Tara

Say yes! She begged silently in her head. Say yes! She had seen the love in his eyes. She had heard the pleading in his voice. He didn't want to leave but he was letting her decide how the night would end. She didn't want him to go! But what would happen if he stayed? She didn't want to get his hopes up but after breaking up with Ben, she just wasn't brave enough to be alone.

After what felt like forever, he stepped closer to her. He smiled and leaned his forehead against hers.

"I was hoping you'd ask me that, Training Bra."

"Really? I had noooo idea…" She teased and rolled her eyes, relieved that they were on the same page. It just made it even clearer that this was meant to be, that they were meant to be.

"Again, hilarious… you should take your show on the road."

"Only if you'll come with me."

"Deal."

She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. Then she leaned in and kissed him. His lips were warm against hers and she could feel his heart beating against her chest. She loved this. She needed this. More than she even realized. Slowly the hallway began to fade away. It was just the two of them. This was the happiest she had been in a long time and she didn't want it to go away.

When the kiss ended, she leaned her head against his shoulder and breathed in deeply. She loved how he smelled. It never got old. It still gave her goosebumps, still made her go weak at the knees. As long as he was here, everything would be okay. She closed her eyes and savored the moment.

"Did you just smell me Training Bra?"

Her eyes flew open and she froze, heat flooding her cheeks. Caught with her hand in the cookie jar! How embarrassing!

"Well, I was just… that is…"

"It's okay, I don't mind. I know I smell good." He kissed her forehead as she she let out a loud snort and pulled herself out of his arms.

"Conceited much?"

"I just meant that I showered today. Don't get all in a huff!" He smirked and she laughed. He always had an answer for everything!

"Oh, okay then." She yawned. She wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. When they had been walking back, she had tried so hard to stay awake because she didn't want the night to end. She didn't want him to leave. But now that she knew he wasn't going anywhere, sleep seemed like the best idea in the world.

Suddenly, she was acutely aware of where they were. Outside her room. Her bedroom. Where she slept. Where they were about to sleep. This was it. All that separated them from her bed was her door and the thought sent shivers down her spine.

He took her face in his hands and gently brushed his thumbs back and forth. His warm touch calmed her as she tried hard to ignore the butterflies in her stomach. After making it this far, the last thing she wanted to do was to faint two feet from her door.

"Tara it's okay, don't be nervous." How did he know exactly what was going on in her head? It was like he had a direct line to her thoughts.

"Do you trust me?"

His question set her heart racing yet again. He really meant it. She wasn't going to have to do anything she didn't want to. At least not tonight. But what about the next night? No, she couldn't think about that now! Tonight was all that mattered. And in this moment, here and now, she trusted him. She trusted him more than she trusted herself.

"Of course I do Christian. More than anything. I love you."

"I love you too. Do you need a minute? To… uh… change or anything?"

"That would be perfect actually… as long as you promise to come back."

"You couldn't keep me away if you tried."

"Thank you." She kissed his cheek, then watched as he smiled and walked away. Even though she knew he would be back, it was still hard to see him go.

When he disappeared up the stairs, she walked into her room and took another deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. She turned on the light by her bed and looked around the room. Luckily it wasn't too messy and she was glad she had dragged her mattress back down from Kat and Abigail's room this morning. She went through her drawers looking for something decent to change into. What should she choose? Nothing felt right. After a few minutes, she gave up and just decided to be comfortable, going with her usual blue tank top and yellow pants.

She changed quickly and brushed her teeth. A little fresh breath never hurt anyone. When she was done, she made sure the room was tidy – straightening pillows, fussing with her quilt, putting all her laundry in the closet and shutting the door tightly. When she had double and triple checked everything, she had no other choice but to wait. She didn't know what to do with herself. She sat down on her bed, but jumped up soon after. She clenched her hands together and began pacing. What was taking him so long? Why wasn't he here yet? The waiting was making her even more nervous than she already was!

As she walked back and forth, she let her mind wander, imagining what it would be like… to have him in her room, to have him so close, his body pressing up against hers, their arms wrapped around each other. How was she supposed to sleep? It was hard enough to turn her brain off when she was alone, but with him here, it would be impossible!

