Yeah, I don't have a good reason. But after what must have been an agonizing three(ish?) months, I have finally returned! I tried to make this a long chapter to make up for it, and I even stayed up till almost midnight to finish/post this for all y'all. [I even delayed putting it up so I could have Ashley meet Bobby, even if it's only briefly.] I also wanted to just mention that if, for some reason, I can't or decide not to keep this fic going (which I hope will never happen) I would tell you guys instead of just leaving it open ended. So even if it takes me a hell of a long time to write, there'll still be another chapter unless I say otherwise. Anyways, enough ramble, here's the chapter and hopefully I'll have the next one up much sooner. Enjoy!

Note: I own Ashley blah blah blah no one cares, they're already reading

"Dean–"

"Shut the hell up, Sam. I'm fine."

"Dude, you're gonna crash the damn car if you don't find a motel and get some sleep." I groggily opened my eyes, waiting for them to adjust to the darkness. "I'm fine," he growled, his knuckles tightening on the steering wheel. "Hey," I yawned as I stretched, "What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"He's refusing to stop at a motel, even though he's practically falling asleep while he's driving." I glanced at the dashboard, sighing, "Dean, it's three in the morning, you need to sleep."

"No, I don't. I need to drive so we get to Bobby's as soon as we can."

"Dean," I put a hand on his shoulder, meeting his gaze in the mirror, "We will get there, but right now you need to get some rest, okay?"

"It's not going to do us any good if you keep driving like this and crash, man."

"Fine," he snapped suddenly, anger in his voice. I exchanged a worried glance with Sam as he found a motel and pulled into the parking lot.

O.o

"You sure you'll be okay?" Sam asked doubtfully as Dean paid for the rooms. "Yeah," I stifled a yawn, "I'll find a way to get him to sleep." He glanced up at Dean, who was walking towards us with an irritable look on his face. "Is he okay? I mean, he hasn't been really sleeping much lately." I shrugged, sighing, "I think the whole demon thing has him on edge. He worries too much." He nodded and Dean tossed him a set of keys, "See you two in the morning."

"Night, Sam," I called after him. Turning back to Dean, I sighed as I met his bloodshot eyes. "C'mon," I held my hand out towards him, "Let's go get some rest." He tangled his fingers with mine, following me into the room.

I barely had enough time to kick off my shoes before he dragged me over to the bed with him, holding me tight against his chest as he lay down. "Get some rest, Dean," I murmured as I ran my fingers through his hair. "I love you," he whispered softly as his eyes closed. "I love you, too. Get some sleep, Dean," I kissed his cheek lightly as he started snoring. My eye lids grew heavy and drifted shut as I fell asleep curled against his chest.

O.o

He woke up screaming. I sat up next to him, immediately moving to sit in his lap to calm him down. "Dean! Dean! Hey!" I held his face in my hands, locking eyes with him, "Hey, it's okay. It's okay, Dean. Shhhh– look you're fine."

"A-Ashley?" he choked out, tears already streaming down his face. Before I could even reply, he buried his face into my shoulder. "Dean? Dean, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I-I thought y-y-you were…" he stumbled over his words, eventually cutting off to give into his sobs. "Shhh," I rubbed his back as his body racked, "It's okay, honey, it's okay. I'm here. I'm safe– look, we're both safe."

"I'm s-sorry. I'm s-s-so sorry. I c-couldn't protect you, I'm s-sorry," he bawled, clinging onto me like I was all that mattered. I started to pull him back, "Dean–"

"No! No, p-please. P-P-Please don't go, please. N-Not now, please," he choked on his words, his voice full of fear. "Dean," I stroked his cheeks worriedly, "Dean, I'm not leaving, it's okay." He sobbed even harder as I hugged him, my heart sinking. "Hey, c'mon lets lay back down, okay?" Every muscle in his body tensed at once, "I-I don't want to s-sleep. Please don't m-make me s-s-sleep."

"Shhh, no, you don't have to sleep. Just lay down with me, alright?" He nodded weakly and sank back down against the bed. I lost track of how long he cried before he finally calmed down. Running my fingers through his hair, singing softly, saying nonsense in hushed whispers– I did everything I knew how to stop the tears. I listened to his breathing when the room became silent, one of my hands slipped under his shirt and resting on his hip and the other curled against his chest.

