Chapter 10
2025Jan11 - Saturday - approximately 01:00 am
Max wandered along the hallway listlessly, so drained and worn-down she could barely see straight, even though she hadn't really done anything to speak of to warrant it. She hadn't dared stop to sleep, not since the 'nightmares' that had struck her the last time. She was tired of visiting memories, unable to face the prospect of more, no matter how distracting or informative they might be. And she was absolutely done with thinking, having spent most of the past few days analyzing every single clue and motive and alibi she could think of, carefully narrowing her list of likely suspects down to just under a handful, with two definitely topping the list.
All she really wanted at this point was to have all of this stop. To escape this achingly desolate tomb and go home. To wrap herself up in Alec's warm embrace and just forget, about everything. Even if only for a little while.
Of course, that was assuming he was even there waiting for her, a dismal part of her brain decried, too disheartened to ward off the negativity anymore.
Sighing as she looked around her once more, she slowed to a halt, finally allowing herself to slump down the nearest wall until she was resting on her butt, her legs sprawling out limply across the corridor. In the back of her mind, she'd been tracking the time ticking by as best she could, and it felt like the week was drawing to a close. It had to be late Friday, or maybe even early Saturday by now.
"So why am I still here?" She muttered grimly. "It should be over by now. Unless they decided to kill me after all." The idea not distressing her nearly as much as it should have, her ongoing presence here of far greater concern.
"Is this ever gonna end? And how the hell am I supposed to get home?" she whispered plaintively, her head falling back against the wall with a satisfying thump. So satisfying in fact, that she did it again several more times, each thump a bit harder than the last, needing the sound and the pain as proof of her own reality.
But there were no answers to be had, despite her desperate need of them, and she couldn't face even another second of the oppressive silence, at wits end both emotionally and mentally. Letting her heavy eyelids droop to a close, she reluctantly gave in to the compelling lure of slumber. Too depressed to even dare hope it would be dreamless.
She found herself drifting almost weightlessly, the scent of Alec strong around her, his chest rumbling faintly against hers as he mumbled something to her. Not that she could make out what he was saying, the sound coming to her as if through a heavy curtain. But she could feel his nose and cheek nuzzling softly into her hair, his warm arms wrapped oh-so-gently around her and she sighed in deep contentment, never wanting to wake up.
But something was wrong. Her stomach hurt, badly, and her whole body actually, once she felt him carefully lay her down. Opening her eyes, she found the familiar and comforting surroundings of her old bedroom, and she smiled for a moment, relieved to be somewhere safe. At least until OC appeared in front of her; her clothing damp, not that she appeared to notice, her hair all rumpled and her soft makeup-less face drawn tightly with anxiety.
Then the whimpering began and she turned to find 452 struggling to drag herself across the bed. An almost surreal awareness overtaking her, as she could feel both her own presence and 452's, both separate and yet not at the same time. The overwhelming surge of panic and pain swamping her almost too much to take. Every inch of her body screaming in violent protest at the desperate motion 452 was attempting.
"Shhh, sweetheart. It's just me. Just Alec - 494. Retha wanted to get you out of that tub and lying down as quickly as possible, so we couldn't wait for you to do it yourself. I carried you in here, that's all. So just relax baby. You're alright. It was just me," Alec repeated shakily and shoved a hand roughly back through his hair when she continued to try and drag herself away from him, his eyes haunted.
She was stunned when OC moved directly through her and sat down in the same spot she was.
"Take a look 'round sugar. You're in your old room now and you're safe." OC carefully took hold of her right hand to avoid the raw flesh, and stroked the back of it in an attempt to reassure her. "Easy boo. Ain't nobody here gonna hurt you. Only people that love you."
Tuning out the rest of the conversation, as she realized the appalling condition her body was in, Max gasped and eased herself gingerly off the bed to stand at the foot of it. She vaguely noted Retha's entrance and saw Alec and OC scatter to do her bidding. Watched as the women carefully got 452 settled on her back and covered in clean dry sheets. Felt 452's wary reaction as she registered Alec's reappearance by her side.
He seemed scared to approach her, his nostrils flaring as he scented the air, his usual confidence and swagger gone. Not that 452 was any surer of him, just staring at him and raking him over with her eyes.
Max couldn't help but stare too, never having seen him like this before. He looked absolutely wrecked. His face haggard and coated in a thick layer of stubble, his hair sticking up all over the place as if he'd been running his hands through it non-stop. And his clothes were all rumpled, looking like he'd been living in them for days. But the worst were his eyes; the brilliant green fire of them dull, bloodshot and overshadowed with pain and worry, while tear stains lay rampant on his cheeks.
452 finally gathered herself enough to give him tacit permission to approach. And he did so tentatively, biting at his lower lip as he was wont to do when nervous or unsure of himself, his right hand shaking as he reached out and gingerly placed an ice pack over her right eye and forehead. Stroking his fingers ever so lightly over her hair and cupping the left side of her head in his palm, he cautiously crouched down beside the bed, his eyes wide and wild, looking as if he couldn't quite believe she'd allow it.
