Chapter 12: Terrified.

Ulquiorra shot out of his sleeping position as soon as he smelt the smoke.

He immediately went into survival mode when he realized he wasn't in his bed but stopped when he noticed a familiar silhouette in front of the wide window which was in front of the bed he was on.

"You sure are jumpy." Shiro's voice, which sounded slightly raspy, relaxed him, confirming that it wasn't an intruder. He looked around to get a better image of his surroundings.

He was in a medium sized room. Big enough to have a queen sized bed, a working desk, a closet and a corner where Ulquiorra noticed the kittens were sleeping peacefully wrapped around each other.

He felt a small breeze on his face and looked in the direction of Shiro and he forgot to breath for a moment.

Shiro was sitting on the edge of the widow with one leg propped up while the other dangled on the side, a serious and tired expression on his face as he looked out the open window, the moon put a kind of magical glow on Shiro's skin and brought out the whiteness of Shiro's skin and hair more than ususal. Shiro looked like he was made of some kind of magic.

Ulquiorra also noticed Shiro bring something that was in between his thumb and forefinger to his lips then blew out some smoke. This made Ulquiorra frown. He hated smoking.

"That is a slow way to kill yourself." Ulquiorra commented as he got off the bed, noticing momentarily that he was wearing something completely different from what he had come with. He had come in black dress pants, a white dress shirt and a pair of designer black boots but when he got off the bed he had just noticed he was wearing a rather large T-shirt with pajama pants and no socks or shoes. It felt warm and cozy...Ulquiorra could only describe the smell as homey.

He decided to ignore the way he felt heat on his ears at the thought of being changed by Shiro and walked up to face Shiro. The other didn't even spare him a glance, just took another drag and blew out a large 'O' outside the window.

"Trust me. This isn't what's gonna kill me." Shiro said in a raspy voice, he didn't even try to fake a smile for Ulquiorra. He was...just tired.

Ulquiorra spent a few silent minutes looking at Shiro, wondering what could've brought this huge change in his personality and how long he had been sleeping.

"It's around 2am in case you were wondering." Shiro randomly says once he finishes with his cigarette. He flicks the dead bud out the window before he closed his eyes and let's the remaining smoke breath out of his nose.

"Thank you...for the evening. It was quite...interesting. I can say that it's a first for me." Ulquiorra tells him tentatively because he wasn't sure where Shiro's odd mood would take him if he said the wrong thing.

Shiro chuckled under his breath as he pulls his leg that was on the window seal towards himself, making a hand gesture for Ulquiorra to take a seat which he did.

"Glad I gave you a new experience. You can come here for dinner anytime you feel like it." Shiro told him with a small, barely there, smile on his face with his eyes still looking at the stars above.

Ulquiorra looked up as well, wondering what Shiro was seeing that got him so captivated.

"Hmm. I have not seen so many stars at night before." Ulquiorra muttered, looking at the nightly sky in awe. Nature is real art.

"The lights from the city hides them. Sometimes I selfishly wish for blackouts, just so I can catch a glimpse of these guys." Shiro told him with a light laugh escaping his lips. Ulquiorra could only describe the sound as depressed.

"I must say...they are beautiful." Ulquiorra said, not noticing that Shiro had completely stopped looking at the sky as he was but was staring at him with a look of burning intensity.

"Yeah...beautiful." Shiro said the word beautiful with so much emotion that it made Ulquiorra turn to face him to see if he was alright. Ulquiorra then had the urge to look away or run. Shiro's eyes. Those strange eyes of his looked like they were glowing with fire and the intensity of the state made him feel like he was unbearably hot.

He didn't let a drop of his emotions show as he looked straight into the other's eyes.

Shiro made a 'hmm' sound, as if he was thinking of something, as he turned back to the sky.

They stayed like that. In comfortable silence that was only disturbed by the sounds of the city outside but they were relaxing sounds and Ulquiorra could feel himself leaning against the other side of the window, his legs drawn up as well as he completely faced Shiro.

He could feel the odd heat creeping on his face when he finally noticed the state Shiro had been in all that time. The other was wearing regular sweatpants and socks but what made Ulquiorra want to splash cold water on his face was the fact that Shiro was shirtless and his long hair was draped all over him making it look like he had just gone through intercourse, at least it did in Ulquiorra's mind. The aggravating thing about it is that he thought that he was getting a fever.