"Dean?" I asked softly when I glanced up and saw his eyes closed. His eyes fluttered open slowly, seeming somehow even greener. His voice was quiet and raw when he spoke, "Yeah, I'm awake." I scooted up next to him, leaning in and kissing him gently. He pulled away and turned to sit on the edge of the bed. I sat up next to him as he sighed and dropped his head into his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. "Dean," I nudged him with my shoulder encouragingly. Getting no response, I stood up in front of him and reached to cradle his cheek. He leaned into my touch, holding his bigger, warmer hand on top of mine as he looked up at me helplessly. "I know you better than you think I do," I began softly, "And I know that you're pulling away because you think that I don't want you– that I don't deserve you..."

"Ashley–" he cut me off, a kind of surprised expression playing across his face when I didn't try to talk over him. "I-I couldn't even protect you in–," he shook his head with a bitter smile, "I couldn't even protect you in my dreams…. Why do you have so much blind faith in me?"

"It's called a nightmare for a reason, Dean."

"That doesn't change the fact that I can't keep you safe– not forever."

"Well, we can fight like hell for as long as we can," I snapped, anger seeping into my voice. "What does it matter, if I'm gonna lose you!?" he cried as he jumped up suddenly, "Why do you trust me if you know that I can't protect you?!" Time seemed to stop as I stared into his bright eyes, wide with uncertainty and frustration. He huffed and turned to walk towards the door. "Dean," my voice sounded strangled, but I honestly didn't care anymore, "Don't. I don't care what you do– but please, don't leave….. You're not the only one who's afraid to be alone." He stopped almost instantly, my words clearly getting through to him. My voice was even quieter when I spoke again, but I could tell he heard me, "You're not the only one that's afraid you'll leave and get hurt like I did. Afraid that you'll step out for just a second to get food or go to the store, and you won't come back. Afraid that, the moment you step outside, there'll be a demon waiting– ready to slit your throat." I walked up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and burying my face against his back as I trembled. He closed his hands around mine, "Angel–"

"Come back to bed soon, okay?" I whispered as I pulled away and walked back over to the bed before he could protest. Involuntary tears rolled down my cheeks as I curled into a ball, facing away from him. "Angel," he skimmed the tips of his fingers down my arm as he leaned over me. A stab of pain shot through my chest as I shook off his hand, and I knew immediately that it didn't belong to me. "Just go to bed, Dean," Another stab of pain. I felt the bed dip as he lay down on the other side of the bed in front of me. Risking a glance, I saw him lying across the bed turned slightly away from me.

More tears dripped down onto the pillow as I realized how much he was hurting– how much I was hurting him. I opened my eyes as his thumb brushed over my cheek, his expression full of regret. "Be mad at me for as long as you want, but please–" he begged, "–don't cry, Angel. Don't cry over something as stupid as me." I almost laughed, "You're anything but stupid, Dean. You're smart and brave and amazing, and the last thing you need– the last thing you want is me pulling you back. I should just leave before I hurt you even more."

"Is that honestly what you think you're doing me?" his voice was barely audible as his eyes searched mine, "That you're hurting me?"

"I don't know why you can't see it, Dean. Every day, every minute– every damn second that you're with me, is wrong. You and-and Sam, I'm putting you both in danger where there shouldn't even be any. You shouldn't–" I was cut off as his lips pressed against mine and he hovered over me. "Don't," he murmured softly, "Don't tell me that this is wrong. That we are wrong."

"Dean, we can't keep doing this. You can't just drop everything for me– it's wrong. You can't keep throwing yourself out in front of danger, to protect me– you're going to get hurt sooner or later." I felt tears roll down my cheeks as I saw the pain and confusion cross his face, "What am I supposed to do if you keep trying to protect me and you die? What if they take you? What if they torture you? How am I supposed to live with myself if you get taken away from me, Dean?"

"Angel.." I felt his lips against my forehead as he pulled me against his chest. Instinctively, I curled against him, my body racking with silent sobs. "What am I supposed to do? It'll be my fault, Dean. E-Everything's my fault."

"No. No, it isn't, Angel. You didn't do anything wrong, babe. Hey," he leaned down, nudging my face back far enough to press his lips to mine, "I love you."

"I l-love you, too."

"Shh, Ashley," he held my face in his hands, gently drying my cheeks with his thumbs, "I'm never going to leave you, okay?"

