as the whole process she had been going through since she met Chloe Beale.

It was the five stages of grief. But who knew that those five stages could sometimes also explain the stages that someone goes through when they fall for someone else.

The first is denial. That there must be some mistake. When Beca met Chloe, she noticed, she really did, how everything that the redhead did around her was different. Her effect on her, how she managed to just burst through every locked door and window of Beca's life with so little effort, it was special and different. And Beca believed that there was something to her, a part of her did. But the other half of her, scared of false hopes and distrustful of people's intentions kept telling her it was wrong.

There was some mistake, no she doesn't feel that way. No, Chloe was just her best friend, she didn't feel anything special for her tats more than what friends feel for. She's older than you, prettier than you, and really talented, sweet and nice, you admire her. You just admire your friend. Besides, she's a girl as are you. She couldn't possibly think of you any more than just a friend. Beca's thoughts screamed at her as loud as it possibly could to get the message through, above the noise of her wildly beating heart.

That was then.

Now, it was the same only different. Now Beca's thoughts was trying to convince her that it wasn't Chloe who she saw kissing some guy. Except it was. And no, her heart wasn't breaking into the tiniest bits and pieces. Except it is.

And so it was denial, as Beca learned, that was the first stage of two such polarizing emotions that were intertwined.

Meditate, yea, hypnotized
Anything to take it from your mind
But it won't go
You're doing all these things out of desperation
You're going through six degrees of separation

The second stage was anger.

Back then it was mostly Beca being mad at herself. She's realized she can't go on denying what she feels and so she felt a little frustration, a frustration she kept burying because she didn't want to have to deal with it. And so the anger was short lived.

Because of all people, why her? Why the one I can't have?

It's funny how those thoughts ring true now.

For the past couple of days, Beca had been feeling really angry. She's been on edge for weeks for Chloe's silent treatment. It was just too unfair, she was the one who reached in to take hold her, was she the one gone now?

And Beca was just too frustrated because she couldn't understand where, when, and how things just suddenly changed.

For the last days in particular, she just couldn't understand why. Did Chloe start avoiding her because she was just busy with her new love? Was that it? Was she just not that important?

Or has Beca done something wrong? Was it her fault somehow?

It all came simmering down to that, the why's, and the what's, and the how's that Beca didn't have any answer to.

She was just thankful Luke knocked some sense to her before she ended up punching a wall the other night because she just reached the end of her rope of trying to figure things out.

But she's got nothing, no answer, no new revelation.

Just the anger.

You had the drink, you take a toke
Watch the past go up in smoke
You fake a smile, ya, lie and say
You're better now than ever and your life's okay
But it's not, no

The third was bargaining.

Before it was just Beca, trying to move past the irritation she had on herself for having a little crush on her own best friend. And for a while she figured, it will pass. It all would. That if she just let Chloe in maybe she'll eventually get tired of Chloe's presence or maybe Chloe will get tired of her. Maybe the feelings would soon be gone and things will be as normal is it can possibly can.

The last nights though, the last nights were a different kind of bargaining.

You're doing all these things out of desperation
You're going through six degrees of separation

That maybe if she tries her hardest, she'll get Chloe's attention again. Maybe she'll call during her program she played all of Chloe's favorites.

Maybe if she slips in a mix of a song she made for Chloe's playlist, she'll notice and she'll call.

Maybe she'll more than notice it and actually reach back out to Beca and they can talk again. She can hear her voice again.

First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little

But that didn't happen.

So now she was on to the fourth.

No no there ain't no help, it's every man for himself
No no there ain't no help, it's every man for himself

Depression.

It was strange really. Anger and depression didn't last long for her when she was fighting it off, her feelings for Chloe. Mostly, a few months back, depression was just tied to fear. The fear that had always held her back.

That and the thought and realization that she was falling for Chloe when she may not even be feeling the same thing for her was the most terrifying thing in the world for Beca. And Beca thought, perhaps the reason why she barely felt it occur, the reason why she barely processed the stages she was going through back then was because so many things were happening. Life as a freshman in college had uprooted her from her normal and had spun her round and round so violently with no solid ground to land on.

But even so, this, this was different.

This was despair in every truth of the word. It was the realization of that fear.

Chloe Beale with someone else was the painful reminder for Beca of the cruel twist.

The universe has conspired to have her fall for Chloe only for those feelings to not be reciprocated.

And it was in this stage that Beca finds herself stuck.

The heartache was at its worst. She couldn't eat, she couldn't sleep – again the same signs of people who are falling for someone new – and she couldn't really focus on anything.

