When the morning comes, and it doesn't matter how much Gon wishes it didn't, he stays in bed. If he lays here, does nothing and gets lucky, the next few days will pass as if he never existed. Kurapika will forget about him and find someone better without there having to be any fighting or second guessing.
But, he's still human and his stomach bugs him to do something until he relents. Poptarts for breakfast it is while sighing at the puddle of worn clothes sitting in the middle of his trailer and the growing pile of unwashed dishes. There's a distinct smell of dust in the air and he can't remember where he keeps the vacuum cleaner, assuming he ever had one. Between those chores and heading out today, he's not finishing anything.
In the distance through the small, white bordered window to the outside, he can see a few tents coming down, clowns and stagehands dismantling the less important shacks. Now's the time they'll be packing up to head elsewhere. If nothing happens, he doesn't have to face the world and he won't see Kurapika for so long his head will spin.
What a fucking situation to put himself in, Kurapika and him locking lips on a whim. Gon tossing him on the bed while he's got an injured shoulder, what a stupid move on his part. He's been bitten, scratched, clawed, full-blown assaulted by lions, tigers and snakes, he should know better than to agitate his injury.
Three clear knocks on his door make him go still. There are two possibilities, one is he opens the door and Kurapika's standing there, arms folded and shoulder aching, getting up only to call it all quits. In which case, good, he's dealing with the consequences without having to take blame. On the other hand, a performer could be coming to him for help or with an announcement for another night of performance, in which case he's shirking off. He can't see the person at the door from the side window, they must be short meaning it's Kurapika or...
It's Killua, skateboard by his side wearing the expression of a nine to five worker who looked at the clock after two hours worth of work and realized its only nine fifteen.
"Oh, you." An insult dances at the tip of his tongue, but he bites back. "What do you want?"
"Your boyfriend's in the tent with a sprained shoulder, not that I care mind you. He asked how you were doing, I told him to fucking eat a dick and Leorio bugged me about it til I left and came over because that little shit is obnoxious." Not bruised but full on sprained and they still made out, he might've caused more damage tossing Kurapika onto the bed, does he ever not ruin anything? "You going to visit him or can I knock his lights out with the back of my board?"
Not much of a choice then, if Kurapika wants to see him Kurapika gets to see him, end of story. He pushes Killua aside and heads across the heated summer grounds.
The sun is out in full force today, enough that he can feel the heat irradiating to his toes from the dirt. At least it was Killua at the door and not someone asking for help moving things. The entire clown line up, Hisoka of course being the only exception, are all out of their makeup and into full swing, dismantling tents and booths and raising up a sound that's like nails on chalkboard, giant wood pillars scraping against the ground, kicking up dust. Booths being taken apart with power drills or nails and hammers, its a wonder he slept as long as he did.
"So you and Kurapika, huh?" Killua shouts over the remaining, fading noise. Gon keeps walking, he doesn't need this guy's bull right now.
Killua runs up to meet him. "Oh what, two guys staying in a trailer together, one of ems' all googly eyed for the other and nothing happens, bullshit. You two butt buddies now or what?" He's pats Gon's back and Gon twitches away from him. Whatever's going through Killua's mind, its something meant to fuck with him and he knows it but this once, Kurapika's not around to judge him for it.
"Killua, can you do me a favor and shut the fuck up?"
Killua takes one good look at him, icy blue eyes running over him head to toe and all Gon does is glare at him. It's been long enough that he knows, all the 'get back' vibes and resting bitch faces in the world aren't going to hammer the point home, but Killua goes out of his way to be downright detestable. The little bastard smirks from ear to ear as if he told some hysterical in-joke. "Nah, don't wanna. Bugging you is the only good thing I get out of this whole deal."
"If you were anyone else, I'd be shocked."
"Why?" Killua's tone switches from taunting to overtly flirty and giggly. "I'd love to bugger you, I could bugger you all day and night if you wanted me to, wake you up in the trailer at night, every night so its just me and you, buggering."
"Go 'bugger' yourself, prick." Gon groans, doubling his speed until he all but dashes into the tent. He and Kurapika might never have anything but they will talk about how to counter Killua's love of being a complete tool for no reason.
Kurapika's sitting on a wooden stool, kicking at the carpeted ground and rubbing his bandaged arm. When he notices Gon, he waves with a bright grin that makes Gon double guess himself. He can't cut this off in a healthy way when that smile is the cutest thing on Earth and needs to be protected no matter what. Kurapika scoots over on the bench and taps the seat next to him. He shakes his head but is pushed forward, he can hear Killua spinning on his heels and walking out. Is he rooting for this to happen or not because now he must be fucking with him. Gon deflates and Kurapika holds up a hand, "It's fine, I get it. You don't have to."