"Promise?" I whispered quietly against his wrist. He nodded, a faint smile on his lips, "Yeah, I promise, baby. I would never leave you – I love you too much."

"Yeah?" I snuggled closer against him, tucking my head just underneath his chin. I felt happiness flow through him as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head, "Definitely."

O.o

"If you aren't going to sleep, at least let Sam drive tomorrow," I murmured groggily against his chest. We'd been laying in silence for around an hour, Dean making every effort to keep himself awake. He chuckled sleepily, "No way I'm letting my bitch-ass brother touch Baby."

"Deann," I whined softly, "Why do you have to be so difficult?"

"Look, I already slept and there's no way that I'm letting Sam drive my car– it's that simple."

"C'mon, babe– It's gonna be another full day of driving to get to Bobby's. You can't last that long with only a few hours of sleep."

"I've gone longer with less." I sighed, "Yeah and it isn't healthy, Dean… Please at least try to sleep?" I looked up into his eyes, fighting a smile when they immediately softened, "For me? Please?"

"Angel," he looked at me sadly, his face torn, "Even if I wanted to.." He shook his head as he closed his eyes. I felt him tremble slightly as he took a shaky breathe, his voice breaking when he talked. "Angel, I-I can't. I'm sorry– but I can't."

"Tell me."

"What?"

"Tell me about your nightmare, Dean," I murmured softly against his neck, "It'll help you, I promise." His breathing caught in his throat and I felt his heartbeat race under my hand as I smoothed my palm over his chest. "Dean," I pressed my lips to his softly, meeting his gaze as I pulled away, "It's okay, babe. You won't scare me away– I'm here."

I reached up, tangling my fingers with his as I dropped my head back down against his chest. His other arm tightened around me as he kissed the top of my head, making me smile slightly.

"I thought it was real," he began quietly after a moment. "I thought I had really woken up and saw… I-I woke up and you weren't here, Angel. You weren't in the bed next to me like when we fell asleep." I squeezed his hand reassuringly as his arm tightened around me again. "A-And I jumped up and started looking for you. You weren't in the room so I–" he took a deep breathe, "– so I went outside to try and find you." Whether he was doing it intentionally or not, I saw it as he was describing it. Alistair was just starting to stand up, turning to face Dean with foggy white eyes and a devilish smirk. His hands and clothes were covered in what I assumed was my blood– seeing as my body was crumpled on the ground behind him. It felt like someone had blown a hole right through my, or rather Dean's, chest. He was devastated and furious and terrified, all at the same time. He wanted more than anything to lunge forward and rip the demon apart. I shuddered when all the different things Dean wanted to do to him flashed through his head at once. The image slowly faded away as I realized how badly Dean was trembling. "I-I'm sorry, Angel. I'm s-so sorry."

"Shh, Dean," I gently wiped his tears away as I kissed his forehead softly, "It's okay. Don't be sorry, babe. I'm fine, I'm safe– and I will be as long as you're here." He just shut his eyes under my gaze, saying nothing. I got up slowly as an idea crossed my mind, walking over to the carelessly thrown duffel. "Angel? What're you–?" His voice trailed off as I walked back over to the bed with my fingers curled around the cold piece of metal. He raised his eyebrow questioningly as I sat on the bed next to him. Before he could protest, I snapped the metal around both of our wrists, hearing the series of clicks as I tightened it. I watched as Dean looked down, dumbfounded, at the handcuff linking our wrists together. "I… I don't.." he struggled for words like a confused child. I pressed the small key into the palm of his free hand as I met his gaze, "I'm not going to leave, Dean. I'll still be here when you wake up. Trust me."

"Ashley, you don't have to cuff yourself to me, to get me to sleep."

"Shut up, Winchester," I mumbled, suddenly drowsy again, as I curled back against his chest, "It makes you feel better, and you know it."

"Mmm, whateveryousay," he slurred as he started to close his eyes. His whole body seemed to relax as he yawned and his head dropped on the pillow. "Angel?" he mumbled softly. "Yeah, Dean?" He leaned down, whispering as he kissed my temple, "Thank you– for everything." I smiled as I buried my face against his chest, "Get some sleep. I love you."

"Love you, too."

