Chapter 14
Mood Music: Chasing Cars (Cover) by Clare Teal and Silent Lucidity by Queensryche
Italicized sections are either dreams/nightmares or flashbacks.
WARNING: The flashback in the middle contains graphic references to rape and waterboarding. This section is clearly marked.
Max gave a quick knock to announce her presence and then sailed jauntily into the apartment, carrying the Chinese takeout she'd brought straight over to the counter. "Hey Cin! Long time no see." She chirped, her voice positively ringing with good cheer. In truth, it had only been about 6 weeks since they'd last seen each other at TC's first ever Independence Day celebration, and certainly much sooner that they'd talked, but it felt as if her whole world had changed since then; her outlook brighter than it'd ever been.
"Right back atcha boo." OC grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge before moving to join her, then did a double-take, one eyebrow shooting straight up as she eyed her conspicuously bright-eyed and bushy-tailed friend, every cell in her body radiating vitality and joy. "A'ight. 'Xactly what did that boy o' yours do o'er the weekend to put this kinda pizzazz in yo' cornflakes?" She smirked. "Or will OC not be feelin' them details?"
Pouting slightly, even as she fought to keep a straight face in an attempt to prolong the suspense, Max deflected, "What? Can't I just be happy to see you?"
"Sure you can sugar, but her Originalness ain't eva' seen you this enthused." Cindy remarked, her lips curving up into a smile. Popping the top off one of the bottles she handed it over the counter to her friend with a knowing glance. "You look 'bout ready to bust outta yo' skin. So spill already!"
Unable to contain her happiness any longer, Max let her grin take over her face. "Alright, so for his big surprise, Alec got someone to watch over TC for us and took me camping up on Mount Rainier. It was so beautiful and so peaceful up there Cin, with no phone calls or emergencies or anybody else around to disturb us. It was like a breath of fresh air - exactly what we needed to actually relax for a change - and we had the best time!"
"Camping? In a tent an' sleepin' bags?" Her face screwed up in puzzlement, having expected something far grander considering Max's worked up state. "Yeah, 'fraid OC ain't quite seein' the big dealio there."
"Well, maybe that's because it wasn't so much where we were, but what he said and did on Friday night that made it so special…" Her voice trailed off on a sigh as she remembered the absolute devotion he'd sworn to her and the wondrous and lingering love they'd made once she'd officially accepted him and reciprocated in kind, an even bigger Cheshire Cat-like grin curving her lips as her eyes sparkled with pure bliss.
OC's eyes widened, only one thought popping into her head to possibly explain her best friend's highly unusual behavior. "Don't tell me Hot Boy actually plucked up the nerve to pop the question and make an honest woman outta ya'?" she demanded incredulously. Not that she doubted his feelings for a minute, more that her girl was so emotionally wary and stubborn - just look at how long she'd held Alec at arm's length romantically after all - that she'd thought it'd take a miracle for him to own up and make a serious move. Lord knew, Max certainly wouldn't be the one to do so.
"Maybe not in the traditional human sense, but in our way? Yeah. He sure as hell did. Look!" Almost dancing now, Max tilted her head to the right and slid aside her hair and the neckline of her t-shirt, proudly showing off a large, hickey-like bloom of color on the uppermost curve between her left shoulder and neck. The fading bruise and a few small rapidly-healing scabs highlighting an impressive and decidedly eye-catching imprint of teeth. "We mated Cin!"
Fully aware of the permanence and significance of that mark and act after the variety of discussions they'd had about it, Alec, and some of the other TC couples over the past year or so, OC came darting around the counter and enveloped her in a huge hug, spinning her around as she squealed, "Oh my God boo! I'm so happy for you!"
After a minute or two, she pulled back and raised her hand to adjust Max's shirt for a better look. "So lemme see. Hope you gave as good as you got so all your women know he's off limits too?"
"Oh you know I did." Max started to smirk, but then frowned as her friend's smile faltered, screwing up almost immediately into a grimace as she took a step back in horror.
A matching frown tugged at Max's sleeping lips as her dream took a sharp departure from the reality she'd known.
"What?" She demanded, more than a little upset by her best friend's suddenly negative reaction.
"You sure Alec did that to ya Boo?" OC eyed her uncertainly, her voice shaky and sounding completely grossed out. "'Cuz that's just nasty. You'd best get one of yo' med guys to check that out..."
"Why? What do you mean?" Reaching up with trembling fingers to probe the still decidedly tender mark, Max found an unexpectedly wet open wound. Blurring over to the bathroom, she threw on the light and rushed to the mirror to look, her eyes bugging out when she saw her skin squirming and writhing as if there were something crawling under it, while blood and pus oozed from the hideously gaping maw.
Clawing frantically at her flesh, she tried to dig out whatever was infecting it, but her fingers were suddenly knocked aside, strong arms and hands banding around her chest and tightening in a steely grip at each shoulder. The room darkening and narrowing in focus around her as a now all-too-familiar raspy voice muttered directly in her ear, "Did I give you permission to touch that? That's MY mark."
She shook her head wildly, struggling frantically to free herself, and yelled, "No it's not! Alec's my mate!"