It had been a good two weeks. In a few days, it was goodbye hand brace and hello healed hand, she would be ready to mix again.

But nothing.

No inspiration or motivation to do anything.

She had cried her heart's content in Stacie and Amy's arms, something she never thought she would do. Luke had taken over as the midnight DJ as they tried to figure out what was wrong, as they tried to piece her back.

But try as they may they would always fail.

Because the biggest piece of Beca, the biggest part of her heart was Chloe.

And without Chloe, Beca knew the painful truth that she would never be complete.

You tell your friends, yea strangers too
Anyone who will throw an arm around you
Taro cards, gems and stones
Believing all the things gonna heal your soul
Well it's not, whoa

She wanted to speak and open up, while heartedly believing that it would help her process things and recover and mend but the truth is Beca didn't even have the energy to talk about it. She couldn't wait for the fifth stage.

Acceptance.

The fifth stage had crept in silently and all at once – if that was even possible – that New Year's Eve in her own room in Chloe's arms. It was like what she had felt was the truth she's known all along, despite still not knowing what to do with that knowledge, and it was a sudden fresh breath of air. That realization, that moment of clarity.

But now acceptance was hard to achieve.

Because Beca wasn't entirely sure she would ever be okay.

She thought that her brief stint of college would be one dull chapter in her life before she chased her dreams in LA with all the vigor and passion she had. Not this, nothing like this.

Nothing like the tumultuous ups and downs of life and relationships she's found in Barden.

You're only doing things out of desperation
You're going through six degrees of separation

The song was winding down, pulling Beca away from the privacy of her own thoughts and back to the task at hand. Somehow, being the Midnight DJ was all she's got. It was the only constant thing that was remaining in her life, the one thing that didn't dare break or hurt her.

It was her voice and outlet for emotions. Her sword and shield in the battlefield of life.

First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little

Beca took a deep breath. She still felt lost, but if she had a chance to choose, she'd always want to get lost in the music over any other kind of escape.

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feeling was gone

Chloe buried her face on her pillow, somehow, no matter how many times she's washed her pillowcase over the last few weeks, she could swear it still smelled like Beca, and it wasn't really helping her.

Her Friday morning class had been canceled, which meant she had lots of free time to waste before her next class. Without Bellas practice, without hanging out with Beca, there really wasn't much to do.

And she really didn't have the strength to do much of anything either. She knew she needed to talk to Beca again, sort things out, mostly because it's gone to a point that was just so ridiculous already. She was probably wondering why she hasn't even reached out again.

Beca had been consistent in trying get through to her, that is, until two weeks ago when it all stopped.

And Chloe thought, she's probably forgotten about her already, the thought breaking her heart even more if it was even possible because Chloe was sure there was nothing left of it but dust in the wind.

I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

Falling in love with Beca Mitchell had been the easiest thing that Chloe has ever done. It was so easy that it had even surprised her a bit.

Maybe, this is what it's supposed to be like. Chloe had thought once upon a long time ago.

It was the most natural thing in the world.

And now she wasn't sure what to do. It was like the world around her has frozen when in reality the world moved on and Chloe was the one stuck in a standstill.

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry, cry

Chloe knew. Her days in Barden were numbered. For a while she found a new dream of the future with Beca, even if they were just friends.

Even if that's all they would ever be.

Chloe just thought she'd have more time to process her feelings and keep herself in check.

But nothing has panned out the way Chloe thought it would her senior year. And now, everything was a mess.

I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feeling was gone

She didn't, she never did, plan to fall for Beca Mitchell.

But she did.

She wasn't expecting her to feel this much for the girl.

But she does.

And now Chloe has found out that the hardest thing in the world happened to be to get over Beca Mitchell.

Because how do you get over the heartache of not being with the one might've been the love of your life and more.

Gotta get over you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

"Okay, that's it. Enough of your pity party. We need to talk." Aubrey said, barging in her room without a single knock and cutting the music off unplugging her iPod from her speakers.

"Hey!" Chloe had protested but Aubrey wasn't budging. She had a stern look on her face as she huffed in disappointment, her hands crossed over her chest. In one hand, Aubrey was clutching a few large white envelopes.

"Did you just snoop around my mail?" Chloe asked a little hurt as she sat up from her bed.

"I wouldn't call it snooping Chlo, not when you've been purposefully ignoring these from our mailbox. Is that why you've been volunteering to pick up the mail for the last few months?" Aubrey said, trying to keep her voice in a level tone. "I'm guessing I don't even have to tell you what the big envelopes are, you probably received the emails already."

