Chapter 2
Tow hours. Two whole fucking hours Alvin had been out of the hospital and already he was on his way back. He didn't glance at Dave as the latter drove. He merely kept his gaze out his window, watching as the various trees and homes zoomed by. As the car neared the hospital, Alvin began crying. He didn't let Dave see him cry, though. However, as they neared the front doors, Alvin broke down and began crying harder like the day he did when he had first arrived at the hospital. He looked up at Dave with pleading eyes. "Please. Please let me come home."
Dave shook his head. 'No. You still have to stay. You can only come home on a day pass." With that, he opened the door and ushered Alvin inside. Once he had signed Alvin back in, he gave Alvin a quick hug before hurrying off, while Alvin was taken through the ward doors.
Alvin walked as fast as he could back to his room. He flopped down on his bed when he entered his room and began crying. He couldn't believe he was back at the hospital yet again. He realized that Dave hadn't shed a tear while signing him back in and leaving him at the hospital. It wasn't hurting Dave that he was being kept prisoner at the hospital. He just wanted to go home.
For the rest of the evening, Alvin confined himself to his room. The only time he left was to go to group therapy at fifteen minutes past eight, but he left and returned to his room the second it was over. Like the other nights before, he cried himself to sleep.
Alvin received a surprise the following day. After breakfast, group therapy, and their quiet time in the morning, the kids were lined up to go to the gym. However, after the events of yesterday, Alvin didn't feel like playing basketball with the others, or doing anything else for that matter other than sleeping. He sat on the bleachers and watched the other kids playing, wishing that he had a book to keep himself occupied. He let out a groan as he saw a staff member approaching him.
"You need to play with the others or you'll go back to the unit," the staff member told him.
Alvin shrugged his shoulders. "Fine. Take me back to the unit." It would be nice to just lay back and get some more sleep. He was led back to the unit. When he started heading back to his room, the staff member grabbed his room and began leading him in another direction, towards the solitary rooms.
"No, you have to go to time-out," the staff member stated.
Alvin's heart dropped and he glanced up at the man leading him. "Why?"
"If you wish to not participate in the activities that we ask you to, then you can spend that activity in time-out. You'll be kept in time-out for however long the activity is."
Alvin kicked, attempting to pry himself out of the man's grip. "No! Please! Don't!" His pleas fell on deaf ears and he was continuously dragged down the hallway until they reached the solitary rooms. He was shoved in and the door was locked behind him, the bolt lock and the three barrel locks. Immediately, Alvin began banging on the door. "Let me out! Let me out!" He didn't want to be in the horrible room again. The last time he'd been in the room was the first and last time he wanted to be in here. He'd lost it after only twenty minutes, and now he was supposed to maintain his sanity for a whole hour? He wouldn't have any of it! He kept banging and screaming to be let out. After ten minutes of this, a nurse approached the door and his heart fluttered at the thought that maybe, God willing, someone would let him, that his screams hadn't fallen on deaf ears after all.
"If you don't calm down, I'm going to put you in restraints," the nurse said.
Alvin had no idea what she meant by this, but figured that it was probably worse than being locked up in the room. Because of this he stopped banging on the door. He backed away from the door, sitting down on the bed. Hugging his legs, he began to cry, his crying bringing about feelings of anger at how unfair his situation was. His anger eventually became too much for him and he threw the mattress across the room. It hit the wall opposite him and fell to the floor. Sighing in defeat, he moved over to the back of the room and sat down, continuing to hug his legs and cry his eyes out. There was no clock, so he had no idea how long he'd been in the room, but every minute felt like hours as the silence began to overwhelm him. The silence was torture. He couldn't stand being in the room. He just wanted to be let out.
Because there was no way to tell the time, he had no way of telling if the kids had returned from their ball game, and it didn't help that the room was soundproof. All he could do was wait in silence while the minutes ticked by to bet let out. He wasn't sure how long it was, but eventually a nurse opened the door and told him, "You can come out now." He was still crying as he exited the room, heading to his room. When he walked in he cried for a few more minutes. He scolded himself. Come on, Seville! Get a hold of yourself! Put yourself together! He struggled to do so. A nurse came in his room and told him that it was time for group therapy. He went in the bathroom that was adjoined to his room and washed his face to clear any signs of his crying before heading down to the play room for group therapy. Once that was over, he went with the other kids to lunch. The rest of the day went without incident, thankfully for him.
