A/N: This one is for you, Gary

Part IV

Her head was in her hands when she finished telling him all that had transpired. She seemed utterly exhausted; he could hear it in the way that her voice faded out towards the end.

And he knew that it was his turn to speak. She had laid it all out for him. He had to say something.

"I was never mad." He clarified. "I've just been so…so upset, Ziva and so hurt." He ran his hands through his hair and shook his head. The thought of all that had transpired sent a pang through his heart. He wasn't built for this.

She nodded. "I know. Tony, I'm so –"

"Ziva," he cut her off with a sharp snap of her name. "It's not about hiding from Kort or sending Tali to me. That…that, I get."

She looked hopeful.

"I just don't get why you had to send her to me in the first place." Tony rubbed his hands over his face and turned to look at Ziva. "I should have been there, Ziva. I should have been there from the start. I should have been there when you were on bed rest. I should have taken care of you. I should have held her when she was born."

"I know." She said.

"You know?" he gaped. "Ziva, please stop saying that." Tony pushed himself off the floor, needing some space and began to pace. "Ziva, why didn't you tell me?" He was desperate now. "Had I not made it clear to you over and over that if given the chance, I would do absolutely anything for you?"

Silent tears streaked down his face and if he had turned to face her, he would have seen the she was crying too. The pain throughout the room was palpable.

"You…you were my only good." She explained. She rose and stood before him, taking his hands in hers. She reached up and wiped a tear from his cheek. "The thing that I held on to when everything else fell down. What would I have done if you had wanted nothing to do with us?"

Tony looked down at her and took her face in his hands. "Ziva, come on." He whispered. "How could I want nothing to do with you…let alone that perfect little girl?"

She heaved and a sob escaped her lips. Ziva wrapped her arms around his waist. "But I had pushed you away." Her voice was muffled against his chest.

"Yes," he chuckled. Tony tucked a hair behind her cheek. "Yes, you had and I would have come running back the second you let me."

"I wish I had." She looked up at him and she palmed his cheek. "Tony, I just did not know what to do. I was paralyzed." She pulled back and swabbed at the tears on her cheeks.

Tony nodded though he didn't understand – he could barely wrap his head around her rational, but wasn't that the way that it had always been with Ziva? She had always made his mind spin in circles.

"Tony," she shook her head and shrugged. "I do not know how to make this better, but there is nothing more that I want."

"What do you mean?"

"There were moments," she said. "Moments where it looked like…like we could have what we both so badly wanted."

He smiled coyly and took a step towards her, cocking an eyebrow, he asked. "And what is it that we want?"

"Tony," she blushed.

"I was thinking about the time we first got Ajay Khan. You fell asleep on my couch…" he trailed off, images floating through his memory. "Curled into my side," he remembered.

"I remember," she nodded. "I want that," she said. "…And more…"

He took another step forward and their lips were so close, he swore it would only be seconds before they touched. And she turned her head to the side and he brought his lips onto hers and it was like color popped back into the universe. It had been so long since he had kissed her, since he had felt this way.

He kissed her once and then twice. And then she pulled back. "We have to be careful," she said.

"I know." He whispered.

They stilled for a moment, foreheads touching, fingers interlinked. The house was silent, the only sound coming from the gentle and distant crashing of the waves on the beach. And then, like clockwork, Tali began to murmur inside of her room.

Tony chuckled, deep and throaty. "She's not a bad interruption," he said.

"You say that now." Ziva remarked.

It was dark when they began to really talk again. Tali had kept them busy from late afternoon all the way through dinner and beyond. Tony had watched as they made dinner together. Ziva giving Tali little tasks to complete and Tali looking up at her Mom eagerly, making sure that she was being a good helper.

And she was, for the most part.

Through dinner they talked mostly about Tali. They shared the quirks that they had both discovered and how she reminded them of each other. Tali chimed in every soft often with opinions of her own, though they weren't always related to the conversation.

When asked what her favorite animal was, Tali gave a roar and said, "Tigers!" before quickly sinking into her seat and changing her mind to "turts," to which Tony asked if she meant turtles and she nodded, baby ones though, she clarified.