After a few more minutes, she heard a soft knock on the door. Forcing herself to walk slowly, she went to the door and opened it. She smiled sheepishly as he leaned against the door frame and smirked. They stood there in silence and she couldn't help noticing how good he looked, even in just shorts and a t-shirt. It wasn't fair that he could wear something so plain and still make her feel like a silly little girl with a crush. Except it was more than a crush. It was love. A love she had never felt before and wasn't sure she would ever feel again.

"Well Training Bra, aren't you going to invite me in?" He finally asked, breaking the silence.

She shrugged her shoulders innocently and moved out of the way to let him in. She watched as he walked in and scanned the room. It was weird having him here after being apart for so long.

His eyes stopped on Grace's empty bed. "Don't I at least get a pillow?" He teased.

"I was hoping we could share," she replied, walking up behind him and taking his hand, bravely leading him over to her side of the room.

"If you insist." He smirked and placed his free hand on her cheek. Then he kissed her, soft and slow, moving his hand to the back of her neck. Her heart fluttered quickly as she pulled him closer, backing up slowly until she felt her bed against the back of her legs. It threw her slightly off-balance, causing their connection to be broken. Luckily he was holding her tightly enough that she didn't fall over.

"Sorry," she muttered and lowered her eyes.

"For what?"

"I don't know – just being clumsy I guess." She looked up and was surprised to see him smiling. It gave her goosebumps.

"Don't worry, we have plenty of time to make up for it."

"Christian!" She chided gently, heat flooding her cheeks.

"What? A guy can dream can't he?"

"You sure know how to make a girl blush!" She exclaimed, rolling her eyes.

"It's not my fault you're so easy to tease," he joked lightly.

It was true. Usually being teased annoyed her, but when Christian did it, she never seemed to mind. She had pretended it bothered her at first, because she thought it should, but for some reason it didn't.

"Glad to be of service," she replied.

He laughed and pulled her towards him, leaning in to kiss her again. Before their lips met, nerves got the better of her and she wriggled out of his grasp. She wasn't ready for what was about to happen. As excited as she was, she needed more time. She had to find a way had to put it off for just a little bit longer.

"Where are you going?" He asked as she walked over to the windows. The frustration in his voice made her cringe.

"Just opening the window. It's a bit warm in here don't you think?" Her voice cracked a little.

"I suppose…"

"Then a little fresh air is just what we need!" She chirped nervously, as she slid the window open. Staying where she was, she turned back to him and smiled nervously.

"Are you okay Training Bra?"

"Yeah fine," she lied, knowing that he wasn't fooled. He walked over to her and placed his hands gently on her shoulders.

"Tara, what's wrong?" He asked knowingly.

"Nothing but… how am I supposed to be here with you and not be nervous? How can I relax when just the thought of sleeping next to you is making my head spin!"

"Hey it's okay," he said softly. "All I care about is being with you. Other than that, it doesn't matter if we sleep or stay up all night talking-"

"You're right," she said quickly. "I'm just being silly," she said apologetically.

Why was she letting her doubts creep in and mess with her head? Why was she suddenly so anxious? Because he was here in her room and he was staying the night! They had never done this before and she didn't know what to expect! Of course she trusted him but just knowing that they could do whatever they wanted to made it hard for her to stay calm.

"No worries, I'm used to it."

"That's lucky," she sighed.

"So what do you want to do? Have a pillow fight? Braid each other's hair? Tell each other our deepest darkest secrets?" He teased, his eyes were wide with fake anticipation.

"Haha. As tempting as hitting you with a pillow sounds, would it be okay if we just hang out? Today has already been crazy enough."

"Yeah, it has. We can talk about it if you want… the Prix, Sammy… Ben?" He hesitated before his last suggestion, obviously uncomfortable. She was touched by his understanding. It was a side of him she wasn't used to seeing. He wasn't one to talk about the hard stuff, quickly changing the subject before things got too awkward. But the fact that he brought it up made it clear that he had changed. He wasn't the same person he used to be. Whether it was because of Sammy or his dad or maybe even her, it was refreshing and made her love him even more.

"Actually, I'd rather not," she said quietly. She didn't want to talk about any of it. She didn't want to be reminded of all the bad things that had happened. She just wanted to pretend everything was okay, at least for tonight. Maybe she would be ready tomorrow, but for now all she wanted was to be with him.