Trev pulled her in even closer to his body and bit his mark sharply again in retribution, his blue eyes glinting with rage as he lifted his head and stared her down in the mirror, declaring menacingly with her blood dripping from his lips, "Not anymore he's not. You're MY mate, NOT his, and you'll NEVER be free of me. I've got you now Maxie. You're MINE and I'm gonna make sure you never forget it." Leering sadistically at the terror rising in her eyes, he quickly ripped off her shirt and then reached down with one hand to start tugging off her pants, laughing when she screamed and bucked violently against him in protest.
2025Jan11 - Saturday - Approximately 11:00 pm
Max awoke with a start in her old softly-lit bedroom with his laughter echoing in her head and a scream clawing at her throat, and she struggled to hold back the tears swimming in her vision, but it was no use. Clamping a hand over her mouth, so she hopefully wouldn't disturb Alec or the others yet again, she tried to muffle her sobs, turning her head away from him to stare out the doorway into the otherwise dark apartment, instinctively searching for any sign of her attacker as she tried to reconvince herself she was actually safe.
The scent and sound of subdued crying beside him drew Alec reluctantly yet insistently up toward consciousness; his muddled brain responding to his mate's distress on auto-pilot as he reached over and laid a hand on her trembling shoulder. "Shh, I gotcha Maxie." He mumbled, his voice thick and raspy with sleep.
She stiffened immediately as those words and that name stabbed through her and brought her nightmare roaring to life; her sobs cutting off with a strangled gasp as she threw herself off over the edge of the bed, a surge of pain ripping through her ribcage and back on the jarring landing. Her knees burning and left arm buckling under the strain, she started crawling away as best she could, desperate to escape the threat that her sleep-deprived and over-stressed brain had conjured, having been bombarded with far too many terrorizing nightmares and flashbacks that day to be able to maintain her usually firm grip on reality.
Jerking completely upright from his semi-slumped position as he heard her hit the floor, Alec rubbed at his eyes and scrambled to figure out what was going on, his brain still not firing on all cylinders yet. Stretching out a hand to her as he cleared his throat, he asked, "Maxie? What's wrong?"
She shrank away from the now despised and contaminated nickname, unable to find it in herself to answer - even as her instincts registered his scent and presence as familiar and safe. 'Mate… Love… Protection…' they argued insistently against the frantic thrum of 'Rapist... Pain... Torture...' coursing through her.
Her abdomen cramping and roiling heavily with nausea, she struggled to push back the panic and clear her head of the horrific vision of Trev reclaiming her. Her whole body shuddering as she focused intently on a new destination, praying silently that she'd make it in time.
Getting up off the bed and stumbling around it, Alec trailed after her, catching up with her in the doorway of the bathroom as she finally began retching uncontrollably, rapidly throwing up the soup, crackers and water she'd managed to eat several hours earlier. He started to reach out to help support her, knowing the violent convulsions had to be killing her ribs, but she flinched away from his touch.
"No. Please!" She barely managed to get the words out, her right hand clenching into a fist on the floor while her left clutched protectively at her abdomen, her body still racked by dry heaves and sobs of pain and fear as she knelt shakily on the worn floorboards. "I can't…"
"Okay sweetheart. It's alright. I won't touch you." Alec scrubbed a hand over his face as he finally shoved aside the last vestiges of sleep. Unsure of what he should or actually could do for her until she calmed down a bit, he turned on the bathroom light so she could see him better and then stepped around her to go grab some paper towels from the kitchen. Seeing Retha eyeing him questioningly from where she'd been dozing on the couch, he waved her off, certain that Max wouldn't want any further witnesses to her distress. He was back by her side in under a minute and very slowly and cautiously knelt down to start cleaning up, talking quietly to her the entire time so as not to startle her.
As she began to calm down and the sobering realization of what he was doing for her and how low she'd stooped gradually sunk in, her whole body flushed with shame and embarrassment. Max hid her face from him as more tears fell, mumbling wearily into the door frame, "Sorry." She shook her head disgustedly. "God I'm such a mess… So weak and useless… Can't even make it to the bathroom."
Alec mentally bit his tongue as he finished up and tossed the used towels into the garbage, trying hard not to get upset as she disparaged herself yet again. Her unusually negative and defeatist comments freaking him out and worrying him as never before as he'd never seen her get so down on herself, no matter how depressed she'd gotten in their past. Not even after Logan's death. He'd never heard her apologize this much either; it just wasn't in her nature.
Keeping his voice low and soothing, he sought to reassure her, "You're anything but weak or useless Max. You're pregnant, you haven't really eaten anything in almost a week, and you're under a ton of stress and pain. It's completely understandable for you to be shaky and for your stomach to be off like this, so please don't worry about it. Throwing up isn't a big deal, and it's not as if I haven't had to clean up far worse things during my time at Manticore."
He eyed her pensively, wishing she'd make eye contact so he could get a better read on her. "What brought this on anyway? Was it another nightmare or a flashback?" he asked gently.
She nodded slowly, still looking down at the floor, her voice small as she explained, "Memory turned into a nightmare. Was dreaming I was here with Cin telling her about us mating and then it all fell apart." Her voice shook. "She pointed out that something was wrong with your mark and when I went into the bathroom to check on it, Trev was there. He grabbed me by the shoulders and bit me again. Told me I was his mate. Said 'I've got you now Maxie.'" Her voice broke on a sob at the nickname, and she took a deep breath trying to compose herself.
