Chapter 34: Who Gave A Fuck?

A/N: So I was going through the reviews from past chapters and I actually kinda cried. Well...almost. It's the thought that counts right? XD. You guys really know how to motivate someone. I make a lot of mistakes and I'm so sorry. I started off strong but last year of high school and all. I'll get better when things cool down I promise. I try really hard to get some chapters right mainly because I want to see how it ends myself and also because you guys actually like my stories. I have shitty confidence so y'all kept on boosting my confidence. Great job! Never thought I could actually make it as a writer before I put this story up, though I still got a lot of work ahead of me and this probably sounds way too mushy but mehn, so I just wanted to say thanks guys. You're all like the absolute fucking best. *INSERT MY LARGE SMILEY FACE WITH A HETALIA WORTHY THUMBS UP.*

Noooooow...

ONWARD!

Shiro kept his eyes on Ulquiorra who hadn't moved from his spot since Ichigo and Grimmjow had left over forty-five minutes ago. The teenagers were in the living room playing video games and hanging out, well except for the extremely tall one with one eye. Frankly, Shiro always did think he was weird in a smart kind of way. Shinji sat there too, arms folded and legs crossed and his ever critical eyes shifting from Shiro to Ulquiorra. He personally wondered when one of them would address the T-rex in the room.

Shinji sighed, exasperated with the two and annoyed as all hell. Even when they were on uneven ground or were sort of fighting, Shiro still looked at Ulquiorra with that unwavering love of his. Heck even he could feel it pouring out of him. He scowled, wondering why it still had to fucking hurt and why couldn't it just go away and why did the lanky one eyed freak look like some kind of mutated relative of his? Just fucking why? Is there even an answer?

"Look, I just want to make sure those two are safe. As far as I'm concerned that bitch is better off dead than alive but of course that's not how it works. I'm gonna guess here and think you grown ups are gonna come up with something or the other?" Nnoitra finally, finally, broke the silence that was slowly suffocating Shinji.

"It wouldn't be smart to just outright attack her. She needs to be the first one to act. Makes it easy for us to catch her. Hook, line and sinker." Shinji pointed out, his eyes shifting to Ulquiorra for some input. The man's even more intelligent than he is so his opinions are more than valuable. The thought made Shinji sneer because it was just another thing to add to the long list of things Ulquiorra was better than him at.

Ulquiorra merely glanced at him before returning his gaze to the window and Shinji just about as he was about to give his royal highness a piece of his mind Shiro shut him down with a pointed look which just increased his frustration.

"What you said is valid Shinji. I guess that would be our plan for now. Nothing more to discuss." Shiro said with a small nod of the head. He took the last few, warm gulps of his beer, crushed the can with his hand and tossed it into the bin at the corner of the room. Nnoitra nodded as well, before heading back to his friends. He could feel drama coming up and he had his fill of that.

"There's more to discuss and you know it. That woman may not be as powerful as the Jaegerjaquez but she knows people. Dangerous people." Shinji pointed out casually, clicking his tongue in annoyance when he felt the vibrations of his phone in his pockets. That's the fifth call in the last twenty minutes.

"I know that. Ichigo already figured that out when Grimmjow had so much as mentioned her. Plus she's unpredictable. I'm not even fully sure if she would even actually do anything and we're all getting paranoid over nothing." Shiro sighed as he ran a hand through his long locks out of silent frustration.

"Can never be too prepared. Was it Urahara or Yoruichi that always said that?" Shinji asked with a small smile as they remembered the information broker and the arms dealer they had known in Tokyo. Those two slimy assholes that always evaded the law. Shinji personally liked Urahara. Yoruichi though got on his nerves on countless occasions, mostly because they were both sadistic.

Shiro smiled as well, a bright one filled with fond memories. Shinji noted how Ulquiorra stared at his face from the corner as well as his clenched hands and he wondered what could have caused the reaction. Was the raven angry or frustrated? Seriously how come he couldn't get a grasp on the other's emotions when Shiro did so easily?

"Urahara definitely. Remember that one time he even packed like five juice boxes for Ichigo when we were out for surveillance? Men that creepy smile of his got bigger when little Ichi smiled for him." Shiro said with a laugh.

"Oh yeah! Remember that time when he wanted to adopt Ichigo because he just thought he was the cutest thing ever? You kicked him right in the guts! He flew across the room! I laughed so hard I nearly died." Shinji and Shiro both laughed at the fond memories but nearly choked on their laugh when Shinji's phone started ringing again at the exact same time as Ulquiorra got off his seat and left the kitchen.

"Ulquiorra!' Shiro said frantically before following the raven, completely forgetting about the blonde int he kitchen.

Shinji sighed, a tired and sorrowful sound, already used to that pain in his heart that felt as bad as a stab wound though he was sure he was exaggerating. The phone kept on ringing until he couldn't take it anymore and picked up.

