Ch. 16: The Hospital

Everything happened in slow-motion for Ethan. The van screeched to a stop in front of the hospital and the doors flew open. He helped load Benji onto a stretcher and felt a stab in his heart. The man before him seemed so small and broken. He was covered in blood, limp, motionless. The team slowly backed off, letting the medics take over, but Ethan laced his fingers with Benji's, following the stretcher into the building.

All sound had muted. Ethan didn't hear the medics talk to one another, or to him. He didn't register the change in light from the early morning outside to the bright fluorescents of the ER. He just looked down at Benji, memorizing every detail of his face. The scraggle of his facial hair. The crinkle near his eyes that creased deeply when he laughed. Suddenly Ethan could hear the sound of Benji's laugh. The warm, hearty chuckle the man would expel, radiating humor off of him. In a heartbeat, Ethan would have given anything to hear that laugh again, see that smile again, witness the nervous shift of his blue eyes after Ethan kissed him in the club.

Suddenly Ethan felt hands on him, pulling him back. He tried to pull away, but he realized it was Brandt. Ethan gave in a bit, but as his fingers untangled from Benji's and he watched the stretcher disappear behind double doors, a sinking sickness hit his gut, threatening to topple him. Brandt had given Ethan a jacket, which he zipped up numbly. He caught a few words from Jane about getting patched up before the woman escorted Brandt down the hall to treatment.

Ethan stared blankly at the double doors that separated him from Benji until Luther stepped into his line of vision. The man had been saying something, but Ethan couldn't comprehend. He shook his head, clearing his mind. "What…?"

"You should sit down," Luther told him, gesturing to a seat to the side.

Ethan shook his head.

Luther took a seat, "You should sit down a moment. They will let us know when Benji's out of surgery."

"No, I need to do something. I can't sit, waiting for Benji to die while Kane is out there somewhere...trying to crawl away from me. He can run, he can hide, but he will never get so far away from me that I will not find him and make him suffer for what he did to Benji."

"Ethan…"

Luther's voice was soft and concerned. Ethan's eyes locked with Luther, and then Luther looked to Ethan's hands. They were balled in a tight fist, his knuckles going white. Ethan shook out his hands, drawing in a breath and releasing it, calming a bit. He looked around the room, trying to make a gameplan when something caught his eye, freezing his world again.

A brunette nurse with her hair pulled back in a bun was running around, busy with work when she looked up and saw Ethan staring. Though she knew she shouldn't, she crossed the receptionist area and walked right up to Ethan.

"He's going to be okay," Julia told him.

Ethan shook his head slightly, unsure of what to say.

"Dr. Bisley is one of our best. He's in good hands. You don't have to worry. He'll pull through."

"We shouldn't-"

"It's okay, everyone's too busy around to notice."

He nodded. Julia jerked her head in the direction of a corner down the way, a bit more secluded. He followed her slowly, feeling guilt rolling in his stomach, but he didn't know quite why.

"Julia I-"

"I know, Ethan," she said, putting a sympathetic hand on his shoulder, then sliding it up to his cheek, "I know."

Ethan's expression turned puzzled, then he shook his head as he tried to understand.

"I've seen that look before," she told him.

Ethan stayed silent.

"With me. You looked at me like that. In Shanghai."

Ethan's lips parted as he tried to explain himself, but she shook her head, smiling at him.

"It's okay," she continued, "It's okay."

She held up her left hand for Ethan and he saw a large diamond ring on her finger.

"His name is David. He's a doctor. We met a few years back at the supermarket. He was new in town and was coming to work at the Children's Hospital. I showed him the best places in town," she laughed, "We started dating not long after. He's sweet, and funny." She shrugged, smiling a bit still, "He proposed three months ago. It wasn't quite like your proposal, but…"

She laughed, making Ethan crack a small sad smile.

"He makes me happy, and I know that we can work."

Ethan nodded slowly.

"Does he?"

Ethan tilted his head to the side, "What?"

"Does he make you happy?"

Ethan was floored. Memories of Benji flooded his mind. Benji excitedly showing him gadgets at HQ, Benji eating takeout at his desk and annoying his supervisors, Benji cracking jokes with Julia after Shanghai. Benji smiling proudly from the front seat of a van after passing his field exam. Benji going on missions with Ethan. Benji in his tux at the opera. Benji arguing with Ethan to stay and work with him. Benji kissing him in Scotland. The jealousy that bubbled in Ethan's chest when Yanik flirted with Benji. Kissing Benji at the club. The moment Benji stepped through the door, gun brandished and look of a warrior on his face that melted into the uniquely wonderful smile that he had when the pair knew for that moment the other was safe.

Julia waited expectantly.

Ethan's eyes started to water again and he smiled a shaky smile, "Yes," he paused, "He makes me happy."

Julia's smile increased and she nodded, "Good, that's what's important. He's a lucky guy to have you."

Ethan looked down, uncertain.

"Hey," Julia said, bringing his attention back to her, "You both are going to be okay."

Ethan's broken smile came back, but this time, a little more genuine.

"I have to go," Julia explained, jerking her thumb over her shoulder.

"I should let you go."

"You should," Julia said, her tone and expression sympathetic. "Take care, Ethan."

"Take care...Julia."

And with that, she walked away from him, heading back into the throng of working nurses, then she grabbed a clipboard, heading down the hall and disappearing. A breath left Ethan that he didn't know had been trapped behind his lips for what seemed an eternity.

Ethan turned back around to join Luther again and ponder the new information that had presented itself to him, when a man in dark clothes exited one of the exam rooms and stumbled down the hall, clutching his shoulder and limped toward the back exit. A tuft of blond hair stuck up from above his collar, and as an icy chill set in Ethan's blood, he recognized the man instantly as he slipped out the door.

Kane.