Beta: Jessipooks

A/N: Sorry for the delay. I was busy with RL and completing Crazy Glue. Now I have more time to focus on this story. I hope you guys haven't given up on this story. Thank you for the reviews, it really keeps me inspired to write. Xoxo A

"Many things are not as they seem: The worst things in life never are."
― Jim Butcher, White Night

AMOC Chapter 9: Going Through The Motions

BPOV:

Today had been a constant hussel and bussel so I didn't have a lot of time to contemplate what Jake mumbled in his sleep. I was still trying to make sense of it. As far as I knew Jake didn't have any children and honestly he didn't come off as the sort of fellow who would want any. I was hoping he was just talking stupid with the inebriated state he was in.

This morning when I mentioned our talk the night before, he didn't seem to know what I was talking about, so I left it alone. Although it was important that I knew what happened between Edward and Jake, a small part of me knew it was really none of my business. Jake had a right to his privacy just as much as I did.

The only difference was the fact that my past wasn't going to put our custody battle in jeopardy. It was squeaky clean. I was raised to behave like a lady and I lived that way. The worse thing I had on record was a speeding ticket I received when I was rushing to get my own High School graduation. When I attended college, I partied and enjoyed the normal activities but never once did I do anything that filled me with shame. Edward was my only mistake that I hoped to someday to put behind me, far behind me.

"I have everyone seated on the table chart. I've already paid the DJ, florist, and Molly for the food and cake. Am I missing anything?" Rachel asked as she flicked her pen on the notepad.

"Umm...I got the dresses and Jake said he already lined up someone to perform the service. Oh what about a photographer? Do we have someone doing that or should we hire someone?"

"Emily offered to take pictures for us but of course we could always see if Lauren is willing to do them." Rachel's eyes gleamed with mischief.

"Why would we ask Lauren?" I coughed.

"Umm...she is the newspaper photographer. She has experience with taking pictures."

"Yeah, but what about that tiny part where she use to be Jake's high school sweetheart." I rolled my eyes sarcastically. Who was she kidding? We both knew she was trying to rub Lauren's nose in this wedding. I picked up on some hostility where Rachel and Lauren were concerned when I mentioned our run in with her.

"Please! I wouldn't use the word "sweetheart" to describe that woman." Rachel wrinkled her nose up.

I couldn't help but laugh at her expression. It was pretty easy to see that Lauren rubbed Rachel the wrong way.

"I don't want to start any fights. My marriage to Jake is suppose to enrich my daughter's life not throw more drama into it. Why do you hate her so much?"

Rachel looked slightly guilty for a moment until I asked her about her own personal dislike of Lauren.

"Lauren likes to play with men's heads. She not only went between Jake and Edward but later on when she returned to Forks, she tried getting her hands on any man her eyes landed on."

"Did she date Paul?"

"Date? No, but she tried like hell to get him in her bed. She didn't care that we were together. We had an argument or two before I got my point across to her that Paul was my man and not one of her playthings."

"Sorry."

"Shoot, you have nothing to be sorry about. I got my man and he knows better than to stray from me." Rachel cracked her knuckles causing me to laugh again.

"I'm surprised actually you didn't have any problems with her while you were dating Edward."

I caught the strange smile on her face. What could she mean by that? I thought Lauren's past with Edward was only while they were in High School.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when Lauren returned to town it wasn't a real big surprise when she started dating Edward. I didn't even know they broke up until Dad mentioned you were seeing the horrible Cullen boy. I asked around and no one knew why they went astray but were pretty clear that it was over between them."

"Uh. He never mentioned her to me and until I went to the paper with Jake, it was the first time I really saw her."

I wondered why I hadn't heard much about her until now. The town wasn't exactly large but there were still plenty of people I didn't even know.

"Oh. Well, be prepared. Lauren isn't going to like you now that you've not only had Edward's baby but now marrying Jake. She is a sore loser." Rachel smirked.

"Wonderful." I sighed.

"Alright, well let's pack all this up. We have your engagement dinner to get ready for."

I nearly forgot about the dinner that Billy insisted on throwing for us. We didn't have enough time to prepare for an official engagement party so he came up with this solution. He wanted his close friends to see his approval of our marriage. Jake didn't seem too keen about the evening when he left this morning but then again, he didn't seem to want to talk much about anything.

This marriage was already showing signs of trouble. How was I suppose to get Jake to open up to me and what exactly happened in his past with Lauren? I had this nagging feeling that their relationship was more complicated than the normal teenage angst entailed.

Grabbing my purse and bag I followed Rachel out the front door and drove straight home to get ready for an evening that I hoped would be uneventful.