"Maybe."

"Have you even considered going to the visitation weekends of some of these schools?" Aubrey asked, throwing the bunch of mail on Chloe's desk. "Chloe, two of them are from Ivy schools and another from Barden's Graduate School too. Spring's around the corner, they'll be waiting for your response soon."

"I'm still waiting for one from LA. But I don't think that even matters anymore so why bother?" Chloe said flatly before diving back to her earlier position in her bed.

"Chloe, this is your future we're talking about. I don't care how depressed you are, you can't just put your future on hold because you fell in love with some alt girl…"

"Just leave me alone Bree." Chloe huffed in annoyance.

"But Chloe, you've been planning this since a year ago. Since last summer." Aubrey started to reason and Chloe couldn't take it anymore. She really just wanted to be alone. She couldn't even think of the represent let alone the future.

"How about you Bree? Thought about the future lately. Last time I checked, nothing we've actually planned had panned out. I mean, just look at what happened with the Bellas, didn't you lead us straight into failure." Chloe spat out before quickly realizing that she shouldn't have snapped in the first place.

She was just being irrational and emotional, she knows, but she just wanted to be alone.

But it was too late to take it back.

"Oh, so we're still not over that I guess." Aubrey said. "What else do you want to blame on me Chlo? Beca with Jesse, or the train wreck of your last date because I suggested you take one step forward and you decided to jump ten steps ahead?"

"Which wouldn't have happened if you just left me in the first place." Chloe threw back.

Aubrey took a deep breath before looking at Chloe with her eyes flaring with visible anger. "I'm just concerned about you Chloe. Okay? I'm not perfect but I am your best friend, at least I thought I was."

"Just… Ugh, Bree, just leave me alone." Chloe growled as she rubbed the sides of her temples, feeling a headache coming and Aubrey obliged stomping out of her room and slamming the door behind her shut.

Her mind just full of so many thoughts.

Beca. Her own future and graduation. Her feelings.

Just anything and everything about what happens next.

Just everything and everything that Chloe wants to not think about. She needed a moment for herself and just herself.

Desperately.

Chloe was being obstinately stubborn. Seriously.

She was just worried about her. Aubrey has seen just about every bit of mood or fancy that Chloe can have. She's seen every fit, every heart break, and every form of extreme happiness she's been in.

And this by far was the worst.

Chloe had barely even eaten anything the last few days. It was like she was dying but she wasn't physically dying.

Not yet anyways.

Aubrey spent the next few hours focusing on her classes and gearing over towards her own future. She's got her own sets of envelopes, her own sets of decisions. Mostly, those envelopes were the culminating point of all her hard work the last four years.

It was also the representation of all her father wanted for her. Something Aubrey wasn't even sure she wanted for herself.

All except for one.

Aubrey decided to push back going through her decision process yet again. She wanted to focus on Chloe, because as much as stubborn and grumpy she was at the moment, she was still Chloe. She was still her best friend.

Spring break starts tomorrow. The campus already being nearly empty that Friday night with most students starting to leave for their short vacation period. Aubrey thought it would be a nice peace offering to bring Chloe her favorite meal from that café they loved to go to during their junior year after Bellas practice for their own preparation for Nationals.

A lot had happened in a year, Aubrey thought. A lot of things she never expected. A lot of things she never thought possible.

She was waiting for her take out order when she caught a glimpse of a familiar tall brunette. Stacie was with some guy by a booth at the back of the café and from the looks of it, she was on a date.

It was like a lightning has struck Aubrey swiftly and without warning. It wasn't like she had something with Stacie.

But…

Those simple words hit so hard
They turned my whole world upside down
Girl, you caught me completely off guard
On that night you said to me
I just don't love you no more

"Why on earth are you playing something like this on what seems like date night for college students?" Aubrey grumbled as her order was brought to her by one of the servers.

"We're tuned on the campus station and everyone loves it, so." the server said and shrugged before walking away. Aubrey gave one last look towards Stacie and whoever the hell the guy was.

There were just too much hand touching, too much smiling, hell too much flirting for her own liking.

And a certain twinge in her chest has made her realize that if she was feeling something like this for someone she didn't even have an almost with – And really, Posen, who's fault is that other than yourself? – then the pain that Chloe must have been going through was just too unbearable.

Aubrey had hurried home after that.

But sadly Chloe was gone. A note on their simple, dining table indicated she went home.

Luke wasn't planning to, but it just had to stop. Fourteen days of playing nonstop heartbreaking and actual break-up songs on the radio was enough.