Ulquiorra had seen Shiro in tank tops that outlined his obviously perfect physique but never had he seen the real thing. Shiro's shoulders were so...broad. He's so well built. His biceps are rather profound...Is that a six pack? They look sculpted! I have a six pack but it's not even close to being that defined. I see a V line. He has a V line. I have this urge to be ravished by him...Wait...what?

"My mum...used to watch the stars. We had a telescope and everything. She taught us everything we needed to know." Shiro randomly cut in, bringing Ulquiorra from his slight heart attack.

"I beg your pardon?" Ulquiorra asked, slightly relieved yet also confused at the new topic.

"I can tell you're interested in Ichigo and I's past. You and Grimmjow both. I just want you to know we don't talk about it. Not to anyone. Shinji knows about it but it's just because he found out. Sometimes we feel like talking about it, we talk about it to each other. You wanted me to talk about Ichigo's panic attacks so listen up." Shiro said casually, like he did not just admit that he could easily read off Ulquiorra's intentions even though he hides them perfectly. Or so he thought.

"...I am honored. Please continue." Ulquiorra said slowly, trying to avoid the displeased sound he could feel building up in his chest at the mention of that 'Shinji' person again. This 'Shinji' that seemed to mean a huge deal to both Kurosaki brothers. What is this feeling? So bitter. It's actually rather suffocating.

"I...We were young. Ichigo was too young. Life...got difficult for us. I had to become mother, father and brother to an eight year old boy when I was only fifteen years old but I took it fairly well. Ichigo...he fought. Hard. But there's only so much a child can take. It was a few months after everything had happened and we were staying at Shinji's. I had just gotten home from my job and I thought no one was home until I...heard him." Shiro said, he started sounding choked up, like he was going to burst out in tears any moment.

He took a loud gulp before continuing. "Ichigo was screaming. He was screaming like he was being tortured and he was all the way upstairs. The fear, I can never forget it. My body was consumed with it. I...I had this fear that...that they had come back for my brother. I mean...they were gone but...all I could think was no, not my brother. They can have me, my life meant nothing to me as I ran up those stairs, falling on my face because of how weak my legs felt but I'd get up and keep moving, my head was bleeding badly from the impact but that didn't stop me. I just wanted Ichigo to be safe." Shiro had, by that point, pulled both legs towards himself as he hid his face in between his legs. Ulquiorra's hands twitched to do...something but he wasn't sure what to do. He felt so conflicted.

"...I found him in the bathroom." Shiro whispered so low that Ulquiorra was surprised he had even heard him.

"...He...h-he was screaming at whatever he saw to get it out over and over again as he clawed at his chest until blood started...f-falling out of the gashes. I-I found out later...that he thought he had been shot a-and he was trying to g-get the b-b-bullet out. I held him close...when he c-calmed down he burst out sobbing for our mum and dad, over and over again and I cried with him for I couldn't bring them back for him, I cried telling him how sorry I was again and again until he passed out. I didn't even stop crying as I cleaned his self-inflicted scars and then held him close. That was the first of many panic attacks. My baby brother was in so much pain and I was useless." Shiro was silently crying and Ulquiorra saw this when the albino lifted his head at last.

Ulquiorra didn't even have to think about it. His body just went ahead with it without his consent.

He stood up, took Shiro's hand to make him do the same and then pulled the albino in for a hug.

Shiro didn't even bother with confusion with the other's strange behavior and cried on Ulquiorra's shoulder like a baby, his shoulders were even shaking violently.

"You being alive is more than enough." Ulquiorra's statement made Shiro stop sobbing though tears still fell from his eyes.

"Wha-what?" Shiro asked in a shaky voice.