Slowly turning her face into his hand, she breathed in deeply through her nose, taking in his familiar comforting scent and letting it wash over her; her left eye involuntarily closing in response as she nuzzled closer, rubbing the essence of him into her skin. The tightly-wound ball of fear in the pit of her stomach unraveling ever so slightly, allowing her to breathe a tiny bit easier as she inhaled deeply once more. The intrinsic refrain of 'Mate, Love, Protection' given off by his scent imbuing her with a sense of security she hadn't felt in what seemed like forever.
Sighing in welcome relief, she looked back up at him, mustering up a broken smile as her shimmery gaze played over his face again. "I'm really glad you're here," she finally croaked out, her right hand trembling as she reached up and tentatively covered his, consciously looking for reassurance. "Stay with me? Please?"
Startled, Alec's eyes widened even further and then he smiled tenderly at her and nodded. "Always, baby. I'll never wanna be anywhere else." Settling down more comfortably on his knees, he turned his hand under hers, allowing her to link their fingers together.
Her attention was diverted by Retha and the commencement of the ultrasound, her anxiety rising as the scan revealed nothing even after several interminable minutes. Feeling 452 begin to withdraw as well, her face tightening with dread, until the faint whooshing sound of an extremely rapid heartbeat filled the taut silence.
"Thank God." Max hadn't even realized she'd been holding her breath, until she had to gasp for air.
"You are most definitely still pregnant." Carefully checking the statistics displaying on screen, and watching the baby's movements, Retha finally announced with a slight frown, "The heart rate's a little fast for my liking, even for us. Most likely because this little one is reacting to your pain and stress levels. You can see from the jerky, occasionally frantic movements it's making, the baby's in a bit of distress."
"But as long as you can manage to calm down and stay relaxed, everything should hopefully be fine. You're going to need to take it as easy as you possibly can for a while though, as hard as we all know that's going to be."
She couldn't stop staring at the screen, just watching the tiny figure move with awe and intense gratitude. Her awareness fading away; the relief that their baby was still alive too great to allow anything else to register. At least until the unit was shut off.
Looking worried, Retha set the ultrasound aside, then pulled her bag closer and looked through it, coming back up with a syringe and a bottle of liquid. "Would you like me to give you a mild sedative first? Something to help you relax and ease some of the pain?"
"First?" Max murmured, confused as to what she'd missed, but feeling 452's tension and distress rising as if it were her own. Her lungs feeling like they were about to explode it was such a struggle to breathe through the constriction in her chest.
Seeing her face cloud over in protest and accurately guessing why, Retha continued, "I specifically researched it and picked some up for you just in case it might be necessary, and I promise, it won't hurt the baby. In fact, it should do him or her a world of good; help ease some of the distress it's feeling too."
452 bit at her lower lip as she thought about it, still a bit concerned; then looked over at her mate anxiously for his opinion.
"I think you should just go ahead and do it sweetie." Alec smiled encouragingly. "You need this. You both do. All this stress certainly isn't doing either of you any good. But it's completely up to you. It's your body. Your decision. And I'll support you either way, no matter what you decide."
It struck her suddenly; the realization that she was safe too, or as safe as she could be at any rate. That she wasn't dead. And that her mate was right there, standing steadfast beside her. He hadn't abandoned her after all, and it was obvious, just by looking at him, that he had no intention of ever willingly leaving her side again. She'd never felt more relieved of anything in her entire life.
"Alec." Smiling softly and stepping carefully over to stand beside him, wishing she could just curl up in his lap instead, she reached out and brushed her hand over his hair, gently smoothing the wild strands sticking up on top of his head. He didn't seem to register her presence though, all his focus centered on her doppelganger as he continued to hold her hand.
It was strange; watching him with 452, and wondering if he even realized it wasn't her lying there. If 452 was aware, for that matter, that they were separate now. It seemed hard to believe that she wouldn't be, as she had to have been responsible for them splitting in the first place, but with everything else that had happened, anything was possible, she supposed. The crazy fact that she could feel what 452 was feeling right now just as well as she could feel herself seemed proof enough of that. It was almost as if she were inside her own body again.
The pinch of the IV being inserted in her upper arm just as real to her as the nervous tension and fear thrumming through her body, and the fine trembling it was triggering in her limbs. Her heart pounding like mad and making her blood race frantically through her veins. Her rapid and ragged breathing causing her whole chest to burn like it was on fire, but particularly around her lower ribcage where it felt like several were broken. Worse still, was the fact that she had no control over any of it, unable to do a damn thing about her body's instinctive reactions. 452 unable to properly relax either, despite Alec's reassuring presence and Retha's entreaty that she try to do so.
Eyeing her ashen features with a frown and estimating how much blood she'd probably lost over the past week, Retha glanced over at Alec and caught his eye, asking quietly, "How are you doing right now?"
"Alright." Sounding puzzled and a trifle annoyed by the question, he asked a bit shortly, even as he matched her volume out of deference to his mate, "Why?"