"Then you said basically the same thing to me when you woke up. And I can't... You can't..." Unable to voice her demand to him as such, something inside her cringing at the thought even though she knew there was no rational reason for it, she pleaded raggedly instead, "Please don't call me that anymore? Please Alec? I can't bear to hear you say that name again. Not when they kept calling me that while they were hurting me." She finally looked over at him to emphasize her request, and he could see the raw desperation shimmering in her bloodshot eyes.
His face whitened as he recalled what he'd said and realized how much distress he'd inadvertently caused her. "Shit," he hissed, furious with himself for slipping up that badly especially when he'd known better. "I am so sorry babe. I was still half-asleep and so out of it I barely even knew what I was saying. But I swear I won't do it again. Consider it banned." He promised gravely. Delving deep inside his head, he deliberately began the process of blocking out all instances of the name, using one of the techniques Manticore had drilled into him for resisting torture to isolate it for good; determined that he wouldn't be the cause of any further pain.
She could see him withdrawing inside himself almost immediately, his eyes narrowing in intense concentration as he performed some sort of mental exercise. Exactly what kind she wasn't sure, as the training she'd received in that type of thing was rudimentary at best due to her early escape from Manticore. It did make her wonder though, if she couldn't maybe use something similar to combat the flashes of memories from her other half. She knew she needed to find some way of walling everything off, at least temporarily, 'cause if things kept going the way they were, she'd crack long before Monday ever got here.
After several long quiet minutes, his eyes came back into focus and he smiled gently at her, raising an eyebrow in question, "So, do you think you're ready to get up and go back to bed?"
Max sighed heavily and glanced toward the bedroom, looking completely done in at the thought of traversing the distance again, no matter how short it was. "Can we maybe just stay here for a little while?" She asked quietly with a bit of a shiver. "I'm so tired and my back and ribs are so sore. It feels a bit better just to be in a different position."
"Whatever you need sweetie. You're in charge here, remember? Anything you say goes." Getting up, Alec strode over to the bed and grabbed her a blanket, draping it over her carefully before sitting back down again. Stretching his legs out and leaning against the opposite side of the door frame from her, he settled in for a longer haul without appearing put out in the least.
She stared at him for a moment, just the slightest hint of what could possibly be a smile gracing her lips. "Thank you."
He looked confused, "For what?"
"For staying with me and being so good about all this." A sad smile actually did curve her lips this time, and she slowly inched closer to him and eased herself very gingerly over onto her side, curling in a bit so she could rest a hand and her head just above his knee. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Well you'll never have to find out, because I'm never gonna leave you," he vowed softly. He lifted a hand and slowly brought it toward her, making sure that she could see it coming and allowing her plenty of time to veto it if she wanted to. When she didn't object, he settled it lightly on top of her head and began combing his fingers through her scraggly curls, gently stroking over her scalp and barcode and watching with relief as some of the tension started to ease from her frame.
Scooching in a bit closer still and inhaling deeply to take in his scent, she sighed contentedly and allowed her heavy eyelids to flutter closed, trusting him to watch over her until she could manage to do so for herself again.
2025Jan12 - Sunday - Approximately 11:45 am
Alec woke with a groan, beyond exhausted and unsure at first of what had roused him, his sleep so heavy it was a real struggle to drag himself out from under it yet again. The first thing he noticed was that he had slid down the wall and rolled over onto his side on the mattress. The second and far more important was that he had instinctively curled up to his mate, who was twitching and squirming fitfully beneath the protective arm he'd unwittingly draped across her abdomen, her face contorting as she cried out in mounting distress.
Cursing himself silently and swiftly removing the offending limb from her, he sat up and swung around to face her, then started murmuring soothingly to her, hoping to coax her back from the grip of whichever nightmare was plaguing her this time.
They'd been resting off and on for the past day or so, or at least attempting to, but what little sleep they'd managed to get had been troubled at best; fragments of memories from 452 causing Max to wake up screaming, shaking and/or crying a fair chunk of that time, while flashbacks stalked her waking hours. The frequent traumatic disturbances taking an increasingly heavy toll on her; her features becoming paler and more withdrawn as she pulled back a bit further inside herself with each new one.
Not that he was faring much better he had to admit, as drained as he now was and stressed to his absolute limit between wrestling with his own nightmares, trying to arrange the various aspects of their plan with Mark, and worrying about Max. Her behavior having changed radically over the course of the last several hours as she'd begun donning a blank mask of indifference and brushing off any attempts to draw her out of her shell, acting far too similar for his peace of mind to the way she had when Logan had been killed. Something he'd prayed never to have to face again.
She suddenly jerked awake with a strangled scream, her eyes wide and terror-stricken as she struggled against an unseen hold. A deluge of horrific images and sensations pressing in relentlessly on her and lingering in her brain for what seemed like an eternity.
'No No NO!' She told herself frantically with an accompanying shake of her head and nervous survey of the room. 'Don't think about it. Don't let it in. It happened to 452, NOT you, so just shove it aside with the rest of her shit. It means nothing! You're fine, and perfectly safe! You ARE. It was just another stupid nightmare!'
