Chapter 12

Mood Music: I See Fire by Ed Sheeran and The Lighting Strike by Snow Patrol

Present - 2025Jan11 - Saturday - Approximately 03:30 am

"Oh thank heaven." Retha murmured, sounding utterly relieved as 452 mercifully passed out. "I don't think she could've handled much more, and cleaning and dressing her back with her conscious would've torn us all apart." Bracing herself, she got down to work and painstakingly started peeling the non-stick pad away, trying not to pull any of the loose skin free with it or cause any further blood loss.

Alec got up and began to pace furiously though, obviously thinking hard about something. Unable to dismiss the potential lead - no matter how remote - without at least checking it out, he dug out his cell phone and dialed.

OC watched him, curious as to what he was up to, but knowing it must be important to drag his attention away from Max.

"Hey Mark, sorry for calling so late."

("No problem buddy, I'm up with Jake anyway. Did you find Max?" he asked urgently.)

"Yeah, I'm with her right now."

("That's a relief. How is she?")

"I-" he grimaced when his voice cracked, and cleared his throat before trying again. "It's bad. She's in really rough shape."

("I'm so sorry man. Is there anything Dana and I can do to help? Anything at all?")

"There is actually. Something's come up, but there's no way on Earth I can leave her. And since you're one of the few guys left that I trust, I was wondering if you could do me a favor. Immediately if you can, because time is of the essence, but it needs to be kept quiet. No one can know what you're doing, or why. Especially Bran."

("Why not?")

"Because it concerns Trev, and I don't trust Bran not to tip him off. They're too close."

("Yeah, you're probably right. So what do you need me to do?")

"I need you to find some way of baring Trev's chest without arousing suspicion - sparring maybe? - so you can check him for damage. Preferably on camera or with witnesses. But I need it done ASAP."

("And what exactly will I be looking for?")

"Any trace, no matter how small, of a recent stab wound, just below the right collarbone where it meets up with the edge of the ribcage."

("A stab wound?")

"Yeah." Taking a deep breath as he made up his mind to trust him completely, he continued, "This goes no further than you and I for right now, but... Max managed to knife her attacker on Monday. And was also able to tell me that this prick has blue eyes."

("Thank fuck!" Mark crowed quietly. "I was beginning to think we'd never get a lead. So you think it might be Trev?")

Alec sighed, "I honestly don't know. He's got some pretty solid alibis, but he's also got one of the best motives I can think of. And with the way he's acted in the past toward Max and I, and some of his behavior this week? I just need to know, one way or the other. I'll never be able to rest otherwise."

("Sure thing. I'll go now and bring Jake with me. Dana's completely wiped as he's been doing the night owl thing lately, so that gives me a good excuse to hang out at HQ with him for a while to let her sleep. Nobody'll think anything of it.")

"Let me know what you find out as soon as you can, okay? If it isn't him, I'm gonna have to arrange to round up every last one of the blue-eyed guys tomorrow and check them for wounds. 'Cause there's no way this bastard's getting away with this."

("And if it is Trev? Do you want me to move on him tonight?")

"No! Just gather the evidence and don't say a word. I'll deal with him personally." His voice dropped into a deep growl at the thought.

("I hear ya. I'll call you back as soon as I have anything.")

"Thanks man. I appreciate it." Disconnecting the call, Alec shoved the phone back in his pocket and came to a halt beside the bed. Wincing as Retha meticulously repositioned a small flap of skin on his mate's back with a pair of tweezers, he bit his lower lip hard, his eyes burning as he tried to hold back fresh tears, his hands clenching into fists at his side. The relief that she was here with him and still alive, warring with his rage at what had been done to her, and the fear that he might never get his Max back. That she might remain buried somewhere beneath the persona of 452 forever. The desire to maim and kill the monster responsible for it all boiling up under his skin.

Taking a deep breath in an effort to maintain control, he choked out huskily to Retha and OC, "Will you be okay with her if I take a minute? I should probably try to clean up while I have a chance. I must reek by now."

Retha smiled gently at him, sensing that he was about to implode and looking for some privacy to do so. "That sounds like a really good idea. She'll likely be out for a while; I'm guessing at least an hour or two if not more, so take whatever time you need Alec."