She fell asleep on Ziva's lap not long after dinner. She and Tony were strategically avoiding speaking about anything that stretched past the next twenty-four hours. Ziva had mentioned wanting to show Tali the lighthouse at the edge of the bluff and maybe going down to the fist market.

Tony was quick to take them off on whatever tangent necessary to keep the conversation from getting tough again. He was too happy to simply be in her presence; to be able to just sit in the same room as her and Tali.

But once Tali fell asleep they both knew it was time to finish the conversation that they'd begun during Tali's nap.

Ziva tucked a hair behind her ear. "Have you told Gibbs that you…found…me?" She asked. She pulled a blanket from the arm of the couch and draped it across Tali.

Tony shook his head. "Haven't told anyone." He said.

"Oh," she said. "I just…assumed that…" she shrugged. "Others were involved in the search."

"Just me and the new partner here." He said. Tony gazed at his sleeping daughter, arms tight around her Kalev. "She's the only team I've got now."

Ziva raised an eyebrow.

"I quit," Tony supplied.

"Quit…what?" she asked. She wasn't following.

"I quit NCIS."

"Tony…why?"

"I…uh…I thought I was a single father. I couldn't justify putting her in danger of losing another parent."

"So you quit your job." She stated.

"Ziva," he emphasized, "I had just found out you were dead. Things were…complicated."

She inhaled. "I…I do not know what to say."

"It was stale, anyway." He shrugged. "Gibbs and I…I don't know," he said. "He's the Boss, you know, but it wasn't there anymore."

Ziva nodded. She looked down at Tali in her lap and stroked her hair. "She stole your heart quickly, hmm?"

"She's the most amazing little human that I have ever seen."

Ziva closed her eyes momentarily and then stared at Tony. "I will spend the rest of my life trying to make this up to you."

"Torturing yourself isn't good for anyone, Zi." He paused, "But I'm not missing anything," he emphasized, "ever again."

"Do you want to put her to bed?" Ziva asked.

Tony pushed himself out of the chair and scooped his daughter from Ziva's lap. He knew how hard that was for her. She'd had Tali back for less than twelve hours and Tony knew that her whole being must have ached to hold her forever, but she was trying. He leaned her close to Ziva so that she could kiss her head. Tali stirred just a little before curling onto his shoulder. Running a hand down her back, he started up the stairs and to her room.

He found Ziva sitting on the top step of the stairs after tucking Tali into her bed. The stairway was narrow, but Tony crowded himself in to sit next to her. He relished being so close to her again.

"I don't think she woke up," he remarked.

Ziva smiled and stole a sidelong glance at him. "She is a good sleeper – always have been."

"Those are my genes, I think."

"Yes," Ziva confirmed.

Tony turned and smiled at Ziva. And for the first time all day, she truly smiled back at him. The silence between them finally seemed companionable and Tony couldn't help but reach for her hand. She gave it willingly, her fingers lacing between his.

"I missed you." She whispered.

"I missed you, too." He said. He squeezed her hand.

"Are you tired?" she asked.

"It's been a long day." He said.

"Will you come to bed?" she asked and it was timid.

He hesitated, mostly out of self-preservation and rolled his shoulders. "Ziva, I – "

"Tony," she stopped him. "Just to sleep."

It was the middle of the night, Tony was beside her, Tali was safely in her room just down the hall and yet, Ziva was restless. She had tossed and turned for hours and now, at close to three in the morning, she had given up. She pushed the comforter back and turned to Tony. The rise of his shoulders canopied the comforter around her. She hadn't felt this safe in so long.

He'd passed out within moments of hitting the pillow, barely mumbling a word to her before falling asleep. She'd spent hours just watching him sleep, watching the way his eyes fluttered behind his eyelids and his hands reached for her waist every so often. There had been so many moments in the past three years when she had thought that she would never see him again, never feel the delicate strength of his hold around her waist.

And she had mourned that. He was so much to her.

She had waited so long for this moment. To have Tony sleeping beside her, to feel whole again. And to have it finally come, to be here with him now, it was all that she had ever wanted.

Finally, a part of her felt like she truly deserved it.