"Just trying to determine if you're in good enough shape to transfuse her since she could more than likely use a pint or two. But frankly, you look like shit."
Cindy nodded in reluctant agreement, "Boy ain't slept or ate at all the past five days. Admitted it hisself earlier."
"Yeah I figured as much." Retha sighed as she laid the used syringe aside on the bedside table to dispose of later.
Already starting to push up his left sleeve, he frowned at them both and insisted just as quietly, "Just do it. I'm fine."
"Un huh. Sure you are." Retha arched an eyebrow at him, letting him know she wasn't buying it. "Who have you got on watch outside? Any women who could come in and give her a bit?"
"No!" 452 was absolutely stricken as she interrupted, her gaze suddenly wide and pleading as she choked out, "Please? I... I really don't want anyone else to see me. Not right now. Not like this." She shook her head frantically and sniffled, tears swimming in her open eye.
Regretfully ruling out that option, Retha nodded and leaned down to rub her arm, unwilling to push her when she was so transparently fragile. "Alright. Whatever you say. Just, try to calm down, okay?"
"I could do it..." Cindy started to offer, her eyes dark with her own concern.
Retha smiled at her, "Thanks, but unfortunately I have no way of making sure your blood is compatible. And I'm not willing to take that kind of risk since this isn't exactly an emergency situation. Plus - no offence - but she'd be much better off getting a boost of pure transgenic blood anyway, what with all the potent antibodies and such we've got going for us."
She turned her gaze back toward Alec, slowly shaking her head and rolling her eyes at the determined set to his jaw, "Fine. You win. There's a bottle of juice in the side pocket of my bag. If you promise to drink that down and eat something, I'll let you. But if you pass out, it's on your own head," she warned, pointing a finger at him.
Nodding before she'd even finished talking; he got up quickly and took off for the kitchen, coming back not even a minute later with a slightly overripe banana, a box of crackers, and one of the dining chairs to sit in.
Max couldn't help but smile as she saw the raw concern in his gaze, felt the quiet intensity and gentle strength with which he coaxed her into taking a few small bites of banana and sips of juice. Neither of them paying any heed to the transfusion being set up around them.
Staying close by his side, she watched Retha start in on the necessary repairs, feeling her awareness slipping a bit out of focus as the sedative began to kick in. A warm fuzzy haze stealing through her and drawing some of the tension from her limbs as time drifted by. She wasn't really surprised to hear that she had three cracked ribs, or that her wrist was broken, watching with curious detachment as her left forearm was efficiently set and immobilized.
Glancing quickly at her watch and then at Alec, Retha reached over and closed the clamp to end the transfusion. When he started to protest, she waved him off authoritatively and removed the needle from his arm, pressing a small wad of cotton over the site and applying pressure. "No. You're starting to get pale and you've already given her enough to help tide her over until her system can rejuvenate itself."
Giving him a significant look, she added a bit more quietly, "Plus I'm pretty sure she'll feel a hell of a lot more secure with you actually awake by her side rather than on the verge of passing out." When he nodded and lowered his head a bit sheepishly as he took over the pressure on his arm, she lifted the tube to allow the rest of the blood to flow into 452, then removed her needle as well.
Peeling the soiled gloves from her hands and tossing them into the nearby garbage can along with all the used packaging and supplies, she grabbed a clean pair and donned them. The loud snap of the latex swiftly regaining her patient's undivided and wary attention. Smiling gently in apology, Retha calmly met her strained gaze and asked solicitously, "So, would you prefer to have everyone else step out now to give us some privacy for your exam or do you think you'd feel more comfortable with them staying put?"
Flushing bright red as she thought about it and the hellish amount of damage done below her waist, 452 sighed miserably, weighing the mortification she would feel at having them see her like that against the relief and comfort of not being left to face this all alone. But it wasn't much of a contest with how vulnerable she was feeling. Swallowing hard as she realized that her mate likely already had a pretty good idea of the condition she was in anyway, the idea of having him stay really didn't seem like that big a deal. Especially since he was still standing by her of his own accord.
But Cindy on the other hand…
Turning her head toward her best friend, her expression sad and heavy with pain and humiliation, she tried to warn her, explaining tentatively, "I... It's… pretty nasty OC... I'm a real mess... down there. So I'm not sure if you wanna stick around... but I wouldn't mind… if you feel up to staying with me?"
Not even hesitating, she held her gaze and nodded reassuringly, reaching out to gently take her right hand. "Don't you worry. If you want Original Cindy wit'cha boo, then that's where I'ma gonna be. No doubt."
"How 'bout me?" Alec asked quietly after a moment, not wanting to presume too much and potentially alienate her.
"From..." 452's voice broke, and she had to clear her throat before continuing, "From what I understand... you've probably already seen..." Her voice trailed off and became decidedly bitter as she managed to choke out, "He told me he was sending you my 'greatest hits'..."