"OC'll stay right here with her boo, until you get back." Cindy affirmed quietly, her eyes shining with compassion as she offered, "There's an extra razor in the medicine cabinet too, if you feel up to shaving."

He nodded grimly, then leaned over to brush a wisp of his mate's hair out of the way and place a gentle lingering kiss on the side of her cheek. "Please come get me if she wakes up early." After they gave their murmured assent, he walked over to the closet and grabbed a spare set of clothes, heading straight for the bathroom.

Once behind closed doors though, he faltered, haunted by what lingered in the room. Retha had obviously gathered up the clothing and hair clippings earlier as potential sources of evidence, as they were gone.

But the blood...

There were drops and smears of it everywhere. On the sink. The mirror. The floor. The tub. Even the walls. The smell of it, and his mate's pain and fear, cloying, filling his nostrils and turning his stomach, bile rising up to choke him.

Unable to hold it down, he staggered to the toilet, barely making it in time as he lost the small amount of food and juice he'd had earlier, gagging and retching uncontrollably until his throat felt like it was bloody too. He swiped the back of his hand across his mouth as he flushed, and thought about brushing his teeth, but one look at the bloodstained toothbrush sitting in the holder had him changing his mind. Gulping hard, he quickly shed his clothes and gun and climbed into the shower, turning the water on full force and immersing his head and face in it, rinsing his mouth out that way instead.

He finally let his mask drop completely as despair gripped him hard, seeing 452 cringe away from him over and over again, the stark terror in her eyes ripping him apart. Slamming the side of his fist against the wall several times, he cursed as a tile cracked and spidered under the abuse, not having meant to hit it that hard. He stared blankly at the damage as tears began coursing down his cheeks; the image replaced in his mind's eye by the snarled web of slashes mangling his mate's back. Not even a single square inch left untouched; a brutal and excruciating reminder of his own whipping. And his repeated failures to protect the women he loved.

"Fuck!" Howling out his grief and fury, he bowed his head, bracing his hands against the tiles to help hold himself upright as his whole body shook with the force of his sobs. The water pouring down over his head and back, washing away as best it could the anguish of the past five days.

He had no idea how long he stood there, but he was shivering by the time he roused himself enough to get out of the now frigid spray. After drying off and dressing, he used the damp towel to wipe down the surfaces in the room, wanting to remove all traces of his mate's pain and suffering, unable to bear it. When he was done, he tossed it in the trash, making a mental note to grab some replacements for Cindy as soon as it was feasible.

He barely even recognized himself when he finally caught a glimpse of his bleak reflection. Scrubbing a hand over the roughness of his cheeks, now buried beneath a thick layer of stubble, he reluctantly pushed the mirror aside to grab the razor, resolving to finish the job and shave no matter how exhausted he suddenly felt. There was some foam in there as well so he lathered up and ran the blade swiftly over his face, barely even noticing the nicks he gave himself, just wanting to get back to his mate.

When he returned to the bedroom, OC and Retha were talking quietly as she finished applying the last of the dressings. They both looked up at him sympathetically as he tossed his dirty clothes in the corner and joined them on the bed, thankfully not saying a word though about either his reddened eyes or the racket they must have heard him making.

OC smiled gingerly at him, "Well, you look a bit more like yo'self, pretty boy, though you prob'ly don't feel it."

He shook his head in agreement and reached out to gently take Max's nearest hand in one of his, needing the physical contact to reassure himself she was actually there. His voice slightly hoarse as he declared, "Not even close."

"You are doing an amazing job with her, you know Alec." Retha smiled encouragingly at him as she reached into the side pocket of her bag, realizing this was probably the best chance she was going to get to talk to him frankly about the situation, at least for the foreseeable future. "You've been telling her exactly what she needs to hear. Especially from you."

"I've been doing a ton of research on rape and psychology over the past month in the hopes it'll help me counsel our women through this, and I managed to track down a few books strictly for partners of survivors, detailing how they can cope with their own trauma while helping their loved one through theirs. I already gave one of them to Kris last week, and I brought this one for you." She pulled out a thick dog-eared paperback and offered it to him. "It has some really good tips on both things to do and avoid, as well as a wealth of information on the issues and concerns that typically arise between couples, with suggestions on how to work through each of them."