The next morning during breakfast, Alvin and the others were told that they would be going to an outing. They would be going to see a film at the local movie theater after lunch. To Alvin, this was like a breath of fresh air. Finally! A chance to get out of the hospital for a while. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be until after lunch, probably at one o' clock he figured, that they would be leaving, so he was forced to go through his regular schedule as always. He went to group, ate lunch, the whole routine. After lunch he and the others were sent to their rooms for some quiet time while the staff got everything ready.
At one o' clock, Alvin and the others were gathered at the front entrance and led outside where there were two white unmarked vans waiting for them. They were loaded into the vans and driven to the movie theater. When Alvin learned that the film they'd be watching was Beauty and the Beast, he couldn't help but let out a low groan of disappointment. Beauty and the Beast wasn't exactly his type of movie. Still, he figured he could endure it. It was at least a good excuse to get out of the hospital for at least an hour and a half.
The only downside to all of this was the fact that several staff members went along with them. To Alvin, it was like going on a field trip at school, where several teachers went along with the students. However, unlike a field trip at school, Alvin and the others weren't allowed to be out of the staff's sight for any reason whatsoever. Even when Alvin went to go use the restroom he was led to the restroom by a staff member and then supervised by said staff member as he did his business. Needless to say, this whole ordeal made Alvin extremely uncomfortable. At least the staff members took off their ID so no one would know where they or the kids were from, but looking at them anyone could tell that they were your usual run-of-the-mill family attending a movie theater. Throughout the whole thing, Alvin felt uncomfortable, feeling as if everyone was watching him.
The movie ended and they were loaded back onto the vans like a herd of sheep being herded into their pens for shearing. They arrived at the hospital fifteen minutes after three and sent to their rooms for some quiet time. Fifteen minutes of that and they were sent to group for an hour before being sent back to their rooms for yet some more quiet time until dinner.
Alvin received a shock at dinnertime. Instead of the usual crap that they were ordinarily served, it turned out that it was a patient's birthday and the kid's parents brought pizza for everyone. Finally, some actual food instead of the mush that they were served on a daily basis. While Alvin relished in this, he made sure not to eat too much. For one, he didn't want to make himself look like a pig, although he probably already did due to him being overweight. And, two, he didn't want to have to endure the rest of the evening with a stomachache. However, there was a pang in the pit of his stomach. As he watched the kid celebrate his birthday with his parents, Alvin began to think about his own folks and how they had never bothered to visit him. It made him very depressed, so as soon as the last group was over and done with, he went straight to bed. He had yet to use his points to upgrade to the nine o' clock bedtime, but he probably never would.
Because of the incident, Alvin began to get very homesick. For this reason, he began to have unexplained, uncontrolled crying spells. When asked why he was crying, he responded with, "I don't know." Due to him feeling homesick, he had decided that he'd had enough. Tears still rolling down his face, he marched to the nurses' station and demanded that he be let free. "Call my dad and tell him to come get me. I can't take it here anymore. I want to go home."
The nurse behind the desk glared at him. "Step back. You're past the red line."
Alvin glanced over his shoulder and noticed that there was a strip of red duct tape just across the floor of the doorway. Sighing, he walked backward until he was behind the red duct tape. He tried again. "Please let me go home. I want to go home."
The nurse said coldly, "No. You have to stay."
Not thinking, Alvin stepped over the line and approached the desk, trying yet a third time. "Please let me go home. I want to go home." He was suddenly snatched by the arm by the nurse and dragged to the solitary room and thrown in before having the door behind him closed and locked. He fell to the floor crying in a puddle of his own misery. He furiously banged on the door, screaming to be let out, screaming that he wanted to go home. In his frustration, he picked up the mattress and threw it at the camera mounted in one of the corners of the room, forcing it to face the wall. He went back to pounding on the glass window with his fists, the chicken wire digging into his flesh and causing his hands to bleed profusely. After ten minutes of this, a nurse approached the bed.
"If you don't calm down," she warned, "I'm going to have you put in restraints."
