Chapter Thirty: Where He Keeps His Heart

Regina was pacing.

David watched her carefully, worried. She was on edge – they all were – but this latest setback bothered her far more than he would have expected. It probably had something to do with the look of disappointment on Henry's features when they had, once more, entered the mayoral home without Mary Margaret. But it wasn't really a surprise that they had both failed; neither was good at diplomacy.

"Mother Superior and Sidney can try to reach Emma again," David said finally, breaking the tense silence. "Maybe we'll be able to communicate with her this time."

Regina gave him a derisive look and said dismissively, "We haven't any other time, David. Why would this one be different?"

David didn't have an answer. Naïve optimism was more Mary Margaret's thing.

The uncharitable thought came unbidden and unwelcome to his mind, and he pushed it away almost immediately. But, a treacherous voice reminded him, this wasn't the Enchanted Forest anymore, and if the past few weeks had proven anything, it was that he couldn't rely on hope and love and blind faith to save him.

"I'm going to talk to Gold again," Regina announced.

David raised an eyebrow. "He refused to help us every other time, Regina," he said, his voice almost a drawl. "Why would this one be different?"

For a brief moment, a ghost of a bitterly amused smile crossed Regina's lips.

Then she gave a defeated half-shrug. "I have to do something."

David was silent for a moment, contemplating that response. He knew it was her desire to please Henry – or possibly even do what she thought was best for him – that was driving her to rescue Emma. He highly doubted Emma's presence in her life was something Regina personally wanted, but Henry mattered more to her than anything else. And that was something David could accept, could trust; whatever the underlying motivation, Regina's need to reach his daughter was entirely genuine.

"If Granny can watch Henry, I'll go with you to visit Gold," he offered.

Regina studied him for a moment, and he thought she might refuse the offer. But she nodded instead, and reached for the phone.

Belle's words echoed in his mind.

Rumple leaned against the counter and stared at the potion before him. It would work; he was sure of that. It would allow him to cross the town line and find his son at last. And although he didn't know exactly where his son was or how to find him once he left Storybrooke, this completed task brought him one step closer to his goal.

He closed his eyes, breathing in slowly, savoring the taste of triumph. Soon he would see Baelfire again.

And still Belle's words echoed in his mind.

What would Bae say, if Cora destroyed the town because Rumple refused to help?

He pushed the thought away, a savage fury building momentarily in his chest. He had made a promise once, centuries ago. A promise that he would do nothing else until he found his son. He would not let anyone – not Cora, not Snow or Charming, not even Belle – stop him now.

What did he care if others suffered? It had taken three hundred years of magic and manipulation to get him here, and he was so close.

And yet it was hard not to pause, not to feel the beginnings of regret and – fear? – at the memory of Belle's expression as she'd turned her back on him and walked away. She'd walked away many times before. One time he had thrown her out, the other times she had chosen to leave, driven away by who he was and what he had done.

And each time, she'd come back.

This time, he wasn't sure if she would.

He remembered Regina's smirk – the mocking laughter in her eyes, the derision dripping from her words – the first time he had lost Belle. He'd believed her words then, never once imagining that they'd been nothing more than a way to hurt him, a way to gain control in their constant struggle for dominance.

Rumple leaned on his cane and turned away from the counter, eyes drifting to the shawl that had once belonged to his son.

There were very few times in his centuries of life that he could remember feeling truly unbearable pain. Watching his son fall through the portal had been one of those times, but so had hearing that Belle had killed herself because of the horrors done to her.

Soon he would have his son back, but if in the process he lost Belle for good…?

He gritted his teeth. He had made a promise. He would do nothing else, love nothing else…

But what if Belle was right? What would Bae say, if he was brought back to a destroyed town?

Rumple rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, feeling suddenly very tired.

"I just want my son back," he murmured to the empty room.

There was no answer, so with one final, lingering thought for Belle, he locked away the shawl, picked up his potion, and went to find a suitable test subject to shove across the town line.