Max gasped and shook her head fiercely, "No!" Her face paling as she realized what that had to mean. The memory of the cameras she'd seen in her nightmares, taking on a new and even more horrifying connotation. The idea that Alec might have actually seen what had happened to her, the ultimate humiliation.
Glancing over at him and seeing the certain grim knowledge in his expression, dashing one of her few remaining hopes, she closed her eye, her face falling as a fresh wave of shame and humiliation crashed over her. A few tears leaking out to trickle helplessly down her burning cheeks as she tried unsuccessfully to bite back the sob rising in her throat to accompany them; feeling so unspeakably raw and out of her element, that she had absolutely no idea how to even begin to handle any of it anymore.
"Hey, shhh," Alec said gently as he carefully brushed her tears away. "You have nothing to be ashamed of sweetheart. You didn't ask for what happened to you. This is all on him and has absolutely no reflection on you. None of this is your fault."
Unable to deal, the genuine compassion and tenderness in his voice only making it worse and threatening to tear her completely apart, she pulled back inside herself as much as she possibly could, trying desperately to make herself go numb again. Wishing more than anything that she could somehow make it all go away and just forget, even if only for a little while. Just long enough to maybe give her a chance to try to piece herself back together again. But without a tangible or credible threat to fend against, she couldn't quite seem to manage anymore. The sedative unfortunately serving to lower her natural defences as well.
Sighing as she remained fairly closed off and unresponsive despite her continued tears, Alec explained sadly, "And I can see that you're really upset that I looked at that shit, and I am so sorry I invaded your privacy like that, but I couldn't help myself. I needed to see that you were still alive. Not knowing how you were was killing me. And I was desperate to try and find some sort of clue, anything that might help me identify him or where he was holding you."
He watched apprehensively as she took a couple of shaky breaths and then nodded tightly, whether in agreement with his reasoning or simply a desire to get this horrendous ordeal over with he couldn't tell, but she finally opened her eye and looked over at Retha. "You can go ahead. We're good here."
Max wanted to crawl under the bed as she watched the preparations being made; her cheeks blazing with embarrassment. She didn't even want to be present for this, let alone have Alec and Cindy see it. The intimate nature of the upcoming exam making this whole mess seem that much more real and inescapable. Taking it from the realm of nightmare into hellishly indisputable reality.
"Will you be comfortable enough like this?" Retha asked, as she opened up a tube of sterile lubricant and applied a generous amount to the speculum.
"Yeah." 452 bit at her trembling lower lip as a few more tears slipped down her cheeks, trying hard not to think about what was coming next as Retha slowly eased the sheet up to rest above her hips and moved down to perch between her legs. Staring resolutely up at the ceiling, unable to find the courage to meet anyone's gaze, she tried not to cringe. But she couldn't quite stop herself when she heard OC's hissed curse of outrage.
"Son of a fucking b-" Biting back the rest as she realized immediately that her reaction certainly wasn't helping, Cindy gently squeezed her hand and rushed to reassure her. "God. I'm sorry boo. Just wasn't quite prepared is all."
Alec's reaction was worse though, for all that it was silent. His urge to protect her fierce, and something he'd vowed to her on his life when they'd mated, although she'd insisted she could take care of herself. And he had definitely tried to restrain his instincts in that regard, out of respect for her and her wishes.
But for all of that, it certainly didn't take a genius-level IQ to see that he was blaming himself for it now. His face screwing up with dismay and rage as his eyes trailed slowly over her lower half. His whole body trembling as he grit his teeth, his face white as a sheet as he took in all of the damage done to her. The scent of his anger and pain engulfing her as he clenched his hands into fists at his sides, determined to maintain control of himself, if only for her sake. She knew that as clearly as she knew her own name; his quirks and tells as familiar to her as her own by this point.
Retha touched the back of her hand carefully against the inside of 452's thigh to prepare her, then murmured soothingly, "Okay, I'm going to insert the speculum now and open it up so I can check you for internal injuries. Are you ready?"
452 nodded tightly, struggling to contain the terrifying images threatening to overwhelm her as she felt the cold hard metal slide inside her and open with a burning sensation. Her breath hitching as her face rapidly drained of all remaining color, and she swallowed hard, fighting to hold down the bile as she squeezed Cindy's hand on a low moan of protest, shrinking back into the bed in a futile attempt to escape.
"Easy boo, just breathe, we're right here with you," OC murmured, stroking the back of her friend's hand gently. "You're gonna be a'ight."
Leaning in further to offer his support as well, Alec carefully wrapped his right arm around the back of her head and cupped the side of her face in his hand, his fingers lightly brushing over her damp hair and cheek as he encouraged, "Just try and think about something else sweetheart, and it'll be over before you know it."
"That's actually a good idea." Retha glanced back up at her momentarily as she carefully began her examination, "While I'm doing this, it might help distract you if you talked to us."
Feeling her flinch at the very idea, Alec hastened to reassure, "Not necessarily about what happened to you yet, but maybe you could tell us a bit more about your… relationship with Max and when you noticed she went missing?" Eyeing her appraisingly, he asked, "Has that ever happened before?"