Alvin glared at her, fed up. "Make my little doggy day." He blinked. Where had that come from? Now that he thought about it, he remembered hearing it in a movie once. He knew that it was a stupid, idiotic thing to say, but for the time being, it was the only thing he could think of to say. He eventually got tired of trying to get help and sat down in the corner, hugging his legs and letting his tears to fall to the floor while his brain thought up of a solution to end his misery. During this time, thirty minutes passed by and yet no one came to let him out of the room. He wanted to be dead so no one could lock him up in the room ever again. Oddly enough, it was the first time he'd ever thought about death and wanting to be dead. He made himself a promise. If at the age of eighteen he was still going through immense amounts of emotional pain, being unloved, being lonely, then he would take his own life. He wasn't sure why he picked this particular date, but he did. In that same instant, he felt a wave of peace, a calm, settle over him, unlike anything he'd ever felt before. He couldn't exactly describe it, but all he knew was that in eight years he would be dead and gone, and no one would lock him up in solitary rooms again, or leave him at hospitals for days on end again, or hurt him anymore.
Ten minutes after making this resolution, he wiped the tears from his eyes and looked around the room to see if there was anything he could do to pass the time. Growing up, he had always loved trains. Noticing the bed lying by the wall, he picked it up and bent it before setting it up between the wooden frame of the bed and the wall, allowing it to serve as a tunnel. He got on his hands and knees and began crawling around the bed and going through the "tunnel," pretending that he was train trucking through the mountains and countryside. Obviously, it wasn't a lot of fun, but at least it was something to do to pass the time.
But if it wasn't loads of fun, then why did twenty to thirty minutes seem like such a short period of time for Alvin? After about a half-hour of him playing train, a nurse finally came to the door. "Are you ready to come out?" she asked Alvin.
Alvin got up and approached the door so that he and the woman were eye to eye. He nodded his head to answer her question. 'Yes, I am." The door was unlocked and he was set free at last. The first thing he did upon walking out of the room was look what time it was. It was twenty minutes past three by the time he got out of the room. Though he didn't need to be told, the nurse ordered him to go to his room and get ready for the next group therapy that was at three thirty. He did just that.
While in the solitary room Alvin had built a mental wall for himself to help him deal with any further abuse that he would have to endure for the next eight years, at least until the date he'd picked for himself to end his life. Through this wall he was able to block out his emotions. It was a coping mechanism for him so he would no longer have to feel any hurt. It was very calming. He made him feel numb. Because of this, he was now able to control his crying. He didn't cry throughout the rest of the day. Needless to say, this freaked the staff out something fierce since he had been frequently crying during his stay at the hospital. Now, all of a sudden, he was calm and collected, not crying hardly at all. They couldn't understand it. This was not the same child they had locked up in the solitary room. When he got back from group that night, for the first time since his stay at the hospital, he didn't cry himself to sleep.
Unbeknownst to Alvin, they had taped his whole session while in the solitary room, so they had him going off in the room, followed by him crying in the corner for about ten minutes, and finally roughly thirty minutes of him playing train all on film. Freaked out by this occurrence, they called in Dave and allowed him to view the footage.
The following morning when Alvin was woken up, he was told that today was the day he was being discharged from the hospital. After getting back from breakfast, he packed his things and set them on a chair by the door. Unfortunately, he had no idea what time he was being released, so he had no choice but to go through the motions like it was any ordinary day. At group after lunch, he was given a trophy. It had a fake marble base with a plastic figure of a guy holding a round circle above his head which had two vines around the rim. On the copper plaque were the words, "Charter Oak Hospital Weekly Poster Child". He didn't much care for it. After getting back to his room, he unceremoniously dumped it in his bag with the rest of his belongings. He continued to go throughout his day.
At long last, at two o' clock, a nurse walked in Alvins' room and told him to get his things and report to the nurse's station. He happily grabbed his things and followed the nurse to the nurse's station where his father and brothers were waiting to take him home. He was led through the ward doors, Dave having already signed him out.
Not too long after he was released from the psychiatric hospital, Alvin started going to Sunflower Elementary School in Glendora, California. It was a special education school. Constantly, Alvin was being picked on by bullies. They would beat him up, stuff him into trash cans, and give him swirlies. Sadly, whenever he reported this to a staff member, their usual response was, "If I didn't see it, it didn't happen, so there's nothing I can do about it." Apparently, his wet fur, his bruises, and the foul odor of everyday garbage that covered him wasn't enough proof to them. To them, he was merely making it all up to get the bullies in trouble. Because of this, he had no choice but to endure it. Plus, he had his promsie to himself to keep him going. Day in and day out, he endured the beatings, the stuffings into lockers and garbage cans, and getting his head dunked into public toilets.
