Hey guys! So I actually have a few announcements this time. I've been meaning to upload this for a while because- drum role please- for the first time since the very first chapters, I'm actually somewhat ahead on my writing! I actually have the next chapter almost completely written, so I don't know about you guys, but I'm hella excited. Secondly, I started school again so it's going to take longer because I need to find time to write, but on top of that, I've been writing a lot of different things at once right now (I actually just put another short thing up the other day) so please please please go check out my other things because I'm putting just as much time and effort into those as I am into this fic. Going off of that, I'm also starting a new fic on the side (whenever I have time) as well as three or four short other things like I said before. My goal is to write the entire fic before I put it up so I can upload on a kind of schedule instead of what I'm doing now. I've got good plans for it and it's going to be really raw and amazing so I'm very excited for that as well. It's going to be another Dean/Ashley fic, but probably not in the way you'd expect. (That's all I'm giving away for now, you'll just have to wait) AND, last thing I promise, I've made a side blog on tumblr to upload all my writing and I'm thinking I'll put out updates on where I am with the writing/when it'll be uploaded on here, if you guys think you'd want to use that. The url name is deanstheme so go check that out if it's something you think you'd be interested in :). Other than that, Enjoy!
Note: Why are you reading this? I just talked for like an entire page, you should be skipping this and going straight to the fic!
It had been roughly an hour, and Dean still hadn't woken up. He'd groaned and shifted a few times, but other than that he was out.
Sam had tried to coax me away to eat or do something but I stayed firmly near the couch. I wasn't going to move until Dean woke up so I could yell at him or hug him or both. He was so stupid and reckless, but all I wanted was for him to wake up.
I heard him moving next to me and I watched him as he blinked his eyes open with a groan and sat up slowly. Without even realizing it, I jumped up into his lap and hugged him tightly.
"I love you," my voice cracked and I fought to hold back tears.
"Yeah," he hugged me back as he whispered, "I know. I'm so sorry, Angel."
I put my hands on either side of his face as I leaned back to look at him, "Are you okay?"
"I've had worse."
I moved to stand up and I pulled him with me, "I know. Come on, you're all bloody and your shirt's ripped up."
He stood up slowly and followed me as I pulled him towards the stairs. He made it up the first few before he started groaning and held the wall for support.
"Here," I looped his other arm around my shoulders and snaked an arm around his waist to support him, "Let me help."
Slowly, we made it up the stairs and I helped him over to sit on the bed. I pulled his jacket off as gently as I could, wincing whenever he hissed in pain. Already I could see a few cuts along his arms and the bruises on his knuckles I didn't notice before. I lifted the bottom of his shirt gently and he immediately protested, "Angel, it's fine. I can change my own shirt. Just-just go get the first aid kit out of the bathroom."
"Dean, I need to clean any cuts you have on your chest. Something's obviously causing you pain."
"Baby," he mumbled weakly as I lifted his shirt up. His entire right side was bruised– probably from being thrown against something. There was a long gash on part of his chest and left side– not deep enough to be a threat, but deep enough to cause a good amount of bleeding and pain.
I lightly trailed my fingers down the dark purple and yellow bruises and he whimpered. His dark eyes met mine and I saw the fear and pain in them as he looked at me helplessly.
"Here," I murmured softly, "Can you lift your arm up?"
He nodded and raised his arm slightly so I could see the gash better. The outside of it was an angry red color and I sighed, "I'm pretty sure this is getting infected, babe. It's gonna hurt like a bitch.
"I can't do anything about the bruises but– " I took a deep breath as I looked at him again. It was one thing to say he looked bad, and another to actually see him look like this. He looked horrible and it made my heart drop into my stomach.
"– But I can... I can clean the cut."
"Angel– "
"Don't make this worse, Dean," I begged as I looked up and met his eyes, "Please, just... let me take care of you. Please."
He nodded without saying anything and I got up to get the first aid kit.
O.o
I held the bottle of alcohol in my hand as I looked at him, "This is gonna hurt, okay? Like a lot."
He looked uneasily at me as I scooted closer to him.
"Ready?"
He swallowed loudly and wrapped an arm around my waist, his fingers curling into the side of my hip. I watched him close his eyes and take a deep breath as he nodded. He clenched his teeth and I winced as I poured the bottle over the gash. It started to burn and sizzle as it killed the bacteria and I felt Dean bite the cloth on my shoulder as he howled in pain.
I took a towel and soaked up the remaining alcohol as he moaned and slumped against me. It took two full size gauze pads to cover the entire thing, and I sighed again as I looked at him again.
He had dark, painful looking bruising on one side of his body and fresh, white bandages on the other. I had cleaned the blood off him with a wet washcloth before I cleaned his cut, but he still looked just as bad as before.
"Maybe you should put a shirt on," I mumbled quietly.
"Yeah, sure thing, Angel. Hey," he tilted my chin up, "It looks worse than it is."
He slowly put on a plain grey t-shirt and walked back over to me, "Better?"
I straddled him carefully as he sat back down. He looked up at me as I held his face in my hands and his eyes searched my face. I brushed my thumb over his bruised cheek softly, "I'm so sorry, Dean."
"Ashley, this was me, not you. I'm the one who went out acting stupid and reckless. You had nothing to do with this, baby. I promise."
"Just like you promised you'd be fine?"
"Angel– "
"I'm the reason there were demons there in the first place. I'm the reason you had to even go to the store, Dean. And because of that, you got hurt."