Max started upon hearing her own name, realizing almost immediately from his question that they had to be aware of the split. That Alec knew he was sitting and talking with 452 right now. No matter how disturbing she found that thought.
It was interesting and distracting though to hear 452's responses to his questions and get a feel for her take on the situation. To have some of her own suppositions confirmed.
OC pursed her lips, looking particularly intrigued, "So do you have a name then too, like Max?"
Appearing utterly bewildered by the concept, 452 shook her head and answered with a slight frown, "No. I've always just been 452 - a part of Max - so why would I need my own name?" Feeling something moving inside her, carefully swabbing and probing at an extremely painful area, 452 suddenly stopped talking and drew in a shaky breath, squeezing Cindy's hand again involuntarily.
"Sorry about that." Retha quickly apologized, "But you've got a pretty nasty tear in your vaginal wall that may've potentially eluded this bastard's usual cleansing ritual. So I figured I'd take a sample just in case he left anything behind." Removing the swab and sealing it in a vial, she looked up at her sympathetically and advised, "Looks like you're gonna need a fair bit of stitching. For this and some of the other lesser tears. Do you mind if I go ahead and start?"
Shaking her head no as she worried at her lower lip with her teeth, 452 waited a moment, then asked very hesitantly, as if she wasn't quite sure she wanted to hear the answer, "So... umm... what's the uhh… verdict down there?" Her voice trembling and rising anxiously, she continued, "Is everything gonna be okay for the baby? He... he used the…" her face twisted horribly and she barely managed to spit out, "the pear on me."
"Oh God no." Max uttered the heartfelt plea in a tone barely above a whisper, her throat so tight it was a wonder the words even got out at all. Only too aware of the damage that particular item could cause, as it had likely eliminated any chance Kaley had of carrying a baby to term. Of even staying pregnant for more than a few weeks for that matter. Her attention focusing desperately now on Alec and Retha, needing to know how this would impact her own baby's odds for survival.
Alec squeezed his eyes shut as he struggled to maintain his grip on his composure, his face going ashen and his stomach churning at the mere mention of the barbaric torture device. He clenched his left hand into a fist, digging his fingers deeply into his palm in an effort to ground himself as he fought down the growl of pure fury rising in his chest, not wanting to scare her or upset her any further than she already was. Inhaling shakily and forcibly pulling himself back from the edge, he opened his eyes and made himself resume stroking her hair, despite the distinct trembling of his fingers, keeping his touch as light and gentle and unthreatening as he possibly could.
"Yeah, I kind of figured that's where these tears and puncture wounds came from." Retha murmured quietly in sad acknowledgement. Reaching for a swaged surgical suture kit and a pair of needle holders, she raised a wary eye to glance up at Alec in silent warning before settling back to work. "But it doesn't look as if it was opened up very far, so luckily the damage isn't too bad. Certainly nowhere near as bad as what was done to Kaley."
"I'd hoped not." 452 whispered hoarsely as yet another tear escaped, her lips twisting into a grimace as she confessed, "But then I… I cooperated-" Her voice caught on a thick sob, and she sniffled and forced herself to continue, "I did what he wanted, so he w-w-wouldn't, and... God! I just couldn't face losing the baby or w-winding up permanently damaged like that!"
The last sentence spoken so quickly and so desperately, and so obviously directed at her mate; an attempt at both an excuse and a veiled apology at the same time. The guilt and self-disgust she felt clear as she closed her eye and hung her head away from him in shame. The icepack sliding off her forehead to plop down over top his arm. Tears cascading down her face as she breathed raggedly, struggling to contain the sobs threatening to rip free from her chest.
"What did you do?" Max wondered quietly, her lower lip trembling, just knowing from 452's reaction that it had to be something unspeakably bad. Something that Alec might even consider unforgivable. The scents roiling off of him conveying a fiery jumble of rage and grief and hurt, making her ache.
He recoiled as he figured out what she was referring to, but managed to collect himself, although it took him a minute to do so. Visibly tamping down his own violent emotions, he leaned in to press an extremely gentle kiss to her averted cheek, then murmured tenderly, "Oh God sweetie, please don't do this to yourself. You only did what you had to. What was absolutely necessary to bring you both home safely. Nothing more. And I will never fault you for that. So don't beat yourself up over what he made you do."
"But how c-c-can you even s-stand to look at me? I c-chose to do that instead..." she wailed through her tears. "You h-h-had to have seen, h-he said he was s-sending it..."
Carefully turning her face back toward his, he choked back his own tears and answered, "Yes. I did see, but it doesn't matter. And it certainly doesn't change how I feel about you either. You wanna know what I do see when I look at you?"
She shook her head apprehensively, still unable to look at him.
He sighed, and his voice rang with conviction when he spoke, "I see an amazingly courageous woman, one who had the sheer strength and determination to make one of the most difficult decisions imaginable. One who put the safety and welfare of our unborn child above that of even her own emotional well-being. And I love you even more because of it. You are so brave and so beautiful to me sweetheart, and you will get through this. We both will. Together. Okay?"