Raising a trembling hand to her mouth, she scrubbed at her lips and tried to slow her breathing, her heart racing a million miles a minute. While she could vaguely hear Alec's voice through her own mental mantra and the frenzied rush of blood in her head, it was hard to make out exactly what he was saying; his muted murmurs a far too distant backdrop. Focusing instead on his eyes, she stared up into the blessedly familiar sea of green and inhaled his clean fresh scent until the panic receded to a more manageable level, enabling her to shunt the memories aside into the dark void she'd created for them in her mind.
"Hey." He smiled softly at her when he saw lucidity returning to her gaze, even as she blinked hard and shuttered her emotions away yet again. His heart clenching and aching anew with the knowledge she felt it necessary to conceal any part of herself from him.
Seeing the open concern on his face and the question already forming on his lips, she quickly forced out around the lump in her throat, "I'm fine."
"No, you're not Max. So please don't lie, or hide your feelings, not from me. I can't stand it." No longer able to contain his hurt and aware that it might be the only thing left that could potentially penetrate the wall she was erecting around herself, he let it bleed out at her through his eyes, unwilling to let her continue down this path without at least trying to get through to her, no matter what Retha had advised. Too afraid that if he didn't, she might retreat so far this time he'd never be able to bring her back.
His voice husky and almost broken with emotion, he asserted, "I'm your mate, and I know you better than anyone else in this world. I can feel how badly this is affecting you, so please sweetheart, don't shut me out like this." Seeing the dread flaring up behind her eyes, he quickly emphasized, "I'm not saying you have to tell me about what you're seeing or remembering, not until you're ready or feel you want to, if you ever do. I just want you to know that you don't have to be afraid to share any of this with me."
His eyes met hers imploringly as he pressed, "I love you, and I want to know what you're thinking and feeling. I need for you to trust me and believe in me, to know that you're safe with me and that I'm going to be here with you every step of the way, no matter what."
"There is nothing you can do or say that will make me leave you. You can rant and scream and cry or hell, even hit me, as much and as hard as you want – do whatever you need to get through this – and we'll be fine. I think I've proven by now that I can handle pretty much anything you throw at me." He smiled for a moment at the thought of some of their more intense arguments over the years and then shook his head sadly as he confessed, "The only thing I can't handle, is the empty shell you've been directing my way again. That's tearing me apart. I don't want to lose you to it like I almost did before."
Max stared up at him, his need warring with her own until she finally cracked under the weight of his obvious pain and distress, her mask crumpling as she explained sadly, "I'm sorry, I'm not meaning to lie to you or shut you out Alec. I'm doing it for me, because I can't deal."
Her eyes suddenly brimming with unshed tears, her desperation clear, she insisted, "Even though we both know I'm nowhere near it, I need to be fine. I need to stay as strong as I possibly can until this is over and they're caught. So yeah, I've started lying to myself and compartmentalizing everything 452's been spewing at me. Trying to convince myself that it happened solely to her, and not me." Her lips twisted into a bitter grimace. "And while I know that isn't healthy by a long shot, it is a necessary evil, at least for the time being."
"I'm too scared to do anything else Alec, because I already feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown as is. I am too worn out, and so utterly overwhelmed. I'm not even sure I know what's real anymore!" Her right hand came up and waved around wildly as she tried to explain, her words spilling out in a torrent. "I feel like I've been tossed into the midst of a hurricane, with a maelstrom of thoughts and emotions and sensations – things I can't even remember! – and they're all swirling around me, so fast and so furious that I can't get a grip or protect myself from any of it! It's all an intense blur trying to crush me into oblivion. And the best I can do, the most I can hope for, is to maybe find a bit of shelter, some tiny bolt hole where I can hopefully ride this out without completely losing it!"
Inhaling unsteadily, she admitted, "'Cause it's a real close thing. I am barely hanging on here! And if I let myself start thinking about any of this too closely, in anything but the absolute vaguest of terms? If I allow myself to really fall apart, even for a single second? I don't think I'll be able to put myself back together again, at least not any time soon. And there's certainly no way in hell I'll survive the next few days." She shook her head, her eyes flashing with some of her old intensity. "And I need to be able to do that. I need to stop these bastards for my own peace of mind. I'll never be able to rest or live with myself otherwise!"
"And after that? After they're dead and gone? Well, then I can go ahead and have a meltdown. I can crawl off into a secluded corner somewhere and scream and cry my heart out like I so desperately want to, until I have nothing left of this crap inside me. If I even can get rid of it!" An almost hysterical sob squeezed out past the constriction in her throat, and she swallowed hard several times to tamp down the others trying to bulldoze their way out after it. "But until then? I can't afford to do that. Not if I want to stay sane and be able to function. It'll unravel the thread I'm hanging by and shred me into a million pieces! And I'll be no good to anyone like that!"
Nodding reluctantly, he conceded, "Okay. I get that. I do Max. It's just..." He swallowed hard, baring a bit more of his own raw feelings, "I feel so useless, so powerless in all this. I need to be able to help you." He half-pleaded, half-explained.
"Oh God Alec, don't you know? You already are helping me. Simply by being here." A tear escaped her flagging control and trickled down into her hairline, but she smiled valiantly at him, wanting to reassure him, "Just knowing that you're beside me, and being able to see your face and smell your scent, it calms me down and allows me to breathe a little easier, makes me feel a bit safer. You're the only thing making any of this even remotely tolerable at the moment."