O.o

I opened my eyes, confused, as they adjusted to the semi darkness. Within seconds, I realized why I had woken up. Dean was trembling underneath me, his face contorted with pain in his sleep. "A-Angel," he whimpered quietly. "Hey. Dean, it's okay," I slipped my hand under his shirt, pressing it against his bare skin.

He was having the same nightmare as before, only instead of Alistair, it was him. A second Dean stood up slowly with inky black eyes and a smirk, covered in blood. "Don't you get it yet?" he sneered, "This is what you are– what we are. You're gonna kill her sooner or later, and there'll be no one to blame but yourself. You're a monster. You're poison, Dean. There's a reason you went to hell." I opened my eyes as I felt anger surge through me. I knew it was just a dream, but did he really still believe that he wasn't good enough? My heart dropped as I realized how badly he was beating himself up over this– over me.

I pressed my hand back against his chest as I thought of something. I knew it was a longshot, but I pictured myself slowly taking the nightmare from him. At first, nothing happened. Then, slowly but surely, the image started to fade away until it was just black. "Ashley?" Dean mumbled, seeming more confused than scared. "Shh," I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair, "It's okay, Dean. No more nightmares." He breathed deeply, sinking back against the bed as his arm tightened around me. "Goodnight, Dean," I whispered softly, even though I knew he was too far asleep to hear me.

O.o

"Angel," I heard Dean whisper in a singsong voice. As my mind slowly woke up, I registered the warm feeling of his hand on my hip and the soft kisses peppering the back of my neck. "Hey, Angel," my eyes fluttered open as he shook my shoulder gently, "C'mon, time to wake up."

"Mmm," I groaned as I rolled over and snuggled against him, "Five more minutes." His chest rumbled as he laughed, "Tired, babe?"

"Mhm, aren't you?" He shook his head, smiling slightly, "I feel fine."

"No nightmares?"

"No nightmares," he grinned almost proudly, "It was kinda weird, actually. I swear I thought I had one, but I can't remember, no matter how hard I try. When I woke up– I dunno, it was like I'd been sleeping fine for weeks." I just stared at him curiously. Even if I did take away the memory by taking the nightmare, why would he wake up completely rested? Dean reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, "What're you thinking about?"

"Okay," I chewed my lip nervously, "Don't freak out." Worry immediately crossed his features, "Why? What's wrong? Are you okay?" I couldn't help smiling, "You're already freaking out, Dean." I leaned forward and kissed him softly, "I'm fine. It's just– I mean... You're right, you did have a nightmare. Sort of."

"What are you talking about?" he spoke slowly, his voice cautious.

"I woke up in the middle of the night and you were having a nightmare," I explained, "I-I don't know what I did, but somehow I guess I took it away? You started sleeping fine after that, so…"

"You… took it away?" I nodded sheepishly, "I don't know how, but, yeah. I-I did." He stared at me for a minute, saying nothing. Then he pulled me into his lap as he sat up suddenly, hugging me tightly. "Ashley Rose Fisher," he laughed into my ear, "You are amazing."

"I… What?" I asked, completely dumbfounded. "You took away my nightmare," his grin lit up his entire face, his eyes shining with love. "Yeah," I said slowly, "I don't see what the big deal is, Dean. I didn't even know if it would work and now there's-there's side effects or something. I mean, I know you slept and all, and it's amazing– but you shouldn't be this well rested, right?"

"I thought you told me not to worry," he teased while unsuccessfully trying not to smile. I rolled my eyes, wincing as I started to feel the pain of a headache coming on. "You okay?" I rubbed my forehead to ease the pain, "Yeah, just a headache."

"Angel," Dean looked up after a minute of thinking, "What if I'm just the result?"

"Huh?"

"You said I had side effects, right? Well, what if I'm completely rested because I got the benefits instead of the effects?"

"So, what, I got side effects?" He shrugged, "Maybe. It makes sense right? You're tired and I'm not and you have a headache."

"Great," I groaned, "So what, I'm gonna have to go sleep for like a week?"

"Nah, you can sleep all day today on the drive to Bobby's."

"This better be your last nightmare, because I do not want to do this again."

"Don't worry," he winked, "I've got my Angel watching over me."

O.o

Like Dean predicted, I slept almost the entire time we drove. I only woke up a few times when the boys stopped to eat.