Opening her bloodshot eyes slowly and blinking experimentally as her right cracked open gingerly through the remaining swelling, she looked up at him. Seeing the love and understanding shining down on her from his own shimmering green orbs, she released Cindy's hand and leaned into him, burying her face in his shoulder and wrapping her arm tightly around his neck, gladly taking the comfort he was so freely offering.
"That's it sweetie," he murmured softly, pressing a light kiss into her hair and carefully resting his cheek against her as he let his own tears fall. "Lean on me as much as you need to. I love you and I'm here for you; however you need me to be. Just don't shut me out. That's all I ask."
She could feel hot tears trickling from his face into her hair, and hear them plainly in his husky voice, and they shocked her to her core. She'd only ever seen him cry once before, and that had been over Rachel as she lay dying. And while she'd eventually grown to accept that Alec loved her too, somewhere in the back of her mind, there'd always been a shadow of doubt as to exactly how much. She hadn't been able to stop herself from wondering occasionally if he had perhaps loved Rachel, with all her sweetness, more. Particularly whenever they'd been arguing.
But now? Seeing and hearing him so broken up? It couldn't be clearer how much he loves her too. And she wrapped that knowledge around her like a blanket, taking what comfort she could.
She sniffled and slowly pulled back from him a bit, swiping a shaky hand across her face in an attempt to get rid of the lingering tears and tear tracks. Nodding gratefully at him with a soft watery smile as she attempted to gather herself, she finally turned her attention back to Retha, "So... how bad is it?"
Retha looked up and hastened to reassure them both, keeping her voice as even and soothing as she could as she proclaimed, "Thankfully, your cervix doesn't appear to have taken any significant damage, which is great news. The device must have been inserted slightly off center based on where this tear is. And while you do have a lot of friction burns, puncture wounds, and minor tears to go along with the big one, those should all heal up pretty much on their own given maybe 6 weeks or so of recuperative time."
"Aside from that though and some admittedly heavy bruising, everything else looks like it should hopefully be alright internally. I don't think there'll be much, if any permanent damage to speak of, although you may find you have some issues with sensitivity later on depending on how much scar tissue there ends up being. And we will have to monitor you closely when you get nearer to term, might have to consider a C-section to avoid any potential re-tearing during birth. But all in all, it's good news so far."
Pausing for a moment to consider where she was at, she advised, "I've only got three more tears that need stitching internally and then we can move on to the rest of the exam. And I'll know more then."
Sighing with relief and catching a matching expression on her mate's face out of the corner of her eye, 452 nodded slowly and returned her gaze to the ceiling, wincing and grimacing from time to time as she tried to ignore the poking and pinching sensations as the needle and thread continued to work their way through her most sensitive flesh.
Several minutes later, Retha smiled up at her as she finally finished the last stitch and gently eased the speculum from her body, then applied some lubricant to her index and middle fingers in preparation for the rest of the exam. "Alright, the worst part's over with. I just need to finish manually examining your internal organs." Putting her left hand on 452's lower abdomen, she caught her eyes and gestured with her right to indicate what she was about to do, waiting for her telltale nod before continuing. "Let me know immediately if any of this hurts."
Max watched intently, feeling all the gentle probing and prodding. She was expecting a world of hurt to accompany it, but surprisingly it wasn't much worse than what she'd already been experiencing. Which was apparently good news.
"That's good. Really good." Retha nodded happily, a small optimistic smile actually gracing her features as she met 452's gaze. "Looks like your uterus, ovaries and tubes are in good order as well. So you can relax."
Gently pulling her hands back and out, she discarded the contaminated gloves and grabbed another fresh set. "Now that that's over with, I'm gonna start taking care of the rest of your wounds down here, okay?"
452 nodded, starting to breathe evenly again in an attempt to mentally prepare herself, feeling sweat beading on her forehead and upper lip as the heat radiating out from the lamp began to envelope her, seeming stifling all of a sudden. Frowning, she watched warily as Retha adjusted the direction of the light before bending down to work once more, the light flashing directly over her shoulders and into her eyes.
Suddenly everything faded out around her, her surroundings shadowy and hazy outside of that light, sounds heavily distorted as they filtered through to her as if she were underwater.
"What the hell?" Max started blinking and shaking her head, rubbing at her ears in an attempt to get them working properly again, but nothing helped. Almost as quickly as it began though, it was over and she was back.
Gasping quietly as she returned to alertness, she blinked hard several times as she looked away from the light, gradually focusing back in on her mate as he looked at her worriedly, seemingly waiting for a response.
She swallowed hard around the lump in her throat, and muttered, "Sorry. What?"
"I asked if you were alright." His eyes tracked gently over her strained features. "You drifted off for a minute there and from the look on your face it wasn't anywhere pleasant."
"No. Not really. But then none of this is…" she admitted hoarsely. "I just need a distraction. That's all."