A pang of guilt eases him into the seat next to Kurapika. "It's no mind at all," His brain is screaming warnings to abandon ship while also screaming that he needs to not be thought of as ruder then he already is.
"Not much energy since the painkillers kicked in so let's not play around here, what's the problem?"
The first answer to jump to mind is 'me', the second just tumbles from his mouth; "What was I supposed to keep going? You have a ruined shoulder and -"
"Ah, no." Kurapika shushes him with a finger to his mouth, Gon leans away from it on instinct and Kurapika follows his lips until Gon gives up. "You and I both know that wasn't the reason, otherwise you wouldn't have thrown me onto the bed."
"Heat of the moment, stop it, seriously, I mean." Kurapika retracts his hand and Gon hops over to the edge of the bench.
"Gon, be honest with me, do you want to be in a relationship?"
Yes, but nothing is that simple, of course who wouldn't want to be in a relationship with Kurapika, he's perfect and sweet and beautiful and charming, the epitome of awesome. Yet, here he is still wondering because Kurapika is too awesome. He'll find a way to repulse him so what's the use. If he were worthy of Kurapika's attention, he wouldn't be alone, now would he.
"Fuck." Gon spits and shakes his head, tears are burning like pinpricks at the sides of his eyes.
"Look at me, I want to see you." Kurapika's hand slides under his chin, raises his face to look at him and he can't match eyes with him, that's bleeding with intimacy. His voice is low, calm and collected despite his injury, how many times Kurapika's charmed the pants off people. There's no way this is his first time putting moves on someone with the way he wows crowds and gathers fangirls. He's too smooth, his words are too raw and honeyed.
Gon grits his teeth, lips press against his and he doesn't know what to do anymore. One second he's trying to walk out the next he knows he's being horrible, but he wants to do more with Kurapika. When the blonde pulls back, he pushes him away on instinct alone.
"You're too good for me."
"I never said that, why do you think I hate you?"
He breathes a little deeper, it's so hard to have to speak about these things, knowing Kurapika's dying of laughter at everything he says. "I don't think you hate me, you don't hate anyone."
"I never said that either." Kurapika says with a rueful, dry laugh that makes him wonder who achieved that great feat. A level of assholeishness so high, Killua and Hisoka couldn't manage it.
"I'm not good enough though-"
"What's good enough for me is up to me and my standards, isn't it? Blood of the covenant and all, as some say." Kurapika's hand on his shoulder is such a burst of encouragement, he somehow feels as if he's being pitied.
"I'm not company, I'm some random teen circus freak who plays with the animals."
Kurapika leans his head back and smacks his hand against his leg. Its a wonder its only taken this long for Kurapika to find something about him to outright laugh about in front of his face. Kurapika turns to Gon with a smile and gives his shoulder a hearty, friendly shake. "Now, now we're getting somewhere. Tell me more about yourself."
He isn't sure if Kurapika's being honestly intrusive or if this is the most blatant admission of 'I'm fucking you with' he's ever gotten, bar someone saying it straight to his face. "You're joking, right? I just said you shouldn't be with me-" And on top of it all Kurapika's got the sort of subtle grin on his face of knowing something he doesn't.
"That's not what I asked you though, is it? I asked why do you think I hate you, not a list of reasons you don't like yourself." Kurapika, for as collected as he is, chuckles. "Funny, even when I'm telling and showing you you are beyond good enough, you still can't seem to accept it. Why, I wonder."
Gon tucks his hands away and moves over more so he isn't facing Kurapika. What's he going to say to that, when Kurapika's dissecting him like a frog on a fucking plate?
"How about this then-" Kurapika palms spread on his back and glide up to his shoulders, cupping them. "How about we head back to your place and I show you how good for me you are, hm?" His lithe arms tuck underneath him, then his fingers spread and head downward against his lower stomach before baring his nails. Gon bites his lip at the prospect.
Kurapika would be his first. He can already see Kurapika, being the romantic he is, interlocking fingers with him and being so sweet and gentle with him, kissing him in all the right places. And it's so dumb of him isn't it, Kurapika is only massaging his abs and he's thinking of something entirely different that could never happen. How fucking desperate is he? Kurapika doesn't say a word, only presses a light kiss to his cheek.
Gon cups his face in his hands, "This is so weird and stupid and I have no idea why you're even doing this, I mean you could do so much better."
"With who? I have a distinct memory of telling you, you're not a burden. You're a genuinely kind hearted person and such a sweet, precious thing, do you think I'd be doing this if I thought I could do better?" Kurapika nuzzles his chin in the crook of Gon's shoulder until their cheeks press together. Kurapika's skin silky against his, blonde strands tickle his neck, his eyelashes brush against Gon's cheek when he blinks.
"Yeah, I remember." Gon mumbles and tries to fold one of his hands over the other, how is he supposed to handle all of this. Kurapika's hands leave his ribs and cradle his hands, gently running his open palm against his, his heart's about to float out of his mouth. He screwed himself into this weird catch twenty two.
