Chapter 8

Chapter Theme Song 1: Mumford & Sons - Ghosts That We Knew (You saw my pain washed out in the rain. Broken glass, saw the blood run from my veins. But you saw no fault, no cracks in my heart. And you knelt beside my hope torn apart.)

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 1994

It was seven pm on a school night and I was trying to figure out how to solve a stupid math equation. The sixth grade wasn't even that hard, but I hated multiplication and never really studied it when I was supposed to. I reached for my calculator and began typing in the numbers. I heard a thud coming from out the window and I kissed my teeth, but then I heard something else. I heard loud banging noises and the sound of loud voice. I knew exactly who it was.

"I'm sorry - I'm sorry!", those were the words I kept hearing. There were other words being said, but not that I could make out. I tried not to eavesdrop...pretend that I couldn't hear, but it was no use.

"Do I have to tell you the same damn thing everyday?!" barked Paddy.

I heard more thuds - she let out a cry of pain. I felt guilty for listening, but there was nothing I could do to avoid it. I turned on the radio. It drowned it out, but that didn't do anything to make it stop. I knew it was still happening. My eyes were watering. I wanted to do something - call the cops, maybe, but I didn't move. I never did. Poor Carol. I buried my face into my pillow and tried to fall asleep, but then I thought...Tommy. I ran downstairs and went out through the back door and sure enough, he was there. Sitting on my back porch. He had no expression on his face and was just sitting quietly. He turned to me when he heard the door open.

"Sorry," he said calmly.

"Don't worry about it, my mom's asleep."

I didn't say anything after that. I didn't know anything about comforting people... so I sat beside him and we waited until it was over.

Tacoma, Washington May 1997

"Stop it." I said giving him a disapproving look. I leaned back against my headboard and tried to sit more comfortably on my bed.

"Stop what?"

"I know you're thinking about him. I know it. You get that look."

"I'm not."

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I asked him, unsure if it was OK to bring it up.

"No." He said without any hesitation.

"You never talked to me about it before." After a few moments of silence, he finally spoke.

"We had a plan, you know. We were all supposed to leave that night. My mom talked to us about it - she told us that she threatened to call the cops and all we had to do was pack our stuff and leave. She needed Brendan, she still does. She tries to hide it, but I know she misses him." He paused. "And I hate him for doing that to her...I hate him for abandoning her just so he could stay with Tess. He chose some girl over family - that's something I'll never be able to understand."

"I know you think you hate him, but you're just hurting Tommy. It's okay to admit that you miss him too -"

His eyes became wet. I didn't know how to react...If I should hug him or if we should just sit in silence. I could never tell with Tommy. Sometimes he was so caring and sometimes he could be cold. I cautiously took a chance anyway and put my hand on his, but he pushed it away.

"Stop it, Tommy. You don't have to be hard-ass with me. I won't judge you." I tried to sound as comforting as possible.

Before I knew it, he was in my arms and crying into my chest. I had never seen him cry before in all the years that I knew him.

I was so happy that he was opening up to me - that he felt he could trust me. I wrapped my arms around held him as close as I could. "It's gonna be okay, Tommy." He lifted his head so we were on the same level and he looked me straight in the eye. I saw an emotion in his eyes, but I couldn't tell what it was. Was he going to get upset? Was he going to leave? He did neither. He said nothing so I uncomfortably tried to looked away.

That's when he kissed me. He pulled me over his leg so I was sitting on top of him. He slowly lifted my shirt and started on my jeans. He kept kissing me and I felt his warm tears on my face. Of course I liked it. It felt good, but I was also scared. We never kissed before. We don't kiss. We're Dani and Tommy and we're just friends. That's how it's always been.

"Tommy, wait." I stopped him.

He moved away and looked at me, still bleary eyed. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry Tommy - I totally forgot..." I stood up.

"Forgot what?"

"I'm suppose to meet someone." I turned my back to him and started getting dressed.

"Who the hell are you meeting at this time!?" He asked, probably thinking I was joking.

"James Patterson."

"You're seeing him?"