Heart of mine, how will you keep from dying
Stop reminiscing, who is she kissing
Heart of mine, oh, what's the use in trying
No one can mend you now

The song was the first song Beca started with for her run as the Midnight DJ tonight. And it would have probably been a little bearable if Beca was the only one playing all the heartbreak songs, in the beginning it was, but now all other DJs on the station had picked up on it.

In a shocking twist of Fate – because with all honesty he thought their listeners would start rallying if the sad music didn't stop playing – everyone actually loved it. Callers had requested a lot of the songs Beca had included in her playlist during other times of the day and Luke really had no choice but to do it. It was like Beca's own emotions had seeped through the airways, her own heartbreak leaking over the music and reaching out to people making them feel the same kind of sadness she was feeling. Touching a part of them, whether they were happy now and simply evoking past memories of tragic love affairs of the past or they were actually going through the same thing Beca was going through, and continuously propagating the effects over and over.

It was driving him a little insane.

And he tried to be the big brother who gave his sister some space. But Luke figured, she's had enough of space.

"Hey Luke, headed to the station?" Jesse asked carrying with him a bag of what seemed to be cookies and juice pouches.

"What are you up to now Swanson?" Luke grumbled, his moods definitely not improving with the sight of Jesse.

"Well you see, I figured, whoever the Midnight DJ is, he or she is still someone I know from the station. And lately, the sad music is kind of suggesting that this person is going through some rough patch so this is my personal friendly care package."

Luke sighed, "That might actually help." he commented, thinking about having snacks later. He was planning on having a very long conversation with his step-sister. "Come on Swanson, I think it's time you meet our favorite DJ."

Jesse nodded, letting Luke walk a few steps ahead towards the station not wanting to irritate him even more.

Yep, it was definitely time to knock some sense to Beca.

Beca was in the booth, Amy and Stacie keeping her company. It's been that way for a while since that night she just completely fell apart. Amy really didn't have plans that night, and Stacie, well, she ahd a date but she ended it soon after dinner, not really feeling it. They were talking about their spring break plans when Luke came bursting through the doors of the station and straight into the booth.

"Beca! You're the Midnight DJ!? I mean, I suppose I should've known, but…" Jesse started clamoring as he rushed towards the booth only stopping short of the threshold because of Luke giving him a death glare. "But…" he started to reason, looking at Stacie and Amy, and the Midnight DJ herself.

"Do I have to spell out that they are different?" Luke turned around to ask Jesse, getting irritated for the interruption. Jesse smiled despite looking defeated, handing the bag of goodies to Amy who accepted yit and set it aside.

Do you ever ask about me?
Do your friends still tell you what to do?
Every time the phone rings
Do you wish it was me calling you?
Do you still feel the same?
Or has time put out the flame?
I miss you is everything okay?

"And now you're back to Brian McKnight." Luke sighed.

Beca looked at him curiously, "What do you mean?"

"This wallowing has to stop Rebecca." Luke said sternly and Beca knew it was serious. Why else would Luke mention her full name?

"I'm not…" Beca started to try and cover up but Luke was on a mission.

"No, you are. You've been wallowing away for fourteen days and you have pretty much all our listeners burying themselves right in the middle of this feels-fest playlist you've created."

"No I didn't." Beca reasoned.

Luke took a deep breath. "Incomplete, Back for Good, Best I ever Had, Don't Wanna Try No More, How do I Breathe, Another Used to Be, Without You, actually pretty much all the songs with the same title, Caharlie Wilson's is just the cherry on top of it."

"Your point?" Beca deadpanned and Luke groaned.

It's hard enough just passing the time
When I can't seem to get you off my mind
And where is the good in goodbye?
Tell me why, tell me why?

"You also have your Usher songs, Can You Help Me, Burn, and Separated to name a few. You also had an hour of Boyz II Men with End of the Road, On Bended Knee, and Can You Stand the Rain on repeat for a few times. Then there's Don't Forget About Us, Nothing, Officially Missing You, I'd Rather, Nobody knows it but Me, So Sick, and One More Try from that European boyband." Luke went on.

It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours
Since you went away
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say
I should be over you
I should know better but it's just not the case
It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours
Since you went away
Sing it for me

"And of course you're Brian McKnight songs…" Luke continued, waving around the booth as the song wrapped up.

Ooh, ooh

"Including Still. The list goes on Beca, with songs from every decade conceivable. You're expressing the words you can't say through these songs. Countless of them and – Oh for the love of God!" Luke exclaimed as the next song on queue started playing.