"Thanks." He took it hesitantly with his free hand and set it down on the empty chair beside him, regarding it with the caution one would give a bomb, not at all sure he was up to facing what it might represent quite yet.

Having caught his troubled frown at the mention of his own trauma, she warned, "I realize you're far more concerned about Max and her well-being at this point. It's only natural for you to be feeling hyper-protective and more focused on eliminating the threat to her. But please, don't make the mistake of thinking that this rape happened only to her, because it didn't. It happened to you too."

He looked up at her, taken aback by the suggestion, and opened his mouth to downplay his own suffering, but she didn't allow him to. "This act was a violation of everything you both hold sacred Alec, namely your oath and bond to one another as a mated couple, and your sense of security and trust in each other. Even of your own abilities as an alpha male and protector."

"Most guys have a tough time handling it when their loved one is sexually assaulted. And there's a massive difference too between having a dry conceptual idea of what likely occurred, a second-hand factual awareness from having her tell you about it, and a tangible visceral experience from actually watching it happen for yourself." She arched an eyebrow at him significantly. "By sending you those flash drives the way he did, this bastard was obviously trying to use them to attack you as well. And unfortunately, those kinds of memories don't just go away; they'll haunt you when you least expect it. So I don't want you to be surprised by the emotional backlash that's gonna start hitting you as the shock wears off and reality sinks in. You're going to be wading through a minefield of guilt, resentment, insecurity, and grief. Not to mention hurt and anger, which are some of the hardest things to take."

"There'll be so much anger you likely won't know what to do with it all, let alone how to contain it. At the rapist for daring to attack her like this, at the sheer amount of pain and suffering you're both going through, at yourself for not being able to protect her, and maybe even some at Max herself, as awful as that sounds. Perhaps for leaving herself vulnerable to being taken, even if it was only for a few minutes. Or for cooperating during some of it to avoid more grievous injuries."

"Or maybe even because she won't be responding to you the way she used to, despite the fact that you didn't do anything wrong." She sighed, her expression filling with empathy. "She'll likely be withdrawn and skittish of you for quite some time to come, holding you at arm's length while she struggles to regain some sense of command over her own body. And while those are all instinctive reactions that she won't have any real control over, they're still gonna hurt like hell and make you feel like crap."

Alec just stared at her, unable to voice the resonance he was already feeling from her words.

Maintaining steady eye contact, Retha insisted firmly, "So while you may want to brush off your own feelings as insignificant, it is very important that you deal with them and take care of yourself too Alec, or you won't be in any condition to help her. You'll wind up sniping at each other for stupid shit that neither one of you can help when you're hurting, and push yourselves straight to the breaking point. So I strongly recommend that you make time to talk to someone about this on a regular basis. Not Max, because she'll be far too caught up in her own mess to be able to cope with any of yours, but Kris would be a good choice as you'll both be experiencing similar issues and can act as sounding boards for each other. And I'll be available too, to sit in and help you guys."

"Me too," Cindy offered quickly. "If you ever wanna talk or need some quiet space to breathe or maybe even just have a drink with someone who understands, just say the word an' OC'll be here waitin'. Best part is, the hugs are free, an' there ain't no judging here neither."

Retha smiled and nodded at the other woman's down-to-earth support then looked back at Alec. "I want you to be prepared as well for the fact that you and Max will likely be dealing with this for months, if not years to come, as daunting as I know that sounds."

At the look of stunned disbelief creeping over his face, Retha sat back with a sigh and explained, "I don't know why, but for some reason people tend to view rape as a transient sex crime, as something for a woman to forget about or 'get over' fairly quickly, but it's not. Not at all. Mainly because it's not really about the sex itself. It's about power and intimidation. It's about the rapist using lust and violence and brutalization as terror tactics to dominate and control a woman. Those are the things that are gonna haunt her: that and the memories of being violated and feeling so small and powerless against it all, no matter how strong or dominant she was beforehand. Which is frequently why she's targeted in the first place."

She shook her head sadly. "Even for a woman who experiences a relatively violence-free and brief incident, the effects can be far-reaching and last for years, if not her entire lifetime. Particularly if she knew the man who raped her. Some women find it extremely difficult to ever trust anyone again, let alone tolerate any kind of a sexual relationship, even with an existing lover that they did trust before."