"Finally! I thought I would have to be here forever!' The whining voice of that annoying fox looking subspecies of the human race made Shinji want to bash his head against the wall.

"What do you want assface?" Shinji asked, every word said with enough venom to kill a cow and a moose.

"...Ah!~ The time of month I presume?" Shinji nearly crushed his phone with his bare hand. Kami he hated the guy.

"I'm gonna hang up in the next five seconds if you don-" Of course, he was rudely cut off.

"Aizen-sama requests your presence. Which is code for he wants to go on a date but he wouldn't ever say it like that but since he sent me I will talk however I like. So how about it? You. Aizen. Under the stars. Sharing milkshakes. Doing the swing. Walking on the beach. Under the moonlight. Him bashing you over the head with his club and dragging you by the hair to his man-cave. Whatever you're into." Shinji for a moment forgot who he was talking to and actually laughed. Gin's a right bastard but his sense of humor appealed to Shinji in an amazing way. Plus the mental image of him and Aizen sharing milkshakes was enough to send the coldest of men into laughing fits. Honestly. If anything it would be smoothies.

"Aizen wants to go out? With me?" Shinji asked with a mocking laugh escaping his lips. He had honestly expected the other to mention something work related considering he was close to Rangiku and annoyed him during his visits.

"I'm just wondering what you did to him? He doesn't really do the whole courting thing. Not even for Ulquiorra." Shinji rolled his eyes at that but a smirk played across his lips.

"Let's just simply say that I more than rocked his entire universe." Shinji said teasingly.

He could practically feel the sly fox's smile through the phone and that was just plain creepy.

"Oh? Is that a yes?" Shinji smiled too, his smile being more of the vicious kind.

"No. Not really. It's more of a go drop dead love-lock. Tell him that. Word for word."

"Y'know most people would've jumped at the chance to-" It was the fox's turn to be cut off.

"If the love-lock wants another night with me he should damn right fucking ask himself. Considering he couldn't do that he can go fuck himself with a large underground pipe. I'm not one of his bountiful whores. I'm Hirako Shinji and frankly speaking I know I'm too good for him." He stuck out his tongue, displaying the tongue ring not many noticed at first, though the other couldn't see.

And with that he ended the call.

Shiro had followed Ulquiorra up to their room- smiling like an idiot for a second or two because he had thought of it as their room- and closed the door after him, his eyes on Ulquiorra's lithe figure in front of that window.

"So...Yakuza?" Ulquiorra hummed, sounding more curious than anything, he had the stuffed lizard in his hands, the bat sitting comfortably on Shiro's pillow, and Shiro just wondered how long Ulquiorra's calm front would last.

"Bet you didn't see that coming huh? Bet no one saw that coming to be honest." Shiro sighed as he got closer and stood on Ulquiorra's left. Shiro didn't miss the way the other's hands tightened around the lizard but everything else about him stayed the same. Calm and in control but he really wasn't. He looked really uneasy to Shiro.

"It must be surprising and a bit of a shock and you must be angry that I hadn't told you but seriously I'm so-" Ulquiorra cut him off.

"Oh I am not surprised. Neither am I angry if that was what you were thinking." Shiro looked up at his boyfriend with wide eyes showing how stupefied he felt at hearing that. He became confused all together when Ulquiorra chuckled quietly after noticing his astonishment. "Don't look at me like that. I'm an intelligent man and from everything you had informed me about your past and considering you lived in shady parts of Tokyo, you were bound to have come in contact with some form of yakuza, could've even been a couple of goons. It really seemed like a plausible outcome so the news that you were involved with them didn't bother me at all." Shiro was really starting to wonder if Ulquiorra was sane because most sane people didn't just brush off the things Shiro had told the raven about himself like it was just simple things. He shrugged it off though, never one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

"Then what's bothering you? Is it Grimmjow's...mother?" Shiro asked as he pulled Ulquiorra closer, his hands around his waist and the raven's head on his chest just below his chin. He sighed into the raven locks as Ulquiorra relaxed against his hold. Kami that moment felt perfect for some reason.

"There's that, I look back and I wonder how I could've turned a blind eye to everything he went through. Wondered why I listened to him when he begged me not to tell or why I didn't just ignore him and do the right thing. I can't even remember what my reasons were for not telling some form of authority during the time, all I remember was that I was afraid I believe. I had my own problems so I cannot lie and say that I was truly bothered with what Grimmjow went through. I honestly did not care. I am...I am a horrible person." Ulquiorra said the last sentence like he had just gone through an epiphany.

"You're human. Simple as that. Human beings are usually horrible at a few points in their lives. Take me for example. I have beaten a defenseless kid to near death because I was itching for a fight. He can't use his right arm anymore." Ulquiorra held unto the lizard even tighter, the only indication that he was surprised.