"I'm saying you should think of it this way. If you had been lost as well how would Ichigo-san have gone on? How would he have been able to move from...what I assume must have been rather traumatic for I wasn't there to deduct such an opinion so I'm not entirely sure? From what you've told me he was only eight years of age. If you were not just there I would say that he would have lost all sanity. You kept him grounded. You gave him a reason to move on so to speak. Just by staying alive. There...will be issues considering the events that had occurred but he has lived through it better with you just being there. You are all he has and you have stayed. You being here has made Ichigo-san the strong and able person that I had the pleasure of meeting. I don't believe that you were or are useless and from what I've seen Ichigo-san isn't the only one in pain." Ulquiorra said, using more words than he usually would in a year.

Shiro's grip around his waist tightened as the albino buried his head in the crook of Ulquiorra's neck, clutching unto him like a true newborn.

"Believe what you will but I believe that you also deserve your own happiness and I think I speak for Ichigo-san as well when saying that." Ulquiorra let the words out without much thought.

"...Thank you...Thank you...thank you." Shiro whispered brokenly as his tears subsided and he suddenly felt...a lot better.

"No thanks needed. I was only speaking the truth and stating my opinion, nothing more. Now could you actually sleep? You have a test drive in just a few hours." Ulquiorra chastised, not really ready to get out of the warm hug, his hold unconsciously tightening around Shiro's shoulders as he pressed his cheek closer to Shiro's chest. Shiro wasn't complaining either, actually enjoying the closeness greatly but he had to break the contact before problems...raised up.

"You've got a point but I don't necessarily sleep much so I'll be downstairs watching some TV. I do believe a Death Parade marathon is showing soon! Decam is the cutest thing ever! Well right after Ichigo, Shinji and you but God you should see his smile!" Shiro babbles on, unaware that he had called Ulquiorra cute, as he pulls away and grabs a blanket from his closet.

Ulquiorra felt cold when Shiro pulled out of the hug. Almost like he was freezing from the inside out but then he got all warm again when Shiro had described him in such an odd way. Cute? I've never been considered as such...does this mean I'm appealing to Shiro's eyes?... I should be displeased being called such a term but for some reason I think I like it.

"Y-you don't sleep much you say?" Ulquiorra asks, mentally kicking himself for the slight stutter.

"No. I'd be lucky if I get five hours of sleep. Ichigo also has that problem, but we deal with it." Shiro told him as he made to exit the room but...he felt a cool but comforting hand grasp his wrist.

He turned around to look down at Ulquiorra quizzically. "Anything wrong?" Shiro asked worriedly, thinking the other might be sick.

"... I...I'm here...for you. I mean...I don't necessarily understand what it means to be friends. Or how friends are supposed to act with each other but when I think about it carefully and place all the factors together...if I was going through something similar...I guess I would be grateful if you were someone I could come to...Does this make sense? It made sense when I was conjuring up the words in my mind." At that point, Ulquiorra was hoping that Shiro would shut him up before he continued rambling like the idiot he knows he's not.

Shiro did stop him but in a way that played over in Ulquiorra's head for nights to come.

He kissed him. Not on the lips or even on his cheek but on the top of his slightly bed messed hair. To anyone else it looked friendly and oddly enough, kinda motherly, Ulquiorra knew this somewhere at the back of his mind that it didn't mean anything but his chest wouldn't stop beating so fast. Ulquiorra thought that Shiro would literally be the death of him. The small kiss sent a foreign warmth from the top of his head to his toes.

I have...never received such actions. It is...it feels nice.

"You're so cold with everyone, heartless to the point that your words could make or break people. You control almost everyone in a room with just your presence. I have to admit, you scare me sometimes but then...you're not like that with me...or Grimmjow from what I noticed. You even listen to the odd things I say everyday. You may not have had experiences with having friends but you're doing an amazing job. I guess geniuses really do learn fast." Shiro told him softly as he looked down at him with that beautiful smile of his. They were so close, Ulquiorra noticed but Shiro being used to invading others personal space had no idea, Ulquiorra was breathing in the air Shiro was breathing out.

"I...Thank you. I think I need to go to bed. I'm actually quite exhausted." Ulquiorra said stepping back and rubbing his eye with a fist before he yawned.

Shiro wanted to squeal on how fucking cute that was but refrained. Wouldn't want to give his attraction away with all the emotions flying in the air.

"Go to bed L-quiorra! Oh yeah! Need to check on my brother and Grimmjow. That little shit better not be doing something that'd get him in a morgue." Shiro said with a dark chuckle.