Trying to reassure him when she saw how drawn his face was getting, she stressed, "That being said, I would take the fact that 452 is letting you get close and touch her - especially when she's feeling so raw and overwhelmed - as a pretty good sign that she and Max still intrinsically trust you, which should make things easier in some respects."

"A lot depends though on the woman herself, the intensity of the assault, and the quality of treatment and support she receives afterward as to how well or how long it takes her to heal. If she has a healthy initial self-image, a good system of coping mechanisms in place, and a strong support network to help her find her way through the aftermath, then there is the potential for a quicker and fuller recovery."

Settling back more comfortably against the wall, she continued, "There's actually a separate form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that deals specifically with people who've been sexually assaulted. It's called Rape Trauma Syndrome and has three phases that survivors go through. As the person is physically, mentally and emotionally ready, they advance to the next step in the process."

"The Acute phase occurs in the first few days and weeks following an assault." She frowned as she noticed the nearly empty saline drip hanging beside her head, and leaned over to pick up a fresh bag so she could replace it.

"Initially, the person is quite numb, in a state of shock and disbelief. But that quickly branches out into a multitude of other reactions, which usually includes an obsessive compulsion to bathe, and an almost constant sense of anxiety and fear and vulnerability. They're likely to be far more sensitive and irritable than normal, and shaky or easily startled. They usually have trouble focusing as well, and will seem scattered or spacey or confused, and will have difficulties handling or remembering to even do basic tasks like eating and sleeping and grooming. They may need a lot of gentle reminders and assistance just to get through each day at first."

Standing up, she quickly prepped the new bag for hanging. "They also tend to be completely overwhelmed by feelings of guilt, shame, degradation, and self-blame, which can discourage them from reaching out to anyone for help even when they desperately need it."

As an afterthought, she added more sedative to the bag, in the hopes that it would help keep 452 out longer and allow her to actually rest. "Some people are very outwardly expressive and will exhibit the crying and shaking and tension that you would expect to see, while others are very controlled and may mask and internalize their feelings, even appearing calm and rational for the most part. But no matter which way they're reacting, it's important to remember that they're under a tremendous amount of stress and can't really regulate it."

"The next phase is Outward Adjustment, and at this point the person is usually just trying to forget about the assault and return back to their 'normal' life as much as they can; although they'll still be exhibiting a variety of symptoms such as insomnia, night terrors, flashbacks, panic attacks, and depression."

"Denial and repression of feelings are extremely common as they attempt to put the experience behind them. Some will pretend that everything is fine, or that it never happened, or even ignore the sex or violence altogether and say that it was 'just an assault' or 'just a bad sexual experience', while others will search desperately for some kind of reason or explanation behind the attack." Pulling the IV needle free from the old bag, she inserted it into the new one without skipping a beat, and then switched them out on the nail. "The person usually puts a huge effort too into avoiding any and all potential triggers or reminders of the event, and may make drastic changes to their lifestyle, environment or appearance in order to accommodate their needs."

"So while this can be a very trying time for you as a partner, it is an essential part of the process, giving the person time to prepare themselves for actually dealing with the rape. Some people are able to pass through this fairly quickly, while others stay in limbo for a long, long time – even years – simply because they don't feel strong enough to face it or deal with it. Or because they don't have anyone there that they trust enough to help support them."

"The last phase is Long-Term Reorganization, and that's where the actual healing takes place, because the person is no longer able to forget about or repress the assault." After tossing the used bag in the garbage, she sat back down on the bed, making herself comfortable again. "Triggers or flashbacks usually start the process and they can be very frustrating as the person may feel that they've already dealt with the assault, and yet they can't seem to stop thinking about it. It's common for them to feel overwhelmed by the return of frequent flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety attacks and feelings of hopelessness. They may even consider suicide if things get bad enough."

"Fortunately, it's during this phase that the person actually starts working through all of their memories and feelings from the assault. It can be a long and difficult process, with many setbacks along the way, but they eventually find perspective on what happened, realize that they have survived the experience, and start to regain a sense of safety, control and trust. Issues may still come up from time to time after that, usually because of some sort of trigger, but it does gradually get easier to deal with."

Alec dropped his head and stared down at Max for a few minutes, just caressing her hand and breathing as he let the information wash over him. Finally he lifted his head again and murmured dryly with a hint of his old humor, "So what you're saying then, is that it's a really good thing I'm an endurance model who lives for tough challenges?"