She sighed, "If you need to do more, then one of the best things I could suggest is that you try to keep me as busy or distracted as you can over the next few days, so I don't have time to think about any of this. And while I know that you all mean well, it'd also help if you could run some interference and get everyone - yourself included - to stop asking me how I'm doing every five minutes, 'cause all it does is remind me of how NOT okay I really am and all the reasons why."
He winced and shook his head sheepishly. "Sorry, I'm not meaning to stir up any of this shit any worse for you. It's just raw instinct when I see you like this, to wanna reach out and check on you, but I'll try my best to curb it." Smiling tenderly at her, he felt his lips stretch out of shape as a huge yawn suddenly commandeered them.
Eyeing him worriedly, but more than welcoming the diversion, she reached over to take one of his hands in hers, her fingers intertwining loosely and almost shyly with his as she murmured, "I'm really sorry I keep waking you up like this. You look awful Alec. I've never seen you this strung out."
He shrugged it off with a hint of his usual grin as he squeezed her fingers lightly and then brought her hand up to press a soft kiss into the back of it, wishing he could hold her instead but grateful nonetheless for what she was able to give him. "Don't worry about it babe. It's not like there's much either one of us can do about it. I'd honestly be more surprised if you weren't having all these episodes."
She grimaced, her nose wrinkling in distaste, "I guess. I just wish they'd quit 'cause I don't know how much more of this I can take. I don't even remember the majority of the crap in them and that's freaking me out even worse. If 452 would just stop with all the gratuitous sharing, then maybe we could both get a few hours of peaceful uninterrupted sleep." She sighed heavily, knowing how improbable that was, and then drew her fingers back from his with a slight frown, not liking the sensation of being restrained that was creeping in on her, his grip feeling too tight and constrictive although she knew it was anything but. A shiver running through her as she suddenly felt ice cold, despite the warm blankets covering her.
Alec swore softly when he saw her eyes glaze over and her expression slacken, knowing by now what it portended. Without hesitation, he began talking reassuringly to her, praying that this would be one of the shorter ones and hopefully not as hard on her.
…FLASHBACK…
Day 5 – 2025Jan09 – Friday – Approximately 9:30 am
(WARNING: waterboarding and rape)
Regaining consciousness took effort, disorientation and fear making it almost impossible to focus, so she kept her eyes closed while she tried to determine her current situation. Her chest was tight and aching, and after a moment she realized that the hard surface beneath her was slanted with her head lying somewhere down near its base. From the dizzying throb of blood pooling in her brain, she knew she'd likely been that way for some time.
She could feel the pull of reinforced leather straps digging into her skin and cutting off her circulation too, particularly at her hips and wrists and shoulders where the majority of her weight seemed to be supported, their tightness combining with the pull of gravity to hold her immobile.
"You're safe Max." Alec's familiar voice drifted to her from out of the darkness making her frown in confusion.
"You might as well give it up Maxie. I know you're awake." Her captor drawled as he grabbed the only loose strap and refastened it around her forehead, garnering her immediate and undivided attention with his presence.
Memory and comprehension returned in a rush as she opened her eyes and saw the hose above her chin, and realized she was still bent basically in half. Her legs pulled out over top her arms and chained down to either side of her head, further impeding her ability to move and breathe and leaving her spread helplessly wide for the taking. A whimper forming on her lips and adrenaline surging through her as he picked up the sopping wet towel and brought it back toward her, and she instinctively sucked in a lungful of air before it became impossible to do so, knowing what was coming next.
"That's my girl!" He praised sardonically, "You're getting better at this."
'Oh God not again! Is this six times now? Seven?' she wondered miserably as he draped the towel over her face, unable to differentiate between them enough to know for sure anymore. Everything blurring together into one eternal nightmare.
It didn't take long for the anticipated stream of icy water to begin flowing over her mouth and nose, and as he adjusted the tap he taunted, "You just love being controlled and fucked with like this, don't ya darlin'."
Despite her lack of vision, she knew he was smirking at her, could hear it plainly in his voice as he came back around to the raised edge of the table and repositioned himself at her ass.
"You'll take everything I give you and beg me for more, just like the filthy little whore you are!" He crowed, obviously getting off on torturing her like this, his rock-hard and weeping cock more than ample evidence, and he rubbed it eagerly against the lips of her cum-soaked pussy, further aggravating the extremely raw flesh there. Gripping her hands in his and crushing her nail-less fingers into the table beside her hips as he rested his full weight on them, he rammed himself inside her and resumed the same slow but steady pace he'd been using for who knew how long now. His thrusts deep and forceful, each one grinding up against and bruising the most sensitive area of her vaginal wall.
"You're in Cindy's apartment." Alec interjected calmly, although there was a worried edge to his tone.
'No I'm not,' she cried despairingly. 'Can't you see what's happening here?'
"Nothing's happening to you." He insisted, almost as if he could hear her thoughts.
When he didn't get the reaction he wanted, he slid a gloved hand over her body, grabbing at her left tit and squeezing the soft mound before yanking on the bruised and swollen nipple, so hard it felt like he was going to rip it right off her body. Pissed off when she still refused to react, he bent over and bit at her right breast as well, viciously mauling the tender flesh with his teeth until he was able to tear a fresh chunk out of her.