"What do you mean?" Ulquiorra asked as he closed the window for the room was getting cold, not even bothering to waste his breath on the mention of that inaccurate nickname.

"Oh don't ya know? Grimmjow's got a cute little crush on my baby brother. Can't say I blame him. Ichigo's the best and also out of his league! Gah I just can't let such a brute get his hooks on my baby. Maybe I should get a chainsaw to scare all those unworthy suitors off." Shiro mused out loud as he made all kinds of theatrics where Ichigo was mentioned.

Ulquiorra paused as he took a seat at the side of the bed. "Crush? You mean like an infatuation?" Ulquiorra asked, sounding and looking confused.

Shiro stopped to look at the other man with a raised eyebrow. He squatted in front of Ulquiorra so that they could see eye to eye, his eyes not missing the slight blush that had appeared on Ulquiorra's cheeks that would've been easily hidden by the dark if Shiro couldn't see in the dark.

Wonder why he's so flustered. Is he sick? Or is the topic embarrassing for him? AWW!~ He gets cuter and cuter! If he doesn't stop I really might fall for him!

Shiro was completely off on why Ulquiorra's cheeks had turned pink. It was because for a moment when Shiro was standing in front of him, the albino's crotch was right in front of his face.

"Infatuation. Yeah I guess you could call it that. Why? Never had a crush before?" Shiro joked, not realizing how true his statement was.

They both stayed like that in silence, Ulquiorra not giving the response Shiro would figure out in due time.

"You're kidding?! Never?!" Shiro nearly screamed as he looked at the smaller man with wide eyes. He just couldn't believe it. A man that was well on his way to his thirties, had never had a crush on someone. That's just fucking insane!

"Seriously?! Ulquiorra have you had sex?" Shiro asked, truly worried now. He understood what Grimmjow had said about the antisocial man locking up his emotions but to never have even liked anyone in that way is a bit over the top. At first Shiro was thinking maybe he's asexual but then if Ulquiorra had actually had sex before he really will get worried.

Ulquiorra was about to snap that it wasn't any of his business but then...it was Shiro.

"Yes." Ulquiorra told him honestly. With as little details as possible which were none.

Shiro ignored that annoying pang in his chest at the confirmation to talk with his new best friend.

"And you've never felt an attachment to any one you've had sex with? No bond what so ever?" Shiro asked with a worried expression.

If he has shut in every kind of emotion, especially ones like these, and I'm guessing for years, he's just a few problems away from breaking down. Horribly. The breakdown could mess him up. No human can hold in their emotions forever.

"They weren't what I would consider interesting. Just good enough in bed to get rid of...frustrations so I could focus solely on work." Ulquiorra gave him a mechanical answer but Shiro knew it was all true.

Shiro sighed loudly as he closed his eyes to think.

"Ulquiorra...do you even know what it feels like to actually like someone?" Shiro asked, if Ulquiorra could see him well enough in the dark he'd notice the pained look Shiro was giving him.

"I do not but I do believe you are going to inform me." Ulquiorra said smartly, his exhaustion making him irritable.

Shiro paid it no mind and went on. "It's when that person's in your head constantly. You want to be around them all the time. You hang off every word they say, listening to their words and actions. They're the first thing you think about when you wake up and the last thing you think about when you go to bed in the night. Everything about them makes you smile. The thought of them relaxes you. You also want to be around them constantly. You want to just hold them when their down and cry with them when they cry. When you're infatuated with someone...they become one of your most treasured people. Okay I'm guessing for someone like you, someone that likes control which isn't necessarily a bad thing, the thought of someone in your life like that is a scary thing but I promise you it's actually a pretty nice feeling." Shiro said with a happy and wistful smile, remembering when he felt that way in the past and how he was slowly feeling all that for a certain raven.

"...Always thinking of that person you say?" Ulquiorra asked as he looked up at the ceiling with a look of contemplation. His words...They describe everything that's been going on with me since I met Mr. Kurosaki...

Ulquiorra's head quickly turned back to face Shiro, his eyes widened a little as everything was finally put in place. Shiro noticed the look Ulquiorra had, the look his superior had when he had solved a problem.