"Hey. You are not the reason I had to go. If that was anybody's fault, it was mine, Ashley. This isn't on you... And it isn't on me. It's just something that happened, okay?"
"Dean– "
"We're going to stop blaming ourselves, right? You help me and I help you? This is me helping you, Angel. It's not your fault."
I looked down and fiddled with the hem of his shirt absentmindedly. He was right, of course, but after growing up and constantly blaming yourself and putting yourself down, you don't really know anything else. Any other way.
He reached up to brush his thumb across my cheek, when he pulled back sharply with a gasp as he held his side. I winced and watched him with wide eyes as he groaned and looked back up at me with clenched teeth.
"I'm... fine."
I held his face as I dropped my forehead against his, "Don't ever fucking do that again, do you hear me?"
Confusion crossed his face and I sighed as I closed my eyes. When I opened them again, they were full of unshed tears and I slid my fingers through his hair as I whispered, "Do you have any idea how much it hurts to see you like this? Whether it was my fault or not, do you know what it feels like to see you sitting here in so much pain?"
"Baby," he rested his hands on my hips, "This is exactly what I went through when you got stabbed."
He slid his thumb over the scar on my hip and he smiled sadly, "I know how much it hurts, but you have to realize that I'm gonna be fine– that I'm gonna heal and we'll be okay. Trust me."
He leaned forward and kissed me softly, his lips moving with mine slowly. I tugged on his hair gently and smiled as he moaned quietly into my mouth. His hands went under my shirt as he slid them up my sides and over my back– making sure not to pull on his side too much.
My breathing hitched as he bit on my bottom lip and slid his tongue over mine. He dropped his hands to my bare thighs, thanks to the shorts I was wearing, and slowly worked his way up. His fingers curled around the waistband of my shorts and I jumped off him as the realization hit me.
"I-I just... I mean– you're hurt."
He raised an eyebrow as he looked at me, got up to get his jacket from the floor, and walked over to me as he dug through the pockets. He held out three small boxes and I saw what they were as he handed them to me.
"That's the only reason why you want to stop? Because I'm hurt?"
I looked up to see him watching me wearily and he sighed. He took a step forward and kissed my forehead.
"It's gonna be okay, Angel."
I gripped the boxes in my hand tightly as I started to shake from nervousness, "Dean, I-I can't. I can't do this, Dean."
"Hey, hey," he held my face in his hands as he looked me in the eye, "Yes you can, baby. Look at me. No matter what happens, we will figure something out. I'll still be here, okay? I am not going to leave. I'm here and I'm staying and I love you, Ashley. I love you so, so much and I know you can do this."
I closed my eyes and leaned into his hand as he stroked my cheek softly and whispered, "I'll be right outside, okay? And I got three... Just to be sure."
I nodded as I looked down at the boxes in my hands. Three different boxes. Three different tests. Majority wins.
O.o
Only two. Only two had to show up negative and it would be okay. Things would work out and we would be as happy as we could in this life. We'd be careful to make sure this never happened again.
I bit my nails nervously and cursed myself for the bad habit. Maybe I wouldn't be doing it if these damn tests didn't take five years to show a result.
I knew Dean was right outside and it was both comforting and completely nerve-wracking. What would he do if I was pregnant? What about if I wasn't? I knew he wanted a normal, apple-pie-life deep down– but he knew this would be dangerous, right?
I pushed the thought out of my head and my stomach dropped as I looked back down at the tests. This was just my luck.
What were the fucking chances that all the tests would come back positive?
I could feel tears already spilling down my cheeks as I ran my hands through my hair. What was I going to do? How was I supposed to do this? To go out and tell Dean? To tell Sam and Bobby?
Should I risk trying to leave? No, that would definitely get Dean killed trying to find me. But I couldn't just stay here and expect everything to turn out fine, either.
I choked on a sob as my mind raced. I had no idea what to do. I didn't know how to protect Dean and Sam and Bobby from me. I didn't have a plan. All I had were tears staining my face.
Deciding that facing Dean was the least of my worries, I opened the door. He immediately jumped in front of me, his face full of concern, and started to say something when I pushed past him.
"Angel!"
I could hear him stop as he was torn between following me and going into the bathroom to see what the tests said. He cursed under his breath and I heard his boots against the floor as he walked away from me.
Not knowing what else to do, I curled up into a tight ball on the furthest part of the bed as I sobbed quietly. I couldn't leave and I couldn't stay with the fact that someone was bound to get killed either way.
"Angel," I heard Dean's voice from the doorway and I just sobbed harder. He walked towards the bed, sitting on the edge with my back facing him. I felt his hand rest on my arm and then slide under my shirt and over my back as he tried to show me something. I squeezed my eyes shut and wished that he would just stop and realize that we couldn't do this.
He suddenly yelped and pulled his hand away and I felt my back tingle where his hand was. I hugged my knees, forcing myself to not look at him.
"Honey," Dean murmured softly, "I know you won't believe me right now, but it's gonna be okay, Angel."
"G-Go away, Dean. Just-t leave."
He didn't say anything, then he kissed the top of my head as he whispered, "I'll come up later, okay? Just relax for a while, Angel."
He got up and walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind him.
I cried until I couldn't anymore and my head was pounding and then– only then– did I let myself fall into a restless sleep.
Update: So as you probably noticed, the beginning of this last section was all scrambled up for some reason but I fixed it, hence the re-upload. Hopefully it makes much more sense now!