"You're really not hungry, babe?" Dean asked as I was practically falling asleep against his shoulder. I shook my head, "I'm sick of this greasy food, anyways."

"See?" Sam spoke up from across the table, "She's not the only one." Dean rolled his eyes as he wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed the top of my head, "I'll make you some real food when we get to Bobby's. Deal?"

"You're gonna cook?"

"What?" he asked defensively, "I can cook."

"How come you never cook for me?"

"Because you're not my girlfriend." I laughed as Sam pulled his bitchface and went back to eating his salad. We were back on the road soon after that. I was vaguely aware of being picked up by Dean and carried sometime later, but I was too tired to tell for sure. The only thought I registered was safe.

O.o

My body tensed as I opened my eyes, immediately trying to recognize where I was. I slowly got up off the bed– noticing that Dean wasn't anywhere in the room, either. Cautiously, I made my way out of the bedroom and walked silently down the hallway. I let out a sigh of relief as I tiptoed down the stairs. I recognized both the unmistakable, book-ridden living room of Bobby's house, and the broad shouldered, bowlegged man stirring something on the stove. As I got closer, I heard him humming and watched with a smile as he shimmied around while he cooked.

"Having fun?" I teased after watching him for a few more minutes. He jumped and spun around so fast, it made me dizzy. "Jesus, Ashley!" He ran a hand through his hair as he took a deep breathe, "Don't sneak up on me like that!" I walked over and hooked an arm around his waist as he turned back around to face the stove, leaning up to kiss his cheek, "Aw, sorry I scared you, babe."

"You didn't scare me," he mumbled grumpily as he scraped the eggs he was cooking onto two plates. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?" I poked at his ribs, smirking at the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, "You seemed pretty scared– you jumped."

"I'm sure." I raised an eyebrow, "Oh yeah?" I prodded his ribs again, grinning as he busted out laughing. He stumbled back against the counter, rattling a few bottles as he tried to grab my wrists. He looked slowly from the counter up to me, a mischievous smirk spreading across his face, "Oh now you're gonna get it." I yelped and ducked as he tried to lunge at me, just barely avoiding his grasp. He held his arm out, stopping me as I tried to run for the stairs. "Gotcha now," he laughed as he pinned me against the fridge. I looked up at him innocently through my lashes, "What're you gonna do now?"

"Mmm, I haven't decided yet," he leaned in so I could feel his hot breathe against my neck as he slid his hands down to my waist, "But I've been wanting to do this all day." I automatically hooked my arms around his neck as he leaned forward and kissed me. It was rough and gentle at the same time, showing just how much he had missed me– even if I was just sleeping. "I'm guessing you missed me?" I murmured as he broke away to catch his breathe. "Damn right I did, more than anything in the world," he whispered softly. I swear my heart skipped a beat and I pulled him down for another kiss, smiling as his throaty chuckle.

"Really?"

"Yeah, see? This is what I gotta deal with."

Dean and I jumped at the same time, a blush creeping up my neck as Sam and Bobby walked into the kitchen. He held me against his side and rubbed his thumb against my lower back soothingly; even though I saw his cheeks start to redden slightly. "Hey, Bobby, this is–"

"Yeah, I know who she is, idjit. You wouldn't shut up about her last night." I laughed lightly as Dean clamped his mouth shut and his cheeks turned red. "You've been talking about me, huh?" I could practically hear Sam roll his eyes, "I've never heard him go on about anything else in his entire life, as much as he did about you last night."

"That boy could write a damn book about you."

"Okay, guys," Dean cleared his throat, "I think we get it. Besides, we have to eat anyways." He turned and motioned to the plates of food.

"Wait a minute, you even cooked for her? Hell, I didn't even know you could cook!" Dean groaned, "Bobby, honestly.."

"Oh, quit yer' whining, Dean."

He huffed and, after a moment of thinking, leaned down and kissed me again. I felt him grin against my lips as Sam groaned and Bobby mumbled a rather loud, "Idjits," under his breathe. He broke away, looking back up at them with a smirk, "You were saying?"

Extra: I just wanted to say thanks to all of you for sticking with me/the fic for this long, it really means a lot to me. Especially if you've come back and read after my rather long writing period and put up with me, I just really want to say thanks again. This is genuinely my favorite thing to do and I probably wouldn't have come this far if it wasn't for all of your support. Thank you.