"You apparently had your own issues to deal with. You're only human and you had been selfish. Plus it's in the past. Make up for your mistakes and everything should be fine. The guilt would numb away after a long while but at least closure right?" Shiro made sense at the same time didn't but Ulquiorra got a grasp on what he was trying to say.

"Right." Ulquiorra muttered, a small smile on his lips as he used one hand to pull Shiro's hands, ordering him to hold him tighter which the albino obliged to happily.

"So? What's the other thing eating on ya?" Ulquiorra tensed at that, wondering how Shiro had guessed there was something else bothering him.

"You said 'There's that'. Meaning there's another reason right? Or am I getting a wrong message here?" Shiro asked, sounding lost.

"...It's not exactly as important." Ulquiorra muttered as he got out of Shiro's comfortable embrace then placed the lizard on his pillow beside the bat.

"It is if it's bothering you. C'mon. Telllll meeee." Shiro whined as he stopped Ulquiorra from trying to escape by standing in front of him and moving with him as the other tried to sidestep him.

Ulquiorra stopped, looked like he was about to groan out of annoyance but defused quickly. Shiro smirked while flipping his hair over his shoulder, proud of being one of the few people that could ruffle the raven's feathers. Noticing his prey had lowered his guard, he pounced. He grabbed Ulquiorra's hips again, pulled him close with a charming smile on his face and started to twirl them around the room to the beat of some unheard song.

"Tell me. Tell meeeee! Ain't stopping till you do. Do we have to make a velvet cake again?" Shiro asked while wiggling his eyebrows and he beamed like he had just discovered Christmas when Ulquiorra actually laughed.

"Would that be our go to if we ever need to talk? Make velvet cake?" Ulquiorra asked sounding amused. Shiro had that effect on him, even if they were having issues Shiro just had to say a few words and Ulquiorra was feeling that bliss he had come to enjoy.

"Sounds like a new tradition! Whenever Ichigo and I fight we make chocolate covered strawberries for each other. If it was Shinji it's miso soup for some reason. That guy was always weird and-huh? Oh...It's something about Shinji ain't it?" Shiro picked up on it when Ulquiorra had tensed up and his smile fell when he had mentioned his best friend.

Ulquiorra sighed, wondering where his knack for hiding all emotions had gone to because he would like it back so that he could avoid humiliating situations.

"...I know your feelings towards me are true, I do but...the fact that he's known you for so long, the fact that he was the first person outside your family that you loved dearly and the fact that he still has feelings for you just...I believe they bother me. What he said was true. The fact that there are things he knows about you that I would probably never know about and I...I am satisfied with this yet I cannot get rid of this sense of being inadequate. Or it could be some form of low self esteem? I am not sure but I feel uneasy and also felt ashamed for feeling this way because I find it...humiliating and could you please stop looking so buoyant?" Ulquiorra's cheeks had turned an interesting shade of pink by the end of his sentence though he had managed to glare at his grinning boyfriend who looked like he had won the lottery and a free trip to some hotel in space.

"I'm sorry. I just think you look really cute right now." His apology was most definitely not sincere. Not even a little bit.

Ulquiorra had an idea at that point. Walk out of the room and not look back, avoid him for a month. He wondered how the albino would like that for messing with him. Then his subconscious pointed out that he would be punishing himself instead of Shiro so he threw that idea in the trash.

His happiness from before returned when he felt soft white lips make contact with his cheek and left several small and quick kisses all over. "I...I don't really know what to do about Shinji's feelings towards me and it's killing me that I'm hurting my best friend like this. I'm a selfish man so I wouldn't really let him get away from me even though I know he needs the space, but I know if I let him just leave he probably wouldn't come back. That actually scares me because I need the blonde in my life. He's my best friend. My second brother. I love him and I always will and he's here to stay Ulquiorra. I'm sorry that you get jealous and hurt but I can't just send him away. I'm also sorry that you feel insecure. That's probably my fault." Shiro said with a small chuckle before capturing Ulquiorra's lips for a surprise kiss.

Shiro went right in for the kill, plunging his tongue in on the first go and making Ulquiorra lightheaded with the way he was sucking all the oxygen out of him.

When the albino pulled back, Ulquiorra panted hard to try and get oxygen back to his lungs. "I was probably off my game that night if you're still feeling insecure." Shiro whispered into Ulquiorra's left ear, trying so hard not to smirk when he felt his partner shiver.

