Hey guys. I wanted to make this longer and have it end in a different place but it took me so long just to do this so I figured I might as well give you at least this over nothing at all. Hopefully there aren't any mistakes, as my beta doesn't have access to wifi for roughly a week, so I just tried to go over it as best I could and give it to you guys now. For some reason this chapter got me really emotional (both writing it and re-reading it) and I don't know if it was just because of me personally or the writing itself, but let me know what you think of it. Other than that, enjoy!

Note: Also if you have the time, I uploaded a short little thing a while back called Monster and I'm realy proud of it and I would greatly appreciate if you checked it out. Thanks!

"Dean!" I gasped desperately as I bolted awake. Within seconds a figure was hovering over me, his rough hands running down my arms comfortingly.

"Angel, hey, I'm right here, baby," I met a pair of green eyes and let out a long sigh as I sank back against the bed. As my heartbeat slowed to a normal rate, I looked over at him.

His hair was damp and stuck against his forehead with beads of water still running down his neck and shoulders– where he obviously lacked a shirt. The only thing he was wearing was a pair of jeans and he smelled of soap and after-shave. I finally met his gaze and offered a small smile.

"Hey."

"Hey," he brushed his thumb across my cheek, "You alright?" I nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine. When did I fall asleep?" He shrugged and laid down next to me, "Sometime while we were laying here you dozed off again."

I scooted closer to him, sighing contently as he wrapped an arm around me and held me close. "Mmm, you smell good." He chuckled softly and leaned in to press his lips against my temple, "You sure you're okay?"

"Dean," I slid my hand into his and gave a reassuring squeeze as I looked him in the eye, "I'm fine, I promise. I was just... Confused for a minute." He raised an eyebrow, seeming unconvinced. I sighed, "Look, I don't really know how else to say this other than the fact that I haven't exactly been used to waking up to you lately."

His expression softened, "Listen, Angel, I'm sorr–"

"Don't," I covered his mouth with my hand, "Don't you dare apologize for getting mad at me. Not after what I did– what I said. The way you reacted... I deserved every part of it, okay?" He narrowed his eyes as he looked at me. Then, in one fluid motion, he was suddenly above me with my arms pinned down.

"Dea–"

His mouth overpowered my words as he leaned down and kissed me. He loosened his grip on my wrists and I immediately tangled them in his hair. I could feel him grin at the action as he bit my lip gently, working his tongue in and deepening the kiss.

"You talk–" he mumbled in between kisses, "–too much–" kiss "–for–" kiss "–your own–" kiss "–good."

He pulled back, trailing his thumb across my cheek, "I'm not apologizing for getting mad, Angel."

He smiled sadly and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. Taking that as some sort of invitation, I sat up and scooted over next to him. He was leaning over on his elbows and looking down at the ground intently. I leaned my head against his shoulder, looking at the freckles dotted across the bridge of his nose, and slid my hand down his arm and into his as I waited for him to speak.

"I'm apologizing for leaving," he said quietly, "I mean, that's what I do right? I-I get scared or angry and I just leave? It's automatic. It's who I am." He looked up at me, his expression full of pain. "I don't want that to be me anymore, Ashley. I don't want to run off. I don't want to hurt people..." he paused, taking a shaky breath, "And I don't want to be a killer, okay? And-And I saw... When you were talking... I heard it in your voice, Angel."

He closed his hands around mine and brought them up to his mouth, like he was praying, "God, baby, I heard the-the anger in your voice... And the satisfaction... It was like looking back into Hell." His voiced cracked and tears dripped down off his cheeks as he held my hand tightly.

"I know that was me, Angel. I-I'm so sorry. How that felt–" he cried harder, "That's what it felt like every day. When I started to– God, I tortured all those people. And I liked it." I could feel my heart shatter as he trembled and sobbed next to me, "I liked torturing and killing those innocent people over and over and over again. I-I cut and sliced and just ripped them apart... And I ask myself everyday, why? Why did I deserve to be saved, out of everyone else? Why was it me, Angel?"

He let go of my hand and buried his face in his, "I-I don't deserve this. I'm-I'm a killer. Wh-Why do I deserve this?"

I got up and stood in front of him, wiping away the tears rolling down my face. "Dean," I pulled his hands gently away from his face, "Dean, honey, look at me."

He shook his head as tears continued to fall down his cheeks. I pushed his chest back so there was just enough room for me to crawl forward into his lap and hug him tightly. He shook his head again as he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face against my neck, "I-I don't deserve it. I don't deserve y-y-you. I don't deserve to b-be saved... I-I-I don't deserve to be h-here at all."

"Listen to me," I whispered softly, "I wanna tell you something, okay?"

He did nothing, then nodded slightly. I rubbed his back as soothingly as I could as I kissed his neck. I didn't even know how to describe what I was feeling– what he was feeling. It was pain and sadness and hate and anger all mixed together. It was almost... numbing. Why didn't he tell me any of this sooner? I hugged him tighter at the thought of him quietly suffering this entire time.

"Shhh," I carded my fingers through his hair as he cried, "Hey, Dean, it's okay."

He shook his head again as he sobbed even harder, "N-No it's not-t. I-I-I'm a m-monster."

"Dean," I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks, "Dean, baby, you're not a monster." I ran my fingers through the hair on the back of his neck as he clung to me helplessly.

"I used to watch a show," I began quietly, "About these two brothers... One of the first things I saw was a little boy carry his brother out of a burning building. And from that moment on, I watched that little boy grow up way too fast. I watched him lose everyone he loved. His mom, his dad... Even his baby brother."

I felt his grip tighten as he choked out a broken sob. He was hurting so badly and all I wanted to do was take away his pain. Just to give him a break for once.

"But I also saw him save people. I saw him get bloodied and beaten and broken for innocent strangers. Maybe he and his brother don't know it, but they're heroes. Especially that little boy forced to grow up too soon. He hunted and killed as many evil-sons-of-bitches as he possibly could. He went to Hell, came back, and stopped the goddamn apocalypse... And you know what?"

I leaned back to look at him. His eyes were red and swollen and I gently wiped away his tears as I smiled softly, "He raised a little hell along the way." For a split second, the corner of his mouth curled up and I could feel myself smile as I hugged him again, "There he is."

"Shaddup," he mumbled lightly as he wrapped one arm around my back and tangled the other one in my hair, hugging me tightly. His lips grazed my ear as he whispered a soft, "Thank you."

"You're not a bad person, Dean. You're a good person who bad things have happened to... And we're done with this– both of us. No more putting ourselves down, okay?"

He sniffled and nodded, "Yeah. Okay, Angel."

"Good," I pulled away to stand up, "Now, I'm going to go take a shower and when I'm done, I wanna help the chef of the house cook up some breakfast."

He rolled his eyes as he smiled slightly, "You're too much."