XXX

JPOV:

The engagement dinner was an overall success. I was relieved Dad chose the Forks Country Club over the Moose Lodge. It appeared he gained some class while I was away. The guest list contained only our closest friends and family.

When Rebecca arrived I tensed up until I saw her smiling. I wondered if she took Rachel's suggestion and seeked some help. Rebecca definitely was in need of some antidepressants. The woman was such a joy kill.

"Oh come on Paul dance with me." Rachel pleaded.

"No one else is dancing. I don't want to look ridiculous." Paul looked nervously around.

He adjusted the tie Rachel picked out for him about ten times during the meal. Paul seemed nervous, which was unusual. He was one of the most confident people I've known.

I couldn't seem to keep my eyes off of Bella tonight as she continued to smile at everyone who spoke to her. She was calm this evening. Her hair was perfectly placed in a bun on top of her head that exposed her lovely porcelain neck. The navy blue dress she chose for tonight was quite flattering to her curves.

Gulping hard I replayed last night when Bella and I got physical with one another. Bella was far more enticing than she knew. Her body felt so good against mine. The memory of her breast made my dick stand up straight and my mouth water. She would make for one hell of a challenge. If she thought she would get through the next year without having sex with me, she was crazy. I took what belonged to me and Bella Swan was no exception.

We were just finishing our desert when I caught a glimpse of a couple strolling in together. The hostess set them on the other side of the room. At once I recognised Edward but when I spied his date I felt my hard on deflate. It was shocking to see Lauren after all these years but to now see her with Edward not only made me furious, it also confirmed my reasoning for wanting to hurt the both of them. Were they dating now? Was this Edward's way of trying to hurt me for marrying his ex? Stupid schmuck! He could have the bitch. She was worthless as far as I was concerned.

When she refused to bring our child into the world, she destroyed any chance of ever having me back in her life again. The only feelings I felt for her were disgust and utter hatred. It sicken me to think how many times in the past I begged her to spread those legs of hers for me. She was the last woman I begged for anything from. Now I took what I wanted and left when I was done with it. Lauren was a hard lesson to learn but I had enough sense to never repeat that mistake.

"Is that Edward and Lauren?" Alice whispered to Bella.

I watched as her eyes landed on them and saw her clench her teeth together. Was she jealous? Did she perhaps still carry a torch for the bastard who rejected her child?

"Yes." Bella pressed her lips firmly together as she looked away.

"I wonder what those two are up too?" Alice frowned. "Don't worry about it. They aren't worth it."

Bella patted Alice's hand before turning her attention back to me.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked.

"Of course I am. Are you?"

"Yes. Dinner was lovely." Her smile was genuine but I could see the nervousness in her eyes.

She was fearing I would go over there and make another distasteful scene with Edward. Nope, not tonight. I made that mistake once and wasn't about to do it again. My plans for Edward were far more important to blow up over something so ridiculous as him having dinner with Lauren. He could have her. If ever two people deserved to be together, these two did.

"Bella, would you care to dance?"

Standing up I offered her my hand. Her eyes widen with what looked like panic.

"I can't dance." She confessed.

"Sure you can. Come on."

Reaching down I took her hand and pulled her up onto her feet. Holding onto her hand I made our way to a small dance area and nodded at the pianist who picked up the tempo while we slowed dance.

"See they are dancing." Rachel whined.

"Fine." Paul threw his napkin over the plate and followed Rachel over to us.

Looking into Bella's eyes a feeling that I couldn't exactly described began to creep into my veins. The tempting thought of kissing her soft pink lips was screaming in my head. What was it about Bella that kept me in a constant state of sexual frustration? Then there was that other side of me that wanted to protect her. The very thought of anyone causing her any amount of pain made my temper flare up.

"You are such a lovely dancer." I found myself saying.

"Liar but thank you." Bella chuckled softly.

"Are you ready for our wedding? It's just two days away." I reminded her.

"I think so." She sighed heavily.

"Having second thoughts?"

"No, not really. Just...a little nervous about the big day. I happen to be a clutz if you didn't know already."

We both laughed together.

" I'm scared I might trip over my dress and fall flat on my face before I get to the altar."

"I won't let that happen." I vowed.

"I hope you mean that." Her smile grew wider.

"I do. I won't let anything bad happen to you. I mean it."

"Can't have you ruining my day." I joked.

"Your day?" She replied sarcastically.

"Look, I only plan on getting married once and you just happen to be lucky enough to be my one and only ex Mrs. Black."