"Stop!" She screamed violently despite the sodden cloth plastered to her face, her muffled outcry of pain and desperation costing her precious oxygen and gaining her a mouthful of water. When she heard him spit the piece out and then laugh in triumph, she cursed herself silently for being so stupid, knowing he'd done it on purpose. His every action designed to torment and taunt, to push her past her breaking point.
"You ready to tape your confession then Maxie'?" he asked wickedly as he straightened up and continued pounding away at her. "'Cause you know I'm not gonna stop, or let you go, until you admit to 494 that I'm your new mate and master. Until you tell him that you want me instead and let him see you give me a very willing and very enthusiastic blowjob. If you don't, you'll spend the rest of your life down here. Here to fuck whenever and however I want." He punctuated his comments with several particularly vicious thrusts.
"I'm right here with you." Alec assured her, his voice coming to her from a long way off now.
She started crying silently, wishing it were true, knowing he'd put a stop to this and kill this bastard if he actually were.
She began to struggle furiously against her restraints as her breath gave out and panic set in; water seeping steadily in as she couldn't stop herself from trying to draw in air. The desire to keep on living and yet also die to escape warring within her. The fear of dying like this, in utter darkness and pain and humiliation, becoming so intense she was almost ready to yield, was willing to give him damn near anything he wanted if it would stop all this and save her and her baby. Not that she had much hope he would actually keep his word.
But it didn't matter anymore, as there was nothing left in her lungs but water, and she felt herself drowning, heard him shout with satisfaction as he spewed his disgusting seed inside her yet again. Her last thought and most fervent prayer, before she was dragged under, being that she might get lucky this time, that maybe he might fail to revive her and finally allow her to escape for good…
A convulsive shudder shook her as Max emerged with tears pouring down her face, feeling frozen to her core. The overpowering sensations of fluid in her lungs, unrelenting pressure on her diaphragm and massive pain in her breasts causing her to choke and splutter and gasp unproductively in sheer panic, her arms flailing around her head in a wild attempt to knock the nonexistent towel away from her nose and mouth. The fresh pain these actions caused her ribs only adding to the crushing feeling and her inability to draw in air.
Beginning to panic himself when he saw her lips turning blue, Alec leaned into her field of vision and kept on talking to her even as he tried not to crowd her. "Come on sweetie, you need to calm down and breathe. You're okay now. I'm here in Cindy's apartment with you and no one's ever gonna hurt you again. I promise you. Look at me Max. You're perfectly safe, I swear it baby. Just breathe for me, okay?"
She couldn't manage to do it though and finally passed out, her over-taxed body automatically taking in air again on its own to his relief.
He was hard-pressed to leave her be, wanting nothing more than to gather her up in his arms and hold her tight. To wrap her up in his scent and shield her from everyone and everything for the rest of their lives. But he was enough of a realist to know that waking up in his arms on the heels of whatever this flashback had been, would only freak her out more and start the panic cycle all over again.
It took her a minute to regain consciousness, but when she did it was practically instantaneous, her eyes popping open in fear and darting around frantically in search of the remembered threat. Finding no one but him though, she gradually calmed down, her eyes zoning in on the ceiling as she concentrated on sucking in air, every slow and deliberate inhale and exhale looking like absolute nirvana to her.
He scrambled for something to say, but wasn't sure what to even try. Wanting to ask what had caused her such distress, but not daring to, unwilling to make this any worse on her, and not really sure how well he could handle knowing for that matter, as this flashback had obviously been an extremely hellish one.
Seeming to sense his internal struggle, Max turned her head slightly so she could see him and, trying her damnedest not to retreat completely for his sake, finally croaked out in as much of an explanation as she could manage, "Waterboarding."
The lone word was enough to set Alec to cursing, his own experiences with it, both during training and out in the field, not something he'd ever forget or wish upon his worst enemy. The frequent brushes with drowning they'd all been forced to endure in the tank over the years only reinforcing his profound dread and simmering hatred of any form of water torture. Something every transgenic shared to some degree, although they'd learned to hide it well for fear of being put down.
Max shifted her eyes back up to the blank canvas of the ceiling as she began shoving this memory aside as well, or at least attempting to, but couldn't help but wonder if it held the answer to what 452 had done that had disturbed Alec so greatly. A very tiny part of her tempted to ask him and find out for sure – 'Curiosity killed the cat,' a hollow and slightly bitter voice warned – and the larger and wiser part agreed, knowing it was best to bury this information down deep where it could never see the light of day. The idea that 452 might have actually given in and done as demanded, too much for her to handle. Death seeming infinitely preferable to it being true.
"God, I'm so sorry sweetie. Are you-" he started to ask once he'd calmed, but then caught himself, and altered it with a sigh to, "Is there anything I can do?"
"Gut and castrate the bastards?" she muttered hoarsely as she returned her haunted gaze to him.
"With absolute pleasure and as soon as fucking possible, I promise you that," he assured her, his eyes burning with a desire for hardcore retribution, "but in the meantime?"