Alec nodded slowly, not looking particularly convinced, but he let it go for now. "Well, in that case, while I know it'll be hard," he paused and then asked quietly, "do you think you could maybe tell me a bit more about when you were taken? Josh already told me everything he knew up until he left our place."
"Yeah. I guess." Taking a few deep breaths as she tried to regain control over herself, she nodded and unconsciously reverted into soldier debriefing mode. A rather blank look taking over her face as she slowly started reporting, "Max saw him out and locked the door behind him, but she was so tired, and excited too thinking about the baby, that she wasn't really paying much attention to her surroundings. And since Josh had just finished checking all the doors and windows, and she wasn't planning on leaving the apartment, she wasn't worried about it. But something just didn't feel right to me. Something was off. So I took over."
A puzzled frown crept over her battered face as she tried to remember exactly what it was that had alarmed her, and she shook her head in frustration. "I don't even know what it was that was bothering me. Something instinctive maybe. But when I looked around, I couldn't really see anything out of place. There were no strange noises or smells or anything. So I headed back over to the couch to lie down and rest for a bit, since I was still feeling slightly dizzy. And I was about to close my eyes, when I caught just the slightest hint of movement above me. Up in the ductwork."
She bit her bottom lip and took a shaky breath in through her nose, "I tried to move, to roll off and get away, but I wasn't quick enough. I'd already been hit with a tranq dart. Something really fast acting too because I started to drop off almost instantly. The last thing I remember was hearing him laugh. So smug and condescending, so god-damned superior!" She shuddered at some of the images that sound brought to mind.
Struggling to stay in the present, she breathed raggedly, her eyes darting madly about the room, searching for something, anything, to focus on, rather than the laughter resounding in her head. Catching a hint of movement up in the far corner by the window, she zoomed in and watched as a spider crept out across its web toward one of its saved meals and sank its fangs into it, feasting voraciously.
It happened again, and Max shook her head, puzzled, as all she could see was the damned spider. "Alright, this is just stupid. What the hell is going on!"
But it wasn't quite the same: a sense of panic and dread sweeping through her, a shudder of revulsion wracking her body as she seemed to be reacting to something only 452 could see and hear.
Blinking rapidly as she tried to calm her breathing, 452 forced herself to look away from the web. Desperate to push aside the other, much more painful memories swarming in on her, she tried to focus on her report.
"Next thing I knew, I was somewhere else. Somewhere cold and dark. Not dark enough that I couldn't see though. And not nearly dark enough that I couldn't figure out exactly where I had to be once I had a look around." She shuddered at the memory, but gamely continued on.
"The room was huge, with no windows and just a small grate in the metal door for a peephole, with a fluorescent bulb flickering through it from outside. Felt like it was probably some sort of underground bunker or something as it was made up almost entirely of concrete. And the ceiling was easily 10 feet high with imbedded lighting and all sorts of hooks and chains suspended from it. There was an old dirty toilet and rusted metal sink in the corner furthest from the door, and several floor drains spread throughout the room. And the air, God, it was so damp and musty. It positively reeked in there... of blood and sweat and fear... and sex." Her throat worked convulsively and she barely managed to swallow down the bile rising thickly in her gut.
Max deliberately tuned her voice out now, not in any mood to hear any of this again, having already experienced it for herself. Her eyes instead focusing in on Alec, watching his face tighten and his eyes darken with pain and sadness as he listened to what she had to say.
She was more prepared for it when everything faded out this time, but was surprised by the surge of disgust and nausea accompanying it. Fire burning in her chest, her lungs constricting until it felt like she couldn't breathe, her stomach twisting and churning uncontrollably as a nasty taste filled her mouth.
"Shit." She muttered thickly, as her stomach finally revolted completely, "I'm gonna be sick."
Reacting quickly, Alec reached for the garbage can and barely brought it up in time as she twisted her body to the side and lost the rather meager fare she'd forced down earlier. When she was finished and collapsed weakly back on the bed with a moan, he put it back down and carefully wiped her face clean with the cuff of his sleeve. "Better?"
"I s'pose." She shrugged, then cursed under her breath at the pain that enveloped her again with the renewed movement of her back, a wave of dizziness sweeping over her as white dots filled her vision. Raising a hand to her face, she covered her forehead and eyes, then whispered hoarsely to herself in a small pep talk, "Don't think about the pain. Just concentrate on the baby and be grateful it's alright, cause you really didn't wanna have to do it."
"Do what?" Alec asked, something in her tone putting him on high alert.
"Huh?" Jerking and peeking up at him warily as she realized she'd actually said it out loud, she covered her eyes again, looking extremely uncomfortable as she mumbled quickly, "It's nothing."
"No. It's not nothing. What didn't you want to do?" He pressed, more urgently this time, as he sensed how important it was to know, reaching over to gently tug her hand down out of the way.
Sighing heavily, knowing he was too stubborn to let this go, she muttered, "Self-terminate."