The sparkle dimmed from her eyes. I was only joking with her but it seemed my words had somehow unintentionally caused her pain. It sucked to keep her from falling under the delusion that our marriage was anything other than an agreement. The last thing I needed was a wife who actually loved me. Bella was a wonderful and decent woman who deserved happiness but she wasn't going to find it in my arms or in our marriage. Love wasn't something I planned on finding ever again.

"Can we go back to the table now? I'm getting a headache." She muttered.

"Sure."

Walking back to the table I forced myself not to look over at the couple who were dining together and gave our friends and family my absolute attention for the remainder of the evening. There was time enough for me to watch Edward and Lauren when they found themselves hurting the way they had hurt me.

XXX

BPOV:

Morning came and gone before I mustered the strength to get out of my pajamas. It was my last day of freedom and I really wasn't too excited or enthused to do anything but sit on my couch and watch old sappy movies. Charlotte was happy enough playing in her room for most of the day while I ate ice cream and wondered if I would ever find love like the characters in the movies.

I couldn't explain it but unlike most brides, I was depressed the day before my wedding. Maybe it was due to the fact that I wasn't marrying my prince charming. No, instead I was stuck having Jacob Black as apparently my first husband. He made it perfectly clear last night that he planned to pursue a divorce eventually. I knew that was part of the plan but it didn't stop me from feeling as if I was going through a horrible break up somehow. It was crazy how I felt like we were over before we even begun.

What was wrong with me? Why did I always make things so complicated? Feeling like a dufus I changed clothes and grabbed Charlotte and took off to the park. I needed some fresh air. Perhaps a day out of the house would help ease my fears of falling in love with a man who was potentially more dangerous than the last one I gave my heart to.

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LPOV:

Last night's dinner was comfortable enough until I realized why Edward really asked me out after all this time. When I saw Jake and Bella dancing I nearly jump out of my skin. Jake was a terrific guy, well the Jake I remembered anyways. This new version of him wasn't his best side. I knew I'd hurt him when I informed him of my unplanned pregnancy and the solution I was forced to endure.

Jake didn't understand why I was so willing to listen to my parents. I was seventeen and had no choice. My parents were having issues and my situation poured fuel onto the fire. It was so much easier to get as far away from Forks as I possibly could. I wasn't in a place in my life to stand up to them much less ready to get married or raise a baby.

It hurt me to tell Jake that I wasn't willing to share my life with him or have his unborn child, if it was even his. I was such a mess back then. I let Edward convince me that he wanted me back one night while Jake and I were fighting. Of course after Edward and I slept together he informed me the following day that I wasn't good enough to be his girl any longer. I was tainted by the Indian boy were his exact words. My heart was shattered and for the first time ever I felt ashamed. How could I've been so stupid? Edward never loved me and having sex with him was his way of getting even with Jake.

When I discovered I was pregnant there was a slim chance it was Edward's. Edward didn't bring any contraception that night, neither of us planned on having sex, it just happened. When I made my confession to Jake about my affair with Edward, the look in his eyes crushed my heart and soul. The disgust on his face made my shame grow and fester. He told me we were over and to never, ever speak to him again.

I not only lost my first true love but I also lost the only man I ever loved since. I warned Jake once that I wasn't worthy of being loved but he wouldn't listen to me. There was always this feeling of not being right or good enough for anyone. Perhaps my parents constant bickering and verbal abuse were the root of my insecurities. Whatever the case, I knew that I would let him down the same way I was always letting them down.

Jogging through the park made me feel better on days like today. Jake's wedding was only a day away and it was killing me to think that he loved someone like Bella Swan. Edward who was a total jerk, gave me plenty of insight on the woman. She wasn't anything that I would imagine would make a guy like Jake happy. She was weak, needy and downright selfish. How could he love her? How could he give up his freedom to a woman who wasn't even equally match to him?

I knew that I wasn't exactly a candidate for his affection but at least I knew how to keep him satisfied in bed. Edward explained his break up with Bella was due to her lack of interest in the bedroom as well as her damaging his reputation with lies that he physically abused her. Why would Jake want a woman like that when he had plenty of other options? This marriage had to be a farce. There was no way that Jake could ever love such a miserable woman. He was too damn smart.

Taking a break I stopped at the water fountain to take a quick drink when I saw Bella. She was pushing her daughter on a swing. The two of them looked happy. It made me sad to think that I could've been her, that could be my child on that swing and my wedding to Jake tomorrow.

Closing my eyes I counted to ten and remembered what my therapist taught me. I needed to live in today and not in the past. I made my bed and now I had to lie in it. With that thought in mind I remembered it was time to pick up my medications at the pharmacy before I headed home.

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