She thought about it for a moment, still feeling a tightness in her chest that wasn't being eased at all by continuing to lie on her back, something she was getting heartily sick of anyway. "Well, since it's obvious there's no way in hell I'm going to be able to get any decent sleep any time soon, I would like to get up and off this bed for a while." She glanced over at the sunlight streaming in through the gaps in the curtains, drawn to its inherent purity and simplicity. "A change in scenery might do me some good."
When he looked like he was about to protest, she reminded him, "I need to start moving around anyway if I'm going to be able to walk any distance tomorrow. I'll be way too stiff otherwise. And it'll help me build up some strength too." She started to ease her legs over toward the edge of the bed but couldn't help but grimace at the pain inhibiting her movement.
"Would you like me to help get you up again?" Alec asked, rising to his feet in anticipation and coming around to her side of the bed, having already done so a few times when she'd needed to use the bathroom, as she'd absolutely refused to have a catheter or use a bed pan.
She nodded gratefully, if a bit hesitantly, "Yeah, that'd help, as getting up and down is what hurts the worst."
Setting aside all her blankets but one, he tucked it around her and lifted her up carefully, using the soft thick material as a buffer for her more damaged areas. It didn't take him long to get her into an upright position over in front of the windows and he set her down delicately, bracing his hands lightly around her upper arms to help keep her steady while she found her equilibrium.
Moved beyond words by how gentle and considerate he was being, and sorely in need of some comfort, Max leaned into him and nestled her forehead in the crook of his neck, nuzzling her nose into the soft fabric of his t-shirt and gladly pulling in his scent.
A bit surprised, but thrilled too, Alec pressed a kiss into the top her head and kept his body almost completely still, only his fingers moving as he brushed them along the outsides of her arms, letting her control how close their bodies got.
Slowly relaxing into his loose and undemanding embrace, she brought her right hand up to rest over his heart. Her gaze roaming wonderingly over the cityscape below as the heat from the sun's rays and his body began to radiate through her blanket, although it seemed too weak to have any real effect on the ice pervading her core. She sighed softly, then murmured, "Don't think I've ever seen a more beautiful sight."
Alec turned his head to look out the window too, but couldn't find anything remarkable enough to warrant the quiet admiration in her tone; the drab run-down buildings and slushy, snowy mess certainly nothing special. "What is?"
"The clear blue sky and the brilliance of the sun. They make everything seem cleaner somehow, more welcoming." Her voice was hushed, almost reverent.
Unspoken, but clear to him, was the implication that she'd thought she'd never see any of it again. "Yeah, it is pretty spectacular." He agreed huskily, swallowing heavily around the lump in his throat before falling mute.
Afraid of where her thoughts might take her if the silence continued, no matter how easy and companionable it felt at the moment, she requested, "Talk to me?"
"'Bout what?"
"I don't care. Whatever you want. Just, something to keep me occupied?"
"Sure." Luckily, or unfortunately as Max had oft-times expressed, he'd been conferred with the ability to ramble on about practically anything, his brain packed with an astounding and seemingly endless array of facts and trivia. Sensing how tenuous her control was, he let his lips fly immediately, deliberately keeping his babbling light and upbeat for what had to be at least twenty minutes, until he felt her growing restless.
"Time for another change?" he asked easily.
"Yeah." She sighed and drew back just enough so she could see his face, sounding and looking a bit lost as she tugged the blanket a bit tighter around herself and answered without much optimism, "I feel so gross right now, I'd give just about anything to have a nice long soak in a steaming hot tub. But since I know that's out of the question, I'd settle for a shower. Do you think Retha would let me have one yet?" she asked plaintively.
He snuck a quick glance at his watch. "She wanted to give your burns and back time to scab over properly and set at a bare minimum. But it's been over 32 hours since she bandaged everything up. So maybe?" He raised his voice and called out, "Retha?"
They heard an immediate stirring in the next room, as if the occupants had only been waiting for such a signal, and then OC came walking in anxiously in front of Retha, a gentle smile curving her generous lips as she asked, "Hey, how you doin' boo?"
Max grit her teeth and quickly shut her eyes on a sudden surge of anger and frustration, trying hard to hold onto her patience and not scream. 'What the hell does she expect me to say? That I'm fucking peachy? Or does she wanna hear a blow-by-blow account of exactly how shitty and filthy I feel?' she couldn't help but rant to herself. Then felt ashamed at her own anger, knowing OC was only asking because she cared so much about her.
Anticipating her reaction, Alec quickly responded for her, "She's doing as well as can be expected OC." Meeting her surprised glance with a significant look and slight shake of his head, he saw her take the hint as she looked back at Max's decidedly strained features and nodded contritely.
Relieved when nothing more was said about it, Max turned her attention to Retha, "I'd really like to take a shower. Can I? Please?"
Retha observed her carefully, seeing the urgency in her eyes and weighing how important it was to her both mentally and emotionally, her need far outweighing any additional minor damage she might do to her fragile skin. "I think it'd probably be alright, as long as you're extremely careful and let Cindy and I help you. Your dressings are due to be changed pretty soon anyway."
"Whatever you say." Max agreed quickly, ready to consent to anything at this point if it got her what she needed. She turned back to Alec, looking up at him tenderly and focusing in on his bloodshot and bleary eyes. Reaching up, she cupped his cheek in her hand, brushing her thumb over the heavily shadowed skin. "Can you do me a favor? Actually, two?"