If he's with Kurapika, he's with Kurapika and it's a matter of time before something happens and the blonde cutie can't look him in the eye anymore. If he isn't with Kurapika, he isn't with the sweetest, nicest guy he's ever met who touches and kisses him like he's a long lost lover from a past life.
Out here, god knows where in a circus tour with another man cradling him in his arms, interlocking fingers. "I have no idea what I'm doing." Gon mumbles and stretches his fingers with Kurapika's, strange how they seem to move like they're one, almost.
"We're holding hands, silly."
He's a half a mind to call Kurapika a smartass, but he wasn't even supposed to hear that last one, how's he going to dump all that knowledge on Kurapika right now, that's outright wrong and rude. He can't tell Kurapika to pretend he didn't hear it, it's out there and he's stuck with it. "Yeah, I guess...what should we do next? Do I-Do we do 'it' now?"
"Oh my g-" Kurapika laughs and puts a light kiss on Gon's neck, what the hell did he do wrong this time around. "Gon we don't have to have sex until we've gone out, I'm not going to force you into bed with me."
Oh, what? "I, I don't have to have sex with you?"
"If it makes you feel better we don't have to have sex at all."
Oh, okay. Gon smiles and nestles back into Kurapika's chest, he twitches and mumbles 'shoulder'. He gets up whispering a 'sorry', a little happier for the time being.
Gon takes Kurapika's hand, "Wanna come to my trailer for a while?"
"Sure." Kurapika nods and follows him, they don't run into Killua on the way which is good, because the moment he gets Kurapika inside, he's cuddling with him on the bed. He avoids the shoulder but Kurapika's going to regret this, he's cuddling the man to death, right here and right now no matter what it takes.
Kurapika nuzzles his nose against Gon's in an eskimo kiss and giggles. His breath the minty and sweet bite of fresh peppermint, he toys with the idea of a kiss before chickening out and tickling Kurapika more. Too soon for that, too intimate, it can wait, he can wait, he and Kurapika are a thing now.
He wakes up with Kurapika getting off the bed, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't-"
"Nah, its fine." He mumbles, unsure of whether or not its late enough in the morning to rub the sleep from his eyes. He isn't going to check either, since it'd defeat the purpose of asking.
Kurapika leans over him and kisses him on the cheek. "We're heading off traveling today so I'm gonna head to my trailer, okay Sunshine?"
Doesn't matter what time or place, he's always going to wonder how Kurapika can so easily throw around loving nicknames and affection. What name should he give Kurapika? Does Kurapika even want him to respond, what are the rules now that everything's changed and lying in the same bed no longer has the friendly connotation that it used to? "Okay. Sweetheart." He manages out between a choked laugh halfway through.
Kurapika smiles and his cheeks flare up. Gon hides his face. "I'm sorry that was so lame."
"It wasn't lame, silly. Get some sleep." Kurapika ruffles his hair and he can't lie down anymore. He throws the sheets off him and gets up, sticking to Kurapika's side. "No, no I'll be fine-"
"I can't sleep, I'm all happy now." He reaches to grab Kurapika's hand but pulls back, but not quick enough to get away with it.
"It's fine."
"Too soon."
"For me or for you?"
"I don't know." Gon shrugs and sits back down. Burning tears are peeking at the sides of his eyes and he looks at the ground. It's his fault they can't do this simple, little thing of holding hands regularly, but if he said that Kurapika would be concerned.
Kurapika leans his head against Gon's shoulder. "Is it because you don't think you're good enough for it?"
Yes, because you're going to find someone who loves you better and is more deserving of you. "No." He flashes a smile at Kurapika and drops his head again.
There's a note of silence. The bed creeks as Kurapika shifts a little closer. "That's not true, you know that much right?" Kurapika's eyes are honest and raw, pleading for discussion, truth, some level of connection uninhibited by foolishness. He could spit out the truth to him he could get it all off his chest and not have the reaction be 'Oh well, get over it'. "I like you, I like what we have so far and I want that to keep growing. I mean, I'm not saying you not wanting to hold hands in a deal-breaker, but." Kurapika's sentence ends in a sigh and he rubs his face, "I guess I'm just learning your boundaries right now is all."
"Yeah, I guess." He draws circles in the blanket sheet. 'Boundaries' is another code word for 'failures', one more thing that will slowly push them apart and Kurapika will be walking his trailer with someone else, someone better. No one says anything, until Kurapika takes a breath longer then usual and Gon turns to him, stuck between hoping he'd be dumped and hoping Kurapika would up and walk out.
"Tell you what then, I have a plan." Kurapika's eyes are alight with passion and meaning, he pounds the bed with a clenched fist. "The moment we hit the next town I'm taking you on a date."