"What! Where would you even get an idea like that?" Alec's hand tightened around hers in desperation, scared to death at the very thought of losing her permanently.
She almost shut down completely, his raised voice and slightly painful grip triggering a set of very distressing memories, the thought of denying him anything causing fear to course through her body. Turning her head toward him somewhat meekly, she admitted, "From Max. It was the last thing she told me - what she ordered me to do - before I sent her away."
Sensing all eyes on her now, even Retha's, she explained hesitantly, "She'd already seen what'd happened to the other women, how messed up they all were after. All scared of their own shadows, and so unbelievably timid and submissive. So she wasn't holding out much hope of keeping herself intact. And with the rather dismal toll being taken on the mated pairs, she wasn't overly optimistic she was going to be able to hold on to you either."
"The only thing she could focus on, the only idea keeping her halfway sane, was the hope that maybe, just maybe, if she was extremely careful and didn't fight him; she might be able to get through it with the baby intact. It was the only thing she felt she might have any sort of control over. Something that nobody could take away from her."
Heaving a soft sigh, she muttered lowly, "But I knew she'd never be able to do it. She's got too much pride, too much spirit. She'd never be able to restrain herself like that. Not through five days of pure and utter hell."
She shook her head, her eyes haunted as a tear slipped down her cheek, and she confessed just as quietly, "But I knew I could... It'd be a hell of a struggle - would probably damn near kill me - but I could force myself to do it. No matter how much the thought of giving in to him turned my stomach..."
She stopped and bit her lower lip, dragging in a harsh breath before continuing, "And she knew it too. She told me flat out, that if we lost the baby, she didn't want to go on. Didn't think she'd have any reason to even try. So she gave me a clear, direct order and left me in charge. And I found her a nice happy memory in my head and shoved her in it, then slammed the door behind her. It was the only thing I could think of, to maybe keep her safe..."
Silence reigned for several minutes, as they all tried to digest what she'd revealed. Retha finally shaking herself from her stupor and resuming where she'd left off, cleaning the cuts and bite marks on her inner thighs.
FEAR. That was all she could register. That and pure unadulterated panic. Feeling like she was strapped down, just like the technicians had done to them back at Manticore, unable to move or do anything to save herself. The sheer helplessness paralyzing.
Her heart racing as PAIN set her crotch on FIRE. A hysterical scream rising up in her throat although she had no idea what was happening or why. Her lips muttering a litany of desperate pleas, not that she could say where they were coming from either. Tears pouring heedlessly down her face, making it damn near impossible to see.
Not even realizing that she'd been flinching and whimpering a panicked refrain of "no" and "please" and "stop" for the last few minutes as she gazed vacantly off into space, 452 suddenly shrunk back into the bed. Her eyes wet with tears that wouldn't stop coming as she swiped frantically at her cheeks and batted wildly at anything that came near her.
"Crap!" Retha swore. "Everyone back off. She's gotta be having a flashback. Just give her a minute. Let her come out of it on her own, or you might set her off even worse."
Forcibly sitting on his hands to restrain himself from reaching out to her, Alec clenched his teeth as he stared down at her, silently pleading with her to just wake up already, as her thrashing aggravated the wounds on her back, the scent of her blood cloying in his nostrils.
As if on cue, she gasped loudly for air, her face white as a sheet as she unexpectedly stuttered out, "B-b-blue."
"What baby?" Alec asked, frowning uncertainly, completely lost as to what she might be talking about.
Taking a deep shuddering breath, she whimpered in terror, "He… he has blue eyes."
Alec's eyes darkened at the first real clue they'd had to the bastard's identity, and he asked tightly, "You're sure?"
She nodded shakily, "P-p-positive. I just s-saw... just remembered. At one p-point... turned his head... and caught the light just right..."
"You're having flashbacks, aren't you?" Retha asked sympathetically. "Pretty vivid ones I'm guessing?"
452 nodded gingerly, sobbing, "I... it's l-l-like... he's r-r-right h-here... and it's h-h-happening all o-over again... and I... I... I c-c-can't..." Unable to continue, she closed her eyes and turned her head away, shuddering violently as she tried to catch her breath, tears falling unchecked down her cheeks.
OC leaned in close, stroking her hair back from her face in an effort to comfort her and murmuring soothingly, "That asshole's not here boo. It's all in your head. It's over now and you're safe. Alec and I are right here and no one's ever gonna hurt you like that again. Not on Original Cindy's watch."
Max swiped the tears away from her own eyes, feeling so raw it was nearly intolerable. She was unspeakably glad though to have both Alec and OC hovering so protectively around her. Their presence a soothing balm to her beleaguered soul. But then the final clue clicked in.
Blue eyes.
There were only two men on her short list of suspects who had that color, and unsurprisingly, they both topped it. "It's gotta be them." She whispered to herself, not that she'd needed much more convincing; all the pieces of the puzzle fitting together seamlessly.
"Now all I need is to get back inside my own body, so I can actually do something about it." She muttered determinedly.