Sometimes, though, it would get to be too much for him to handle and he would leave the classroom, going to the soccer field to cool down and clear his head. More oftentimes than not, this resulted in him being taken to the solitary room that the school had behind the main office. It was a roomt that was six feet high, two feet wide, and two feet deep. On the right side of the room were two cubicles that had three walls of brick on either side. There was a chair in each cubicle where those in the solitary room were to sit and stare at the brick wall in front of them, antoher brick wall on either side of them, until they were told they could go back to class. Across from the cubicles was a desk. The floor was a pattern of white tiled squares with gray grout lines. They were peeling up, while in other parts the tiles were completely missing, from kids pulling them up. On the ceiling was a fan with a grate over it, while there was also a light with plexi glass covering it, which had frosted over time. The room smelled like linoleum.
Outisde the room were two switches. One controlled the fan. The other switch controlled the light. It was evident that at one point in time there used to be another door because the hinges were still visible, while there was a hole where the bolt lock would have been. The door had been removed for fire hazard reasons, Alvin was told.
Alvin tried explaining to a staff member why he had been out in the soccer field instead of in class. "I was getting beat up," he said, "and I just needed to get away for a while to cool down."
"What does your shirt say?" the staff member asked.
Alvin blinked. Today he was wearing a plaid shirt. He looked down. No sooner had he done this was it that the man grabbed him by his shirt, lifting him up off the floor. He was slammed into the chair and pushed towards the wall of one of the cubicles.
'Don't move," the man ordered.
Alvin was too scared to even attempt to move. He couldn't stop shaking. He was in shock. Without thinking he started swearing, not realizing what he was saying.
When Alvin got home, he approached Dave. "You wouldn't believe what happened at school today. I got hurt by this teacher. He grabbed me by my shirt and slammed me into a chair." He rubbed his backside. It was still sore.
"Oh, please," Dave groaned, rolling his eyes. "You expect me to believe that?" He motioned with his hand. "Come 'ere. I got something for you." No sooner had Alvin walked over to him, Dave grabbed him by his hair and shoved a bar of soap in his mouth and began washing out his mouth. While Alvin gagged and coughed, Dave chose to completely ignore the affect it was having on his son and only continued to was his mouth out. After a good five minutes of this, Dave finally shoved him away. "Now, get upstairs and don't come down until I tell you to."
Still coughing and gagging, Alvin headed upstairs to the bedroom that he sared with Simon and Theodore. Unfortunately for him, he got sick from the mouth washing, so he was out of school for at least a week.
After getting back to school, Alvin learned that the guy who had hurt him had had a tape recorder on his person and had recorded Alvin's little tirade in the solitary room and had reported it to Dave, letting the latter listen to the tape over the phone, the cause behind Alvin getting his mouth washed out. That wasn't what pissed him off, however. What pissed him off was the fact that there was nothing done about the guy who had hurt him. The man had gotten away with it and was still allowed to wander about the school and interact with the students.
The time-out staff knew where Alvin was whenever he would disappear. After all, it wasn't like Alvin was trying to hide from anyone. He would merely go to the soccer field and take some deep breaths to calm himself down. Sometimes the time-out staff would leave him alone, although this was rare. If so, Alvin would return to his class on his own after calming down. Most of the time, however, they grabbed him by either one arm or both arms and literally dragged him to the solitary room and made him sit in one of the time-out cubicles until they told him he could go back to class. They never talked to him about why he was outside in the soccer field, nor was anything ever resolved. It was never the bullies who got in trouble. Just Alvin. What made this technique worse was that it dragged out the time it normally took for Alvin to calm down. Most of the time it only took him ten to twenty minutes to clam down. By using the time-out method, what ordinarily took him ten to twenty minutes to calm down took him anywhere from an hour to three hours to calm down. If he didn't take the punishment as expected, they would hurt him even more.
Soon after the incident with the staff member slamming him into the chair, Alvin and his family moved to El Monte, California, meaning that Alvin was taken to a new school. He was transferred out of Sunflower Elementary School and placed in Carver Elementary School. Thankfully, this school was a regular school with two special education classrooms. The problems that Alvin faced there were minor. The teachers were nice and patient.
Anytime they would go to the restroom the teacher would have them participate in a game, but it was more of a contest, really. What they were to do was stand with their backs against the wall and slide down until their legs formed a ninety degree angle. Whoever held out the longest got a reward, such as extra nacho cheese chips, an extra donu, etc. However, Alvin didn't do it for the rewards; he always did it for the challenge. He had never been able to resist a challenge.