Retha couldn't help the small huff of laughter that escaped her lips as she smiled at him. "Yeah, I guess I am. It'll definitely help. It's going to require a great deal of patience, effort and commitment to find ways of transforming your relationship into something healthy and new that will work for both of you, especially in terms of your sexuality. There'll be days where you'll feel like you'll never make it through and others that'll seem almost like old times, and far more that will fall somewhere in between, but as I said, it's all part of the healing process and it will slowly get better over time."

Taking a look around at the bed, she started gathering up the extra supplies, sorting through them and putting them back in her bag. She was sorely tempted to leave the conversation at that, since Alec actually seemed to be in a decent mood considering, but there were still far too many things he needed to know. Sighing, she pushed on, "I'm really sorry to have to say this, but I think it's only fair to warn you that I do think this is going to be tougher on Max than it has been for any of our other women so far. Aside from maybe Jess anyway, given her level of training as one of the younger X6's."

Scrubbing a hand back through his still damp hair, Alec sighed too, his eyes burning as he tried to figure out her reasoning. "Why do you say that?"

"Well for starters, Max escaped from Manticore long before they began training us for some of the harder things, like using sex to coerce information from targets, and how to withstand different forms of torture."

Alec grimaced as he started to get an idea of where she was going, seeing a similar expression cross OC's face from the corner of his eye.

"I know, not particularly pleasant to think about right now. But the thing is, the rest of us were all exposed to the idea that we might have to have sex with someone we didn't want to if we were ordered to. Plus they specifically started pulling us girls aside once we hit our late teens and giving us detailed information and training on resisting and dealing with sexual torture, since it was something we might have to face if captured by the enemy while on a mission. And while that in no way lessens what any of them have gone through, at least they were semi-prepared for the possibility of it happening."

"But neither Max, nor 452, got any of that. And if you look at it from Max's point of view, she's never really had to worry about the possibility of rape before because even when she escaped as a girl, she would've been more than capable of fending off pretty much any guy out here, unless she were heavily ganged up on. She's always known she was tougher and stronger, so it wouldn't have been a serious consideration on her radar."

"But now?" She shook her head ruefully. "Every belief that she's developed over the past 16 years, about her own personal freedom, her ability to choose, and her sense of control over her own life and body? All of that has been shattered and knocked off their foundations Alec. And that's not even the worst of what she's going to be dealing with."

"Then what is?"

"This pregnancy has a lot to do with it. And I'm not just talking about the raging hormones and mood swings, which can knock the crap out of any woman - and everyone around her - at the best of times. Or about the risk of miscarriage she's likely to be facing over the next few months, although that's certainly nerve-racking enough too. If she wants to keep this baby, she's going to have to work extremely hard at staying calm and relaxed, which will entail a high level of repression that will only hinder her emotional and mental recovery from this trauma." She sighed, her eyes filling with dread as she warned, "The most worrying aspects though are so much direr than that."

He looked even more confused and concerned. "I don't get it. This baby seems to be pretty much the only thing holding her together right now."

Retha paused for a second, trying to figure out how best to explain it, before going with, "Don't get me wrong. It is great that she has the baby to focus all her attention and energy on, both while it was happening and now, but it also left her very vulnerable and put her at an extreme disadvantage. She was determined to protect your baby with her life Alec, and she made everything else secondary to that goal. So she couldn't really fight this bastard off. Not seriously. Even though she did make an initial attempt to escape with that knife; and I think everyone can agree that it would've been stupid not to try."

"But after that, it wouldn't've mattered how hard my boo fought, the outcome still woulda been the same, wouldn't it?" OC murmured, looking just as confused.

"Not really Cindy." Retha frowned. "I mean, yes, obviously, whether she fought or not, she was still going to be raped once she'd been captured and restrained like that. But to not even be able to try to stop him while it was happening? To have to lay back for the most part and just take it? To actually have to submit, and apparently even actively participate during some of it to protect the baby? That's a real blow."

Seeing that they still didn't quite grasp the point she was trying to make, she continued, "I know it's hard to see clearly being this close to the situation, but think of it in terms of the psychological warfare training we took Alec. Who's easier to dominate and control in this kind of situation? Someone who's fighting you tooth and nail the whole time? Or someone who's being extremely passive and letting you do whatever the hell you want to them? Who can you do the most harm to mentally?"