Ziva slipped out of the room and pulled her rob from behind the door. She padded down the hall to Tali's room. Ziva eased the door open and poked her head in. Tali was curled tightly into a ball, the way she always liked to sleep. Kalev was nestled in her arms and the blanket was bunched at her feet.

She made her way across the room and sat on the corner of the little girl's bed. She'd only recently left the crib. She had forgotten to ensure that Angelina had a crib and so that had been the end of that.

The first night that they were separated, Ziva had called Angelina in the middle of the night on a secure phone from Orli. It was something she had sworn that she wouldn't do – nothing to compromise Tali's safety. But in that moment, all alone at the house that had become she and Tali's haven, Ziva had been struck with anxiety that Tali wasn't ready to sleep in a real bed. What if she fell out? What if she got hurt?

Sitting beside her then, was the first time Ziva had seen her in a big girl bed as they had called it. She stroked her hand up and down her little girl's leg. Of course she had been fine. Angelina said she adapted with ease and Ziva should have expected nothing less, but had been through so much in the last month, more than anyone should in their lifetime, let alone just before their second birthday.

She sat with Tali for some time, but her eyes grew heavy again and no matter how much she wanted to just crawl into bed with her, Ziva was a firm believer that children needed to sleep on their own and so she returned to her own bed just like she would have had Tali do, but not before spreading the blanket back over her and momentarily laying a kiss to the side of her forehead.

Tony was awake when she walked in, his eyes bleary and confused as he searched for his wayward partner. He just couldn't shake the title. That was what she was – in all essences of the word. He pushed himself up when she entered and turned to face her when she sunk back down on the bed with a quiet sigh.

"It's late." He groaned. "Or early."

"I couldn't sleep."

"What's wrong?" he asked and he instinctively moved closer to her.

"Nothing," she shook her head. "Go back to sleep."

Tony reached over and flicked the bedside lamp on. The glowed warmed the room and he knew that look on her face and so he waited. They'd been down this road in the middle of the night on more than one occasion.

"I don't know what to say."

"I doubt that."

"I just…I am so glad that you are here."

"Me too," he reached for her hand and squeezed. "Is that what you wanted to say, though?"

She leaned against his shoulder and sighed. "Tony…what are we?"

"What have we ever been?" he responded and there was a small chuckle in his voice. He raised an eyebrow, but Ziva didn't move and so he settled in for a longer answer. "Ziva, here's the thing," And suddenly he was so very awake and so very serious. "I thought I knew pain when Abby said the Damocles had gone down with no survivors and I thought I knew hurt when you were about to marry he who shall not be named, but having us get so close…so close to actually giving each other what we deserved…and then to lose you to yourself and your past – that tore me apart. And then they told me that you were dead, confirmed a most unfortunate casualty and…I really think I would have died without Tali."

"Tony – " she spoke.

He shook his head. "I just can't go that low again. Not with Tali now."

"So you do not want to try again." She stated. And the walls went up so fast and she pulled her head from his shoulder and moved just a bit away.

"That's not what I said." He inhaled. "I just need you to tell me that all of the craziness, the penance, the martyrdom, the secrets – that it's done."

She turned back to him then and lip was quivering. "I didn't think it would come back like it did this time." And she looked so broken in the moment.

"I know." He said. He moved closer to her on the bed and pulled her into his arms, laying them both down against the pillows. They stayed silent for moments, but their mood soon began to lighten as Tony began to drag lazy lines up and down her arm and so she curled further into his side and wrapped her arm around his bare chest.

"You're more muscular," she giggled.

He gave her a theatrical gasp. "I knew I loved you for a reason."

She turned and her glistening eyes bore into him. "And I love you."

He pulled her mouth towards him and kissed her. She was so much softer than he remembered – so much sweeter. "I have always loved you so much, Ziva."

"I know," she said. "Maybe we can start to…show it now?"

He kissed her again. "Isn't the sleeping toddler evidence that at least once before we've showed it."

She giggled again, all throaty and relaxed. "That is true."

A/N2: Probably just one more chapter, possibly accompanied by an epilogue, but not sure yet. Let me know what you thought. Caro.