"Anything," he murmured.
"Go lie down for a while Alec. You need to get some serious rest, as much as you possibly can."
"But-" he started to protest, reluctant to let her out of his sight even for a second.
She stopped him by placing her fingers over his lips. "Please? For me? You need far more sleep than I do, and look like you're on death's door you're so exhausted." She slid her fingers down over his throat, letting them come to rest on her mark. "I'll be alright with Retha and OC for a few hours," she promised, "and you've still got some of the mated couples on watch outside anyway, right?"
He nodded, not looking very enthused at the prospect. "Two sets." He confirmed.
She pursed her lips thoughtfully, trying to think of something that might convince him. "Look, we both know I'm not on top of my game right now, and I'm gonna be relying heavily on you to be on full alert tomorrow, to act as my buffer and keep me safe on a moment's notice. In order for you to be able to do that, you need sleep." She insisted. "If it'll make you feel better, we'll keep your gun with us, just in case."
Looking her over and seeing the forced bravado and determination in her eyes, and noticing Retha giving him a significant stare as she picked up his Glock and mouthed the words 'take care of yourself', he reluctantly agreed. "Okay. I'll just be dozing in here if you need me. For anything." He stressed, then asked curiously, "What was the second thing?"
"Lend me your shirt?" she asked shyly, a blush heating her cheeks at his slightly bemused look. "It's really strong with your scent, and I think I might feel better having it close. It'll be like you're with me." She explained quietly.
"Of course." Thinking nothing of it, he swiftly stripped it off and offered it to her, realizing a second too late that his doing so might be too much for her to handle, especially in such close quarters. Her gasp, and rapidly paling face as she took in his naked chest, pressing that point home instantly. Her eyes dilating with fear as she stood there frozen, her pulse firing like a jackhammer in her throat.
"Oh shit! Sorry," he blurted out – not that she appeared to hear him – and backed away until he reached the closet, quickly opening it and donning a fresh t-shirt. Turning around, he eyed her worriedly, keeping his distance until she came back to herself and her surroundings.
"Forgive me?" he pleaded thickly, looking frazzled, then took a slow and cautious step toward her when she blinked and made eye contact with him. "I don't know what the hell I was thinking to do that in front of you right now. I am such a fucking idiot." He shook his head and ran a hand back through his hair, angry and disgusted at himself. "You're right about me being too damned tired; it's obviously impairing my judgment."
She worried at her lower lip for a moment, her voice coming out low and shaky as she eventually said, "No. It's alright. You're my mate and it's perfectly natural – expected even – for you to do stuff like that around me." She nodded slowly, like she was trying to reinforce the idea. "I should've been prepared. I did ask you for it." She took a deep breath, hitched up her blanket and forced herself to meet him halfway, reaching out to grasp the shirt from his outstretched hand, hers only trembling slightly. "Thanks."
He watched her anxiously as she began a painstaking progression toward the bathroom, then turned toward the bed with a heavy sigh and allowed himself to collapse on it. He barely felt it when OC drew one of the spare blankets up over him, falling asleep within seconds of his head hitting his mate's pillow, despite his best intentions.
Max had studiously been avoiding her own reflection to this point, not wanting to dwell on it or what it represented, as she could remember all too well what she'd seen while lying on that table in her nightmares. But with OC and Retha both helping direct her, she couldn't avoid getting a good look this time.
Her hand rose tentatively to explore her extremely ragged and shaggy hair. "Did she do this?" She asked quietly.
"Yeah, boo." Cindy confirmed, her voice steady as she took the blanket and t-shirt from her and hung them up on the back of the door out of harm's way. "In her defence, it was a real mess tho' with the way it was matted up, and havin' it that short does look kinda cute on you. Least if it was evened out some. Would you like OC to fix it 'fore you get in the shower?" She asked, a hint of eagerness lifting her tone, and Max belatedly realized that Cindy too, really needed to feel like she was helping her in some way, shape or form.
"Yeah. That'd be good. I need to look as good as I can tomorrow." She closed her eyes as OC pulled out the scissors and got to work. When she heard the slice of the blades and felt fingers tugging lightly at her hair, it was hard not to shiver or wince; but she refused to give in to the fear the sensations provoked, challenging herself instead to recall all the atomic weights on the periodic table as a distraction.
OC stepped back after several minutes with a satisfied smile, "There you go boo. You look amazing."
Upon opening her eyes, Max found it hard to agree as the first thing she saw was the bruised and torn up mess that was her face, although at least the swelling had gone down. Making herself focus strictly on her hair, she turned her head slowly from side to side, noticing that it did actually look better, the layers of short sleek curls draped artfully to enhance her features. "Thanks."
"It does look really good." Retha agreed as she finished pulling what she needed from her kit and addressed her biggest concern. "Okay, so while I know it'll be hard, there's one rule I want you to swear by when showering. For at least the next week."
"What's that?" Max asked tremulously.
"No matter how you may feel or how much you might want to, you are NOT to scrub yourself. Your skin is far too delicate right now and you'll cause too much damage. So just stand under the spray and let it rain down over you. Promise?"
Max reluctantly nodded in agreement and then turned away from the mirror before starting to undo the buttons on her shirt.