Un-break my heart

"This has gotten beyond ridiculous Beca! It's way over the line of ridiculous!" Luke continued before taking another deep breath and looking over at Amy and Jesse. "Do you guys mind if you give us some the room for a minute?" he asked and turned over to Stacie. "You, you're staying too."

"What did I do?" Stacie asked looking confused.

"It's what you didn't do! Or who, or whatever, you know what I mean!"

Amy pulled Jesse out of the station with him leaving Beca and Stacie alone with Luke. Beca had to admit, she's never seen him so frustrated before. "This, this is your first heartbreak Beca, and in some ways it's both a blessing and a curse because your first heartbreak is the heartbreak people never want to happen thanks to it being cause by the love that people all want and constantly look for. You're lucky Beca, so lucky that you've met Chloe and this is just so unfortunate that you and, I could bet you thousand bucks, Chloe are suffering because of some stupid misunderstanding that the both of you don't even want to clear up because you're both too stuck in what wasn't and what you thought it was." Luke said. Beca had wanted to interject with something, anything, maybe a quip or some snarky comment because she wanted to deflect it. She's been so tired of dealing with her own feelings that she just didn't want to anymore.

But Luke was making her face it straight on. No escape. He was trying to wake her up.

"And you," Luke said as he turned to face Stacie, "you can flirt with all the ladies and gents you want but for some reason you can't go after the one you want most. I managed to talk Aubrey up during New Year's but clearly that fell through because you disappeared and she took her sweet time thinking things through. And seriously, musty I do everything?"

"You're not really doing anything Luke." Beca pointed out.

"Yes I am! I'm talking some sense into you lot!" Luke said, trying to keep his voice down.

"But…" Beca tried to say in the hopes of rebutting his argument.

"But what, Beca? Tell me, what do you feel right now? Tell me what's that hurting feeling in your chest? You've been running away from it, even when you've realized it, and I know you were realizing it Beca, don't try to fool me."

"Luke, what are you…"

"Tell me, if you didn't really love her, and love her with all your being whether you were aware of it or not, then why is your heart still breaking? Why won't it mend?" Luke threw back before Beca could even finish speaking.

And that was enough to keep her silent.

She couldn't say anything.

Luke had hit the proverbial nail in the coffin.

Luke sighed for one last time as he calmed a bit down. "Love is an addiction Beca." he then said. "And when it's that love everyone dreams of, heartbreak is the worst kind of withdrawal. The one you can't ever walk away from. So please don't let your story end in tragedy before it even begins."

Beca nodded slowly, each word sinking in.

Chloe Beale was her addiction that much was clear.

But more than that, Beca Mitchell didn't just like Chloe, really liked her like her.

She was in love with her.

And that was when Beca realized she was finally on her first step to acceptance.

Songs featured in the chapter: 'Six Degrees of Separation' (the clean version) by the Script; 'One Last Cry' and '6812' by Brian McKnight; 'Don't Love You No More' by Craig David; 'Heart of Mine' by Bobby Cadwell; 'Un-break My Heart' by Toni Braxton

Songs mentioned in the chapter recap (aka, the songs Luke mentioned and listened to while writing this chapter aka feels-fest playlist): 'Incomplete' by Sisqo; 'Can You Help Me' and 'Separated' and 'Burn' by Usher; 'Best I Ever Had' by Vertical Horizon; 'Back for Good' by Take That; 'Another Used to Be' by Joe; 'Can You Stand the Rain' and 'End of the Road' and 'On Bended Knee' by Boyz II Men; 'Don't Forget About Us' by Mariah Carey; 'Without You' by Charlie Wilson; 'Still' by Brian McKnight; 'How do I Breathe?' by Mario; 'Nothing' by the Script; 'Officially Missing You' by Tamia; 'I'D Rather' by Luther Vandross; 'One More Try' by A1; and 'Nobody Knows it But Me' by Babyface; 'So Sick' by Ne-Yo; 'Don't Wanna Try No More' by Frankie J

PS: I'll update with chapter 21 (ft. father-daughter moments with Dr. Mitchell and someone we haven't seen for a while) and 22 (ft. someone else we haven't seen in a long while) over the weekend but I'm afraid chapter 23 has to wait until after next Thursday… there's a lot of reasons why ;) but it's mostly 'cause I have to give a presentation Thursday morning and might not be able to work on the fic.

PPS: One of the songs listed above, 'Herat of Mine', almost became the title of this fic :P Instead I took inspiration from the song 'Your Love is a Song' by Switchfoot – it's the same song that Fate sings throughout my other fic 'The Red String of Fate' ;)