"Are you sure? Because we can."

Again her heart fluttered and she reached up and placed her hand on his cheek. She smiled and leaned in for a quick kiss.

"Thanks but I'm tired of talking. I just want to go to sleep."

"Well then, what are we waiting for?"

He let go of her, then walked closer to her bed. As he went to pull down the covers, he stopped and picked up Sir Joshua, her stuffed bear that she had since she was five.

"Will he be joining us?" He asked, dangling the bear playfully in front of her.

"I think we can put him somewhere else tonight," she said, unable to keep a smile off her face.

She grabbed the bear out of Christian's hands and placed it on her dresser. When she turned back around, he was sitting on her bed. This was it. She was all out of excuses. She took a deep breath in and sat down next to him. She slowly looked up at him and when her eyes met his, any nervousness she was feeling vanished. All the worry, all the doubt, all the uncertainty was gone. This was where she wanted to be.

"So… if we're going to get any sleep tonight, we should probably get a little more comfortable. That is, if you still want to stay."

"Trust me Tara, I want to stay. Come on." He smiled as he put his arm around her and before she knew what was happening, he pulled her down quickly. The bed made a loud squeak as they landed and neither of them could hold in their laughter.

When their giggles subsided, she turned on her side to face him. She reached over and ran her fingers through his hair, then moved her hand down the side of his face, gently caressing his cheek. He was so beautiful. In every way. Not just because of his good looks, but because of who he was. Everything he had been through, all the obstacles he had faced, only added to the reasons why she loved him so much. They were a part of him and no matter how much he hurt her, no matter how many times they had fought and argued over every little thing, she didn't want to change anything about him, not for the world.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?" He asked, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"For being here. I don't know what I would have done with out you. You made tonight so special… I'm so glad I chased after you."

"Me too. I thought that walking away would be for the best but when I heard you calling my name, I was so glad that I had waited. It made me realize that there were still so many things I needed to know! I needed to know how you really felt about me, why you would want to be with me after how I had treated you, when I had done nothing but break my promise over and over-"

"What promise was that?" She interrupted curiously, trying to figure out what he was talking about.

"To not let anything get between us," he whispered. "Boy did I screw that one up."

She could see the guilt on his face and hear the regret in his voice. So much had happened this year! So much that had been out of their control, that they couldn't change even if they wanted to. She had to make him see that she didn't care about any of that! That she wasn't angry anymore.

"Christian none of that matters anymore. If it did, we wouldn't be here! You'd still be with Kat and I'd be with Ben… everything happens for a reason!"

He smiled and placed his hand over hers. When he kissed her, she could feel the urgency behind it, the way his mouth moved against hers, like he was trying to make up for all the time that they had been apart. It was different than all the other kisses they had shared. Deeper, more intense. Heat spread through her body and her heart beat loudly in her chest.

As the kiss deepened, he moved his hand to the back of her head, tugging gently on her hair. She shivered as he slowly trailed his fingers down her back, wrapping his arm low around her waist and holding her tightly. She had never felt anything like this before. Until now, dancing was as close as she had ever come to flying but this was better.

Could she do this? Was she really ready? She hadn't been before but now that they were here in her room, she didn't want to stop. She loved him and she wanted to show him how much. With trembling fingers, her hand trailed down his stomach, stopping when she got to his shorts. As she tugged playfully at the elastic, she felt his whole body suddenly stiffen.

"Tara wait…" He pulled back quickly and when she looked up at him, his eyes were closed and he had a pained look on his face.

"What is it Christian?"

The uncertainty in his voice scared her. Had she done something wrong? Had he changed his mind about wanting to be with her? No! He couldn't! He loved her! She loved him! No one else mattered! She didn't want to be with anyone else! She reached up and put her hand back on his cheek.

"Christian, what's wrong? Tell me please." He took a deep breath in and opened his eyes. She saw the desire behind them but she also saw the regret. This wasn't good. No! Don't do this! Don't say it! Kiss me again! Stay with me! She begged in her head. He ran his fingers through her hair and she brushed her thumb back and forth across his cheek.

When she couldn't take the silence anymore, she tried to kiss him but he stopped her. Then he shook his head ever so slightly and said, "I'm sorry Tara, I can't do this."