Author's notes: Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. This one has been a challenged to write and I hope that I've got it right.
Teresa comes out of the bathroom to find her husband, the word catches her breath for a moment, and sounds delicious to her, as it's been awhile since that description felt as complete as it does at this moment, at the hotel door. He's thrown on his boxers and a shirt, which is obviously unfastened. She ducks back into the bathroom until she hears the door closing. When she emerges Patrick is moving a trolley towards the bed and announces unnecessarily:
"I got us something to eat."
She smiles at him as she moves towards him and wraps her arms around him and kisses him. He pulls her in tight and all the feelings of desire ignite once more. He pulls away after a long searching kiss. His eyes letting her know he's feeling exactly the same way, before he quickly turns his gaze to the food and lifts up one of the lids.
"Let's eat, I'll serve."
He busies himself with placing food on two plates, as she watches him, she gets the feeling he's avoiding eye contact.
"Is something wrong Patrick?"
He straightens and starts to fasten up his shirt.
"Everything's fine, why don't you put some clothes on so we can eat."
They're sitting side by side on the bed, Teresa put on her panties and her undershirt. Each has a plate and a fork in their hands, eating their meal in silence. It doesn't feel like companionable silence to Teresa, to her, the atmosphere is filled with foreboding. She's not prepared to take it anymore.
"Are you regretting that we made love?"
Teresa's watching Patrick carefully, and it's only for a moment, but it's there, a slight stillness before he answers shaking his head:
"No, I'm not….."
She watches him deciding whether to carry on or not, when he doesn't continue she helps him…along:
"But….There's something Patrick."
He leans over and places his plate on the bedside table, she follows suit, when she turns around, he's on his side looking at her. He reaches out and cups her face in his hands and his eyes search her face and he looks at her as if it's the first time he's ever seen her. His thumb brushes her bottom lip and her body vibrates in return.
"It was wonderful… you were wonderful. I felt alive…I felt whole for the first time since the shooting. For the first time I caught a true glimpse of what we have, of what I forgotten. "
Teresa's can feel her body trembling and she knows it shows in the smile she gives him.
"That all sounds wonderful."
Patrick looks down trying to assemble his thoughts, to find the words that make sense of his feelings. Teresa lifts his chin with her hand so he's looking at her.
"Patrick, just tell me. It's easiest to just say it."
He swallows and closes his eyes and speaks softly:
"I'm being so unfair to you Teresa. I wanted this because I'm so frustrated with how things are, I feel my life is spent waiting to remember things that may never come. I told you earlier my feelings towards you…"
He stops speaking and Teresa lets out a breath she didn't realise she'd been holding.
"Yes you did, and so what's unfair? I'm know where you are, I know where I am.."
Patrick interrupts:
"But it's not what you've known, and what if it never gets back to that? And…and you find you've wasted your time with me."
Teresa moves on to her knees and faces him. She strokes his face, as if to smooth out the worry lines. She kisses him on the forehead.
"Patrick, I love you, I love you more than my life. I know that you're not in the same place, but you're here. That's all I ask, that's all I want. After you were shot and I was left waiting while you were in surgery and I didn't know if you would live…"
She swallows against the emotions that threaten to overcome her. Patrick covers her hands with his and squeezes them.
"…the thought of losing you hurt so much I could barely take in anything around me, All I could feel was a heavy stone inside me. I knew that that's how it would always feel if I lost you. I prayed like I've never prayed before. All I wanted was you back, in any condition, just you had to come back to me….."
She wipes away a tear.
"And you came back. You're here, and you want to stay. If that's all you can give me, I'm happy, it's enough for me. All I need is you…to talk to, to share my life with, to laugh with, to grow old with."
She looks into his eyes and sees overwhelming pain.
"I..I…I don't want to hurt you. I see it in your eyes all the time."
Teresa moves closer to him.
"The hurt I feel is the distance between us. That you're not in my bed."
She kisses him gently on the lips.
"That I can't touch you.."
She runs her hands down his arms and across his chest.
"That you're not mine to explore and experience in the ways that make you mine."
She moves closer and kisses his right ear and whispers:
"That I can't be intimate with you in my thoughts, words, and desires."
Patrick enfolds her in his arms and buries his face in her hair, She continues to whisper to him:
"Tonight you're mine Patrick Jane, you've given yourself to me. You want to come back to our bed?"
Patrick squeezes her tighter, which she takes as a yes.
"You want more nights like this one?"
He squeezes again.
"You want us to share your thoughts, worries, yourself with me?"
She feels a nod against her shoulder.
"Then I say yes Patrick Jane, I accept you in to our bed, I want more nights like this, I want everything you have to offer me, I need everything you have offer me."
She hears him catch his breath and his hold tightens, her body is tight against his, she can feel the muscles in his chest constrict as he fights to keep control. His hold slackens, though he doesn't completely let go. He moves away slightly and rests his forehead against hers. She feels him shake his head.
"I'm an idiot, I take you to bed and then act foolishly."
"You're frightened….and I am too, love's like that. I said yes to the risk when you asked me to marry you, and it was the best thing I ever did. I will always say yes to you."
Patrick pulls back further and looks at her, he searches her face.
"I say yes."
.