Even the field trips were better than the ones that Alvin had been on previously. They sure as hell were better than the ones that he'd gone on while at the psych ward. One trip was to a Dodgers baseball game. As with any field trip, a lot of the staff went along to chaperone. A fun time had been had by all and Alvin even managed to get a AM/FM radio in the shape of a baseball. Even Simon thought it was pretty cool.
Another trip consisted of two classes going to a nursing home and singing Michael Jackson's "Heal the World." Luckily for them, Alvin just happened to have a recording of the Super Bowl half time show where Michael Jackson sang the song, so they could easily learn the words and how they were supposed to be sung. However, when the field trip came about, it was learned that it wasn't just two classes doing it. Classes from several different schools from all over the state that were participating in it. Alvin felt that it was okay. Not too bad.
Another trip was a camping trip that lasted at least a week. It was paid for by the school. Of course permission slips were administered and signed by the students' legal guardians/parents and turned in the next day. All Alvin needed to bring was his sleeping bag and other necessities like a week's worth of clothes and other items like his toothbrush and toothpaste. Throughout the week they had various activities. One day they had horseback riding, it being Alvin's first time on a hrose. Another day was them fishing and cooking and having s'mores. They even had a screening of Batman: The Movie in the dining hall. Alvin felt it was so-so.
Despite all of this, Alvin was still having trouble with sleeping away from home. He had never been comfortable not being able to sleep in his own bed. One thing that he was extremely uncomfortable with was showering with other people. During gym and the camping trip, they were to shower in groups. The part that he was uncomfortable with were people staring at his privates. He usually waited until everyone else was done before he could shower by himself. Despite this little hiccup, Alvin felt that the camping trip was fun regardless.
A year or two passed by without much incident for Alvin. For once in his life, he had friends at Carver Elementary School and at home as well. When he wasn't working on homework or busy doing something else to bide his time, he spent his time hanging out with the neighborhood kids, when permitted of course.
Around this time, the family was celebrating Simon's birthday. The two of them started having fun, but eventually got into an argument.
Simon turned around upon hearing the sound of a can of soda being opened. He wasn't surprised to find that it was Alvin. "What are you doing?"
"I'm getting something to drink," Alvin replied. He took a sip. "What does it look like I'm doing?"
Simon glared and approached him slowly. "Did you even ask if you could have that?"
Alvin raised an eyebrow." What are you talking about?" He took another drink.
"That just happens to be mine. I just got it out of the cooler. Clearly, you saw me and decided you wanted it for yourself."
"What? That's crazy. I saw the drink sitting on the table," he pointed to the picnic table in front of him, "not being drunk by anyone and I figured I'd drink it."
"That's because I set it there. I was going to drink it once I was done with this." He gestured to the cake that was resting behind him, where yet another slice had been cut. Beside him on the table rested his slice of cake resting on a plastic plate, a plastic fork on top.
"No, you didn't." He took another drink.
"Yes, I did."
"No, you didn't."
"You're lying."
"Well, I say you're lying. Why would you bother getting cake before getting a drink?"
Simon blinked. "Do you use no common sense whatsoever?"
"Shut up and let me enjoy my drink."
"No!" Simon snatched the drink out of Alvin's grasp and took a drink himself. "There. Now it's mine."
Alvin felt that this wasn't anything major. After all, they were brothers and brothers tended to get into fights every now and again. In spite of this, he swatted his hand across Simon's, knocking the can onto the ground, spilling its contents. He suddenly felt a pang in his arm and realized that Simon had hit him. He glared at his brother and swung his arm. He missed his target and accidentally jacked Simon in his jawbone.
When Alvin hit him, Simon ran off across the street back to the trailer that the family was staying in. A few minutes later, Dave stormed out the door, marched cross the street, and socked Alvin in the stomach without giving Alvin a chance to get a word in. Alvin fell to the ground, clutching his stomach and attempting to catch his breath. The only problem was that he couldn't do so. He simply lay on the sidewalk, trying to remember how to breathe. His vision was blurry, but he was thankful for the fact that he was being carried back to his room. It felt like he was floating on air, like God himself had commanded his angels to carry him, so he wouldn't have to suffer the pain of walking back to his room. Once he was laid in bed, he stayed there. He didn't feel like doing much else.
Alvin couldn't believe that Dave had actually hit him. Dave hadn't bothered to ask him what happened or what the argument was about. Nothing. Dave had just hit him, and then had walked away as if it was nothing, like it was completely ordinary. And anyway, it wasn't actual fighting; it was more of a picking on each other kind of thing. However, that wasn't the way Simon saw it.