Alec went white as the blood drained from his face, finally understanding what she was getting at, his gaze dropping back down to his mate in dismay.

"Exactly." Retha nodded at him, looking grim. "The sheer amount of damage done to her in terms of demoralization, not to mention her self-worth and self-image? Her self-respect? It's going to be devastating, both mentally and emotionally. Especially considering how dominant she naturally is as an alpha."

"I can almost guarantee she's going to feel like a failure, and that she let both herself and you down by not fighting back. Will likely feel guilty too for letting Josh leave her alone in the apartment on Monday, and that you'll blame her for what happened. And even though it's not rational at all, she's probably gonna experience a high level of doubt and second-guessing about herself and all the decisions she made leading up to this. Feel like maybe she could have stopped him or prevented it if she'd only done things differently beforehand, or been smarter or faster, or just tried harder to fight him off when she had that knife. It's a very typical reaction among rape victims, and her circumstances will only make it worse."

"Look at it this way. 452 is the stronger soldier side of the pair, and was used to the idea of submitting to authority, and she's not handling this very well." Retha said. "Now try to imagine Max's reaction. She is so strong-willed and has gotten used to being in command of everything and everyone around her over the last few years. This is probably going to destroy her, which is most likely why she left that suicide order. Because she knew instinctively what this was going to do to her. Has probably been worrying about this happening in the back of her mind for weeks now, with what we know about this guy's tactics and targets."

"And on top of all that, we now have the issue of her apparent split in personality between Max and 452, which makes this that much more complicated." Retha paused for a minute to let it sink in, watching the dawning horror on both Alec's and Cindy's faces as they began to grasp just how truly difficult this was going to be.

"With what I've read and seen so far from her, I'm guessing she's likely suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder. It's when there's the presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states that alternate control of an individual's behavior, accompanied by some aspect of amnesia between the states. The primary personality often bears the patient's name and tends to be more guilty and depressed, while the other or others lack an independent existence although they often have more complete memories. The different alters or personalities usually appear based on their greater ability to deal with certain stresses or threats, and may not even be aware of each other's existence."

"That actually makes a hell of a lot of sense." Alec whispered, his brow furrowed. "Because back when Logan was captured by that mob and Max shot him? Afterward, she told me she couldn't remember grabbing my gun and pulling the trigger. That everything that happened on that rooftop was really hazy, like something out of a dream. She was really upset about it and couldn't understand how it had happened. I thought it was just shock." He paused for a moment, looking troubled. "But what could have caused it? We've never really noticed 452's existence before this, but she's obviously been around for a long time. She mentioned being at Manticore with Max as a kid."

Feeling her gut twist into a knot, Retha forced herself to say, "From the brief amount I read, the majority of patients report a history of severe physical and sexual abuse, especially during early to mid-childhood. The condition is thought to sometimes result when a child copes with abuse by convincing themselves that it's happening to someone else; the trigger is generally some experience they're trying to dissociate themselves from, by means of creating an 'alter' who gets put in charge."

"Shit. Well, it's not like any abuse ever happened at good old Manticore, right?" His voice was loaded with sarcasm, but really, nothing else needed to be said. He'd certainly heard enough stories from others about some of the things that had been done to them. And it wasn't like he hadn't experienced trauma there either as a kid; his times in Psy Ops testament to that.

"So how do we deal with it and fix it?" He asked.

Retha bit her lip for a moment as she thought about it. "I'm not sure to be honest. I'm gonna have to do some more reading up on it as I only skimmed through the first few paragraphs of each chapter in the book I found on mental disorders, just to get a feel for all the different types. I'm pretty sure there was a section dealing with therapies though, and I believe there were some medications listed also, although I'm not sure how safe they are for pregnancy. I'll see what I can find out and let you know."

"And what about the rest of it? What can we do to help my boo get through all this?" OC asked, looking extremely determined.

"One of the most important things you can both do right now is be very encouraging and supportive. Most people can't be reassured enough that what happened was not their fault, so remind her of that frequently. She likely won't see herself the same way as she used to either, so she's going to need you to act as her mirror and personal cheerleader. Remind her of all her strengths and tell her that she's still beautiful and strong, smart and capable, and that she's a fighter who can get through anything."