"...I think...I have felt that way before." Ulquiorra tells the other carefully, not even sure why he was giving the albino clues.

Shiro smiled but it was a pained one. Huh. So there was someone else special enough to get Ulquiorra's attention...Lucky them.

Shiro had never felt jealous. It was such a bitter feeling to him but when Ulquiorra mentioned that he had feelings some other person...he felt the urge to shake the name out of his superior so he could beat the shit out of them if it was a guy or tell them politely to fuck off if it was a female. All in all, Shiro was burning with jealousy but he decided the happiness of his friend was more important than that.

"Really? That's great! Ooo!~ I bet whoever it is, he or she is a looker." Shiro teased with a wink, his words seeming to have lost some of the usual playful air it carried.

Ulquiorra felt his chest squeeze in pain at the way Shiro said that so casually, like he didn't care who Ulquiorra was with, like it didn't matter to him at all. You really don't want me that way do you Shiro?

"...Yes...He's a very beautiful man." Ulquiorra sighed out as he climbed into the bed, his voice sounding almost yearning, like he was longing for something. The sound made Shiro want to curl in a ball of self pity because he just knew it wasn't for him.

"He's a lucky guy. Night Ulquiorra." Shiro whispered as he got up and left the room as fast as he possibly could.

"Fuck. I'm already falling aren't I?" Shiro mumbled to himself as he walked down the stairs and entered the kitchen to get that bottle of scotch he hid away in one of the cabinets.

"I need a smoke." He growled before drinking from the bottle as he walked into the living room.

Back in Shiro's bedroom, Ulquiorra laid in the albino's bed wide awake and trying to calm his overly beating heart.

Now alone he finally realized that he was wearing Shiro's clothes and staying on his bed therefore meaning he was surrounded with the other's scent. Coming to the realization of his feelings did not help matters at all.

Ulquiorra turned to his side and lifted the top of the shirt to his nose and took a big sniff.

He smells like earth...,mint and sweat too. There's also a lot of motor oil. He does love his cars. Such a manly smell too. It's comforting...I wonder...will he let me keep this shirt?

Ulquiorra then proceeded to grab the second pillow on the bed and pull it closer, secretly delighted that it also had Shiro's scent and cuddled close to it, knowing full well that he would've done so in his sleep anyways.

The thought about his feelings of Shiro crossed his mind and he immediately felt that odd flush appear on his face and squeezed the pillow harder.

...I don't think...How did this happen? I have never thought this way. Not bout anyone. I've had all kinds of suitors that most people would've wanted for themselves. Aizen especially is what most would call the whole package. Intelligent to the point that it's nearly impossible too keep up with his mind for most people not that I couldn't easily, Confident if not slightly arrogant, attractive amazingly so and a very adequate bed partner. Not to mention successful with his bank branch that has spread all over Japan and also a hard worker that has shown his interest with me time and time again. So why Shiro? Why someone with no background of nobility, uncouth, manners of a barbaric, little to no respect for anyone, could rival in laziness with Starrk, talks none stop, does not know the meaning of personal space or the word no...knows when you're in a bad mood and immediately tries to cheer you up, has the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen, his eyes are so enchanting, his laugh is melodious, his unbreakable devotion and determination, his love for his brother, his kindness, his strength, his warm hugs and his calming scent...Shiro.

Ulquiorra clenched his eyes closed as he fisted his shirt right over his heart as if to stop the pain that had spread through the spot at his next thought.

...I like you. I like you a lot and you're right, it is scary. I am absolutely terrified.

Looooong update here! So this is how Ulquiorra and Shiro's night ended! Hope it's an adequate one.

Took me awhile to write this one. Got sick there for a while. Still am but I had to write because ideas were giving me a massive headache.

Anyone here seen the new Daredevil season 2?! Three words. FUCKING. LOVED. IT!

Matt just...And then Frank...Foggy being all...Then...GAH! AMAZING!

Punisher fan by the way but DEADPOOL STOLE MY HEART! Grimmjow owns the rest!

Please leave a review on what you think about this chapter! Ignore my slight comic nerd rant. It was something I needed to get off my chest.

Question: Spideypool? YAY or NAY?

Ciao from,

Grimmjowislife.