"Yes, why?" I asked confused.

"No reason." I studied his face before I opened the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow then."

We never talked about it at all after that. It definitely brought us closer together, but the next day, it was as though it never happened. We went back to normal.

PRESENT

Chapter Theme Song 2: The Pretty Reckless - Heart (Always wanted to be, always wanted you to see my heart. Always wanted your love, always wanted but never was.)

Tommy had already showered and was coming out of the bathroom when I woke up. He had gotten rid of his beard.

"Morning."

"Morning." He said quietly.

I went past him to go brush my teeth and get cleaned up. After I was done, I came out and saw that he was making coffee and taking a few things out of the fridge. I walked in.

"I see Brendan and Tess did a little shopping. Need some help?" He stopped and looked at me, with a look I didn't recognize.

"What is it?" I asked smiling.

"What exactly have you been up to these past ten years?"

"What have you been up to?" I teased, but Tommy wasn't smiling.

My smile faded. Please don't start.

"I already told you - I've been writing and..."

"Nah, that's not what I mean." I looked at him puzzled. "Don't try to tell me you've been in Philly this whole time, being a journalist and typing away on your little computer." He was clearly upset about something.

"Umm, no, I.."

"That's right, so what were you doing - after I left."

"I graduated Tommy. " I spit out, my tone becoming angrier over his attitude. "My whole family was there, everyone except for you." I tried to calm down, not wanting to bring it up again.

"Don't start with that. Anyways, that's not what I mean."

"What, you asked me, so I told you."

"So, what? You've been pissed at me ever since?"

"No, not ever. I get that - this - what happened to us. That was my fault too, I know that - but Tommy, we were kids..."

"Just forget it. That's not what I mean."

"Then, what?"

He paused, then finally asked. "You seeing someone?"

"No." I sighed quietly, finally seeing what he was getting at.

"But, in the past you have?"

"No, Tommy - I lived under a freaking rock. I can't believe you right now! We haven't even been together for 24 hours and you're already trying to piss me off!"

He ignored me. "How long ago?"

"I don't know, maybe a year and a half ago."

"So, what happened?"

"We broke up, that's what happened. What's with the twenty questions? I'm not asking you what you've been up to for the past ten years."

"What do you wanna know, I'll tell you." He said smugly.

"No, that's the thing Tommy I don't want to know...'cause it doesn't matter. I don't wanna know about how many whores you've fucked, or about Iraq or what fuck prison was like, or- "

"See, that's the thing Dani...you used to love hearing my problems. I would always come to you and you would tell me everything was gonna be OK and all that shit .You know you're the first person I ever cried in front of..."

"You sound like a fucking asshole right now - what have you been smoking?" I sighed. " Just please, don't be like this."

"Like what!?"

"You're upset with me...for reasons I don't know. What happened to leaving things in the past like you said?"

Tommy's POV

She was right. I was upset. All I could think about was the fact that she was with other guys. I tried not to, seeing as though we were never a couple and we never actually admitted our feelings to each other.

It shouldn't have even been a problem, considering the fact that I refused to think about her since. But, on lonely nights, when I was in Iraq or before Sparta when I was getting drunk night after night or even during when I would run in the morning and pass that same park we use to hang out at. I'll admit that I did. I did think about her - if only for a second.

I wondered what she looked like. What she was up to. If she was with someone. If she loved them. If she was engaged or married or had kids...

"Do you have something you want to say to me Tommy?"

"Say to you - say to you? What the fuck do you think I want to say to you?!" I couldn't believe she was acting like she never knew how I felt about her - how we felt about each other. I sighed. "I should have told you."

"Told me what?"

"You know what I mean."

Danielle's POV

He was right, I did know. I let out a breath before I spoke.

"Who cares about all the guys in the past, Tommy. It doesn't mean anything now. You're who I want to be with."

I couldn't believe what just came out of my mouth. Did I really just put it all out there like that? So soon? Oh crap, what was I thinking?

After all these years, was I finally admitting how I felt? Was he?

A/N: Edited.