Retha let a small smile grace her lips. "Be patient and approachable too, and just be there for her so she doesn't feel alone. She may not feel ready to talk about anything that happened for quite a while so don't pressure her about it; but if she does want to, then listen carefully and validate her feelings. She needs to feel safe and loved and respected. And that her opinions and feelings matter."

"Whatever you do, don't question her though." Retha shook her head disgustedly. "Too many people make the mistake of starting in on the 'why did you or didn't you' questions. And believe me, she's already going to be blaming herself enough for what happened all on her own, without anybody else adding to her burden. She doesn't need to feel judged by anyone right now."

She pursed her lips thoughtfully, then added, "You're probably going to need to remind her to take care of herself too. Even though she probably won't feel like it, she's going to need to eat for the baby and to keep herself strong. She's gonna need to get plenty of rest as well, which she may or may not resist, depending on how bad her nightmares are or how bad the depression gets. But you also need to let her make as many decisions for herself as she can. It'll help empower her."

"Another big thing is not assuming that she does or doesn't want to be touched. Most victims still feel the need and desire for some sort of physical comfort and closeness. While some people can't stand a hug at this point; others can't make it without one. So ask her what she'd like. And check with her every single time you feel compelled to touch or hug her - don't assume that she's always going to feel comfortable with your touch. Because if it's at the wrong moment for her, depending on what's going on in her head, you may just trigger a flashback."

"What should I do if she does have one?" Alec asked worriedly.

"First off, you need to remember that she's actually reliving some portion of the assault, so you need to approach her very, very carefully. I'd recommend turning on a soft light, and switching off any loud music or videos or anything else that might be triggering her before you try. Then talk softly to her, and tell her that she's having a flashback because she might not realize it. Let her know that she's safe and that you're there to help her. Encourage her to take slow, gentle breaths and remind her of where she actually is, and that her attacker isn't there. But the best thing is to try to get to know all her triggers as best you can so you can hopefully help her avoid them."

"And Alec, you especially, are going to have to be extremely careful from now on about how you act around her." She sighed, looking deeply concerned, "You can't allow yourself to get frustrated or upset with her like you did earlier, or even appear to raise a finger toward her, because it obviously triggered her hard."

"Believe me I know. I didn't mean to either. I know better after..." He stopped short and dropped his head.

Retha looked at him sympathetically, "Is this something to do with one of the videos you got?"

"Yeah." He paused for a moment, then explained hesitantly, "In one of them, she was doped up really heavy on something, and the bastard switched his voice modulator to make himself sound like me. Made her believe it too, before he took a cane to her."

OC gasped and turned pale, unable to believe the level of depravity required for such an act.

He shook his head despairingly. "When she managed to figure it out and call him on it? Things only got worse; I thought he was gonna kill her at first he beat her so bad." His voice broke and he swallowed hard a few times, trying to dislodge the lump in his throat. "What's worse though, is that she probably wished he had by the time he was through with… with the rest of what he did to her. I was sure she wouldn't want me anywhere near her ever again."

"Oh Jesus. I am so sorry Alec." Retha shook her head and reached over to lay a hand on his nearest shoulder consolingly. "You know, I take back what I said earlier. The fact that 452 is actually letting you near her at all right now, absolutely screams of how much she and Max still trust you. Their bond with you must be extremely strong. So in that respect, you are lucky. If that helps any."

He nodded slowly and brushed a hand over his eyes before lifting his head, "Yeah. I guess it does a little."

Retha bit her lip as she turned her attention back to her patient to give him a minute or two to compose himself and then caught Alec's eye again. "I really hate the idea of moving her again with her injuries, but it's probably best. Can you give me a hand?"

OC looked up at her and questioned, "But why do we need to?"

"Because she's not going to have very good visibility on the room being on her stomach, and that's gonna make her far more anxious than she already is, which is something she really doesn't need right now." Alec murmured in answer, already getting up to assist.

Retha nodded as she knelt on the bed. "We need to make her as comfortable as we possibly can, which will mean some more blankets if you've got them and a few clothes too."

"One of my shirts and a pair of boxers will probably be best OC. They'll be less constrictive and leave more room for the bandages."

OC slowly nodded and got up to help.

To be continued...