Hook had no idea what Cora was planning, and he was tired of waiting.

Her cryptic comments about Emma Swan might have offered him a clue if he'd cared enough to try to understand her words. But whatever revenge she was planning was focused on the wrong family. What did he care if she went after the royalty in this town? He might not like royalty, but they were not his biggest problem.

He had a crocodile to destroy.

From the shadows across the street, he watched as Belle entered the library. His first attack had not gone well, but the fact that he couldn't hurt her physically was not a deterrent. Cora wasn't the only one who could adapt.

He didn't know what Rumplestilskin had done to Cora – the Queen of Hearts had been rather tight-lipped on that one. But Hook was more perceptive than most gave him credit for, and he had seen the anger and hurt that simmered under Cora's usually calm façade. Not having a heart could not fully protect her from her own emotions, and it was obvious that the crocodile had done something to earn Cora's antagonism.

Besides, even if Hook didn't know all the details of Cora and Rumpelstiltskin's feud, Cora had mentioned what the crocodile had done to Regina.

Hook glanced up and down the street and, finding it devoid of anyone who might recognize him or have reason to cause him harm, he stepped out into the light and headed towards the library.

Belle looked up as he entered, alarm flashing through her features. But it was soon replaced by a look of steely resolve, and she jutted out her chin and said firmly, "You can't hurt me."

Hook's eyes darted downwards to the pendant around her neck, and a smirk curled his lips. "Perhaps not," he agreed. "But I'm just here to talk."

Belle's eyebrows rose towards her hairline as she gave him a skeptically searching look. "Really?" she asked in disbelief.

A cart of books separated them, and despite Belle's brave front, she was slowly inching backwards, away from the pirate. Hook stepped forward, watching with a calculating stare as the librarian flinched and took a larger, hastier step backwards. He leaned idly against the cart, running his hook over the cover of one of the books.
"It's a pity you have to be dragged into this," he said softly. "Books are so simple. Real life can get…" his eyes drifted up to meet her steady gaze, "messy."

Belle frowned at him, wrinkles appearing between her eyebrows. The alarm was no longer present in her expression, and now she was staring at him as though she was trying to figure something out.

Perhaps she was trying to figure him out.

"You can't hurt me," she said again. There was a pause, and then she added softly, and with a hint of frustration, "And I won't let you hurt Rumple."

Hook laughed coldly. He'd heard the rumors of strife between the crocodile and his true love, and could not help but wonder how much longer Belle would insist on protecting a man who kept betraying her.

"Such loyalty," he commented dryly. "I admire that, but I'm afraid it is rather misplaced." A pause. "Isn't it?"

Belle flushed and looked away briefly. But though her voice shook slightly when she answered, her words were still stubbornly protective, "It doesn't matter. I still won't let you hurt him."

"Because, despite everything, you still love him?" Hook scoffed. The truth of his words was plainly evident on Belle's pale features, and somehow that only made him angrier. Milah had been everything to him, and she had risked everything for him, and the fact that the man who had murdered her was now able to find that kind of love with someone else…

"Haven't you hurt Rumple enough?" Belle continued furiously, with an anger that was obviously directed both at Hook for his actions and at herself for simply not being able to let go.

Hook shoved the cart away from him, sending it rolling haphazardly across the floor. Books tumbled off the cart and fell heavily to the ground, landing at odd angles and bending pages. "Oh, I've hurt him?" he practically snarled.

Belle stepped backwards once more, but bravely – and foolishly – refused to be intimidated by his anger. "You stole his wife! Baelfire lost his mother because of you."

"Is that what he told you?" Hook shot back, seething. Of course the coward would concoct a lie, would spin the story in such a way to make Hook the villain. It shouldn't surprise him – it didn't surprise. But how on earth could Belle be this gullible?

"I…"

"Tell me something, love. If a woman comes to you and begs you to take her away, is that theft?"

Belle stared at him blankly. "But… but why would she leave him?"