"You're my love Ulqui-bat. Don't forget that. Whenever you're feeling insecure just come find me or call me or text me or even write me. I'll be there to remind you why you, especially are precious to me. Damn L-quiorra I should be the one feeling insecure here." Shiro said with a snicker. So care free, easy going, charming and out going, at least that's what strangers saw. Ulquiorra had gotten to see the bad parts of Shiro, his depression, his self-sacrificing tendencies, his rage, his selfishness, his cruelty even to those dear to him, how scared he seemed sometimes, his breakdowns that seem to take everything out of him, his terrifying past, his blood-lust that Ulquiorra had nearly choked on at some points in time when the albino couldn't hide it properly. So many bad things that one would simply ignore or not notice because they were perfectly disguised in a blinding smile and charm. Shiro was probably bad for him. The man had too much baggage, way more than a human should be able to lift, he had too many issues when it came to the law and Ulquiorra was sure it would come after him someday but the young businessman couldn't find it in him to care enough to walk out the front door. A lot of people would. A lot but he felt like if he did something as rational as that he would regret it for the rest of his life. He wondered if what he, Shiro, felt for him would actually last as long as the other said because forever seemed like such a long time and if Ulquiorra knew anything about human beings it would be that they're fickle creatures if nothing more.

"Next week's Christmas week. How about that barbecue on Christmas Eve? We can all forget about our troubles and enjoy ourselves. I could even play you a song. A sweet and romantic serenade for my number one gal." Shiro teased with a playful wink.

Ulquiorra's blank expression turned into a small scowl at being called a woman but he got over it when he realized how happy and healthy Shiro was starting to look. After their rather exciting night, Ulquiorra had made sure Shiro had a balanced and nutritious meal, which the other whined about none stop, and got some sleep. His skin had returned to it's usual glowing white instead of pasty white and the bags under his eyes were starting to disappear. His smile was also back, that adorable boyish smile that used to get on Ulquiorra's nerves but had missed terribly when it had vanished.

"Do not call me a woman Shiro-chan." Ulquiorra demanded as he flicked Shiro's nose, enjoying the blush that took over the albino's cheeks.

"Stop calling me that!" Shiro whined like an annoyed child and Ulquiorra found it adorable.

"I think it suits you Shiro-chan." If there was one thing he had enjoyed even as a child it would be teasing and Shiro had made it all the more fun with his reactions. He would try to shut Ulquiorra up with kisses which he was doing right at that moment.

He kept placing quick, gentle kisses on Ulquiorra's lips with a cheeky smile on his face but Ulquiorra wasn't really complaining. Even with the worry of Cassandra all around them, it felt so nice for them to relax even for a few minutes.

They were soon greeted with the sounds of Ichigo's and Shuuhei's laughter, making Shiro beam widely at the sound of his brother.

"Ichi's back! C'mon Ulqui! We still gotta have his welcome party!" Shiro exclaimed practically jumping on the spot with Ulquiorra in his arms. The raven just had to laugh, no matter how quiet his laugh seemed to be compared to everyone else's it still had the power to make Shiro stop just to listen.

"You go on ahead. I need to check in with the office. I...haven't been away from work this long in what feels like forever." Ulquiorra told him looking uneasy.

Shiro pouted but his smile came back quickly. "Fine! Just hurry up okay? There's still the ramen I had made from scratch left so hurry up before Renji absorbs it all." He joked with a small chuckle, kissed Ulquiorra on long last time before walking out of the room, the raven watching him leave with a small smile on his usually stoic face.

He brought out his phone from Shiro's sweatpants' pocket and dialed the number he had made sure to put into his photographic memory. He couldn't keep the smile from his face though as he remembered Shiro's reassuring words.

He definitely had absolutely no idea if Shiro could love him as long as he insisted he could and he was even more sure that he should be rational and probably walk away from the Kurosakis with their dangerous past that could possibly affect him in the long run. The entire thought made him grunt mockingly at himself. If Shiro ever did stop loving him, he would deal with it whenever it happened and enjoy his time with the albino to his heart's content, as for rationality? Honestly who gave a fuck?

The line on the other side picked up after the third ring and Ulquiorra's smile actually widened when he heard the person on the other end growl.

"What?!" The voice snapped obviously agitated and panicking. Perfect. Just what he needed to get things rolling. He felt bad for having lied to Shiro but he would explain it to him if his plan could actually work without any violence being involved.

"We really must catch up Cassandra."

Yo! Again not up to speed but cut me some slack. I'm writing this while my mum is driving like a lunatic. Whenever she drives I fear for my life and it's not because I get car sick either. So yes I'm afraid and feel like I'm about to throw up so forgive me.

I meant every word I said on top and more! I love you guys to bits! Oh and could anyone tell me a publishing house that's cool with publishing LGBT books? My car's internet sucks and google won't load.

Also! I have a surprise for all those One Piece fans out there reading this too! Finished the first part of my new fic. Couldn't help myself. I love...LOOOOVE Zoro and Law and Sanii and Luffy. They're amazing and adorkable. Grimmjow still beats them but hey, cloe fourths, fifths, sixths and sevenths. Second and third being Ichigo and Shiro of course.

So please review and you know. Make me happy.

Ciao from,

Grimmjowislife.