"Because he was a coward. And because she loved me," Hook replied through gritted teeth, though he knew he was only answering half of Belle's question. She wanted to know why Milah would leave her son, and he was not willing to share details of that decision. It hadn't been an easy decision for Milah to make, and they'd talked of returning for Bae multiple times… but they hadn't, and Milah didn't need her actions to be judged by some delusional librarian who, despite everything, still seemed to believe that there was good in Rumplestilskin.

And look what Rumplestilskin had done.

"The fact that Baelfire will never see his mother again is your precious Rumple's fault, Belle, and no one else's."

"What… what do you mean?" Belle asked with growing trepidation in her voice. Hook saw the fear in her eyes, saw the dawning realization that there was far more to this story than she knew, and that perhaps she didn't want to know it. Perhaps the truth would only crush her.

Hook pressed on, feeling vindictive satisfaction in the fact that he was destroying the love Belle still held for that monster. "He killed her," the pirate said. "He ripped out her heart and crushed it right in front of me."

"No. No, no," Belle whispered, horrified. "No, he wouldn't…"

"Oh, yes. He will do anything to hold onto his power. Why do you think anyone who's ever gotten close to him has either run away or been killed? And after what he did to Cora, to Regina… what makes you think that you're any different?"

"What… what do you mean? What did he do to Cora? What did he do to Regina?" Belle asked desperately.

"Did he tell you that he was the one who created the curse that brought you all here?" Hook asked. Belle nodded wordlessly, and Hook gave a dark, harsh laugh. "And the fact that he had created such a curse didn't give you pause?"

"He… he needed it to… to find his son," Belle protested weakly.

Hook stared at her. Did she know how pathetic that excuse sounded? Did it ring as hollow in her ears as it did in his? Or was she still somehow able to delude herself into believing that the curse was acceptable?

"Yes," he drawled, feeling both frustration and fascination at Belle's naïve innocence. She truly thought she had found the man behind the beast. But the clues had been there all along – the hints that Rumplestilskin wasn't the good man she thought him to be – and yet she had repeatedly ignored them in favor of her own fantasies. Love truly was blind.

But, really… how could she justify the curse?

"And he needed Regina to cast it," Hook said softly. "But the Dark Curse requires sacrificing – killing – the thing you love most. It requires being so desperate, so hurt, so alone… so broken… that this curse seems like the only answer." He paused, relishing the pain in Belle's eyes, the fact that this new information was so completely destroying any faith she might have had left in Rumplestilskin. He waited just long enough for her to see the final blow coming, and then asked pointedly, "And do you think he would really have left it all to chance?"

"You mean he… he made Regina… he hurt Regina so that she would…"

Hook shrugged as though he didn't care, but his eyes gleamed. "Well, Regina made her own choices as well. We can't give your dear Rumple all the credit. But…" He studied Belle's face, searching her expression, looking for answers. Why did she cling to this monster? "He chased away his own son, left him alone in a world that was not his own. Then he set into motion a series of events that would destroy a young woman's life so that he could create the perfect monster to cast his curse. A curse that destroyed your friends' happiness, that destroyed our home. And this, all of this, he did to find the son he was too cowardly to hold onto in the first place." Again, he paused, just long enough for Belle to take a final staggering step backwards and sink against the wall. "So tell me something, darling. Why would you fight for a man like that?"

Belle shook her head as she stared at him, aghast, and tears pooled in her eyes. Then she shoved herself off the wall and rushed past Hook and out of the library.

Hook stepped aside quickly as she passed, careful to avoid any contact that could be perceived as threatening in case it activated the pendant. He'd already learned the hard way that Rumplestilskin was not going to allow any physical harm to come to his dearly beloved Belle.

But Rumplestilskin was about to learn just how much worse emotional pain could be.

Cora wasn't the only one who knew how to adapt.

The potion had worked.

Rumple pushed open the door to his shop and limped inside, leaning on his cane. The potion had worked, he could cross the town line and venture out into the rest of this land without magic. But then what? How was he supposed to find his son?

Emma Swan owed him a favor, and she was the one most adept at finding people. But she wasn't here, and Rumple couldn't bring her back. He didn't have the power for that, and their only chance had been lost when Cora had climbed out of the well.

But Emma had magic – incredible magic – in her. That much was obvious to him, and should have been obvious to everyone else if those fools would just open their eyes. Perhaps she would surprise them all and make it back on her own.

He could hope.

But could he really wait for her?

Or, more to the point, did he need to wait?

He placed the potion down on the glass counter and turned a critical eye to the assortment of magic artifacts lining the shelves in his shop. A tracking spell would not work because the magic would disappear the moment he crossed the town line, rendering the tracking object useless. But perhaps something else could point him in the right direction. A locator spell?

The door behind him abruptly flung open, and he turned around as Belle came storming in, angrily wiping tears from her eyes. She met his gaze and demanded, "Did you kill her?"

"Who?" Rumple asked with a slight frown, wanting to comfort Belle and yet knowing by the fury in her expression and the tension in her stance that she would not welcome that.

"Milah. Did you kill her?"

Rumple was momentarily speechless. He had not expected the question, and did not have an immediate reply.

His silence was answer enough for Belle, and she stumbled backwards as though the answer physically hurt. "Oh… oh, God…" she murmured with a half-crazed chuckle. She shook her head, clearly not wanting to believe. "He was telling the truth."

"Who?" Rumple asked sharply.

But he didn't really need to ask; there was only one person who could have told Belle that. It was a secret, buried deep with all the other things Rumple did not like to think about and certainly did not discuss. Milah was gone – and had been for centuries. She shouldn't still be able to hurt him.

"How could you?" Belle asked. "She was your wife."

How could he explain what it felt like to see her rushing to protect the pirate, to see her gazing at another man with such love and concern? How could he make Belle understand the pain Milah's words had caused him, how her declaration that she had never loved him had torn him apart? Belle had no idea what it was like to be hated, to be loathed… to be an object of disgust.

But Milah had done more than just insult him. She had left him – and Bae. She had abandoned her son…

The same way Rumple had.

All those thoughts jumbled together, and he found himself shouting, "She left me!"

"Does that mean you're going to kill me, too?" Belle retorted.

The accusation that he might kill her was clearly what Belle was focusing on, but it was the implication that she was leaving him that left Rumple breathless. He hadn't wanted to believe that she could truly walk away from him. But if he so disgusted her…

Well, he was who he was. And maybe he simply wasn't loveable.

Belle reached up, her fingers closing around the pendant at her neck. "Take it off," she demanded.

"Belle…"

"Take it off!"

The door opened once more, this time letting in two of the people Rumple least wanted to see at the moment.

David and Regina both froze, their gazes moving back and forth between Belle and Rumple as though recognizing that they were intruding upon something private. Then David stepped forward, crossing to Belle's side, and said in a thoroughly patronizing manner, "Is everything alright?"

Of course he would play the white knight rushing to aid the damsel in distress.

Belle looked at him, her gaze distant and unfocused, and her hand dropped back to her side with a sigh of defeat. Shoulders slumping, she shook her head in a wordless answer, unable to explain the argument, unwilling to dwell any longer on her disappointment and disillusionment.

Then her gaze slid past him and landed on Regina.

"Did you know?" she asked.

Regina blinked, nonplussed by the sudden question. "Know what?"

"Did you know what he did to you?" Belle elaborated. "Did you know what Rumple did? Is that why you locked me away? Was it revenge on him?" Her voice rose in pitch and intensity, growing more and more shrill with every question she uttered.

Rumple watched as the confusion on Regina's face deepened. "What are you talking about, dear?" she drawled, seemingly unconcerned.

She didn't know.

That was the beauty of it all, of course. She had never known why Rumple had taken such a keen interest in her, had never known why he had continually pushed her towards magic, encouraging her in her addiction. She didn't know what had really happened with Whale and Jefferson and Daniel and the heart. She didn't know about the seer and her prophecies.

She didn't know about Bae.

And Belle was about to ruin it all.

"He needed you to cast the curse. Did you know that?" Belle pressed on, oblivious to Rumple's thoughts. "What he did, how he pushed you towards darkness – did you know all that? Did everyone know that except me?"

Regina's expression went suddenly blank, her emotions concealed behind an impenetrable mask. "What do you mean?" she asked carefully, turning a cool gaze towards Rumple.

"To get his son back. He destroyed you. Hook said he would never have left any of it to chance."

Regina pursed her lips together. "Snow White destroyed me," she said icily.

Out of the corner of his eye, Rumple saw David flinch in response to Regina's statement and open his mouth as though to argue. But Belle spoke before David could proclaim Snow's innocence.

"Casting the curse required being so devoid of hope that ruining everyone else's life seemed like the only way to win," she said, angrily brushing away her tears. "Hook said he did that to you. Destroyed your hope."

Regina stared at her with pale, drawn features. Rumple couldn't read her expression. In all her life, Regina had never been able to hide her emotions – not from him, not from anyone who was actually paying attention. Her impetuous, emotional reactions had made her easy to manipulate. And that had set her apart from her mother in so many ways.

But now he couldn't read her. He had no idea what she was thinking, what she was feeling.

How she would react.

Without a word spun, Regina spun on her heel and walked out of the shop. There was a brief moment of complete silence in the wake of her departure, then David hurried after her, rushing to catch her as she crossed the street and disappeared from view.

Belle stared at the disappearing figures of Regina and David, at the door to the shop swinging closed, then turned back to Rumple once more. She stared at him, blue eyes piercing him. Not for the first time, he was left with the uncomfortable feeling that she could see into him, see everything he tried so very hard to keep buried.

But while his own emotions were messy and tumultuous, her anger had burnt out. All that was left was a quiet, sad resignation. "You're here. It's over. The curse is cast and you are where you wanted to be. Let the rest of us go," she grabbed the pendant again, "and take this off."

But Rumple couldn't leave Belle unprotected. The rest of the town could burn – Regina could burn. He would not leave Belle at Cora's mercy.

"No."

Belle swallowed. "Fine," she said. She dropped her arm again. "Fine." Then she darted forward, past him, and snatched up the potion vial sitting on the glass counter. "Then take it off or I will destroy this."

Rumple automatically reached out to magically summon the potion back to him.

Belle's pendant glowed brightly, protecting her.

Belle looked down at the pendant in surprise, not having expected that it would protect her from him, too. But Rumple hadn't left himself out of the spell, instead opting to protect her from everyone. Specific exceptions only weakened protection spells, and he had not had any intention of allowing a single weakness in the object protecting Belle.

And now he could not retrieve his potion.

Belle smiled slightly at the irony. "Take it off," she said softly, her voice underlined with pure steel. "Now."

"Belle, please…" Rumple begged, taking a step towards her. "Please, you don't understand. You don't know what Cora will do to you. I can't… I won't let that happen."

"Then I will destroy the potion," Belle repeated. She was not backing down.

"I'll make another," Rumple replied, but he could tell by the disbelief in Belle's eyes that they both knew it wouldn't be that easy. He didn't have the same level of access to magical ingredients here, and this was not something he could summon or create through pure strength of will.

"Take it off, Rumple," Belle said evenly, a final ultimatum.

"Don't make me choose," Rumple answered, pleading. He could not choose between the two of them. His son or his true love, Bae or Belle…? How could she possibly ask him to pick one and sacrifice the other?

But there was no sympathy in Belle's eyes.

And he had made a promise.

He would love nothing else…

He waved his hand, and the pendant disintegrated, turning into dust motes that hovered in midair before floating gently towards the ground.

Belle stared at him for a long moment, then she placed the potion carefully back on the glass counter and said softly, "Good luck with your son."

And she turned and walked out of the shop, out of his life.